*sigh*
Hey y'all. I know I know, it's been a while....ok, a LONG while. A lot of stuff(aka crap) has happened over the last few weeks. Some good, some bad, some REALLY UGLY! First off, my friendship/relationship/whatever the hell we are(lol) wish Josh is going great, I couldn't be happier with it. I am so glad we got back in touch when we did. He's been my pillar of support over the last few months. Second, I lost my job that I dearly loved. *sigh* it was my own damn fault, but I still don't think it justifies me getting fired. Here's what happened..................
See, I worked in a group home, taking care of 6 ladies with developmental disabilities. LOVED LOVED LOVED this job. The girls I helped take care of were awesome, most of the employee's were awesome...hell, even though I complained about the management, they were pretty cool too. Pay wasn't bad, hours were hectic, but I made damn good money because I always ALWAYS got overtime. Life was good....anyway, I started doing the midnight shift and on the midnight shift your duties are to sweep and mop all the floors, clean the downstairs bathroom, make any of the food that they would need for the next days dinner and do bed checks on the girls every hour. Well, most of that stuff can be done within 2 hours of getting there(which the shift was from 11:30-7:30 every night)so, I would get done around like 1:30-2...well, it gets REALLY boring there while the girls are asleep. Granted, you do bed checks every hour, but that just takes five minutes each time. So I started bringing my laptop in, playing games(online and off) and just messing with it. Well, I knew that we weren't really SUPPOSED to do that, but it's like, "Hello! I need to stay away SOMEHOW aside from watching tv." I mean, everyone else brought books and such, I didn't think it would be a big deal. Nonetheless, apparently the access number I was using to get online was a LONG DISTANCE CALL(I worked in DuQuoin Illinois and the number was to Carbondale, Illinois) I was not aware that from DuQuoin to Carbondale was a long distance call. anyway, that ran up the phone bill....$300!!!!!!!! Needless to say, they fired me for that...even though I was a damn good worker and I ever offered to pay the bill...they could have garnished my wages..I wouldn't have cared, I made a mistake and I should pay for it...but it shouldn't have cost me my job. I always showed up for my shifts(I missed about 4 days of work in a year and a half...2 of which were because I had paid time off that I could take and the supervisor approved it).
*sigh* so, that's the bad...the ugly thing is, I am looking for another job now. *deeper sigh* but thankfully I have a few connections that are pulling some strings for me. But I need to find something soon...if I don't, I'll lose everything...I mean, my car alone is $300/month and that's just the beginning of my bills. If I have to I guess I'll work 2-3 part time jobs until I can get something better. Hell, I haven't even found any partime work yet. However, it hasn't even been a week since I lost my job, but still I am going nuts. I havent been this depressed in a long time. It's not so much that I am depressed about having a job, it's because I LOVED those girls that I took care of. It's going to be hard not seeing them everyday. I mean, they were like a second family, their house was like a second home to me.
I made a dumbass mistake and I guess I am paying for it now...but they shouldn't have to pay for it too. They loved me and were used to me...now they have to get used to a new staff member. Granted, you guys may not think that's a big transition, but for someone with a developmental disability, they don't know how to adjust to change the way we do. *sigh* I hate it...I just hate it.
In other news though, I am going to see Josh this weekend, I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I get to see him and spend time with him and hopefully get to meet some of his friends, but also *dramatic music* I am meeting his parents for the first time. While usually I wouldn't be nervous about something like that, I am this time because I know right now I don't have a job and I'm not attending school, I don't want them to think I am a bum and that I'm not going to make anything out of my life. That is so far from the truth...but they don't know me...they don't know that I am a motivated, goal-oriented individual. While I know that Josh and I aren't in a relationship at the moment, there is a serious possibility of it happening and they may think that I don't have anything to offer their son. Which, at the moment, I don't...just myself and my heart. That will have to do for now. I mean, I'm sure everything will go fine...Josh says that they will be happy as long as he's happy...but I know how parents are...I had to deal with my ex's parents and...LORDY BEE'S! they were nuts. They didn't care if their son was happy, just as long as I lived up to their standards. In fact, the reason my ex and I broke up was primarily because of his psycho, "Christian" mother. I guess my main thing is...when I think of what I am now, I know that if I was someone else, I don't think I'd want to be with me. I don't have a job, I have no college education(yet)...what would I have to offer to someone else? *shrugs* maybe I am just being too hard on myself.
Onto something a little happier...I went swimming over at Heather's yesterday, which was GLORIOUS because it was really really hot out. I just laid on a raft in her pool for like 3 hours. Unfortunately, I forgot to put sunscreen on my back and my back is BURNT TO A CRISP NOW!!!! It hurts like pain..*pouts* and then we watched the movie, Racing Stripes...which was a cute movie :) I came home last evening and talked with Josh on the phone until about 9:45 and then I CRASHED. OMG I haven't slept like that in a LONG time. It felt good though(even though i couldn't sleep on my back AT ALL) Woke up at like 8 this morning(thanks to Josh...*kisses to him*) and then I took a resume to a place called SIRSS(Southern Illinois Regional Social Services...where my ex sister-in-law works...she's supposed to help me get on there) and then I applied online at Best Buy and just hung out at home most of the day. My ex, Matt, called me this afternoon to tell me about a team leader position that is opening up at the home he works at (he does the same thing that I did before I got fired...but he works at a different company in Carlyle) he said I should apply for it...said I have a good chance since I have a lot of experience. I don't know, it would be weird working with him...and being his SUPERVISOR..LOL though I think I'd have fun with that.
Anyway, that brings me to now...I know everyone was saying, "You need to update your livejournal more" well..here it is...my update. Sorry it took so long, but the past few weeks...actually the past 2 months have been really hard on me...a lot has happened that I hadn't intended. Me and Josh got back in touch(good thing...very good thing) Matt and I broke up (bad bad bad) and then I lost my job(VERY VERY BAD) so..it's been an emotional rollercoaster ride...a ride that I hope I can get off very soon. I want to get things straight because honestly, I want a relationship with Josh to work out. He is so good to me...I honestly don't know what I would do without him. I love you, Josh. But I know that I am not exactly the person I want to be and I am not the person I want him to be with..I know I COULD be that person and I am trying my hardest to get my life on track so I can share it with him. *warm smile* but I am getting mushy and my fingers are getting tired of typing..so I should go...post ya later (I PROMISE) lol
See, I worked in a group home, taking care of 6 ladies with developmental disabilities. LOVED LOVED LOVED this job. The girls I helped take care of were awesome, most of the employee's were awesome...hell, even though I complained about the management, they were pretty cool too. Pay wasn't bad, hours were hectic, but I made damn good money because I always ALWAYS got overtime. Life was good....anyway, I started doing the midnight shift and on the midnight shift your duties are to sweep and mop all the floors, clean the downstairs bathroom, make any of the food that they would need for the next days dinner and do bed checks on the girls every hour. Well, most of that stuff can be done within 2 hours of getting there(which the shift was from 11:30-7:30 every night)so, I would get done around like 1:30-2...well, it gets REALLY boring there while the girls are asleep. Granted, you do bed checks every hour, but that just takes five minutes each time. So I started bringing my laptop in, playing games(online and off) and just messing with it. Well, I knew that we weren't really SUPPOSED to do that, but it's like, "Hello! I need to stay away SOMEHOW aside from watching tv." I mean, everyone else brought books and such, I didn't think it would be a big deal. Nonetheless, apparently the access number I was using to get online was a LONG DISTANCE CALL(I worked in DuQuoin Illinois and the number was to Carbondale, Illinois) I was not aware that from DuQuoin to Carbondale was a long distance call. anyway, that ran up the phone bill....$300!!!!!!!! Needless to say, they fired me for that...even though I was a damn good worker and I ever offered to pay the bill...they could have garnished my wages..I wouldn't have cared, I made a mistake and I should pay for it...but it shouldn't have cost me my job. I always showed up for my shifts(I missed about 4 days of work in a year and a half...2 of which were because I had paid time off that I could take and the supervisor approved it).
*sigh* so, that's the bad...the ugly thing is, I am looking for another job now. *deeper sigh* but thankfully I have a few connections that are pulling some strings for me. But I need to find something soon...if I don't, I'll lose everything...I mean, my car alone is $300/month and that's just the beginning of my bills. If I have to I guess I'll work 2-3 part time jobs until I can get something better. Hell, I haven't even found any partime work yet. However, it hasn't even been a week since I lost my job, but still I am going nuts. I havent been this depressed in a long time. It's not so much that I am depressed about having a job, it's because I LOVED those girls that I took care of. It's going to be hard not seeing them everyday. I mean, they were like a second family, their house was like a second home to me.
I made a dumbass mistake and I guess I am paying for it now...but they shouldn't have to pay for it too. They loved me and were used to me...now they have to get used to a new staff member. Granted, you guys may not think that's a big transition, but for someone with a developmental disability, they don't know how to adjust to change the way we do. *sigh* I hate it...I just hate it.
In other news though, I am going to see Josh this weekend, I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I get to see him and spend time with him and hopefully get to meet some of his friends, but also *dramatic music* I am meeting his parents for the first time. While usually I wouldn't be nervous about something like that, I am this time because I know right now I don't have a job and I'm not attending school, I don't want them to think I am a bum and that I'm not going to make anything out of my life. That is so far from the truth...but they don't know me...they don't know that I am a motivated, goal-oriented individual. While I know that Josh and I aren't in a relationship at the moment, there is a serious possibility of it happening and they may think that I don't have anything to offer their son. Which, at the moment, I don't...just myself and my heart. That will have to do for now. I mean, I'm sure everything will go fine...Josh says that they will be happy as long as he's happy...but I know how parents are...I had to deal with my ex's parents and...LORDY BEE'S! they were nuts. They didn't care if their son was happy, just as long as I lived up to their standards. In fact, the reason my ex and I broke up was primarily because of his psycho, "Christian" mother. I guess my main thing is...when I think of what I am now, I know that if I was someone else, I don't think I'd want to be with me. I don't have a job, I have no college education(yet)...what would I have to offer to someone else? *shrugs* maybe I am just being too hard on myself.
Onto something a little happier...I went swimming over at Heather's yesterday, which was GLORIOUS because it was really really hot out. I just laid on a raft in her pool for like 3 hours. Unfortunately, I forgot to put sunscreen on my back and my back is BURNT TO A CRISP NOW!!!! It hurts like pain..*pouts* and then we watched the movie, Racing Stripes...which was a cute movie :) I came home last evening and talked with Josh on the phone until about 9:45 and then I CRASHED. OMG I haven't slept like that in a LONG time. It felt good though(even though i couldn't sleep on my back AT ALL) Woke up at like 8 this morning(thanks to Josh...*kisses to him*) and then I took a resume to a place called SIRSS(Southern Illinois Regional Social Services...where my ex sister-in-law works...she's supposed to help me get on there) and then I applied online at Best Buy and just hung out at home most of the day. My ex, Matt, called me this afternoon to tell me about a team leader position that is opening up at the home he works at (he does the same thing that I did before I got fired...but he works at a different company in Carlyle) he said I should apply for it...said I have a good chance since I have a lot of experience. I don't know, it would be weird working with him...and being his SUPERVISOR..LOL though I think I'd have fun with that.
Anyway, that brings me to now...I know everyone was saying, "You need to update your livejournal more" well..here it is...my update. Sorry it took so long, but the past few weeks...actually the past 2 months have been really hard on me...a lot has happened that I hadn't intended. Me and Josh got back in touch(good thing...very good thing) Matt and I broke up (bad bad bad) and then I lost my job(VERY VERY BAD) so..it's been an emotional rollercoaster ride...a ride that I hope I can get off very soon. I want to get things straight because honestly, I want a relationship with Josh to work out. He is so good to me...I honestly don't know what I would do without him. I love you, Josh. But I know that I am not exactly the person I want to be and I am not the person I want him to be with..I know I COULD be that person and I am trying my hardest to get my life on track so I can share it with him. *warm smile* but I am getting mushy and my fingers are getting tired of typing..so I should go...post ya later (I PROMISE) lol