"I just want to deny......."
Grief is never pretty. Ever.
It's something so raw and soul-shattering that its repercussions lasts for years.
It lingers in me, subtley hidden under the layers and layers of my cheerful personality. The gray, seething mass that simmers until it either boils down to a small mass that's easily boxed away in a neat compartment in my head or when more tears, emotions, and ripped pieces of my heart is poured into the mix, keeping it renewed and bubbling.
Grief never goes away completely. Even though I wish with all my might that it would.
I must be super sensitive because hearing about the deaths of close friends of my siblings, people I've met, exchanged an conversation or inside joke, it pours into the simmering pot. Renewing the phatom pain. It brings to my mind the loved ones who've passed on, each and every single one, along with the memories, sadness, and pain. It hurts to see my sibs grieve. If I could do anything prevent their pain, I would. But I sit there, helplessly hugging my sister as she cries for her friend while tears of sadness roll down my cheeks.
I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with always grieving.
Rest in peace, my friend.
It's something so raw and soul-shattering that its repercussions lasts for years.
It lingers in me, subtley hidden under the layers and layers of my cheerful personality. The gray, seething mass that simmers until it either boils down to a small mass that's easily boxed away in a neat compartment in my head or when more tears, emotions, and ripped pieces of my heart is poured into the mix, keeping it renewed and bubbling.
Grief never goes away completely. Even though I wish with all my might that it would.
I must be super sensitive because hearing about the deaths of close friends of my siblings, people I've met, exchanged an conversation or inside joke, it pours into the simmering pot. Renewing the phatom pain. It brings to my mind the loved ones who've passed on, each and every single one, along with the memories, sadness, and pain. It hurts to see my sibs grieve. If I could do anything prevent their pain, I would. But I sit there, helplessly hugging my sister as she cries for her friend while tears of sadness roll down my cheeks.
I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with always grieving.
Rest in peace, my friend.