The promised rant
...And since I can't sleep, I'll write about the second promised topic.
When I and Stangel hooked up, my circle of friends didn't exactly unite and cheer. Some did congratulate, somewhat indifferently at times. Some didn't. My relationship with X immediately turned downhill and it took some time to repair it. Y flipped, screamed at me and drew therapeutical pictures to get over the shock. Z didn't do anything as dramatic. (S)he simply made a couple of comments that for some reason just won't let go, despite the time that has passed. The first thing is the "it just feels like you hooked up with the first best", which does awaken the logical reaction "who the fuck do you think I am?". The second one, made on several occasions was "I just don't understand what you see in him". Which would be okay, had it not been for Z's reaction to my clumsy attempts to explain. "It just sounds too logical", "yeah, but that's a thing you can say about any friend, really"... How are you supposed to give a reason why you fell for someone without sounding too, well, reasonable? I can name a zillion things that might explain what I saw in him, but frankly, I spent huge parts of the Denmark trip trying to figure that out, and I still haven't. Now that I know him better, I can name another zillion of sides he has to him that make him qualify for Tanja-compatible Boyfriend, but most of them I learned of after I fell. Or, well, started falling.
At first it was a mix of physical attraction that really took me by surprise and a typical Freudian Tanja-immediate-liking that didn't. That Freudian thing is so typical for me, that it's not even funny, and given a short summary of Stangel's behaviour, I'd know beforehand that I'd like him in that way. Crushes of that kind have never lead anywhere (romance-wise, at least), simply because there has always been something in the way (the guy being totally romantically incompatible with me, old enpugh to be my father, or already taken). If I just kept myself together through the first period, they faded out into friendship or nothing. This was the first time I could make something out of it.
Oh, and Iggy said we'd make a sweet couple.
I waited until Sapparikai to see if I still wanted to get to know Stangel better, and after meeting him again (oh and "Belladonna"... don't underrestimate the raw masculine attraction power of a fansubber) it was quite clear that yes, I was still interested. The get-to-know campaign started, and during the bonding process it got just more and more clear that I really really liked him. And that he just might be... Not Mr Right for my entire life, but Mr Right Then and There. We hooked up. I learned more. I fell deeper. In many ways, he is the only person I know that would pull off having me for girlfriend, and I can't believe my luck that he also happens to be someone I want to spend time with like that. We have never fought. The things I do and say and think and feel that would scare most people away don't bother him at all. It's not just that he can accept them, it's that he doesn't have to, because he doen't care. And it works the other way around.
This is not really a late answer to Zs comments. Some things I should have said to him/her in person, but I was always struck dumb by the comments and only later realized that how the fuck am I supposed to explain the mechanisms of attraction without making it sound dull? Can anyone point out exactly when and why they fell for their loved one without it sounding like a lame excuse? And what is wrong with "he was fun to talk to"... This was supposed to be a public manifestation of "look, I'm all lovey-dovey and stuff!" and end with a long list of things about Stangel that make want to have him in my life tomorrow as well. But since the normal reaction when I mention things like that is "oh plz spare me", I'll just go and sleep now. And hope that Stangel will still be in my life when I wake up.
PS Notice how the whole post is clinically sterile. This is what you get for explaining things. ^.^
When I and Stangel hooked up, my circle of friends didn't exactly unite and cheer. Some did congratulate, somewhat indifferently at times. Some didn't. My relationship with X immediately turned downhill and it took some time to repair it. Y flipped, screamed at me and drew therapeutical pictures to get over the shock. Z didn't do anything as dramatic. (S)he simply made a couple of comments that for some reason just won't let go, despite the time that has passed. The first thing is the "it just feels like you hooked up with the first best", which does awaken the logical reaction "who the fuck do you think I am?". The second one, made on several occasions was "I just don't understand what you see in him". Which would be okay, had it not been for Z's reaction to my clumsy attempts to explain. "It just sounds too logical", "yeah, but that's a thing you can say about any friend, really"... How are you supposed to give a reason why you fell for someone without sounding too, well, reasonable? I can name a zillion things that might explain what I saw in him, but frankly, I spent huge parts of the Denmark trip trying to figure that out, and I still haven't. Now that I know him better, I can name another zillion of sides he has to him that make him qualify for Tanja-compatible Boyfriend, but most of them I learned of after I fell. Or, well, started falling.
At first it was a mix of physical attraction that really took me by surprise and a typical Freudian Tanja-immediate-liking that didn't. That Freudian thing is so typical for me, that it's not even funny, and given a short summary of Stangel's behaviour, I'd know beforehand that I'd like him in that way. Crushes of that kind have never lead anywhere (romance-wise, at least), simply because there has always been something in the way (the guy being totally romantically incompatible with me, old enpugh to be my father, or already taken). If I just kept myself together through the first period, they faded out into friendship or nothing. This was the first time I could make something out of it.
Oh, and Iggy said we'd make a sweet couple.
I waited until Sapparikai to see if I still wanted to get to know Stangel better, and after meeting him again (oh and "Belladonna"... don't underrestimate the raw masculine attraction power of a fansubber) it was quite clear that yes, I was still interested. The get-to-know campaign started, and during the bonding process it got just more and more clear that I really really liked him. And that he just might be... Not Mr Right for my entire life, but Mr Right Then and There. We hooked up. I learned more. I fell deeper. In many ways, he is the only person I know that would pull off having me for girlfriend, and I can't believe my luck that he also happens to be someone I want to spend time with like that. We have never fought. The things I do and say and think and feel that would scare most people away don't bother him at all. It's not just that he can accept them, it's that he doesn't have to, because he doen't care. And it works the other way around.
This is not really a late answer to Zs comments. Some things I should have said to him/her in person, but I was always struck dumb by the comments and only later realized that how the fuck am I supposed to explain the mechanisms of attraction without making it sound dull? Can anyone point out exactly when and why they fell for their loved one without it sounding like a lame excuse? And what is wrong with "he was fun to talk to"... This was supposed to be a public manifestation of "look, I'm all lovey-dovey and stuff!" and end with a long list of things about Stangel that make want to have him in my life tomorrow as well. But since the normal reaction when I mention things like that is "oh plz spare me", I'll just go and sleep now. And hope that Stangel will still be in my life when I wake up.
PS Notice how the whole post is clinically sterile. This is what you get for explaining things. ^.^