I get a little warm in my heart with I think of winter...
So now that all the stress is over, maybe I can make a half way decent journal entry about what things I've been meaning to say. It's nice to have a clear mind without school bearing any stress on me. So while I am making this entry I have decided to play a cd that takes me back when things were easy and everything was laid out in front of you. Happy times at best, nothing other than Tori Amos.
So here I start, My sister and I have always been really close, I would concider her more of a best friend than anyone I know, but of course when we fight we can't help but make up and love eachother unconditionally. Getting to my point, lately, or pretty much since I have been back in Austin we barely talk and we don't really hang out. I don't even really feel like I have a sister. Why is it that we live 30 minutes away from eachother but neither of those things ever seem to happen? Is it because we are too busy with work/school? or because our social life deems more important? I don't know what it is but it really upsets me. I know I can just call her up and ask her to do something or talk for a while, but it's not that simple. It's always something, mostly having to do with Kirk. Like she doesn't already live with him, does she HAVE to spend his day off with him. I don't understand why she makes no effort, and I know you are probably saying "why are you blaming" but the sad thing is my parents ask ME how she's doing, my dad asked ME what her cell phone number was...I hope you're getting the point. She didn't even call my parents on their 28th anniversary. I don't understand why she is like that, and it really upsets me. I was hoping that she would be able to go Albuquerque with us, because I know that would give us a lot of hang out time, not because we wouldn't want to be around family, but after living away from all our family for so long we kind of feel like outcasts. I am pretty much talking about my dad's side of the family where he has 6 brothers and sisters, and they all have kids. We used to all be close, but then we moved and now they have all grown up together without us. My sister and I have an advantage because we are the oldest on both sides so we can actually converse with the adults, but still it's awkard as all hell. I really wish I could take a friend with me, although I will have Angie, which I am also way excited about. Okay moving on.
My other thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is why can't I tell *him* that I like him. I mean what is the big deal, I have known him for a year, we hang out, we have fun. I think it's because I am too scared that it will end up like everyone else I like, but what do I have to lose really? I know that some of you have told me that I just need to tell him, and I am starting to think that is a good idea. I don't know I just want to be with *him*! Maybe one day it will come up in casual conversation and I will have the balls to tell him. Here's to hoping for that! Okay, well tis time to go and dry my hair, it's getting cold in here. Thanks for listening or reading shall I say.
Oh one more thing, I've been going back to being independant again. I don't know how I feel about this yet. While I was in CS I hung out by myself for a long time, and I actually didn't mind it. I did miss always hanging out with friends, but I got through it. Then I started hanging out with people from work almost every night, so when I got back to Austin I just wanted to hang out all the time and I couldn't cause I didn't have a car, then I got a car and hung out all the time. I think I am starting to go back to wanting to just sit at home and watch tv and fall asleep at 10. Hmmmm...we'll see.
So here I start, My sister and I have always been really close, I would concider her more of a best friend than anyone I know, but of course when we fight we can't help but make up and love eachother unconditionally. Getting to my point, lately, or pretty much since I have been back in Austin we barely talk and we don't really hang out. I don't even really feel like I have a sister. Why is it that we live 30 minutes away from eachother but neither of those things ever seem to happen? Is it because we are too busy with work/school? or because our social life deems more important? I don't know what it is but it really upsets me. I know I can just call her up and ask her to do something or talk for a while, but it's not that simple. It's always something, mostly having to do with Kirk. Like she doesn't already live with him, does she HAVE to spend his day off with him. I don't understand why she makes no effort, and I know you are probably saying "why are you blaming" but the sad thing is my parents ask ME how she's doing, my dad asked ME what her cell phone number was...I hope you're getting the point. She didn't even call my parents on their 28th anniversary. I don't understand why she is like that, and it really upsets me. I was hoping that she would be able to go Albuquerque with us, because I know that would give us a lot of hang out time, not because we wouldn't want to be around family, but after living away from all our family for so long we kind of feel like outcasts. I am pretty much talking about my dad's side of the family where he has 6 brothers and sisters, and they all have kids. We used to all be close, but then we moved and now they have all grown up together without us. My sister and I have an advantage because we are the oldest on both sides so we can actually converse with the adults, but still it's awkard as all hell. I really wish I could take a friend with me, although I will have Angie, which I am also way excited about. Okay moving on.
My other thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is why can't I tell *him* that I like him. I mean what is the big deal, I have known him for a year, we hang out, we have fun. I think it's because I am too scared that it will end up like everyone else I like, but what do I have to lose really? I know that some of you have told me that I just need to tell him, and I am starting to think that is a good idea. I don't know I just want to be with *him*! Maybe one day it will come up in casual conversation and I will have the balls to tell him. Here's to hoping for that! Okay, well tis time to go and dry my hair, it's getting cold in here. Thanks for listening or reading shall I say.
Oh one more thing, I've been going back to being independant again. I don't know how I feel about this yet. While I was in CS I hung out by myself for a long time, and I actually didn't mind it. I did miss always hanging out with friends, but I got through it. Then I started hanging out with people from work almost every night, so when I got back to Austin I just wanted to hang out all the time and I couldn't cause I didn't have a car, then I got a car and hung out all the time. I think I am starting to go back to wanting to just sit at home and watch tv and fall asleep at 10. Hmmmm...we'll see.