My fear has come alive!!!
well lets see...i went and picked up hannah to go to foursquare for a show. we got there and from the moment i walked in i felt out of place. everyone knows each other but not me. i knew a few people but not many. them christina and her friends came and we were hanging out. finally, larissa got there..whew!!!! i ran up to her and like gave her the biggest hug. i was so happy to see her. i now didnt feel so out of place nemore. it was really good. i really enjoyed the music. there were come really HOT guys there. that always makes things better. we all hung out and had a good time. i got to meet some new people so that was cool. and i got to hang out with brittany. its so crazy that i've known her since kindergraten and we keep meeting up. well...chris's band ROCKS!!! i love those guys. they really are awesome people and you can just see God in them. i love their music. ohhh man i had a rock star..ewwww!!! its so gross and made me so hyper. i totally made a fool of myself in front of troy. he had a stack of stickers and told this adorable kid to take one and so he did. hes all now put it back. then he grabed one and was like is this yours...and me being me, i said well how would he know their all the same, lol. i felt like a total blonde after i realized what i said. they were all laughing at me...nothing im not used to. then christina and hannah got kennys boxing gloves and started boxing. it was pretty funny to watch. hannah is one fisty girl...she hit christina in the jaw and she had to get some ice. then it was on for me and hannah. lol she hit me in the jaw too so she stopped so she wouldnt hurt neone else. then it was totally on for me and larissa...yes!!! we were totally going at it. we had people watching us...it was great. she hit me in the eye and ohhh man it was time for some smack down lol. i got her back. then it got hot so we stopped. we went inside and watched the show some more. it was over and we hung out for a lil while and talked with people. kenny took us to denny's. man he drives crazy lol. then my night mare came alive. i walked in and was just talking with larissa. i happen to just look over and ray (my step grandpa that molested me) was there. i started freakin out and larissa was liek whats wrong with you. i told her and she just held me. he was right behind me. i was shaking uncontrolably. we went into the bathroom and i was crying so hard. i couldnt stop shaking and was having trouble breathing. poor larissa was freakin out not knowing what to do. some lady i forgot who she said she was came up to me and was trying to calm me down. she sat me down on the tolet. she was trying to get me to breath but i was having a hard time doing that. she left and me and larissa left the bathroom too. everyone was staring at me. i felt like a total idiot. the cop guy that was there was asking what was wrong. larissa was talking to him and he knew him and brenda (ray's friend) works there. he went and got her and i was talking to her and she told me he got out in august. i had no idea!!! they were supposed to tell me when he got out. she was really rude to me which didnt make things ne better. larissa had called my dad. he was on his way to get me. while waiting i sat there and just cried, couldnt believe what i saw. it was the worst experience. my dad got there and i had a really hard time walking...my body just shut down. my dad was being dumb and was looking around to see if he was still there, but he left. we went home and i still couldnt stop crying. all i could say was "no". when we got home bailey was there. her and my dad had to help me, i had no movement in my body. as i walked in the house and i started have another panic attack. i stopped and wouldnt go ne further. bailey and my dad were trying to push me to go but i wouldnt. i fell to my dads arms and it was like my body was dead. i dont really remember much after that except i was on the couch and bailey was hugging me and my dad trying to get me to drink. bailey stayed for awhile but had to go home. i stayed in the same position for a long time and then just laid on the couch. i fell asleep. i woke up at 2 30 and i was all alone and started to cry. i was really scared. i walked to my room and fell to my bed and cried. i cried myself to sleep and woke up like every hour. i woke up today with my brother at my side. my eyes were like swallen shut from crying so much. my body is still so weak and i feel horrible. im at larissas now and we're hanging and maybe going out tonight. i think it would help me to get out and get my mind off things. i hope and pray i never see him again. i dont want to go through what i had to last night all over again. well sorry this was such a depressing post but i had to write. well later fools:)