Before the Fall
Title: (Pride Goeth) Before the Fall
Rating: M (language)
Warnings: Angst, violence
Word Count: 1086
Characters: Fenris, M!Hawke, Anders, Isabela
Summary: For the swooping_is_bad Seven Deadly Sins Challenge, I took Pride.
Pride was a sin before the Maker and Pride goeth before the fall Sebastian often said. Fenris sighed as he gazed into his glass of wine. He knew what he wanted from Hawke but his stupid pride prevented him from just asking the rogue to talk about what had happened between them a year before.
He let his gaze land upon Garrett Hawke, and he looked away when the rogue's eyes met his, Sebastian's words echoing in his head. He left, mumbling his apologies and missing the wounded look in Hawke's eyes as he retreated from the Hanged Man, no longer able to stand anyone's company that evening.
Pride… it's what stilled his tongue and hand every time he was alone with Hawke and there was a perfect opportunity to just let his heart's desire be known. He watched, full of wrath, envy and lust for the rogue who had captured his heart. He wasted moments that could have filled the void in his soul and let Garrett know that he wanted what was on offer, even if he was unsure what to do once he had the rogue's attentions focused on him.
Time passed with no attempt at reconciliation from the elf, leading Fenris to watch with a burning fury as Garrett and the abomination closed the gap between them, past issues worked out while he stood in the shadows, coveting what he could have easily had if not for his own stubbornness and inability to trust.
Pride kept his tongue still when they stood around the corpse of the girl the abomination had killed when he could not control the demon he held within him. He wanted to point out that the abomination was more of a wild beast than he'd been accused of being, the proof of it spilling out into the dirt at their feet. Instead, he let his thoughts run circles in his head when Hawke left to calm the mage without a care for what had happened in the caves.
He watched, jaw tight, fingers curled into claws as Hawke coddled the abomination and told him he wasn't a monster. Lied to him to make him feel better about the murder he'd just committed under the guise of Justice . Rage kept him from tearing into the idiot mage and Garrett as they huddle close to each other, giving comfort that he couldn't fathom.
He was unsure whether it was Pride or fear or love, horrible unrequited love that made him carry Hawke to the abominations clinic after his duel with the Arishok. Fear of losing Hawke's presence in his life after that ill fated duel that he kicked off with a few words spoken in Qunari. Words that Hawke didn't understand but felt honor bound to uphold.
Pride kept his tongue still while the abomination put all he had into healing Hawke, keeping him alive. Hatred for the abomination fueled his rage when he slammed him into the wall demanding to know why he wasn't at Hawke's side when he faced the Qunari leader. His weak reply of Hawke wanting him out of harm's way just fueled the burning hatred for Anders. He didn’t even have the will to stand with a man he professed to love.
He let go only when he felt Isabela's hand on his shoulder, and the look in her eyes telling him that now wasn't the time or place to unleash his fury. Instead he left with the pirate to her rooms in the Hanged Man and spent time falling into a bottle of good Antivan brandy and then into bed with the Rivaini. His wounded pride was silenced by healing his wounds in the way she knew how.
His pride seemed to have taken a walk when he woke up to find Isabela slumbering easily, an arm around him just as they'd fallen asleep hours before. He watched her for a while before he slipped from her embrace and cleaned up. He returned to the room to find her up and watching him pace like a caged animal. She merely patted the bed and offered him a space to sit and be quiet. He stripped once more, and curled on his side, closing his eyes and just being still.
"What's on your mind Fenris?"
"Whether I should stay or go. Hawke has made his choice for ill or good. My inaction has led to this and I cannot contain my rage at what I allowed to happen because of my pride."
"What's holding you here?"
"Other than the desire to kill my former Master…. Nothing."
"Then do as you will, you are a free man now."
"As long as Danarius draws breath I am not free."
"Then find him, make him come to you Fenris."
"It is not… that simple Isabela."
She hummed under breath and let a hand drift to his head, gently running her hands through his hair. She noticed the way he tensed at first then relaxed under her hand. He looked up at her, noticing that she was watching him rather intently.
"Would it be alright if I went with you when when you do leave Isabela?"
"Of course, I don't know how long I'll stay though. I'm sure I've worn out my welcome here after the battle with the Arishok."
"It doesn’t matter to me, when you leave I will follow…there is nothing for me here, not anymore."
"You should say goodbye to Hawke at least. Hear me out before you get all glowy on me… that man holds your heart as surely as you held that bitch Hadriana's in your hand. If nothing else, he should know you are leaving, not why. He still cares for you but like you is held by his pride and thus has settled for Anders. Hating him won't change that fact. Your fall has come and pride certainly preceded it for both of you."
Fenris said nothing about her observation for he knew it was true and that cut him to the core. Damn her for being too sharp by half, especially now.
"Don't pout Fenris, it's not attractive on you."
"Hush woman, I can do what I like and I'm not pouting."
"As you wish serah, let's get up and get some breakfast."
Isabela slipped out of bed and got dressed while Fenris did the same. He caught her wrist as they were almost to the door and pulled her into his arms.
"Thank you for last night Isabela. Was that a one-off or may I find my way to your bed again?"
"You always have a place in my bed Fenris, you always have. I'll be here for a while, I need to get my hands on a ship and to square things with Hawke before I leave he didn't have to fight for my life."
Fenris let her go and opened the door for her. They went down to have what passed for food in the Hanged Man before parting ways. Fenris was pacing about his mansion, unhappy with everything except this tentative thing he'd started with Isabela. He looked up when he heard a harsh knocking on his door.
He went downstairs and called out…
"Who is it?"
"Hawke, can I come in?"
Fenris opened the door and let the rogue in. He looked at the man who seemed well despite nearly being skewered on the end of the Arishok's sword a couple days before.
"Yes Hawke?"
"I just wanted to check on you, no one would tell me where you where when I woke up."
"I needed… to get away. You have been healed and you are now Champion, with the city in your debt. You have no need of me."
"Fenris! How can you say that?! I've always needed you."
"You've needed my sword,not me. You have the abomination now. What do you want Hawke I'm tired and not in the mood for anyone's company."
Hawke bristled at Fenris' words and his tone or lack thereof. "I just wanted to thank you for being there Fenris, but I see I'm not wanted here any longer. I'll see you around."
With that Hawke left Fenris' mansion and returned home, not looking back lest his own pride undo him and send him running back to the elf that clearly wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
Fenris shut the door and let his sword drop to the floor, the harsh clanging noise a perfect companion for the discord in his mind and in his aching heart. He still wanted Hawke, all else be damned but his pride, his stupid, stupid pride kept him rooted to the spot when he wanted to run to the man and confess his need for him. Three years had passed and he still could not open his heart or speak his mind. He sat there for some time before he cursed himself, his own demons and most of all… the descent he was riding to the abyss... all because of his stupid pride.
Rating: M (language)
Warnings: Angst, violence
Word Count: 1086
Characters: Fenris, M!Hawke, Anders, Isabela
Summary: For the swooping_is_bad Seven Deadly Sins Challenge, I took Pride.
Pride was a sin before the Maker and Pride goeth before the fall Sebastian often said. Fenris sighed as he gazed into his glass of wine. He knew what he wanted from Hawke but his stupid pride prevented him from just asking the rogue to talk about what had happened between them a year before.
He let his gaze land upon Garrett Hawke, and he looked away when the rogue's eyes met his, Sebastian's words echoing in his head. He left, mumbling his apologies and missing the wounded look in Hawke's eyes as he retreated from the Hanged Man, no longer able to stand anyone's company that evening.
Pride… it's what stilled his tongue and hand every time he was alone with Hawke and there was a perfect opportunity to just let his heart's desire be known. He watched, full of wrath, envy and lust for the rogue who had captured his heart. He wasted moments that could have filled the void in his soul and let Garrett know that he wanted what was on offer, even if he was unsure what to do once he had the rogue's attentions focused on him.
Time passed with no attempt at reconciliation from the elf, leading Fenris to watch with a burning fury as Garrett and the abomination closed the gap between them, past issues worked out while he stood in the shadows, coveting what he could have easily had if not for his own stubbornness and inability to trust.
Pride kept his tongue still when they stood around the corpse of the girl the abomination had killed when he could not control the demon he held within him. He wanted to point out that the abomination was more of a wild beast than he'd been accused of being, the proof of it spilling out into the dirt at their feet. Instead, he let his thoughts run circles in his head when Hawke left to calm the mage without a care for what had happened in the caves.
He watched, jaw tight, fingers curled into claws as Hawke coddled the abomination and told him he wasn't a monster. Lied to him to make him feel better about the murder he'd just committed under the guise of Justice . Rage kept him from tearing into the idiot mage and Garrett as they huddle close to each other, giving comfort that he couldn't fathom.
He was unsure whether it was Pride or fear or love, horrible unrequited love that made him carry Hawke to the abominations clinic after his duel with the Arishok. Fear of losing Hawke's presence in his life after that ill fated duel that he kicked off with a few words spoken in Qunari. Words that Hawke didn't understand but felt honor bound to uphold.
Pride kept his tongue still while the abomination put all he had into healing Hawke, keeping him alive. Hatred for the abomination fueled his rage when he slammed him into the wall demanding to know why he wasn't at Hawke's side when he faced the Qunari leader. His weak reply of Hawke wanting him out of harm's way just fueled the burning hatred for Anders. He didn’t even have the will to stand with a man he professed to love.
He let go only when he felt Isabela's hand on his shoulder, and the look in her eyes telling him that now wasn't the time or place to unleash his fury. Instead he left with the pirate to her rooms in the Hanged Man and spent time falling into a bottle of good Antivan brandy and then into bed with the Rivaini. His wounded pride was silenced by healing his wounds in the way she knew how.
His pride seemed to have taken a walk when he woke up to find Isabela slumbering easily, an arm around him just as they'd fallen asleep hours before. He watched her for a while before he slipped from her embrace and cleaned up. He returned to the room to find her up and watching him pace like a caged animal. She merely patted the bed and offered him a space to sit and be quiet. He stripped once more, and curled on his side, closing his eyes and just being still.
"What's on your mind Fenris?"
"Whether I should stay or go. Hawke has made his choice for ill or good. My inaction has led to this and I cannot contain my rage at what I allowed to happen because of my pride."
"What's holding you here?"
"Other than the desire to kill my former Master…. Nothing."
"Then do as you will, you are a free man now."
"As long as Danarius draws breath I am not free."
"Then find him, make him come to you Fenris."
"It is not… that simple Isabela."
She hummed under breath and let a hand drift to his head, gently running her hands through his hair. She noticed the way he tensed at first then relaxed under her hand. He looked up at her, noticing that she was watching him rather intently.
"Would it be alright if I went with you when when you do leave Isabela?"
"Of course, I don't know how long I'll stay though. I'm sure I've worn out my welcome here after the battle with the Arishok."
"It doesn’t matter to me, when you leave I will follow…there is nothing for me here, not anymore."
"You should say goodbye to Hawke at least. Hear me out before you get all glowy on me… that man holds your heart as surely as you held that bitch Hadriana's in your hand. If nothing else, he should know you are leaving, not why. He still cares for you but like you is held by his pride and thus has settled for Anders. Hating him won't change that fact. Your fall has come and pride certainly preceded it for both of you."
Fenris said nothing about her observation for he knew it was true and that cut him to the core. Damn her for being too sharp by half, especially now.
"Don't pout Fenris, it's not attractive on you."
"Hush woman, I can do what I like and I'm not pouting."
"As you wish serah, let's get up and get some breakfast."
Isabela slipped out of bed and got dressed while Fenris did the same. He caught her wrist as they were almost to the door and pulled her into his arms.
"Thank you for last night Isabela. Was that a one-off or may I find my way to your bed again?"
"You always have a place in my bed Fenris, you always have. I'll be here for a while, I need to get my hands on a ship and to square things with Hawke before I leave he didn't have to fight for my life."
Fenris let her go and opened the door for her. They went down to have what passed for food in the Hanged Man before parting ways. Fenris was pacing about his mansion, unhappy with everything except this tentative thing he'd started with Isabela. He looked up when he heard a harsh knocking on his door.
He went downstairs and called out…
"Who is it?"
"Hawke, can I come in?"
Fenris opened the door and let the rogue in. He looked at the man who seemed well despite nearly being skewered on the end of the Arishok's sword a couple days before.
"Yes Hawke?"
"I just wanted to check on you, no one would tell me where you where when I woke up."
"I needed… to get away. You have been healed and you are now Champion, with the city in your debt. You have no need of me."
"Fenris! How can you say that?! I've always needed you."
"You've needed my sword,not me. You have the abomination now. What do you want Hawke I'm tired and not in the mood for anyone's company."
Hawke bristled at Fenris' words and his tone or lack thereof. "I just wanted to thank you for being there Fenris, but I see I'm not wanted here any longer. I'll see you around."
With that Hawke left Fenris' mansion and returned home, not looking back lest his own pride undo him and send him running back to the elf that clearly wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
Fenris shut the door and let his sword drop to the floor, the harsh clanging noise a perfect companion for the discord in his mind and in his aching heart. He still wanted Hawke, all else be damned but his pride, his stupid, stupid pride kept him rooted to the spot when he wanted to run to the man and confess his need for him. Three years had passed and he still could not open his heart or speak his mind. He sat there for some time before he cursed himself, his own demons and most of all… the descent he was riding to the abyss... all because of his stupid pride.