we all go in and out and in and out and in and out
ok, i wasn't going to say anything.
but this is pretty damn impressive.
aside from the game cube for the family, getting all of my film developed, and an acoustic guitar for the family we got...
six hundred and ten ka-freaking dollars!
that's ka-freaking crazy!
holy ka-rap!
which would rock, except for the fact that i feel like a whore.
i feel like i don't deserve this.
i've been playing Halo 2 trying to forget about it, but it's still there.
i just feel like i don't deserve to have all this money.
i'm fine with being poor. it's nice.
and i'm not even poor, i'm well off.
what it really is though.
is that i'm not used to being happy.
i'm always happy in that i know that nothing's every really as bad as it could be. at least it's not while i live in the u.s.a. with a roof and food.
i can't remember ever having a good christmas.
i know that i've had them. and that there have been good parts. but i can't remember any that just say 'that's good'.
with my dad being a freaking junkie and my mom an emotional mess it's been hard.
and then there's jake trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
it's almost as hard now as it was when i was depressed, drinking, doping, and cutting.
almost.
but this isn't a pain like that. this one is the old pain dying.
so it's nice.
i guess i really am just a happy fun loving mister yeti.
it's just what's been put into me.
i've got my dani, jesus, love and life.
and it's good.
i feel better.
but this is pretty damn impressive.
aside from the game cube for the family, getting all of my film developed, and an acoustic guitar for the family we got...
six hundred and ten ka-freaking dollars!
that's ka-freaking crazy!
holy ka-rap!
which would rock, except for the fact that i feel like a whore.
i feel like i don't deserve this.
i've been playing Halo 2 trying to forget about it, but it's still there.
i just feel like i don't deserve to have all this money.
i'm fine with being poor. it's nice.
and i'm not even poor, i'm well off.
what it really is though.
is that i'm not used to being happy.
i'm always happy in that i know that nothing's every really as bad as it could be. at least it's not while i live in the u.s.a. with a roof and food.
i can't remember ever having a good christmas.
i know that i've had them. and that there have been good parts. but i can't remember any that just say 'that's good'.
with my dad being a freaking junkie and my mom an emotional mess it's been hard.
and then there's jake trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
it's almost as hard now as it was when i was depressed, drinking, doping, and cutting.
almost.
but this isn't a pain like that. this one is the old pain dying.
so it's nice.
i guess i really am just a happy fun loving mister yeti.
it's just what's been put into me.
i've got my dani, jesus, love and life.
and it's good.
i feel better.