Mortified
I read through a bunch of old Swedish blogposts at Helgon from autumn'04 yesterday. First of all - that was probably the best blogging period of my life, I wrote well and I wrote a lot and I can't write like that anymore. They used to be open, but I locked them before I came out as Phonephucker and I won't open them up again. What was public three years ago is way too personal now.
I could never be on Mortified. My old posts, my old art, my old self, I can't laugh at that. It's all too close, even things from when I was in my tweens. Even some childhood stuff. Sometimes, when I think about my past, it's hard to connect that to my current life, that it was me living in Latvia or whatever. But it's never about me, it's about the surroundings. It's difficult to connect my old room to my life now, but the person was me. When I look back at myself in the past, I don't feel the distance of time, and that Tanja-back-then becomes a part of Tanja-now that I can not control. Like a part of me is acting on it's own accord and I can do nothing about me. I could never let it loose like that.
I could never be on Mortified. My old posts, my old art, my old self, I can't laugh at that. It's all too close, even things from when I was in my tweens. Even some childhood stuff. Sometimes, when I think about my past, it's hard to connect that to my current life, that it was me living in Latvia or whatever. But it's never about me, it's about the surroundings. It's difficult to connect my old room to my life now, but the person was me. When I look back at myself in the past, I don't feel the distance of time, and that Tanja-back-then becomes a part of Tanja-now that I can not control. Like a part of me is acting on it's own accord and I can do nothing about me. I could never let it loose like that.