10: A Bad Person (1/2)
Title: A Bad Person
Pairing: Wonjae
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, drama, romance, smut, songfic: VIXX - Hyde
Summary: Wonshik has some issues, and Jaehwan is simply too kind.
Wordcount: 13,327
Warnings: Violence, mention of suicide and self-harm
When Jaehwan meets Wonshik for the first time, it's like he's struck by lightning. That's the expression he will use to describe it later, when months have passed but the burn, the rude awakening still lingers in his mind. Because Wonshik is different, and Jaehwan knows that from the moment he lays eyes on him, when he feels that tap on his shoulder as Wonshik stands next to him, offering him a confident: ”Hello, gorgeous.”
For a moment, Jaehwan is stunned. He normally prides himself on his way with words, but now, as he stands there and stares at this secure, attentive, hot stranger with a bottle of beer in his hands, he has no idea what to say. His eyes dart to Hakyeon for a moment, who's standing right next to him, Jaehwan's closest friend and confidant.
”H-hello.”
”How are you?”
Jaehwan looks to Hakyeon again, who casually raises his bottle to his lips, eyes focused somewhere far away from Jaehwan and Wonshik. Jaehwan clears his throat, unable to stop his smile. ”I'm good, thanks. You?”
”I'm great,” Wonshik replies. ”Are you from the city? 'Cause I feel like I would remember you if I had seen you around.”
Jaehwan has to look away, but smiles wider at the obvious line.
”I'm gonna go... start a riot,” Hakyeon says, looking around the room. ”See you later. I mean, maybe.” He raises an eyebrow at Jaehwan suggestively before he walks away, and the younger tenses up - luckily, however, Wonshik seems too focused on Jaehwan to have noticed it.
”Yeah, I'm from the city. I live over on the east side, a few blocks from the cinema?” Wonshik furrows his brow for a moment before nodding. ”I just don't go out to places like these a lot.”
The admission earns him a smile. ”I'm glad you did tonight. Do you want to sit down?” He gestures towards a nearby couch, and Jaehwan doesn't even consider it before he accepts. He's not the type to turn people down.
He thinks Wonshik must be one-dimensional, the way people are when they only have one thing on their mind - getting laid. It usually happens to him online, horny guys unable to sustain a more interesting conversation than what are you up to? I'm thinking about you or if i was there with you right now, what would we be doing? But he recognizes the signs when he sees them in real life, too.
Regardless, this time, he thinks maybe it isn't too bad. Wonshik is hot, and Jaehwan is a grown man; he has needs, for crying out loud. He may not be the person who gets into bed with just anybody, but at least with one-night-stands there's no risk of the person taking advantage of his kindness. So, he sits down with him comfortably, wondering if maybe tonight is a good time to blow off some steam.
He doesn't realize how wrong he was until hours later. The place has cleared out considerably, but the room still pulses in time with heavy baselines and laughter. Hakyeon is somewhere on the dancefloor, Jaehwan assumes - he always is.
And Jaehwan himself is still sitting on the couch with Wonshik right next to him. They've been talking, chatting away for hours, covering everything from their favorite music to past relationships and forgotten dreams. As it turns out, Wonshik isn't one-dimensional at all. He is proably the personification of Jaehwan's fantasies, fetched straight out of his head, and he seems in no rush to skip the process of getting to know each other and jump straight into bed - though, in all honesty, Jaehwan is more than ready for that.
Oh, right. There's a possibility that Jaehwan is also drunk out of his mind. But he doesn't have time to be embarrassed about that, not when he can see the same drunkenness mirrored in Wonshik's eyes, not when he's too busy laughing until his cheeks hurt.
”Why didn't I meet you sooner?” he whines through his laughter, only vaguely aware that his body seems to be inching closer to Wonshik's on its own accord.
”I don't know,” Wonshik replies with a smile, ”but I'm never letting you go again.” He places a tentative hand on Jaehwan's thigh. Even though Jaehwan wants to throw caution to the wind, he still appreciates the unspoken question in the other's touch, as if he's asking for permission.
”You'd better not,” Jaehwan sludders in reply, hand coming down to cover Wonshik's on his thigh. He notices how Wonshik's other hand clenches and unclenches once, twice, perhaps in nervousness, and Jaehwan wants to rid him of his doubts. He's ready be swept away by this thunderstorm.
”Would you...” Wonshik begins, cleaing his throat. ”Would you mind if I kissed you?”
Jaehwan sighs, his nails pressing against Wonshik's skin a little. ”Finally,” he complains, pulling himself closer until their thighs are pressed against each other where they sit. ”I thought you'd keep me waiting all night.”
Wonshik laughs. ”As if I could hold back for that long.” He turns his body towards Jaehwan, one hand coming up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking its way down his cheek to trace his lower lip. Jaehwan's mouth opens involuntarily, and he stares back into Wonshik's adoring eyes, dizzy with anticipation. Wonshik doesn't say anything for a while, but keeps touching him; his face, his hair, his neck, while his other hand grips Jaehwan's knee tightly. Jaehwan is just about to whine, to beg for it, when Wonshik lifts himself off the couch and settles in his lap, warm and close and filling Jaehwan's senses until he can't remember anything else. He leans in close, lips so close but not quite there, his breath ghosting over the corner of Jaehwan's mouth. The older's hands clutch at Wonshik's back, urging him to please hurry as the arousal wells up and makes him fight for a breath. Wonshik merely smirks, arms crossed behind Jaehwan's neck, so Jaehwan lets his impatience get the better of him and slides his arms up, pushing Wonshik down against him until their lips meet, hard.
Patience is not Jaehwan's strong side when he is drunk and horny. Wonshik might as well just learn it at once.
After deciding that Jaehwan's place is closer, they make it back home in record time, and the moment they step inside the door their clothes start coming off, one piece at a time, to join the rest of the mess that is Jaehwan's apartment (if he had known he was getting company he would have cleaned, damnit). Jaehwan is too drunk to be embarrassed, even when Wonshik tips him down on his back on the bed before quickly pulling his pants and underwear off and runs his hands up and down Jaehwan's legs, eyes narrowing with arousal as goosebumps rise there. He's too fucking turned on to think twice before he sits up, pulls Wonshik closer until his knees are pressed against the side of the bed, and makes quick work of his belt, pushing his jeans down and freeing Wonshik's erection in the process. Jaehwan licks his lips at the sight while Wonshik pulls his pants off the rest of the way; it's been long since he last did this, but now he's hard and aching at just the thought of taking him into his mouth.
So he moves closer, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed, and pulls Wonshik even closer by his hips. Wonshik lets out a hiss when Jaehwan licks along his length, and the sound spurs Jaehwan on, closing his lips around his cock as his eyes roll back in his head. Sounds spill over Wonshik's lips unrestrainedly, and one of his hands travels down Jaehwan's chest and stomach until it reaches his erection, gripping him firmly and stroking him slowly. Jaehwan almost chokes, and Wonshik's other hand, which he steadies himself with at the juncture between Jaehwan's shoulder and neck, tightens its hold.
Wonshik pulls away quickly, and Jaehwan knows it's because this is simply too good; he's close, too, embarrassingly quickly, and he doesn't want to come already. He pulls Wonshik into bed with him, and it feels like he's drowning under the weight of the younger's body, and even if he did, it still wouldn't be enough. When they're both slicked up, Wonshik stills with the head of his cock against Jaehwan's prepared hole. Jaehwan almost keens, pushing himself down and rubbing against Wonshik's cock, but Wonshik, again, keeps him hanging on the edge.
”How do you want it?” he murmurs into Jaehwan's ear. Jaehwan gasps as he feels the other's warm lips against his cheek.
”Hard,” he whispers back. ”Slow, but hard.”
The words seem to rid Wonshik of last of his self-control, and he pushes into him, slowly to let Jaehwan adjust to his length. ”Ah, fuck,” Jaehwan pants as Wonshik slides in and out of him languidly a few times. ”Fuck me, please.”
Wonshik doesn't need to be told twice. He starts a slow pace, just like Jaehwan asked, each thrust reaching deep, setting Jaehwan's mind ablaze. It's clear from the beginning that neither of them is going to last very long, not with the way Wonshik's moans are already spilling over his lips in heaps and breathless curses, and the way Jaehwan's legs are crossed behind Wonshik's waist, pulling him in ever deeper.
”God, you feel amazing,” Wonshik groans, and the pulling in Jaehwan's stomach is already too much.
”Fuck,” he replies simply, throwing his head back and feeling drops of sweat roll down his sides. ”Fuck, ah, harder, please.”
Wonshik grunts, and he trembles as he pulls one of Jaehwan's legs off his back and places it on his shoulder. When he starts up his pace again it's harder, it's faster, and Jaehwan arches off the bed, whines and pleas and whatever else he is capable of come falling over his lips, oceans of neediness that he can't hold back. Wonshik's hand encircles his cock again and starts jerking him off, messily, too quickly for it to be in time with his thrusts but it rids Jaehwan of his ability to think nonetheless, and soon he's overwhelmed, coming with a sharp cry of Wonshik's name as the other fucks him through it. He clenches down hard around Wonshik, and it isn't long before Wonshik is coming too, face pressed against Jaehwan's throat, moaning and grunting against his skin.
He pulls out and rolls off of Jaehwan, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as he catches his breath. ”That was fucking amazing,” he declares, and Jaehwan nods in agreement, chest still heaving with the strain to breathe properly.
”Amazing,” he agrees. He rolls over on his side, chin resting against Wonshik's shoulder, and the afterglow mixes with the alcohol and knocks him out within moments.
When he wakes up the next morning, Wonshik is already awake. Not that that is the surprising part - ”You're still here,” he croaks out, rubbing at his eyes.
The warm smile on Wonshik's lips falters. ”Oh. Should I not be?”
”I didn't mean that,” Jaehwan hurries, inching a little closer. ”I was just surprised. I thought you might have left once you got... what you wanted.”
Wonshik nods. ”Maybe I haven't had enough of you just yet.”
Jaehwan is hung over, but the sight of Wonshik's bare upper body is distracting. They were in such a rush last night and both so drunk that they hadn't really taken the time to explore, so Jaehwan is thankful for this moment to trace every outline of Wonshik's muscles with his eyes in the morning light.
”I think I know what you mean,” Jaehwan replies, swallowing heavily.
Wonshik watches him for a few moments, and Jaehwan tries to silence the unwanted wishes that come welling up from somewhere deep down; wishes that Wonshik would stay, that he would touch him again, that their time isn't over just yet. He feels incomplete, like they've barely just gotten started, and now it's supposed to be over?
”Is it weird that I don't want to go home?” Wonshik asks then, staring down into the sheets below Jaehwan's head. He seems insecure, suddenly.
”No,” Jaehwan replies. ”I don't want you to go home either.”
There's new hope in Wonshik's eyes. ”I kinda have to, though.”
Jaehwan crinkles his nose. ”Why?”
”I didn't bring my toothbrush.”
Jaehwan slaps him lightly. ”I have a couple extra.”
Wonshik laughs. ”And I also have to feed my cat.”
”Oh,” the older says, deflating like a balloon. ”You have a cat?”
”Yeah,” Wonshik replies. ”His name is Ravi. He's the annoying type that bites you in the side or on your arm if you don't pet him whenever he wants you to.”
Jaehwan laughs. His hand comes up to play over the skin on Wonshik's arm. He realizes it then; he's not sure he could keep his hands off the other even he tried. Basically, he supposes, he's fucked.
”Well, I guess you should go then,” he says, swallowing back his feelings. ”I don't want a dead cat on my conscience.”
”Yeah,” Wonshik sighs. ”You could come with me though.” He's a little too excited, and he seems to realize this, as he slumps back against the pillow a little bit. ”I mean, if you want. It's totally fine if you don't.”
”No, I do,” Jaehwan hurries, and when they smile at each other, he finds them both cute in their clumsy, awkward want for each other. Jaehwan is okay with being pathetic as long as he's not pathetic alone. ”Just let me brush my teeth and wash up and then we'll go.”
They get out of bed, both stark naked, and it's a little embarrasing to find their clothes this way, but at the same time Jaehwan can't stop but sneaking a few looks at Wonshik's ass every now and then. It's obvious, he knows, but it's not like he needs his pride that much anymore. Jaehwan shuffles into the bathroom once they're dressed, and Wonshik remains in the doorway, watching while Jaehwan squeezes out toothpaste on his toothbrush.
”Are you going to take a shower?” Wonshik asks, leaning against the door frame.
”I thought I would, yeah,” Jaehwan replies, toothbrush in hand.
”Hm.”
Jaehwan raises an eyebrow at him. ”What?”
”Well, it's just, you know...” Wonshik says, looking around the room. ”My place has a bathtub. We could both... You know.”
Jaehwan stares at him for a moment before he stuffs the toothbrush into his mouth and starts speed-brushing. ”Let's fucking go.”
Wonshik's laugh is already his favorite thing in the world.
”Wait,” Jaehwan half says, half moans as Wonshik's lips work on his neck. ”Hold on, my phone's ringing.”
”Who is it? Can't it wait?” the owner of the lips says curtly, his arms tightening around Jaehwan's waist. They're on Wonshik's couch, trying to watch a movie, but like every other time they have tried this, they ended up getting distracted.
”It's Hakyeon. I should really take this.”
Wonshik sighs. ”Fine.”
Jaehwan leans his head to the side and gives Wonshik a warning look. ”And no touching in places while I'm on the phone!”
Wonshik laughs, leaning his forehead against Jaehwan's shoulder. ”I promise.”
Huffing, Jaehwan picks up the call. ”Hello?”
”Oh? So you are alive?”
Jaehwan smiles guiltily. ”Hey, Hakyeon.”
”You haven't answered my messages for like a week, dude, where the hell have you been?”
”Oh, yeah, that,” Jaehwan tries, scratching at his neck. ”Actually, I've been at Wonshik's place. I guess we've been a little busy. I'm sorry.” He feels Wonshik chuckle against his back.
”Wait, who?”
”Wonshik,” Jaehwan says. ”You know, the guy I met when we went to the bar.”
”Hold up,” Hakyeon says, and Jaehwan can hear he's so riled up by this new piece of fantastic gossip that he can barely contain himself. ”You're telling me you've been at some stranger's place for an entire week?”
”Not stranger's,” Jaehwan says. ”Wonshik's.”
”Right. So are you guys like a couple now or something?”
Jaehwan hesitates. That's something they haven't touched on yet. It's not that Jaehwan hasn't been thinking about it, it's just that he doesn't want to be the person who thought there was love where there was only lust. Again, being pathetic is only fun if there's at least two of you. ”Hold on,” he says, leaning back and looking at Wonshik. ”Are we a couple?”
Wonshik blinks at him. ”I don't know. Are we?”
Jaehwan laughs awkwardly. ”I don't know.”
Wonshik clears his throat. ”Should we be?”
”I don't know... Should we?”
”Jaehwan,” Wonshik says, laughing a little. ”Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Jaehwan sighs. ”Yes, okay? I do. But I understand if you'd rather-”
”Hey, hey,” Wonshik interrupts him. ”I've loved every moment that I've spent with you over the past week. I'd love it if you could be mine.”
The butterflies in Jaehwan's stomach must be mutating, or he's just going mad. No matter the reason, he's definitely blushing, though, so he turns away quickly and puts the phone back against his ear. ”Yes, we're a couple.”
Hakyeon doesn't say anything for a few seconds. ”That was gross. I didn't need to hear that.”
”Oh, please,” Jaehwan replies incredulously, his ears redhot. ”Like I haven't had to listen to you and Sojin be gross a million times already. This is only fair.”
”Right. But there's a difference. Sojin isn't gross, and neither am I.”
Jaehwan snorts. ”Neither is Wonshik.”
”I'll take your word for it. You are, though.”
”I think the word you're looking for is cute.”
”You know me so well,” Hakyeon says sarcastically, and they both laugh. Jaehwan feels a sudden surge of affection towards his friend, and he realizes with a start how much he misses him. They haven't gone a whole week without talking for a long time. Yep, Hakyeon and Jaehwan enjoy being pathetic together. ”Well, anyway, are you coming home soon? Tell Wonshik to stop hogging my best friend.”
”Yeah,” Jaehwan laughs. ”Soon.”
”When?”
Jaehwan looks at Wonshik, who is now pressing feather-light kisses against his shoulder. ”I don't know. But soon.”
”Ugh, fine. Don't make me replace you.”
”Like you ever could.”
Hakyeon laughs again. ”Dude, just fucking watch me. Bye for now.”
Jaehwan shakes his head. ”Bye.”
Wonshik rests his chin on top of Jaehwan's shoulder. ”Your friends starting to miss you?”
”Yeah,” Jaehwan replies, relaxing back against Wonshik's body. ”I'll have to go see him soon. You should come though, you have to meet Hakyeon. You two are probably going to be seeing a lot of each other from now on.”
”Really,” Wonshik says, and Jaehwan frowns, turning to look at him.
”Is that jealousy I hear in there?”
Wonshik pauses for a few seconds. ”...Maybe.”
”Hey, come on,” Jaehwan coos, breaking out of Wonshik's embrace a little to place an arm around his neck. ”Hakyeon and I are best friends, we've known each other forever. Plus, he's straight.”
Wonshik gives him a bashful smile. ”Heterosexuality is not an obstacle when you're as cute as you are.”
Jaehwan laughs. ”You're mad.”
Wonshik shakes his head, laughing along. ”Worse comes to worse, I'll just have to remind you who's your boyfriend.”
”Really,” Jaehwan says, eyebrow shooting up. ”Please do. Remind me.” His fingers trail Wonshik's jaw tenderly as the other kisses him, slowly lowering him down against the couch. The evening will pass like this, the two of them wrapped up in each other, in the moment, emotions running amok, as if they've been struck by lightning.
”Good God, Jaehwan, you're so blatantly in love with him it's really painful and disgusting to watch.”
Jaehwan looks up from his phone. ”Eh?”
Hakyeon throws himself down on his back on the couch beside Jaehwan. ”You've been staring at your phone for like two hours. Obviously you're waiting for him to message you.”
His face flushes hot again. ”No, I'm not. I was just... looking.”
Hakyeon gives him a reprimanding stare. ”Would you please just go ahead and invite the guy so you can stop looking like a lost puppy?”
Jaehwan lights up. ”Really?!”
”Yes. I want to meet the guy. He has to be something really extra-ordinary to get you like this.” He scoffs, but he can't conceal his true feelings - he's happy for Jaehwan, and they both know it. Jaehwan hurries to pick his phone back up and find Wonshik's number. The truth is, earlier this morning when Jaehwan told Wonshik that today was supposed to be Jaehwan's and Hakyeon's alone time, the younger didn't seem all too pleased with it, and Jaehwan is starting to feel a little guilty. He hopes he didn't say anything to upset him, but Wonshik's silence says otherwise. Usually, when they're apart, they don't go long without texting.
He presses call, and waits while the signals ring. Just as he's about to hang up, Wonshik finally picks up. ”Hello?”
”Hey, it's Jaehwan,” he says happily.
”Oh, hey.”
”Hakyeon's over at my place, and we were wondering if you wanted to come over?”
There's some rustling on the other end. ”Can't. I'm going to the beach with Tao.”
Jaehwan stills, tries to hide his disappointment. This is the first time that Wonshik has turned him down. Of course he knows that it has to happen sometime, but like this? ”Tao?” he repeats back. ”Tao, your ex-boyfriend Tao?”
”Yeah,” Wonshik confirms. ”Why, is that a problem?”
He sounds annoyed, and Jaehwan shrinks. Surely he isn't the overly jealous, controlling type of boyfriend who won't let his partner hang out with his ex? ”No, no problem,” he says meekly, and Hakyeon gives him a questioning look. He decides to ignore it. ”I just, I thought you guys hadn't talked in like forever.”
”Well, we hadn't, but I thought it'd be nice to catch up, so I called him.”
”Oh.”
”Anyway, I gotta go. See you.”
”O-okay,” he says, and though he hears the call get disconnected, he adds a quiet: ”Talk later.”
”What happened?” Hakyeon asks, sitting up to look at Jaehwan properly.
”Nothing,” Jaehwan replies, waving his words away. ”He was just busy.”
Hakyeon cocks an eyebrow. ”With is ex-boyfriend?”
Jaehwan chews on his lip. ”Well, yeah.”
”What a jerk!”
”Hey,” Jaehwan scolds, nudging Hakyeon's leg with his foot. ”He's not a jerk. They're just friends, so why can't he see him?”
Hakyeon mutters something incomprehensible in reply, and it doesn't matter, because Jaehwan isn't listening. He thinks part of the reason why Wonshik is seeing Tao is because he's upset that Jaehwan didn't invite him this morning, but he doesn't say that. He doesn't Hakyeon would see it as a very good explanation.
Jaehwan does, though.
”Anyway, so I told him there was no way I could get it done in time, and you know what he says? He says that if I hadn't spent so much time working on the flyers, which was his job to begin with anyway, we wouldn't be so short of time. I mean, can you believe that? It's not like I didn't have better things to do with my- what, what is it?”
Hakyeon stops mid-sentence as he notices the look on Jaehwan's face.
”Nothing,” Jaehwan hurries in reply. ”Go on, you were saying?”
”No, really,” Hakyeon insists, moving a little closer on the couch. ”What's wrong? What happened? Did you see something?”
Jaehwan lowers his phone in defeat. ”Alright, fine. Wonshik updated his stupid facebook.”
Hakyeon clenches his jaw, and Jaehwan knows he just did his best to stop himself from rolling his eyes. ”What did he say?”
Jaehwan simply hands him the phone. Seeing the photo once was enough. It shows Wonshik and Tao sitting side by side on a red blanket on the beach. The caption says ”Picnic on the beach with the best company imaginable. Could be worse.”
Hakyeon hands him the phone back almost immediately. ”Oh, don't even worry about it, Jaehwan. A picnic on the beach? They'll be chewing sand for three weeks.”
Jaehwan lets the phone fall down on the seat next to him. ”Right, cause that's my problem with this whole scenario.”
Sighing a little, Hakyeon shrugs. ”Well, you said they were friends, right?”
Yup, Jaehwan thinks, they're friends. Just ex-lovers catching up. Nothing wrong with that.
”Yeah. You were saying?”
Hakyeon gives him a careful look before he goes back to telling his story. Jaehwan spends the next few hours telling himself to stop being so stupid, spends them trying to push the lump in his throat back down. Hakyeon notices, he's sure, but he doesn't say anything. As always, Jaehwan is thankful.
When Hakyeon leaves later that night, Jaehwan sits alone on his couch and watches TV without really seeing it. Everything, even his own thoughts and feelings seem to mock him for being so stupid, for getting so worked up about this. But it's true that Jaehwan and Wonshik don't know each other well yet, and maybe Jaehwan has already gone and pressed his stupid, oblivious fingers to Wonshik's weakest spot. Maybe their time together is already over. Or maybe Wonshik is just mad at him. Either way, it hurts.
He almost swallows his tongue when his phone rings and the caller ID tells him it's Wonshik. He wastes no time, though he's horribly nervous when he picks up. ”Hello..?”
”Hey, it's me.”
”...Hi.”
”How are you?”
Jaehwan waits. ”I'm... Good?”
Wonshik laughs a little, and it eases some of the knots in Jaehwan's stomach. ”Why are you sounding so surprised?”
Jaehwan can't help it, he sinks down into a lying position, closing his eyes in relief. ”Well, I... I don't know. I kind of thought you were mad at me.”
”Why would I be mad at you?”
Jaehwan sighs, throwing his free arm over his eyes. ”I don't know. It's stupid. I just got that feeling.”
”Why, because you were jealous that I went to see Tao?” He sounds genuinely confused, and Jaehwan doesn't want to reply.
”Huh?” he says instead.
”Look, I understand why you'd be jealous,” Wonshik laughs. ”But we're just friends. We broke up for a reason.”
”Well, I don't know that reason,” Jaehwan says, not wanting to admit to his jealousy being groundless.
”It didn't work out. And when something isn't working out, there's no use in trying to revive it time and time again,” Wonshik says, and the tone of his voice has Jaehwan thinking he's teasing him. ”You move on to better things. Things that work. Like you and me.”
Jaehwan smiles despite himself. ”You're right. I'm sorry, I was being stupid.”
”Don't worry about it.” A silent moment passes between them, and Jaehwan feels like he can finally relax. ”So, does that offer to come over still stand?”
”Hakyeon isn't here anymore, but yes, it does.” Jaehwan sits up, looking around to make sure the place is presentable.
”You're the one I want to see anyway. God, I miss touching you.”
Jaehwan feels his face heat up. ”I miss you touching me,” he breathes back, and he curses himself; why is it so easy for Wonshik to rile him up? Any feeling at any given moment, Wonshik knows exactly how to draw it out of him.
”I'll be there in a few.”
”Okay,” Jaehwan says weakly. ”See you soon.”
He gets up, nervously toying with his fingers. He feels like the fact that Wonshik isn't mad at him is a victory, and he can't wait for the younger to get there and help him forget the battle was ever fought.
”So who are they, exactly?”
Jaehwan and Wonshik are standing by Jaehwan's kitchen window, watching Jaehwan's friends make their way towards the main entrance. They're going out to the bar again later, and even though a few weeks have passed since they first met, Wonshik still hasn't met Hakyeon, or any of his other friends, for that matter.
”Well,” Jaehwan says, ”that guy with the red hair is Hakyeon. The other guy is Taekwoon, and the girl is Sojin, Hakyeon's girlfriend.” Wonshik nods, but grumbles, and Jaehwan looks at him, confused. The younger has been in a bad mood since they woke up. ”What?” Jaehwan asks.
”Why can't you have any female friends?” Wonshik asks, clinging to his arm.
”What do you mean?”
”You have so many guy friends,” Wonshik complains. ”It makes me nervous.”
Jaehwan frowns. ”Hey, you're bringing Hongbin. How is that different?”
Shaking his head, Wonshik raises his eyebrows. ”Well, Hongbin is my friend.”
”Hakyeon and Taekwoon are my friends, too,” Jaehwan replies. He knows Wonshik is jealous at times, but it seems to be getting worse recently.
”Yeah, well, at least I know how to keep it in my pants.”
Jaehwan jerks back in surprise. ”And I don't?”
”No, look, that's now what I meant,” Wonshik whines. Out of the corner of his eye, Jaehwan sees his friends reach the door and enter the stairwell. ”It's just, Jaehwan, you're so gorgeous and amazing, can't you tell that people look at you wherever you go?” He tugs on Jaehwan's hands, pulling him closer, and Jaehwan doesn't understand what he's hearing. ”I'm just so afraid of losing you. You can understand that, right?”
The doorbell rings, and Jaehwan gives his boyfriend a confused look. ”Let's not talk about this now,” he says, before he breaks out of Wonshik's grip and walks into the hallway. Something in Jaehwan's stomach tells him that doing this is not a good idea, but he also knows that he's right. Wonshik has no reason to be jealous, and there has to be a line somewhere.
Hours later, he knows why doing that was a bad idea.
The five of them and Wonshik's friend Hongbin spend a few hours at Jaehwan's place, drinking, listening to music and playing a few games, and it's all good. That is, if you overlook how Wonshik is draping himself over everyone who isn't Jaehwan, touching them, patting them, holding their hands, whispering in their ears, seemingly doing everything he can to make Jaehwan jealous.
Though in truth, Jaehwan isn't sure it's even about that anymore. He's not sure if Wonshik even remembers they're a couple. The atmosphere is tense, and it has everything to do with Wonshik's behavior, but Wonshik himself seems completely oblivious to it, like he's having the time of his life.
He even clings to Sojin at one point. As far as Jaehwan is aware, Wonshik is gay, but it doesn't seem to matter as he holds Sojin's hand and leans his head on her shoulder while he's waiting for his turn in the game they're playing.
”You might want to let up,” Jaehwan pretends like he doesn't hear Sojin say. ”Our boyfriends both look like they're about to break something.”
Jaehwan and Hakyeon look at each other, though both of them pretended like they weren't listening. Though Jaehwan's heart is pre-occupied with jealousy and surging anger, he has some space to feel guilty towards Hakyeon.
”Oh,” Wonshik says, letting go of Sojin's hand. ”I'm sorry. But, you know, it's okay,” he says, swaying a little as walks over to Hakyeon and sits down next to him instead. He's drunker than Jaehwan has realized until now. ”I would never try to steal your girlfriend,” he slurs, head now on Hakyeon's shoulder. ”You know, I don't really swing that way. If I were to steal someone, it would be you.”
Hakyeon, who is the initiator of all physical contact between humans, the founder of the word 'clingy', looks uncomfortable with their promiximity, and gives Jaehwan an exasperated, guilty and rightfully disgusted look. Jaehwan doesn't respond, doesn't do anything. He doesn't know what to do.
”Maybe you should go over to your actual boyfriend and tell him all these things instead,” Hakyeon says, forcefully pushing Wonshik's hand away from his thigh.
Taekwoon clears his throat. ”Wonshik.”
”Yeah?”
”It's your turn.”
”Oh!”
And with that, Wonshik is finally off Hakyeon's shoulder, and Hakyeon hurries to rise from the couch. He walks over to Jaehwan, where he sits in a chair by the window, and leans in close to whisper to him. ”What the hell is your boyfriend up to, do you know?”
But Jaehwan merely shakes his head. He doesn't know. And since he doesn't know what the hell he's doing, he also has no idea how to face it. Wonshik wouldn't be acting like this unless he was upset about something, he knows that much, but he feels as though he can only upset Wonshik further, and he doesn't want that. So he does nothing, but lets it all play out right in front of him.
At the bar, Wonshik leaves them after he has downed his first beer. He's more than a little drunk by now, and so is Jaehwan, but that doesn't slow either of them down. Wonshik quickly finds a new group of people to grow acquainted with, and Jaehwan's feelings take him on a ride he has never experienced before. He feels humiliated, underneath everything else, to be treated this way by his boyfriend in front of his friends. He can't join in with the half-hearted conversation the others are carrying around him, but simply stares into space, anywhere that isn't at Wonshik and those girls he appears to be chatting up.
Of course, Wonshik is gay, so in reality he has nothing be jealous about, right?
No more than an hour into the night, Jaehwan notices that the others' expressions, which have been a little more relaxed since Wonshik left them, suddenly tense up again. ”Uhm, Jaehwan,” Hakyeon says after a few moment, exchanging nervous glances with the others.
”What?”
”I don't... I don't know if I should tell you...” Hakyeon tries, his arm securely around Sojin's shoulders. ”But you should... look. At Wonshik.”
So Jaehwan does, he turns around and sees Wonshik a few tables away with a girl in his lap. They aren't kissing, but her arms are wound around Wonshik's neck, just like Wonshik's own arms were around Jaehwan's neck that night they first met. His stomach drops, and he looks away. They aren't kissing, no, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant to look at.
”Can we leave?” he says to no one in particular.
Taekwoon is the first to get up, holding out his hand to help Jaehwan up. ”Of course. Let's go.”
Jaehwan and Taekwoon walk out first, with Hakyeon and Sojin following closely behind them, and Jaehwan is surprised when he sees Hongbin follow them, too, not even notifying Wonshik that he's leaving. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jaehwan realizes that Hongbin has probably seen this happen a hundred times before, and with that realization, something in his head caves in, because he was stupid enough to believe that what he and Wonshik had was something special, a relationship with at least some semblance of something real in it, when really he was just Wonshik's Saturday night entertainment. Just this week's prefered flavor of Man.
He feels tears well up, and it just adds to his embarrassment. He tries to turn away, but Taekwoon has already seen them - of course he has. Taekwoon is like that. For some reason or other, he always knows what Jaehwan is trying to hide.
”Hey, are you okay?” he asks right outside of the door to the bar, and Jaehwan breaks, can't stop the tears from falling, and Taekwoon is embracing him in an instant. He shakes his head, trembling as he cries, and he feels Hakyeon close up behind him and place a comforting hand on his back. He feels sorry for Hongbin, who met all of them for the first time today, and who can do nothing but stand there awkwardly and watch as Jaehwan falls apart.
”Jaehwan, do you want to stay at my place tonight?” Hakyeon asks, and though Jaehwan is eternally grateful, he shakes his head.
”N-no,” he stutters and splutters, ”I-I don't wan-t to interru-upt you-ur evening,” he says, and then he laughs, though he really means it; he's sure Hakyeon and Sojin has looked forward to spending a night alone.
”Don't be ridiculous,” he hears Sojin say, and feels a light slap on his back.
”Exactly, just come with us,” Hakyeon adds in. ”I don't want to leave you alone right now.”
”I'll stay with him,” Taekwoon says then. ”Is that better?”
Jaehwan nods against his chest. Something about Taekwoon makes him feel safe.
Suddenly Taekwoon lets go of him, and he doesn't open his eyes, but is steered into someone else's embrace - Sojin's, he decides, based on the perfume smell and the long hair against his cheek. ”It's okay,” she soothes, ”you deserve better than someone who would do that to you.”
He hears Hakyeon and Taekwoon talking somewhere in the distance, hears Taekwoon's angry muffled growls of ”I fucking hate people who take advantage of others just because they're too goddamn nice to call them out on it” and ”Jaehwan doesn't fucking deserve this, he is the nicest goddamn person I have ever met”, and he hears Hakyeon's hushed ”I know, Taekwoon, calm down” and ”he won't get away with it, I promise you that”. He breaks out of Sojin's embrace, seized by the wish to not make the whole thing into a bigger deal than it already is, and is faced with Hongbin, standing right next to him.
”Sorry about all of this,” Jaehwan says, wiping at his drenched cheeks. ”Feel free to leave if you want.”
They start walking down the street, away from the bar. ”No, don't apologize,” Hongbin replies. ”Trust me, I get it. Don't worry about me.”
Jaehwan is just about to ask questions he doesn't want the answers to when he hears a voice behind him call his name.
”Hey! Jaehwan! Where the hell are you going?”
He turns around and sees Wonshik come hurrying towards him, with the girl who was on his lap earlier staggering on high heels behind him. Jaehwan feels his heart fall, wants to turn around and run the opposite way, but before he has had a chance to react, Taekwoon is there in front of him. He stands in the way as Wonshik tries to reach him.
”I'm sorry, Jaehwan is upset and he can't talk to you right now.”
Wonshik's brow furrows as he stares at him. ”Why not?”
”He doesn't need you to upset him even more.”
Wonshik scoffs and moves to walk past him. ”He's my boyfriend, you can't tell me I'm not allowed to speak to him.”
”Yes, I can,” Taekwoon insists. ”Listen to me, he's upset. You've really fucked up this time, okay? Leave him alone, you can talk in the morning.”
”Why upset?” Wonshik asks, but he doesn't sound worried or sympathetic at all, just frustrated, and it makes Jaehwan want to run away even more. He feels Hakyeon's hand on his arm suddenly, and it calms him a little bit.
”Oh, I don't know,” Taekwoon says sarcastically. ”Maybe because you've been acting like a complete fucking whore right in front of him all night.”
Jaehwan winces. He hears Hongbin let out a soft ”Hey” somewhere behind Wonshik, but Taekwoon offers him nothing but a stern glare, and he falls silent again.
Wonshik stares at Jaehwan over Taekwoon's shoulder. ”Did you hear what he just said to me?”
There are still tears glistening in Jaehwan's eyes. He doesn't say anything. Never in a million years would he have used the kind of language Taekwoon just did, especially to someone he is in a relationship with, but what is he supposed to say?
”Are you going to let him talk to me that way?” Wonshik continues in disbelief. ”You're just going to let him get away with that?”
”He's not letting me get away with anything,” Taekwoon tells him, tone heavy and threatening. ”I'm going to tell you one more time, leave him alone. Stay away from him. If he wants to, he'll contact you in the morning, do you understand?” For a heart-wrenching second, Jaehwan thinks Wonshik is going to punch Taekwoon, and he feels like he's about to vomit his own heart out, but all three of them remain still. ”Come on, Jaehwan, let's go home,” Taekwoon says, turning around grabbing Jaehwan's arm, pulling him away. Hakyeon and Sojin follow quietly behind him.
”Alright, fine, you do that,” Wonshik yells. ”We're going to go, too.” He grabs the girl by her wrist again and stalks off, and she follows, looking like she has no idea what she just witnessed. Hongbin is left standing there alone, before he sighs, and goes back inside the bar.
Part 2