I'll wait my turn till its our turn to dance
havent updated in a while. sorry kids..a lot has been goin on. school and cheerleading, and trying to find to rest. time just goes by too fast. i feel like i dont have time for anything anymore. weekdays, i have school then practice till 5:45-6ish every day, even game days [fridays] and im not complainin, its paying off. but then i come home take a shower do homework eat, and its time for bed. only to repeat the same thing over again the next day. saturdays i have prac in the mornin [minus today wen we all had pSATs so we had prac 3-5]. so today was actually really good. i woke up and went to the school for psats, hella gay (thats 4 u kyle) and...then i went with my mom to work to pick somthin up. i then came home, and went back out to get my cell phone. i dropped my newer one in the toilet last week...clumsy i kno...and so i had my brothers old piece-a-sh!t phone. i wanted the camera phone, and ended up i got it, yay. then i came home ate some quiznos, and went to "dress rehearsal" for cheerleading. that went so good, and i jus wanted to cry cuz it all came 2gether finally...
this coming up week is busy, and its HOMECOMING<3 yeehaw. monday, we hafta perform at sandusky elementry for an assembly. then tues., wed., thurs., practice....friday, pep rally. yea..so cheerleaders arent exactly liked at our school...so performing our routine in front of yes, the whole student body, should be interesting. then we have the fball game vs SR, then the homecoming dance. wow....im definately excited about that one. at least for now....i duno, mixed emotions about the whole thing really! then saturday morning , at like 4 (am) we r leavin for a competition in NC..kinda nervous, and then its sunday time to rest.
annnd.....i guess the whole point of me updating was to get somethings out. just, to know that maybe som1 out there is reading and might care. soo....im still unhappy about everything, and i thout i used to put a good front up for people who arent my life, best friends, and then to have som1 just walk up and say somthin and then ask me "are you depressed" not a jokingly way, but a serious, like...worried way. and..i didnt know wat 2 say. i was screaming yes...i jus want help, and i wanna be happy. but then again, i was afraid to let som1 in and tell him that. i started walking away only to get asked again, and i jus kept going. im so tired of always hating me. not even looking in the mirror b/c of what i see...its not fun, and I jus want som1 to understand instead of always trying to know the solution to a problem they havent even experienced. and i duno, i guess im jus lonely. i think a guy n my life could help the situation, jus knowin theres som1 there with open-arms and a shoulder if i need one...jsu som1 not afraid to be with me. and i guess im, jus weird. like me expressing these feelings to som1 i did care about, and letting them in to a whole new me, and no reaction from them. it sucks, cuz i kno i cant always get what i want..but somehow, theres jus something that keeps me holdin onto the same people. i mean, its not like i like bein pushed aside everyday, and if i wasnt so...me, then i would move on. but i cant, i wish som1 had the answers for me...and why i keep holding on. it overall sucks, and im sick of everything and everyone. people are so 2faced n this world, and i wish every1, includin myself, could grow up. everything nowadays is all about drama, and i wish the world would just stop. my best friend is turngin 18, and i cant even go out and party with her...why, cuz im so fvking busy all the time. im having a breakdown...my first one in weeks....and theres no here to help me. im not a strong person, and im sorry for needing every1 to help me and carry me thru life. i wish i could run away and just me 15. once n a lifetime am i 15...and i cant even remember a time being 15...and dnot having to worry about nething. im a kid....and i wana do kid things. go to scaremare for frickin halloween, go to parties, do stupid things....why do i hafta be me! i have like zero time left with the people who mean most, and im stuck n this, world. i jus wana scream and cry and let everything be ok. but it duznt help. never has, so never will. im hoping the dance will be my two hours 2 get away. im jus gona dance to forget. but remember at the same time.....
but, i guess all this is getting me nowhere, so ill save us the trouble and say gnite...later<3
this coming up week is busy, and its HOMECOMING<3 yeehaw. monday, we hafta perform at sandusky elementry for an assembly. then tues., wed., thurs., practice....friday, pep rally. yea..so cheerleaders arent exactly liked at our school...so performing our routine in front of yes, the whole student body, should be interesting. then we have the fball game vs SR, then the homecoming dance. wow....im definately excited about that one. at least for now....i duno, mixed emotions about the whole thing really! then saturday morning , at like 4 (am) we r leavin for a competition in NC..kinda nervous, and then its sunday time to rest.
annnd.....i guess the whole point of me updating was to get somethings out. just, to know that maybe som1 out there is reading and might care. soo....im still unhappy about everything, and i thout i used to put a good front up for people who arent my life, best friends, and then to have som1 just walk up and say somthin and then ask me "are you depressed" not a jokingly way, but a serious, like...worried way. and..i didnt know wat 2 say. i was screaming yes...i jus want help, and i wanna be happy. but then again, i was afraid to let som1 in and tell him that. i started walking away only to get asked again, and i jus kept going. im so tired of always hating me. not even looking in the mirror b/c of what i see...its not fun, and I jus want som1 to understand instead of always trying to know the solution to a problem they havent even experienced. and i duno, i guess im jus lonely. i think a guy n my life could help the situation, jus knowin theres som1 there with open-arms and a shoulder if i need one...jsu som1 not afraid to be with me. and i guess im, jus weird. like me expressing these feelings to som1 i did care about, and letting them in to a whole new me, and no reaction from them. it sucks, cuz i kno i cant always get what i want..but somehow, theres jus something that keeps me holdin onto the same people. i mean, its not like i like bein pushed aside everyday, and if i wasnt so...me, then i would move on. but i cant, i wish som1 had the answers for me...and why i keep holding on. it overall sucks, and im sick of everything and everyone. people are so 2faced n this world, and i wish every1, includin myself, could grow up. everything nowadays is all about drama, and i wish the world would just stop. my best friend is turngin 18, and i cant even go out and party with her...why, cuz im so fvking busy all the time. im having a breakdown...my first one in weeks....and theres no here to help me. im not a strong person, and im sorry for needing every1 to help me and carry me thru life. i wish i could run away and just me 15. once n a lifetime am i 15...and i cant even remember a time being 15...and dnot having to worry about nething. im a kid....and i wana do kid things. go to scaremare for frickin halloween, go to parties, do stupid things....why do i hafta be me! i have like zero time left with the people who mean most, and im stuck n this, world. i jus wana scream and cry and let everything be ok. but it duznt help. never has, so never will. im hoping the dance will be my two hours 2 get away. im jus gona dance to forget. but remember at the same time.....
but, i guess all this is getting me nowhere, so ill save us the trouble and say gnite...later<3