On mates and males
So I have been pondering.
I will preface this - that the following post is most likely against the grain. It does not, however, intend to demean the advances of females in the modern day or in any way claim that men have it harder (or easier) in any way.
Let us begin.
As a big guy, I am faced every day with the notion that I am not the poster child for the desirable male. I have grown, over the years, to be mostly ok with this. This is not a "oh whoa is me I'm over weight" post. I only make the statement to bring up that I am directly involved with what I'm going to be discussing.
If we look back over time, probably not even 100 years, though most prominent in various civilizations over history - that the primary traits of the desired male mate were vastly different than they are now. Today men my size and larger struggle to find female companions where as in the past their size was often seen as a sign of wealth and ability to provide. Granted it is (at least in this country) a much easier process to both acquire sustenance and become over weight. Weight does not necessarily = prosperity and luxury. But neither does it fully negate it. Currently I feel that men face many of the same plights in the dating scene that women have been complaining of for the past 10-20 years. Essentially that models/actors/media have created an image of thin and muscular body types as being the requisite image of beauty for the male population.
While I will not argue that a fit and muscular male is attractive (lol bring on the gay jokes), this fixation on the here and now physical attraction (and a narrow vision of it) ultimately serves to do nobody justice in the pursuit of love. We will all grow old. We will all become wrinkly. We will all lose the vast majority of our physical appeal. The key to love is to find beauty within someone throughout and not just in the shallow epidermis. One's body type can actually serve a good means of discerning the deeper qualities of individuals and it has been MY experience that the physical qualities that are toted as the standards for beauty tend to lead to personalities which conflict with emotional qualities that nurture long lasting relationships.
I can say the same thing on the opposite end of the spectrum as well, granted (overly obese people and the low self-esteem, self loathing, dependancy issues, etc). But I don't think that obese people have the problem of having too many women, so this isn't about that. But either way a lifestyle of constant physical training, strict eating habits, etc that produce the types of "beauty" which is fed to us enforce personalities of egotism, self-centered, OCD, and narrow appreciation for only that which re-enforces their decision to focus on their physical appearance.
My personal lifestyle is to indulge to a point of appreciating and stimulating my senses. I love food. I love to eat. I also enjoy sitting and listening to music, or playing it. I enjoy a good movie or read of a book. I also a decent work out from time to time. I have a level of desire to EXPERIENCE and INDULGE that I understand will never allow me to be thin. It is not complete hedonism, but does border on it in a controlled fashion. My point is that there can be a "healthy" level of weight (for both sexes) which while not fitting the images of beauty pressed on us by the media lends itself to not only an exciting and engaging lifestyle, but promotes a healthy and accepting mind and personality. All it takes is for women (or men) to expand their minds for the ideal mate.
I had more... and it didn't all involve weight. But it's late. I'll simply state that I think a common problem for both men and women when it comes to dating is the combination of women being told since their little girls that they should get whatever they want from a man - that they are princesses deserving of worship and that men are raised with the notion that only through rigor, pain, and self-sacrifice will you earn the love of a woman.
I will preface this - that the following post is most likely against the grain. It does not, however, intend to demean the advances of females in the modern day or in any way claim that men have it harder (or easier) in any way.
Let us begin.
As a big guy, I am faced every day with the notion that I am not the poster child for the desirable male. I have grown, over the years, to be mostly ok with this. This is not a "oh whoa is me I'm over weight" post. I only make the statement to bring up that I am directly involved with what I'm going to be discussing.
If we look back over time, probably not even 100 years, though most prominent in various civilizations over history - that the primary traits of the desired male mate were vastly different than they are now. Today men my size and larger struggle to find female companions where as in the past their size was often seen as a sign of wealth and ability to provide. Granted it is (at least in this country) a much easier process to both acquire sustenance and become over weight. Weight does not necessarily = prosperity and luxury. But neither does it fully negate it. Currently I feel that men face many of the same plights in the dating scene that women have been complaining of for the past 10-20 years. Essentially that models/actors/media have created an image of thin and muscular body types as being the requisite image of beauty for the male population.
While I will not argue that a fit and muscular male is attractive (lol bring on the gay jokes), this fixation on the here and now physical attraction (and a narrow vision of it) ultimately serves to do nobody justice in the pursuit of love. We will all grow old. We will all become wrinkly. We will all lose the vast majority of our physical appeal. The key to love is to find beauty within someone throughout and not just in the shallow epidermis. One's body type can actually serve a good means of discerning the deeper qualities of individuals and it has been MY experience that the physical qualities that are toted as the standards for beauty tend to lead to personalities which conflict with emotional qualities that nurture long lasting relationships.
I can say the same thing on the opposite end of the spectrum as well, granted (overly obese people and the low self-esteem, self loathing, dependancy issues, etc). But I don't think that obese people have the problem of having too many women, so this isn't about that. But either way a lifestyle of constant physical training, strict eating habits, etc that produce the types of "beauty" which is fed to us enforce personalities of egotism, self-centered, OCD, and narrow appreciation for only that which re-enforces their decision to focus on their physical appearance.
My personal lifestyle is to indulge to a point of appreciating and stimulating my senses. I love food. I love to eat. I also enjoy sitting and listening to music, or playing it. I enjoy a good movie or read of a book. I also a decent work out from time to time. I have a level of desire to EXPERIENCE and INDULGE that I understand will never allow me to be thin. It is not complete hedonism, but does border on it in a controlled fashion. My point is that there can be a "healthy" level of weight (for both sexes) which while not fitting the images of beauty pressed on us by the media lends itself to not only an exciting and engaging lifestyle, but promotes a healthy and accepting mind and personality. All it takes is for women (or men) to expand their minds for the ideal mate.
I had more... and it didn't all involve weight. But it's late. I'll simply state that I think a common problem for both men and women when it comes to dating is the combination of women being told since their little girls that they should get whatever they want from a man - that they are princesses deserving of worship and that men are raised with the notion that only through rigor, pain, and self-sacrifice will you earn the love of a woman.