(no subject)
I sat up last night, thoughts running through my head. It was like i couldn't get peace until i realized what was keepin me up. And then it hit me...i was ignorin the hurt i was feelin. Thinkin of everything, but what i needed too. I have this emptiness about me. I was up tryin to figure out what it would take to complete me. Tryin to ignore the fact of what i thought it would be, cuz its not what i want. Or what anyone else wants for me. I kno my friends just want the best for me, but..they dont see things the way i do. i have, everything. but one thing. i've got grreat friends, a good family, and everything that a person needs to be "happy" well, if i have it, why do i still feel so cruddy..and unhappy. i kno..that a guy would cause more trouble then they're worth. and it may solve something for the time we're 2gether, and it'll just hurt like hell when it's over. but really, what do i have to lose. i already ache at night, and i think i deserve to be happy. right? even if its for one day. to finish the 'thankful' feelin im tryin to accomplish, i need to kno i can be happy. EVEN if only for a day. and knowing that there is som1 out there...i would feel loved, and i would be complete. but..no1 understands it. which is why, night by night. im gona struggle to get out what i need to. gettin all this out, even if no1 reads it..helps me move one step closer, even if no1 sees it, i feel it. and out of this, i will be a better person. it takes time, and im ready to face it. whether im alone, or i got people by my side. no-one is gona stop me from being happy...... just give me time, and the final piece to my life, and guarenteed..the strength within, that im discovering now..will break through. [nite<3]