wow
depressing. it's the end of the semester everywhere. at wac. everywhere. the classes i woulda been taking, i'd be finishing now. immunology. others. (that, and i'd have finished my classes from the semester before, instead of withdrawing from then and losing a whole damn semester's worth of work). i feel so pathetic. i've been sitting in my house for (basically) 5 months now. how sad is that? ugh. i wish the places i want to work at would call me back about my resume, i need a job. i guess i have to apply at places i'm not too excited about now. i really was hoping for some interviews. i feel like shit. i need my life to start back up. how did this happen to me? i was so fuckin driven. i had goals. i was reaching them. there were a few bumps, but there always are. now this roadblock. no detour. i have to tear down the roadblock. but it grow even as i tear it down. i've lost so much in this last year and a half. so much. i have a support structure consisting of: angel and alanna. my parents are more aggravating and stressful than supportive. my sister doesn't know how to think of anyone but herself. i've found some LJ communities that are very supportive. i've met a few wonderful people thru them. (hi megan, hi amy). i know who to blame now for my problems. everything was going just dandy... until W. came into office. (same thing with megan, but she's canadian, but it still counts). it's all his fault. he caused a sickness worldwide. now if W. goes out of office, maybe i'll do better. i hate two people in this world (currently alive anyway, i hate hitler too) - bush and, well, you know who (well, some people know who). and both are totally explicable. the u.s. is well over-due for a regime change.
yeah, so i've lost so much. my health (o man, my poor health), friends, ZTA sisters, friends, wac, ambition, sanity, friends, knowledge, classwork, weight, my immune system, money, so much money, my parents' money, the respect of most people, friends, sanity, did i say friends yet?, life.
what i've gained: dozens of chemicals in my bloodstream, depression, anxiety, a life on the couch, the daily companionship of five cats, major headaches and migraines, the biggest ass of a neurologist (my 3rd), an amazing respect for hopkins ER, allergies to meds that produce very scary reactions, six days in the hospital, bout 3 months on the worst med ever (evil topamax), a spinal tap, mri, cat scan, thyroid biopsy, ekg, a glucometer (a novel toy for a while), a desire for decapitation, kneck pain, the diagnoses of hashimoto's disease and reactive hypoglycemia, time, lots and lots of time, depression, meeting wonderful people thru LJ communities.
the good things: angel and alanna. and my kitties. they keep me grounded. without them, i don't think i'd survive.
damn, i could really use some migranal right about now. don't have any, don't have any insurance, and migranal costs $140 or so (for four fuckin doses). ::whimper:: migranal? anyone have some migranal? :(
hug?
o yeah, and to anyone who has NOT been thru something hard, something life-altering, to anyone who has NOT had a health crisis (which is bound to bring on a depression crisis) that has STOPPED their life or severely impaired it, to anyone who does NOT appreciate what they have and respect the fact that it could be gone very quickly, to anyone who thinks that this is something that i could just get over quickly (o believe me, i have tried, i tried VERY hard to not let it stop my life for a year, and i just couldn't do it anymore, my body and mind couldn't do it), to any of those people, don't you fucking dare write a negative comment in here, or even think one. you have no idea what i am going thru (and hopefully, you never will go thru it), you don't "understand" and you better not pretend to. i dont' want your bullshit. i don't want your "get a life" "get over it" "move on" "just deal" "they're just headaches" "just DO it already, just DO something" - don't you fucking dare. if you have a positive comment, if you can offer support, thank you. if you can't, go jump off a bridge, with a 500 pound weight tied around your neck. you are an ass.
yeah, so i've lost so much. my health (o man, my poor health), friends, ZTA sisters, friends, wac, ambition, sanity, friends, knowledge, classwork, weight, my immune system, money, so much money, my parents' money, the respect of most people, friends, sanity, did i say friends yet?, life.
what i've gained: dozens of chemicals in my bloodstream, depression, anxiety, a life on the couch, the daily companionship of five cats, major headaches and migraines, the biggest ass of a neurologist (my 3rd), an amazing respect for hopkins ER, allergies to meds that produce very scary reactions, six days in the hospital, bout 3 months on the worst med ever (evil topamax), a spinal tap, mri, cat scan, thyroid biopsy, ekg, a glucometer (a novel toy for a while), a desire for decapitation, kneck pain, the diagnoses of hashimoto's disease and reactive hypoglycemia, time, lots and lots of time, depression, meeting wonderful people thru LJ communities.
the good things: angel and alanna. and my kitties. they keep me grounded. without them, i don't think i'd survive.
damn, i could really use some migranal right about now. don't have any, don't have any insurance, and migranal costs $140 or so (for four fuckin doses). ::whimper:: migranal? anyone have some migranal? :(
hug?
o yeah, and to anyone who has NOT been thru something hard, something life-altering, to anyone who has NOT had a health crisis (which is bound to bring on a depression crisis) that has STOPPED their life or severely impaired it, to anyone who does NOT appreciate what they have and respect the fact that it could be gone very quickly, to anyone who thinks that this is something that i could just get over quickly (o believe me, i have tried, i tried VERY hard to not let it stop my life for a year, and i just couldn't do it anymore, my body and mind couldn't do it), to any of those people, don't you fucking dare write a negative comment in here, or even think one. you have no idea what i am going thru (and hopefully, you never will go thru it), you don't "understand" and you better not pretend to. i dont' want your bullshit. i don't want your "get a life" "get over it" "move on" "just deal" "they're just headaches" "just DO it already, just DO something" - don't you fucking dare. if you have a positive comment, if you can offer support, thank you. if you can't, go jump off a bridge, with a 500 pound weight tied around your neck. you are an ass.