Sleep will not find me

[sxekate]

I'm tired but I will find no rest.

this last month has been a tiresome time... sleeping on the couch has lost it's charm.
seeing endless blood and pus and infections, stitches and staples, Scabs and tears... passing out the Viccodin and wanting only to start up the old habbit of beautiful pain pills.
(though i know in my heart i will never start that again... pain pills don't take away the emotional pain... )

my life just keeps going... 18 hour days... no days off till Friday and then it will not be restful...
I am driving my mom to the bay area for the day...

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I changed her bandage tonight. everytime i have to hold back the tears and the vommit.
if you know me at all I am a major weenie around blood... well i was...
everything hurts her so bad...
even the foot that is not there anymore... she can still feel it... and it hurts.

............................................................
now to lay on the couch... only to wake up to start all over again.

emotional agony is a bitch.