I could break you
Title: I could break you
Pairing: Rabin
Rating: R
Genre: AU, smut(ish (basically this is shameless sinful dirty talk)), slight angst
Summary: Hongbin doesn't understand that Wonshik is simply trying to protect him.
Wordcount: 1,633
A/N: Based on this prompt: "Can I request a angsty Rabin? Preferably a mutually destructive relationship…Or even off-kilter!Wonshik? Or just Rabin?" As such, read with caution. Also, this is hang-over writing, so take it for what it is.
It is lunch time when Hongbin finally decides to push through the crowd of university students in hopes of seeing worn, blond hair in the distance. Tuesdays like these give him only twenty minute lunch breaks, barely enough time to down a container of instant ramen - but today, eating seems less important than on other days.
He bumps into countless people when he runs, most of them simply wondering which class he is late to, runs through clouds of perfume, of cologne, of cigarette smoke, until he finally spots Wonshik, just as he thought, in one of the restaurants in the basement. He's surrounded by friends, but there's nothing but an open water bottle in front of him on the table. Hongbin wastes no time, but runs up to him, ignoring the pointed looks he receives from Wonshik's friends as he hurries over.
”Can I talk to you?” he requests before Wonshik has had a chance to notice him there. Before Wonshik looks up at him, Hongbin stares down at the top of his head and his dyed blond hair that is never styled, but always looks too messily perfect to be an accident. He stares at his ripped jeans and black tank top - the June heat has hit their city with the bang of colliding sweat and heatstroke, and allows him to show off his arms. Hongbin isn't complaining. When Wonshik finally looks up, his eyes are tired, as they always are, and he doesn't look pleased to see Hongbin there in the slightest. Even so, Hongbin's heart beats faster.
”Sure,” Wonshik says, leaning back in his seat. Hongbin knows the others are watching him, but he keeps his gaze locked at Wonshik, even if the other is evading it.
”I meant in private.”
Wonshik draws a deep breath and looks around at the others - man, what a bother Hongbin must be - before he finally sighs out an ”okay”. Probably because, Hongbin thinks as the other drags himself up, no matter how much Wonshik doesn't want to talk to him, he probably wants his friends to hear what Hongbin has to say even less. And so, after a quick farewell to his friends (and his water bottle), Wonshik leaves by Hongbin's side.
People stare at them as they walk through the corridors. It has nothing to do with Hongbin; people always stare when Wonshik is involved. Hongbin thinks Wonshik could walk through this school with the resurrected Michael Jackson by his side, and people would still only have eyes for Wonshik. When he glances at Wonshik's annoyed expression, Hongbin understands why. He's far from the only person in this school who wishes Wonshik would look at them for just a second longer.
Neither of them say anything, but Wonshik follows Hongbin out one of the smaller exits. Hongbin is relieved to find the area empty, but he knows he has to be quick if he wants to keep this privacy for their whole conversation. When Hongbin turns to him, Wonshik leans against the school's brick wall and picks at his nails. ”What?” he asks, disinterest in his tone.
”Why didn't you respond?” Hongbin asks, anger already sitting in the pit of his stomach.
Wonshik shrugs without looking at him. ”I had nothing more to say.”
”Well, maybe I did.”
Wonshik throws him a look. ”Did you?”
Hongbin hesitates. He always has things to say to Wonshik, but things he wants to say?
Wonshik chuckles at his silence. ”Didn't think so. So why did you ask me to come out here?”
Hongbin sighs heavily. ”I like you.” He has said it before, so it is not as nerve-wracking as the first time, but his stomach still tightens with worry.
”Will you stop saying that?” Wonshik says, but not before rolling his eyes. ”You don't.”
”Will you stop denying it?” Hongbin asks back. ”Or pretending you don't believe it, whatever. Just stop.”
Wonshik shakes his head with a tilted, joyless smile. ”Listen, Hongbin,” he says, and Hongbin already knows he doesn't want to know what he's about to say. ”You're cute, alright?” He shrugs again. ”Maybe lots of people are into that, but I'm not. So stop rubbing whatever delusion you're under in my face, and let it go. Okay?” He throws Hongbin a sarcastic smile and is about to walk away when Hongbin grabs his wrist, fuming.
”Like hell. I know you're into me,” he dares. ”What does that have to do with you not believing that I like you?”
”Because I don't want to believe it, okay?” Wonshik says, tearing his wrist out of Hongbin's grip, but he doesn't move. ”Because it's getting so pathetic that I wish it wasn't true.”
Hongbin laughs despite himself. He's sure he's sweating at this point. ”Right. And this has nothing to do that you love fucking with people, but as soon as they get too close you turn into an insecure little boy?”
Wonshik stares at him. ”What did you just say?”
Hongbin trembles, and wills it to stay out of his voice. ”I've tried to be patient. I've tried to let you take your time. But you're being such an insufferable asshole recently that I'm through with waiting for you to remember how to act like a human being.”
Wonshik throws his head back and laughs at that. ”If I'm such an asshole, why don't you just mind your own fucking business?”
”Because it's not real,” Hongbin says, staring the other man in the eye. ”I know it's not real. What you showed me that night at Jaehwan's party, that was real.”
Shaking his head with his face towards the ground, Wonshik grins. ”Alright. Since you're so obsessed with what's real, do you want to know the truth?”
Hongbin nods, immediately finding it harder to breathe. ”Yes. Please.”
He doesn't get a chance to catch his breath before Wonshik grabs him, spins him around and pushes him up against the wall, his body pressing against his with force. Hongbin blinks, holds his breath, tries to focus and look back into Wonshik's furious eyes, the other standing mere centimeters taller than him. Though he doesn't try, Hongbin knows he would never be able to get away if Wonshik wanted to keep him there, and the thought makes it even harder for him to breathe.
”The reason why you're not just cute, but hot,” Wonshik begins, pushing his knee in between Hongbin's thighs, ”is because I know how easily I could break you.” Hongbin whimpers, hips rutting down against Wonshik without his consent. ”The reason why I'm into you, is because of how easy it would be for me to hurt you.” Cold and heat rushes through Hongbin's body as Wonshik leans in closer, mouths mere centimeters apart, breath soft against Hongbin's lips. ”You're right. I am into you.” One of his hands closes tightly around Hongbin's wrist and brings his arm up to press against the wall. ”Before I go to sleep at night, I imagine you're there with me, beneath me, maybe with your hands tied behind your back. Maybe tied to the headboard.” Hongbin pants as the scene plays out in his mind. ”I dream of pulling your hair until there are tears in your eyes,” Wonshik continues, voice dropping lower than Hongbin has ever heard it before. ”I dream of pushing your face into the pillow until you can't breathe while I fuck you. I dream of choking you.” His free hand slides up to Hongbin's chest, feeling his pounding heart, close to his throat but not quite there. ”Yes,” Wonshik says softly as Hongbin whines, out of fear or lust, he's not quite sure, but the movement makes their lips touch for a split second. ”I could hurt you so good. I could do whatever I want to you and make you believe you want it, too. I could break you to the point where you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more.” His fingers curl in Hongbin's shirt, nails digging into his skin, and his leg pushes harder.
Hongbin can't believe it, he can barely breathe but he's rock hard against Wonshik's thigh, trembling at the realization that all of this is true. There is nothing Hongbin wouldn't let Wonshik do to him. For a moment, his stomach clenches as he wonders what is wrong with him, but then Wonshik lets go, takes a few steps back and looks him up and down. Hongbin remains with his back against the wall, finally gasping for breath.
”And that's why you won't ever hear me say I like you again,” Wonshik says. Hongbin stares at him through dazed eyes. ”Because you should have something... real. Something good. Not this.”
He turns to leave, and Hongbin struggles to find his voice. ”What if I already want all those things?” he pants. ”All the things you just said.”
Wonshik stops in his steps, his back towards Hongbin. A moment passes long enough for Hongbin to start hoping for something, whatever that may be, and then Wonshik turns his face to look at him. ”You couldn't handle it.”
Hongbin sinks down on the ground when Wonshik leaves. There are tears in his eyes and he is still hard, confused, frightened, mostly by his own reaction to Wonshik's manhandling of him. But the fact remains, the image of Wonshik pressing him down into his bed and having his way with him turns him on beyond what he thought was possible. He pulls himself to his feet, wiping at the excess tears smudged in his eyelashes, and he decides it right then: He isn't going to give up.
Maybe letting somebody ruin him wouldn't be the worst thing.