Stress...
Stress…. I’ve begun to think about stress a bit. I mean the kinds of things that stress us out and why some folks are better about dealing than others. I have a friend who I will not drive with. Ever. It causes him a great deal of stress. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. We’re not talking about Los Angeles traffic. This isn’t Boston or D.C. or New York; all places where traffic is legendary. It also isn’t Fresno, rural Pennsylvania or Port Washington Wisconsin. I get that we have traffic, but one would think that after living here for a few years and having a job that puts you smack in the middle of traffic every day, twice a day, you would be able to anticipate the stress from the traffic. I have another very close friend who, while they don’t particularly like the traffic, seems to cope just fine. They rarely even comment on it. They plan for it; listening to music, current events, books on CD (which put me to sleep so NOT a good option for me). They are positively Zen about the whole thing. And perhaps that is the key. Anticipation and expectations.
I find that for me, I get stressed around things that I am trying to stay on top of or ahead of. If I haven’t prepared for stuff to go wrong, my stress level soars. Trying to stay wary and sufficiently “plugged in” to make sudden and appropriate decisions is stressful. For instance, getting the kids out of the house on time in the morning is stressful. I am constantly shifting things around in my brain trying to anticipate what can be given up, what can be shifted, what has to be let go of or what can be slid in “time-wise” and still make it out of the house without being late. Then what to do, explain, re-prioritize if there are no matching socks, missing homework or a last minute field trip form that needs to be signed when you only just found out about the form AND the field trip 5 minutes before walking out of the house. And I flat out refuse to get into my financial situation…Or getting #1 into an appropriate school next year…Or making sure the placement for #2 is appropriate for this year…Or what to do if I really get sick…OR… Yeah. Daddy is just a tad bit stressed.
Anticipation and expectations.
So how do you tackle this? I have no concrete answers, but I may have at least the first hints at some clues. First staying as much in the moment as possible makes handling situations that arise at the last minute much easier to deal with. I now realize (in my ripe old age of 46) that I simply cannot control everything. Trust me. I have tried (and often still do). And that also applies to future situations. I currently have my radioiodine treatment coming up. It has been pushed back yet again because my TSH levels are still not high enough. This will be a potentially uncomfortable treatment. I am stressed about it because I cannot predict how I will respond. I don’t know if I’ll be glowing and throwing up which would be awful. I detest puking. I have never glowed before, that I know of so hard to gauge here. I could simply be not very hungry and sleep a lot more. I simply don’t know. Next is perspective. I fully realize that I am not curing cancer (the irony is not lost here) nor am I birthing babies. In my life the way it is structured currently, the stakes in the vast majority of situations I find myself in are really minimal. I tell my kids often that most things are fixable, some things are not, but all things can be handled and managed. Try to be as realistic and pragmatic as possible. Empower yourself not to feel or be helpless. Finally, stress is pretty much like anger, sadness, joy, etc. It is a physical and emotional response to external stimuli. It’s fine to have the emotion. It is how we respond versus react that makes the difference.
Perhaps I need to do a bit more focusing on the now, keeping perspective and just get on with things. Hmmm…Maybe I have answered my own conundrum.
I find that for me, I get stressed around things that I am trying to stay on top of or ahead of. If I haven’t prepared for stuff to go wrong, my stress level soars. Trying to stay wary and sufficiently “plugged in” to make sudden and appropriate decisions is stressful. For instance, getting the kids out of the house on time in the morning is stressful. I am constantly shifting things around in my brain trying to anticipate what can be given up, what can be shifted, what has to be let go of or what can be slid in “time-wise” and still make it out of the house without being late. Then what to do, explain, re-prioritize if there are no matching socks, missing homework or a last minute field trip form that needs to be signed when you only just found out about the form AND the field trip 5 minutes before walking out of the house. And I flat out refuse to get into my financial situation…Or getting #1 into an appropriate school next year…Or making sure the placement for #2 is appropriate for this year…Or what to do if I really get sick…OR… Yeah. Daddy is just a tad bit stressed.
Anticipation and expectations.
So how do you tackle this? I have no concrete answers, but I may have at least the first hints at some clues. First staying as much in the moment as possible makes handling situations that arise at the last minute much easier to deal with. I now realize (in my ripe old age of 46) that I simply cannot control everything. Trust me. I have tried (and often still do). And that also applies to future situations. I currently have my radioiodine treatment coming up. It has been pushed back yet again because my TSH levels are still not high enough. This will be a potentially uncomfortable treatment. I am stressed about it because I cannot predict how I will respond. I don’t know if I’ll be glowing and throwing up which would be awful. I detest puking. I have never glowed before, that I know of so hard to gauge here. I could simply be not very hungry and sleep a lot more. I simply don’t know. Next is perspective. I fully realize that I am not curing cancer (the irony is not lost here) nor am I birthing babies. In my life the way it is structured currently, the stakes in the vast majority of situations I find myself in are really minimal. I tell my kids often that most things are fixable, some things are not, but all things can be handled and managed. Try to be as realistic and pragmatic as possible. Empower yourself not to feel or be helpless. Finally, stress is pretty much like anger, sadness, joy, etc. It is a physical and emotional response to external stimuli. It’s fine to have the emotion. It is how we respond versus react that makes the difference.
Perhaps I need to do a bit more focusing on the now, keeping perspective and just get on with things. Hmmm…Maybe I have answered my own conundrum.