Fanfic: Cravings
Title: Cravings
Rating: EM FOR MATURE YA'LL
Pairings: F!Rogue Hawke/Anders, F!Rogue Hawke/Fenris, and then mixing of the three
Warnings: I don't know. There might be some triggers in here for aggressive lovins and some masochistic stuff. But I guess nothing TOO bad.
Words: 4,901
Summary: Everyone has some sort of dark hunger living inside of them that needs to be fed.
Notes: This was for the Seven Deadly Sins challenge, I got Lust (even though there is a bit of anger in there too)
I listened to Trash by KoRn to get inspiration lol
img made by me
Blissful silence surrounded Remini as she wrung the last of the blood out of her long blood red hair. Running her fingers through her thick tresses, she made sure that there was nothing left lingering behind from the fight. When the warm water trickled down her body, she winced softly as the cuts began to burn all over again. The all-to familiar ache of deep bruises enveloped her body in a somewhat comforting way.
It would only be a matter of time before her serene solitude would be interrupted by the mage who occupied her home and sometimes her bed. The last three months had felt like an eternity. If she heard one more word about mage oppression, she was going to explode. Luckily, on one hand, she appreciated the mage. And on the other, she wanted to wrap her fingers around his neck and squeeze until his constant whining ceased.
A delightful image on most nights, but she knew she couldn’t. Somewhere inside her, she cared for Anders. And maybe, just maybe deeper still loved him; even if only in the slightest. Maybe.
Here came the dilemma. She needed him.
Bethany was dead, a fact that she hated Anders for. More than he, or anyone could ever know. Merrill was someone she didn’t really trust as far as she could spit. Anders was the only competent healer she had in her arsenal. And if she pissed him off, she would be royally fucked. So she played into his puerile infatuation with her.
What harm could it do, really? It was a win/win situation if one really looked at it. Remi gained a healer as well as sex and Anders had someone who for all he knew loved him and believed in his cause.
However, Remi was far from stupid, a fact that Anders took advantage of when he went out at all hours of the night. She didn’t ask questions, it would do her no good anyway. It wasn’t like he would tell her the truth even if she did ask.
The whole situation was a clusterfuck of a bomb waiting to explode, she was well aware of that. That didn’t make her want to change the situation anytime soon. If it all went to hell, then so be it. It was all going to crumble eventually, anyway.
Standing up from the tub, she bit down harshly on her lip as her body gave its painful protest that she had a little too much fun beating the shit out of thugs earlier. Throbbing began at the swelling of her lower lip and radiated throughout her body and it caused a shiver to shoot down her spine like lightning.
Pain wasn’t a bad thing, if you knew how to channel it; how to embrace it.
Coppery blood dripped onto her tongue from her lip as Remi pulled on her robe and stepped out of the tub. Orana was waiting outside the door to fetch anything she needed. The girl was useful, and polite. Remi liked her, which was quite the feat all in its own.
“Mistress, I placed the bottle rum on the table by your bed and I locked Bronx out of your room for the night as you asked. Varric said you could pay him back for it later. Was there anything else you needed?” Orana’s voice came from the other side of the door.
Remi snickered softly to herself. Varric faired the best out of all of them, but his chest hair got singed completely off, he was devastated and vowed that nothing Remi offered would be enough to repay him for saving her ass again. She gave him two days, a week max before he forgave her. “No, that’s it. Thank you, Orana. That’ll be all for the night, go get some sleep.”
“Very well, Mistress. Good night.” Remi could hear the girl pad quietly back to her room, and again Remi was alone; for now.
A deep sigh rose and fell her shoulders as she grabbed one of the brushes and headed out of the room and made her way to her bedroom. Bronx’s cries and scratches rang out through the silent house, and Remi felt bad but he would want to sleep in the bed like usual. Remi didn’t know if she could handle that until she felt better. She would make sure Bronx got extra lamb bones in his supper.
All would be forgiven.
Once in her room, Remi immediately went to the bottle of rum and popped the top. It was the good stuff, well… the best that The Hanged Man had in stock anyway. Bringing the bottle to her lips and took a swig that would make Isabella proud.
A type of soothing warmth ran through her as the liquid poured down her throat. Almost immediately, the pain ebbed to a dull throb and she felt like the remainder of the night would be tranquil.
No pun intended.
After brushing out her hair and pulling it back loosely away from her face, she took another swig from the bottle and gingerly slipped under the covers of her bed and tried to find a position that wouldn’t cause her any more pain. The rum was enough to let her drift almost to sleep before she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, however Remi was in the state of mind that she really didn’t care.
“Are you awake?” The soft voice asked as he pulled his robes off, leaning his stave against the chair.
Remi didn’t say anything; she just stirred slightly, rolling onto her side facing away from his side of the bed. A moment later, the blankets were carefully pulled back and Anders slid into bed. He was worried about Remi, she refused his offer to heal her and he wasn’t sure why.
In an effort to not jostle the bed as he moved, Anders pressed himself against Remi’s back, his arm lightly draped across her hip as he settled in for the night. As if on instinct, Remi snuggled her back against his chest and sighed softly. She had almost drifted off to sleep when a familiar stench all but burned through her nose.
It was a smell Remi knew all too well when it came to Anders. It was the smell of magic. Electricity mixed with the scent of burning flesh with a hint of blood. The smell was a unique mix that Remi could point out in a heartbeat.
And it was a smell Remi despised.
That was enough to wipe away any sleep she had thought of getting. Her nose wrinkled and she jerked his arm off of her and sat up rather abruptly, bringing the furs with her. “You were off doing spells again, weren’t you?” The tone of her voice was anything but inquisitive. Then again, Anders knew better than to lie to her, she could smell a lie on him a mile away.
A confounded look passed across Anders’ features as he sat up in the bed as well. “You know I have to treat patients at the clinic.” He didn’t understand where this anger was coming from.
Shaking her head, Remi hardened her pale honey gaze at him. “This isn’t healing magic I smell, Anders. Don’t try and bullshit me.” There was a difference. Healing magic, to her, smelled like the air after a rainstorm. It was a comforting scent…almost. But, it was definitely different than what he smelled like.
No one quite believed Remi when she said she could smell magic. It was just something she couldn’t understand. And it wasn’t something that she wanted to explain at the moment. “What were you doing that kept you out this late? If I remember right, you were going to bring back some bandages and supplies. But, that was hours ago.”
“Well if you would have accepted my healing, you wouldn’t need the bandages and supplies!” Anders’ voice raised just a touch as he hurled accusations at her.
A brow perked at his tone, and she canted her head before looking at him for a long moment before deciding on what to say. Really, she just needed an excuse to unload on him. Just one little spark so she could make him hurt as much as she could possibly muster before getting the fuck out of dodge.
Sure, she was masochistic. It was the way she worked, and there was no real explanation for it. Remi got off on the pure pain she could cause the man who so obsessively loved her. She had a knack for twisting words around to suit her purposes, and Anders just always fell for it. Then again, he was usually the only one she pulled it on.
“You’re really trying to pull that on me, aren’t you? It’s my fault that you are hours late coming home. It’s my fault that you reek of blood magic, of something that you should know better than to be around. It’s my fault that I had been waiting for you to get home. But yet it’s my fault.” Snorting, Remi shook her head and threw back the fur-lined covers and swung her legs out of bed. Her adrenaline was pumping so hard that she didn’t feel any pain at all.
Before she could get out of bed, Anders reached out and grasped her wrist. “Remi, please, let me explain.”
Remi moved so quickly that it was almost a blur to Anders. She had grasped the handle of one of her daggers and stabbed it into the bed snug against his wrist. Her body twisted, and she looked at him from the level of the bed. “Don’t touch me.” She fairly growled before tearing her hand from his grasp.
The look on Anders’ face, the pain she had just inflicted wasn’t even physical, yet it caused a physical reaction throughout Remi’s body. She all but shivered with the pleasure she got from tormenting the mage. He loved her, she knew it. He would do anything she asked him to do, and no matter how she treated him, he would always come back to her. She had him twisted around her finger and she loved every moment of it.
Grabbing her dagger as well as the rest of the bottle of rum, Remi quickly pulled on some clothes and left without another word. It was all she needed; she was running to make the pain go away. All the torment that plagued her mind, she knew how to erase it. Even if it was only temporary and that reality would crash back around her soon enough, she had to rid herself of this feeling.
Or exploit it, either one.
The hate in her heart was so deep that even she was afraid that maybe she’d never cover this one up, or hide it away until she needed her next fix. It was in her nature, and there was no explanation, nor a reason. But, what she did know was that she needed to expel the pent up frustration that was building, and fast.
Hightown wasn’t as dangerous as Lowtown or Darktown, at least not to Remi at the moment as she made the short trek to Fenris’ mansion. At this point, she didn’t care if it was dangerous. The bottle was all but gone, and she tossed it aside before reaching his door.
Glancing behind her, Remi slipped into the mansion and looked around. She could hear something, but couldn’t discern what yet. Shrugging it off, she ventured further inside and up the stairs toward the room that Fenris called his own.
The mansion was a mess; there was rubble and debris all over the place. It looked as if the mansion had been abandoned for years. Then again, Varric, Aveline, and she had been paying off people to make sure Fenris kept his home. So it needed to stay that way.
Stumbling over a broken vase, Remi made more noise than she wanted to and fell to the ground with a growled out noise. The commotion was enough to draw Fenris out of his room, and in his hand was the sword that Remi had bought for him.
“Who’s there?” Fenris called out, looking around.
“Down here.” Remi brushed her hair from her face and sighed. This was embarrassing.
“Remi? What are you doing here, let alone on the ground?” It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see her, because he was. It was more the fact that she was drunk and it was the middle of the night. Stepping over to her, Fenris offered his hand down to her.
“I needed to see you.” Her voice faltered as she reached up and took his hand. Pulling herself up, she stumbled again and fell right into Fenris. Her body pressed flush against his.
Remi’s lips brushed against Fenris’ neck and she inhaled his scent, but it wasn’t his that she smelled. Flinching back, she wrinkled her nose in disgust. What was it with the men in her life smelling like shit that night? “You were just with her, again, weren’t you?” Her voice rose and the incredulous tone rang out. The rum in her system wasn’t helping the filter that kept her from saying things she didn’t mean.
“So? What if I was? Weren’t you with that mage tonight?” There was anger bubbling to the surface as Fenris cut his gaze at Remi.
“Yeah, but I’m not fucking him.”
“Not tonight, you mean.” When Remi went to pull away from him, Fenris reached out and grabbed Remi’s wrist and pulled her back to him so that she was pressed rather intimately against his body. Leaning in, he brushed his nose into the base of her scalp so that her hair brushed over his face. “You smell like him. I think you’re lying to me.”
“And you smell like her. What of it? You stink of rum and cheap whores.” Remi all but spat and tried to pull away. “It was a mistake coming here.” She didn’t need to smell Isabella all over Fenris. Granted, she didn’t really have any leg to stand on when it came to whom he slept with, since she was with Anders. However, that didn’t stop her. And it didn’t stop him either. His claim over her was strong, and she loved it but could never admit it to anyone, she couldn’t even admit it to herself.
“You came here for a reason, Remi. Now tell me what it is.” He breathed against her neck as he reached up and tangled the claws of the greaves into her hair and tugged her head back slightly. On his wrist was the red band that she had given him, and as much as he hated her sometimes, he never took it off. In hopes, maybe someday she would change her mind.
“I did, yeah. But, now I changed my mind.” She pushed at his chest with her hands, but when he pulled her hair, it caused the fluttering to stir low in her stomach and a soft groan parted her lips.
“Stop lying, Remi.”
She could hardly think past the fuzziness that filled her head. She needed him; she wanted him more right now than she had in some time. Usually, he was her outlet to take out the frustrations that Anders caused, and he was that sweet release her pain needed. But, right now… it was something totally different. It was a craving that she had never felt before. Usually, it was her that was rough with him. She was the one doing the claiming, especially when she was jealous. But, tonight the shoe was on the other foot.
Now, it seemed she may get a taste of her own medicine.
“I missed you.” Those three words came softly from her lips. She wasn’t good at admitting things, especially to Fenris. Remi played people; she knew she needed them so she gave them what they wanted in order to stick around. She drew on Fenris’ fear of being a slave, for one. Maybe it was her upbringing. Maybe it was the fact that she had never had a healthy, stable relationship in her life.
Maybe it was just because she was a bit fucked up in the head.
Either way, she had no will of her own at this point. She wanted him to be rough with her. She wanted him to do anything he wanted. She just wanted him.
“Before or after you fucked him?” softly growled out words, rumbled against Remi’s neck as he spoke. He led her into his room by the grip he had on her hair, and his body never left hers, they moved as one until her back pressed against the wall. “Do you think about me when you’re with him? When he’s fucking you?” There were emotions that had built up inside Fenris when it came to Remi. He had feelings for her that he didn’t understand. Being a slave all his life didn’t really afford him much freedom when it came to feeling. He did what he was told to do, which at times were enough to scar most people.
“I didn’t --…” This was something she hadn’t expected nor knew how to react to. All Remi knew was that she didn’t know how much more she could take. Her whole body was reacting, and every time he touched her she felt exhilarated. Licking her lips, she just nodded as she couldn’t find her voice to speak.
“Say it.”
“I-“
“Say it.” The grip he had on her hair tightened slightly and that drew another low sound from her lips. He was watching her face, and the shifting of emotions that flowed across her features. He knew he had her. In that moment, he knew that she was truly his, no matter who she went home to.
“Yes.” A whispered, defeated tone muttered from between her lips. “I think of you when I’m with him. I want it to be you.” Her breath was caught in her throat and tears began to well in her eyes. She felt like she was going to explode.
He was playing with her like she did to him so many times. Playing on his emotions and his feelings for her, and he was enjoying it. “It could have been, you know…” With his free hand, he lowered his arm and ripped the shirt she wore off, leaving Remi in half of her smallclothes. The shirt belonged to Anders, and he was more than happy getting it off of her. The clawed fingers of his gauntlets trailed across the skin of her stomach and left small, angry red welts in their wake. Her whole body shuddered against him. “You liked that, didn’t you?”
Nodding her head, she pulled against his hand enough so that she could raise her own hands and grip Fenris’ face and press her lips fiercely against his own. They were roughly the same height, and that made it easier. Teeth tugged and she showed him just how much she wanted him in that single kiss.
His hand dropped from her hair and lowered with the other to her hips and soon her thighs. Fingertips dug in and the slight sting of blood was drawn as he drew his hands down her thighs enough to grip them and lift her up, using the wall to support her back.
It was almost as if they were feeding off each others’ cravings.
The bite of the pain caused Remi to moan against Fenris’ lips and she grinned. “Fuck me.” Her words were hoarse and breathless, but Fenris shook his head.
“Not until you say it.”
His refusal caused a low growl to rumble in her throat. “I did.”
Fenris shook his head, “Not that. Say what you know you want to…” He shifted his hips between her legs and he knew that she felt just how happy he was to be there. He lowered her to the ground, and lowered himself as well. Removing the gauntlets, he tossed them to the side before he reached for the hem of the skirt she wore. His fingers trailed up the skin of her legs and over the small amount of blood he caused.
Even through his own pain, he wanted to touch her. The markings that were forced upon him caused him pain when touched physically, but he risked it for her. That was how much he loved her.
Standing back up slowly, he looked up at her face. He saw the raw need in her eyes and the way she looked at him. He knew how she felt without her ever needing to say a word, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to admit it even if she wanted to. Even behind the need and the lust, he saw love. He knew she loved him, even if it was in her own way. They were a lot alike. Someone used Fenris in every way possible to humiliate him, and everyone uses Remi to do the dirty work they’re too afraid to soil their hands with. Either way, it has a way of tainting a life.
Reaching for him, she tried to avoid his gaze. She couldn’t find her voice to speak, and that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Saying what she wanted to say would change things, and it scared her. She wasn’t sure that if she admitted how she felt that he wouldn’t be cruel and use it against her. It was something that she didn’t know if she could handle. Removing Fenris’ armor, she could feel him reach up and cup her cheek in his hand. She let her fingertips gently caress along his skin, along the lyrium brands. The different textures of his skin, she just took him in. Remi knew that he was vulnerable this way, and she knew she could hurt him… but, she couldn’t.
She didn’t want to love him, it would ruin everything. She just wanted to feel. She needed to satisfy that hunger that brought her here, that brought her to him every time. The palm of her hand brushed against him, already swollen with the same need she felt. Looking up at him, she saw him shudder with anticipation, but still he held back. He wanted her to say it, to say what she was feeling and to say what they both knew was true.
Remi didn’t belong with Anders. They were two totally different people, and she knew it. Everyone knew it. He couldn’t give her what she needed, nor what she wanted. It was the reason she kept running. Everything was changing, she could feel it. It was something that she couldn’t describe.
Wrapping her fingers around him, she drew her palm along his thick length. Hearing the soft moan from above her, she stood up though never removed her hand. Her strokes were slow, but sure and she leaned into him, her own lips brushing his neck this time. Feeling him in her hand, she sighed contently. His hands gripped her hips and held her close as she breathed against his skin. “I need you, Fenris.” She spoke softly, her words caressing the skin that began to glow ever-so faintly. “I want you.” Light kisses were trailed up the curve of his neck to the line of his jaw, and her hand stayed in the same steady movement.
Remi didn’t know if what she was about to do was the wisest thing to do, but she knew it would come eventually. And she really, truly felt it inside of her. It was more than just the desire, or even the sex. He could give her that rush of pain and pleasure that she craved, but she knew that she couldn’t treat him the way she treated Anders.
The sounds Fenris made low in his throat were a mix of a growl and a lower sound. She was saying what she knew he wanted to hear, but there was something different about it. Even if she didn’t mean it, he didn’t care. She was saying it, and he knew that no matter what he would always have her in some way. She would always be his.
And then she said it.
“I’m yours, Fenris.” The words were out there and Remi paused, her body tensing up in preparation for the backlash.
It was something that he wasn’t expecting, not in the least. He knew she would say anything he wanted her to, except that. A slow smile crept across his features as he reached out and tipped her head up and it was his turn to press his lips to hers.
One hand braced against the wall and the other gripped her thigh and drew her leg around his waist. She moved her hand once she guided him between her legs. Closing her eyes, she groaned against his lips and tightened her leg around him. Back arching against the wall, she let her body press against the front of his.
It was worth it, saying those words. She didn’t feel any different, thus far at least. Her body was happy and that dark hunger inside of her was getting sated. He slid in and out of her in a slow rhythm, letting her feel everything. Her whole body throbbed with the need, and nothing she ever had before felt this good.
Parting from the kiss, Fenris nuzzled his lips to hers. “I’m yours, Remi.”
Cooing softly, she returned the nuzzling gesture and smirked. “I know, Fenris.”
Deep inside them both, they knew nothing would change. They would go about how they always have. It was a game to them both, and sometimes they won and sometimes they lost. But, they always knew that they would have each other. They both had the same dark hunger living in them, which no one could sate but each other. It was a messed up game they played, but it worked.
Remi was so caught up in the moment, and in the feeling of her body melding with his that she didn’t even notice someone coming through the door behind them. Her arms wrapped under Fenris’ so that she could claw at his back as her body snaked against his own.
Anders stood in silence as he just watched the two. He had been searching for her for some time, and he went everywhere he assumed that she would be. Neither Varric nor Isabella had seen her, so this was the last place he thought to look.
And the last place he hoped she would be.
Not knowing whether to be heartbroken or furious, Anders knew that for some reason he couldn’t turn away. The thoughts he was having were eating away at him. He couldn’t give her the kind of pleasure that was obvious she was getting with someone else. Every sound she made fueled that deep anger more and more.
Small mewling whimpers parted her lips as she finally looked up and over Fenris’ shoulder and saw Anders standing there with clenched fists. Gasping, she was at a loss for words for a moment. But, she didn’t tell Fenris to stop. She saw the look on Anders’ face and it caused a dark grin to curl across her lips. “What are you doing here?” her voice was thick as she grinned lasciviously at him. “I actually expected you here sooner, to be honest.”
“Don’t you know how to knock?” Fenris managed to growl out as he gave an intentional thrust to make Remi cry out.
“I was looking for you after you stormed out for no reason. But, I see you were in no danger of being hurt. Me, on the other hand…I guess I knew that something was going on, but I don’t thin-“
Remi cut him off when she reached out her hand and curled a finger to beckon him closer. Fenris gave her a look that screamed ‘what the fuck are you doing?’, but she turned her head and nipped his ear, “Trust me.” She whispered.
Hesitating for a moment and not knowing whether to do as she asked or explode in anger, Anders moved closer to the pair. The heat that filled the room had nothing to do with Anders, but he could feel it and it stirred something inside of him. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was that same need that rose in Remi at times. But, whatever it was, he wanted to feel it. He wanted to see what drove Remi away from him and into the arms of a sadist, at least in his eyes.
When Anders was close enough, Remi reached out and grabbed his robes with one of her hands and pulled him to her. Her lips found his and she fed that heat into him, fed him her desire, her wanting. The kiss was all teeth and probing, and she knew that this would be a bad idea in the end, but she didn’t care.
It was a win/win situation for her, once again and at this point she didn’t care about what would happen after, she was too into what was happening now, and she knew neither of her men would stop until one upped the other.
And that suited Remi just fine.