"i used to make the light shine for you..."

[swordofheaven]

it sucked today. i mean it almost always sucks, but today all i could think about was florida, and all my people. i hate kansas, but the only thing worse than being here, is being here and being poor at the same time. but even though you may or may not care, ive already started saving again, and i have about a hundred so far, so im hoping for another visit around halloween, or early december. this is all wishful thinking of course, but im allowed to have that. i was drunk as hell on saturday and sunday, and im about to be tonight, but the more i drink the more my mind wanders to my brothers and sisters. i think i need to stop getting so friggin upset about it. and yesterday, i was about as mad as i have ever been in my life, for reasons that will remain mine. but i was at the register just thinking, and my buddy lance tried to scare me for fun, and i whipped around and slugged him in the face. he went straight to the ground, and i was freaking out because i have no idea what would have propted me to do it. he had a black eye, but he was laughing about it and said no hard feelings, so i guess he understood which is good. but to tell you the truth, i think its mostly my mother and gandmother that are gettin to me the most. dont get me wrong, i love my mother more that anything, but she has a serious problem with squandering money that we, at times, dont even have. two days after i got back from florida, i was at work and my mom calls to tell me that we dont have water in the house because she bought a computer and was apparently so excited that she forgot all about the water bill. its stupid shit like that that just fucking sets me off. and my grandmother, i love her to death, but she is the postergirl for senility. shes really going off her hinges fast, and consumes more medication than food per day. i just want to get the fuck out and scream! i swear i think that one day some fucking army G.I. is gonna try being a smart-ass, and im gonna just snap, and black out, and when i wake up ill be covered in blood while sitting on a pile of bodies, thinking about whether or not i could blame it on someone else.
so in closing,
kill kill kill, death death death, endless slaughter and limitless violence. and thats just what my concience had to say.
later on