[fic] War is Never Cheap Here (11/12)
Title: War is Never Cheap Here (11/12)
Authors: cherith & serindrana
Game: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: Bann Teagan/Ser Cauthrien
Series Rating: NC-17/AO
Chapter Rating: T
Series Wordcount (to date): 90,357
Chapter Wordcount: 8,146
Warnings: Dark. Violence and abduction.
Summary: The butcher's boy returns with the whole story. Cauthrien and Teagan ride south in search of Edlyn, hoping only that they can make it in time. (Ao3) (FF)
Notes: War is Never Cheap Here will be updating weekly, on Fridays. Projected length looking like twelve chapters.
Only one more chapter! This and the next, however, are pretty dark and heavy. Tread lightly.
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Chapter Eleven
Cauthrien sat in one of the practice yards, sweat slicked and pleasantly exhausted. One of Teagan's household guard sat on the bench beside her. The guard had uniformly accepted or decided not to care about her relationship with their bann, and she had taken to regularly sparring with them, working with them- laughing with them. She had missed that, she realized, that physical and jovial connection to others who wore armor, who slept in barracks, who lived on field rations.
Hilde, the woman beside her, who had blonde hair cropped close to her head and a scar that ran the length of her left arm, had once stood against her men when Cauthrien had ordered the first waves of attack against Rainesfere. And yet now they spoke like old friends, shared stories of barracks life, discussed the state of recovery in the bannorn.
It was almost surreal.
But she knew the acceptance of the guard was not shared by all of the servants, and especially not by the people of Rainesfere beyond the keep walls. She had heard whispers of how, now that word had trickled out to the fields, the farmers and shopkeeps had considered curtailing their supply of food and goods to the keep to make a statement. It made her uneasy, that Teagan's support could be taken away, and because of her. But there was only a week left - and then she would be gone.
The thought filled her with dread, but she countered it every time with the remembrance that it was necessary.
She was pulling her arming jacket back on when a servant came into the yard, motioning for her. His name was Corell- a middle-aged elven man with greying hair who Teagan seemed to trust. His presence could only mean that Teagan wanted her, and she bid goodbye to her companion and crossed the field to him.
"Yes?"
"My lord would like to see you in the audience hall," Corell said, and though his jaw was tense and his lips pursed, she could get no more from him. Her heart lodged in her throat on the walk, and she could only hope that the search party had found something. She could only look sideways at him, frowning and worrying and uncertain as he led her back into the keep halls. She kept busy instead twitching her jacket into place, retying her hair.
When Cauthrien arrived, Teagan was pacing. Raud stood close by and frowned at her as she entered. She cleared her throat and Teagan looked up, pausing and then crossing the room, a hand outstretched.
She took it. "What's happened? Corell only said you wanted to see me." She glanced around the room, to Raud, to the otherwise empty meeting hall. "Is it something to do with Edlyn?" Her stomach twisted, and didn't ease at his distant expression.
"Gerald sent word, Owen has returned home."
Owen. Cauthrien took a deep breath. Teagan took her hand, uncaring of the audience, like there had never been a reason to hesitate. "He has news of Edlyn," he continued, "and Gerald is bringing both Owen and Oswin here. I don’t know much more than that, though they will be here soon enough." With a small smile he added, "I knew you would want to be here."
"Owen has- But not with Edlyn?" Her heart sank. It had been too long for Owen to have just returned from picking up the salt - salt which had, according to the runners, never been claimed. But for him to return without Edlyn, left Cauthrien unable to return Teagan's smile.
The silence, at least, wasn't long; there came a soft knock at the hall doors, and then they were pushed open by the guard, admitting Gerald, Oswin, and Owen. Edlyn was not with them - and the boy looked terrified.
Cauthrien pulled her hand away from Teagan and moved to stand behind him, hands clasped tight behind her back.
Teagan let his hands fall back to his sides as he turned to the men. His eyes went to Owen and hers followed. The boy was clearly frightened; Oswin beside him seemed angry and looked pointedly at Teagan, ignoring her, while Gerald appeared only uneasy and looked to Teagan with worry in his eyes.
"Mayor, what news?" Teagan asked.
Gerald stepped forward and glanced warily between Owen and Oswin. When he looked back to Teagan, there was a noticeable slump in Gerald’s shoulders, a nervous bob in his throat before he spoke.
"Owen here was with Edlyn," he paused to clear his throat. "They left town together," - a glance to Oswin who merely nodded - "and it seems a group of men took Edlyn from him, a few days ago."
A group of men? Her expression darkened. A group of men, taking a young girl - and it was not the search party.
Whatever last hope she had clung to fell away.
"Where?" she asked without pause, unused to holding her tongue during Teagan's meetings after just a few weeks by his side. "Were you near any major roads when it happened? What direction were the two of you moving?" She fixed her gaze on Owen, crossing her arms over her chest.
Owen nearly jumped, looking to his father. Teagan took a step forward on reflex, a calming hand outstretched. When Owen didn’t respond right away, Teagan repeated her questions. "Owen, we need to know where you were. And which way they were headed."
The boy looked up at Teagan, eyes wide with fear. There was worry there, too: for himself, but also for Edlyn. Owen blinked, swallowed and looked between Teagan and Cauthrien a few times.
"We- we went south," he said, his voice small.
She took a deep breath.
South.
That had been the one direction they hadn't sent search parties. The land was blighted, the path nearly impossible. But if they had thought, if they had only considered-
"There was a road, but we didn’t stay on it and these men- they came out of nowhere one night and they wanted to talk to Edlyn." His words were harried, as if he needed to get them all out quickly in order to not have to think about what he was saying. "We tried to run but they had horses, and they pulled her away from me. I tried to chase them-" Owen stopped, mouth open, mid-thought, as Oswin put a hand on his boy’s shoulder.
After a moment, Owen closed his mouth and looked down at his feet. He mumbled, "I couldn’t keep up with them..."
"How many days out were you when it happened? How far south had you gone?" Cauthrien asked, trying to soften her voice, but her nerves were keyed up and work left little room for the softer version of her.
Owen tried to take a deep breath and then looked at Cauthrien. "I followed them for a day and then I came home." He stopped and looked down to his hand, fingers twitching as though he was counting in his head. "I think it’s been... six days?"
Nearly a week. Beside her, Teagan let out a slow breath and turned to look at her. Will we find her after a week? The question was as clear on his face as though he had spoken it aloud.
"What direction did they go?" she pressed, taking a step forward, her frown firm and unmoving. A week was too long. A week could take them halfway to Denerim on horseback, if they wanted, or up to Gherlen's Pass, or down into the uncharted Wilds. And if they did find Edlyn, a week spent with men who would snatch her from horseback- her heart sank.
Oswin cleared his throat but said nothing, keeping his eyes fixed on Cauthrien. She ignored him. She didn't need his questions or censure, only his son's answers. And his son was worrying at his lower lip, fingers curling around the hem of his tunic. She waited.
"East. I think. They were moving a lot faster than me." Owen looked down at his boots and toed at the ground. "Could’ve been a little more south."
"Owen... these men, how did they look?" Teagan asked, and Cauthrien grimaced. Wild? Ferelden?
"I think they could’ve been Fereldan..." Owen mumbled.
She swore under her breath. From a possibly deluded Orlesian to Fereldan bandits - this was all wrong.
After a careful breath, she addressed Owen again. He was ashen-faced and tense from head to toe, but it was the last question she had to ask. She pushed forward. "Can you give us any description of where you were, at any point?" Cauthrien glanced to Teagan. "I'll take some men and ride out to see if we can find her, but I need to know where to start."
"We found a river and followed that east," Owen said. "There was a lake, that’s where we were when they found us." He looked up at Cauthrien, eyes shining with tears. "They were following the road."
It would be difficult to catch up, but if she went with a small contingent of guards, on horseback, they might have a chance of finding them.
Teagan looked to her. "Might not be too far south of Redcliffe..." With his voice pitched lower he added, "though they have quite the headstart."
She returned, equally quiet, "I'm aware. But if they were working near the water, they'll likely stay close to it, especially this time of year. I'll do what I can."
Cauthrien thought of all the guards she had come to know in the last few weeks, already building a small team. She needed men and women she could trust and who could keep up. Turning to Teagan, she bowed towards him briefly. "With your leave, Bann Teagan, I'll head out by sunset."
"You have it."
The boy was staring at Cauthrien worried, but hopeful. His hands had stilled on the hem of his tunic, and there was a flicker of something in his eye that hadn't been there before.
"Owen, is there anything else you can tell us?" Teagan asked before Cauthrien could.
Gerald and Oswin shared a glance over the boy’s head and Teagan arched a brow in question. Gerald finally said, "Owen explained about the scene we found. Edlyn wrote the letter and Owen killed that wether by the house."
Cauthrien nodded, slowly.
They'd been right - but it hadn't stopped this.
Without another word, Cauthrien left the hall. Teagan's decision of what, if anything, to do with Owen was his own, and for once Cauthrien had no opinion on the matter. Instead, she went back to her room, where she still kept her equipment and pack, and after seeing that everything was assembled, she took it all down to the yard to begin the task of pulling together her team.
--
Had it not been for the three men so near by, he would have watched her leave. He didn’t. Instead, he watched as Owen’s shoulders slumped with the admittance of what he and Edlyn had done. The boy stared at his boots and wrung his hands. Oswin still had his hand on his son’s shoulder and he did watch Cauthrien leave- his brows furrowed and his mouth turned down. Teagan couldn’t tell if he frowned at her in anger or disappointment or if there was something else there.
But he didn't have time for that.
He shook his head slightly and said, "I think for now it would be best if Owen stayed at home, while Ser Cauthrien conducts her search for Edlyn and these men." He frowned and tugged at the sleeve of his shirt. "After we find her, we’ll talk again."
Oswin seemed to relax at that, looking to Teagan with a bit of relief, clapping his boy’s shoulder lightly. Teagan merely nodded. There was nothing to be done now, while Edlyn’s fate was still unknown. And he was sure that Owen owed his dad and Edlyn’s parents a great deal more explanation and recompense for his actions than Teagan could take with words.
"Men, you’re welcome to take your midday meal here, before heading home," Teagan said with a look at the three of them. He gestured a hand toward the door that led towards the dining hall and gave a nod over his shoulder at Raud to make sure they would be seen after.
Oswin shook his head, "Thank you my lord." Teagan watched his eyes flick to the door Cauthrien had left through before adding, "I think Owen and I will be heading back. Work to do."
Teagan nodded. He didn’t want to join them for a meal, not now when Cauthrien would be packing up to leave for several days- their last days together.
"Raud can see you out, then." He turned to Gerald who also seemed ready to take his leave. "Mayor, if I could have a moment?"
Oswin turned, leading his son by the shoulder and Teagan caught a glimpse of Raud moving to see them out through the hall. Gerald nodded and took the few steps between them. The man grimaced as he approached and gave a glance towards the doors to the hall as they opened and then swung closed once more.
Teagan, keeping his head down and his voice low said, "Is there anything else? Anything about Owen that I need to know?"
"No. Not that I’m aware."
With a breath, Teagan nodded. "I would like you to make sure that someone is watching Owen. I believe him, but until Edlyn is found it would be for the best."
"Yes, my lord." Gerald frowned at the request, but hid it quickly. "Will that be all?"
"Yes. Thank you, Gerald."
Once Gerald turned to leave, Teagan retreated from the hall with a mind to find Cauthrien as she prepared to leave.
He took to the stairs first, to look in her room and his. She was in neither, and he immediately made for the practice yard. He had to catch up with her before she rode out of the keep. If he didn’t go with her, it would be days before he would see her again. He did not want to spend those days without her, not when there were few left.
She stood with three of his guard, laying out gear and provisions to pack into saddle bags and easily carried bundles. There was Hilde, a blonde woman whom Teagan had seen Cauthrien speaking to before; Jaron, one of Teagan's few knights; and Brynden, younger than the other two but with a good eye and quiet feet.
And there was Cauthrien.
She was quiet, focused on cinching her bags closed, and she didn't notice him as he approached.
"Cauthrien."
She didn't look up at first, pulling another strap tight before she straightened. "Bann Teagan," she said, but it was with a faint smile and obvious warmth - her balance between propriety and her feelings. "Have Oswin and his son- gone? Or do you have more information?"
"They’ve gone. Gerald will be keeping an eye on Owen until Edlyn can be found."
He pursed his lips as he looked at her, wondering how best to word it. Turning so that his back was to the three guards waiting for her orders, he gave her a more open smile. Better to say it and have it done.
"I would like to come with you."
She didn't respond at first, looking more confused than anything else. "If we find them," she said, finally, "it will be dangerous. And it will be a hard ride."
"I am aware." He crossed his arms over his chest, smile fading a little. He was capable enough to accompany the group, though her comments echoed some of his own concerns about leaving with them. He had others, too, about leaving Rainesfere for several days and the uncertainty about the supposed Fereldan men that had taken Edlyn.
"Still, there are few days left for us," he continued, his voice still barely more than a whisper. It wasn’t the only reason he wanted to go, but he wanted her to know it was on his mind.
She raised her hand as if to run a hand through her hair, a new habit since she had begun wearing it loose most of the time. It was pulled back now, however, and she simply ran her hand over the top of her head.
"I know," she said, finally. "I know. But this is work, this isn't... but you know that." She shook her head. "... Just be sure you're ready for this."
"I do. I am." He nodded.
The guards, the hard ride, looking for Edlyn, these things would not grant them much - if any - actual time together, not as they’d come to spend it. But it would be with her, instead of at home worried about her or about what she and the guards would find.
"I’ll just need to make arrangements."
She smiled, and for a moment it was just pleased, hopeful, and relieved. But then it tightened with the worry that always seemed to catch up to her. He knew the creasing of her brow, the shuttering of her gaze. "Of course," she said. "Will you be ready before dusk?"
"I will be. Before, in fact if I send someone to get my horse ready while I manage things with Raud." He could almost see Raud’s frown forming already and he shook his head, hands dropping back to his sides.
He took a step away, turning as if to head back to the keep. After a hesitant breath he looked back at her.
"I’ll go get started now. Will we meet at the stables once everything is in order?"
"Yes." She offered him a small smile in return, before reaching down to grab up the saddle bags and her bundled armor. "And Maker willing, we'll find her before week's end."
With a small smile he echoed, "Maker willing."
Before going to find Raud, he stopped a young man who was cleaning armor, no doubt for one of the knights. He gave the boy a message to take to the stables to have his horse ready to ride and that he would be leaving before dusk. Once the boy was off, he could delay the meeting no longer.
Of course, he found Raud in his office, waiting with what looked like more work. Always more work. Teagan tried to smile as he walked towards the older man. And yet, before he even opened his mouth, Raud was arching an eyebrow and giving him a look of disdain. Teagan sighed.
"Whatever you have that requires my immediate attention we should get to now, Raud. I’ll be heading out with Ser Cauthrien on the search for Edlyn before the day is out."
Raud's expression darkened. "My lord, I shouldn't have to tell you what a poor decision that is."
Teagan gave Raud a stern look. He had hoped to avoid another discussion about Cauthrien. There were only so many days left with her, and Teagan planned to enjoy them, with or without Raud’s approval. Enjoying them meant being with her, and that couldn’t happen if she was riding away from Rainesfere.
"No, Raud, you do not," he replied coldly. "In fact, I’d rather you not say anything."
Raud shook his head. "Then I will have to disappoint you, my lord. I have kept my silence as best I've been able given the circumstances, but if you leave this keep, with her, the rumors that Gerald has informed me have been circulating through town will be proven. There is no love for her there. The guard may respond well to her martial nature, but the farmers remember what she is, even if you do not.
"And if I may, your guard will do better without you accompanying them because your paramour rides with them."
Teagan sighed and stepped around to sit at his desk, avoiding Raud’s glare for a moment. "I have not forgotten who she is, or what she did to the land or the people of the bannorn, Raud." Once he was seated he looked back up at the older man. "Maybe their job would be easier without me. But if I had to stay here and wait for her, while the rest of this month dwindles away..." He swallowed and shook his head. "I don’t want that."
"Pardon me, my lord, but you're acting like a child." Raud's anger seemed to break, however, and he shook his head. "You could order her to remain here. Her job does not involve settling matters in this bannorn. But instead you would abandon your duties to chase after a single missing girl, in order to follow the dictates of your loins?" He sighed. "You know better than this. You've had lovers before. Do not let her distract you from your duties here, in this household, anymore than you already have."
Teagan shook his head. "I could, but her skills are useful there, looking for Edlyn. Our guards have been gone for weeks, and while she picked decent people to accompany her- our best have not yet returned."
He leaned against his desk, anger taking hold of him even as he fought not to show it. He refused to show it to Raud, who knew him well- but not well enough. Not enough to understand why this, why Cauthrien, was different. He folded his arms together on the desk, gripping at his wrists.
"And it is not... she is not the same. If this were any woman, do you honestly believe I would behave the same? If so, I do not think you know me as well as you think you do, Raud.
"As for your concerns about the people of this bannorn, let us talk about how the people feel about her. If I let her and three young and perhaps less experienced guards go in search of Edlyn on their own, if they return and the girl is dead, or our guards don’t return at all - after all, we don’t know what type of men have taken her - what do you think the people of Rainesfere are going to feel for her, for the guards, for Owen, then? And will they trust the report she brings back?"
Teagan swallowed, his mouth was dry from frustration, from holding back everything he would’ve liked to say. He took a breath and then gave Raud a hard look, a challenging one.
"... Perhaps you are right, about public opinion," Raud conceded, shaking his head again and running a hand through his hair. "But for a month's distraction, she is going to cause you far too much damage. I should have spoken up earlier - when you decided to stop hiding your relationship. It would have lessened the impact, at least."
Teagan calmed a little at Raud’s admission. "Perhaps she will, but as I reminded you weeks ago, it’s only a month."
He nearly smiled at the thought of how pleased he had been after that discussion, when it seemed he wouldn’t have to listen to Raud’s concerns again. Then, he hadn’t been as sure as he was now, how worth it she was- even if it was only a month. Now, he'd fight forever if that was what it took.
Quietly, he added, "I don’t know that anyone else would have me taking this risk willingly."
It was a great admission, more than he had said to anybody, let alone Raud. Perhaps the impact of his relationship with Cauthrien on Rainesfere would be greater than he suspected- would be as Cauthrien herself feared. But it was a risk he was taking.
"As long as it is only a month, my lord." Raud regarded him skeptically for a moment more, then exhaled a deep breath and stepped forward to point out the matters that needed to be addressed as soon as possible.
Teagan did his best to listen after that, though it took a while for him to calm down completely and to stop feeling as though he had to defend every one of his statements. But it was only Raud, and eventually the rest of the work passed quickly enough. When he was done, he thanked his seneschal for seeing to the rest of the items and took his leave of the office.
Quickly as he could, he put together the things he would need to take with him on the road, remembering that he needed to also bundle his armor and weapons- things he had found he thought about less often during Cauthrien’s stay with him. It didn’t take him long and finally, he could make his way to meet with Cauthrien at the stables.
The horses were already saddled, armor, provisions, and weapons already strapped down. When Cauthrien saw Teagan approaching, she turned momentarily to tell the others to mount up and move out of the keep. That done, she left Calenhad's side for a moment to go help him with his horse.
"You're still sure about this?" she asked.
"More sure now than I was before," he said with a smile. "Otherwise, I’d have to face Raud again, and he’d say ‘I told you so’ and I just can’t have that." He laughed, but there was an edge to it, frustration and annoyance in his words. Carefully, he started securing his things in place for the trip. "If this is the way we have to spend out the month, then so be it. Rainesfere will make it without me for a few days, Raud will see to that."
"Raud objected then, I take it?"
"And then some," he admitted with a shrug.
She worked side by side with him, her shoulder bumping his on occasion. "I'll admit, I've been waiting for him to say something, with what some of the guard have told me." She cinched another strap and then stroked the horse's flank, looking at Teagan. "It wasn't too bad, I hope?"
Reaching over, he covered her hand with his. "He relented eventually."
He didn’t want to explain the extent of it to her, that it was less about his time away and more about who the time would be with. Raud didn’t understand, or agree, and Teagan didn’t think she needed to know much more than that. She had been worried enough about what people thought of the two of them.
"I think we’ll all be happy enough once we’ve returned, and Maker willing, it’ll be with Edlyn."
"I hope you're right," she said, without the distrustful edge that may have accompanied such words just a week before. With his horse saddled and packed, she reluctantly stepped back. "We're going to ride as far as we can follow the road tonight, to get us in the right area."
He nodded. "Best we get going then."
With a sigh he grabbed at the saddle, ready to pull himself up onto his horse. He gave her a soft smile, though little about this trip made him happy. There was only the thought that if it was necessary, they would at least be together.
--
They rode until long after the moon had risen bright and high, following the road from Rainesfere towards the south. It wasn't one of the paved Imperial roads that still crossed the country, instead a wide path that slowly became less visible. A river ran nearby, and she kept an eye out for any sign of a lake, though she knew it would still be a day or more away.
When it became hard to follow in the dark and she could tell that at least Jaron was flagging, she called for a halt. They dismounted, unsaddling and hitching the horses in relative quiet. Her mind buzzed from the serious silence of the ride. There had been jokes at first, attempts to break the heavy weight of duty, but that had died soon after setting out.
She was crouched by her pack when she heard Teagan's murmur of, "Cauthrien." Looking up, she found him grinning, though it looked odd in the moonlight, pale teeth in the shadows. "I came to ask after your plans for... sleeping arrangements."
"Sleeping arrangements," she repeated, her hands stilling where they sought the canvas cover of her tent. "I'll assume that means you have a request?"
Quiet conversations were beginning to spring up once more, now that the horses were taken care of. Cauthrien called out an order over her shoulder for Hilde to get a fire going and for Jaron to sit himself down for a minute and have some water, then looked back to Teagan.
"I thought..." Teagan shifted. "I thought we might share. If you'd like."
"We can do that," she said, lips twitching into a faint smile. She glanced back at the others for a moment, then to him with a shrug. "But I'll have watch part of the night. Jaron's too exhausted to take it. You can't convince me to stay in bed with you this time."
That night those weeks ago were fresh in her memory, him coaxing her back into bed and her letting him. She hadn't tried to leave his bed in the middle of the night since, but even in the mornings he was loathe to let her leave; it meant the start of another day, and end to the night before.
"I think I can agree to those terms," he said with a hint of his previous grin. He relaxed visibly, shoulders dropping. "Though, I cannot be held completely responsible for what I do when I’m mostly asleep. I might still try and convince you to stay."
"And I can't be held responsible if I use a pry bar to dislodge you," she returned with a low laugh. She turned back to undoing the pack, unbundling the tent poles. His answering chuckle was surprisingly loud, and she prodded his ankle with one of them.
"Can you put one of these up?"
Her tent was nothing like the massive tents of Cailan or Loghain at Ostagar, or any of the meeting tents of the nobility and generals. The one she had stayed in at Ostagar had been larger and more complex than this one, too; this would barely have room for the both of them, but she had a feeling they would manage.
Teagan nodded, laughter dying away. "I can and I will."
He took a few steps back and looked around. "Where do you want to set it?"
She followed him with the roll of oiled canvas of the groundcloth beneath one arm. There was moonlight enough, and the slow flaring of fire from behind them, that she could check the ground for roots and rocks, and when she found a suitable location, she crouched and rolled out the cloth. "Here," she said. "We'll put it up over this spot."
With a nod, he moved to a corner, staking the pole into the ground.
For all her serious attention, she was smiling when she rose again, wiping her hands idly on her thighs. They were on Edlyn's trail, yes - but she had learned long ago that when a rest on the road offered itself, it was best to let it take her for as long as it could. The stress, otherwise, could become dangerous - deadly, even.
"When will you take your watch?" he asked, lightly - as if it were only a question of logistics. But she knew him well enough to hear the other question. How much time do we have?
Still, he had asked about the watch, and he would find his own answers to the other. "Second," she said without hesitation. It was the most unpleasant, the most awkward, but she was almost certainly the best rested out of any of them, and she was leading the team. "So I may wake you up a few times during the night, but I'll return."
"Of course," he replied, and she glanced up, expecting to see him roll his eyes. He didn't, but he did shake his head a little.
The fire behind them danced more brightly and there was a roll of laughter. Cauthrien smiled at it as she helped Teagan put up the structure of their tent. "How soon will you be retiring?"
"Whenever you like."
"Go get some food, then. I'll get our bedrolls set up and our packs put away." She would join them when she was done, but the methodical nature of stretching the canvas over the tent polls and setting out her bedroll would do much to help her stay rooted in the moment.
She would relax, yes, but she wouldn't lose sight of their goal. Teagan was far too distracting in long doses.
"I’ll grab something for the both of us then."
He left, and she could hear a surge of renewed conversation, greetings and tentative jokes. She smiled at it; the group was small and so it was hard to be as anything other than equals, if equals who followed an external set of order. To hear him interact so easily with the others - it was a reminder, as if she needed more, of how different he was than she had expected. Of how she thought about nobility.
It took another ten minutes for her to get the tent up, the cover stretched tight and their bedrolls set inside. It took another five to string up their packs that contained food a fair distance away, in case of night-time visitors. It was only then that she rejoined the group, now joking amiably around the fire, most having eaten their fill.
As she sat down beside Teagan - not on the rock he occupied, but with her back against it, elbow propped behind her just beside his thigh - she smiled at the roll of laughter and nodded, before holding up a hand.
"Hilde, you'll be taking first watch. I'm taking second. Bryden, you'll take third."
"And me, Ser?" Jaron asked, his hands pressed to his knees in hidden embarrassment and nerves.
"You'll sleep tonight and take second watch tomorrow," Cauthrien said, as if it were just rotation and not an allowance for his struggling to stay upright in a saddle.
That settled, she let the conversation begin to flow around her again, looking back to Teagan. There was a portion of food balanced on his knee, and she reached for it. "Thank you."
"You’re welcome," he turned and gave a brief smile. After a moment he asked, "And what of me, Ser Cauthrien? Would you also have me take a watch tomorrow night?" his voice low to avoid carrying over the fire.
"If you'll have it," she said, swallowing down a bit of food and quirking a brow. "There's no reason I shouldn't put you to work." He was riding with them, after all. It was not her place to order him... but suggest? Oh, yes. "Though it may," she added, "be difficult to rouse you. First watch, then."
"Happy to have it," he said with a nod. "Seems fair that if I put myself into the search, I should help with the work." With a small chuckle he added, "Though, first is a wise choice, you know how I sleep.
"And do you plan to take a watch every night?"
There were, counting Teagan, five to split the watch between. It wasn't necessary for her to take it. But a part of her worried that she had grown soft, sleeping in Teagan's bed, resting instead of working - and another part, a quieter part, questioned if it wouldn't be best to rest, given what her body threatened.
That part she shoved away, because her fears remained foolish and unfounded. The passing of a week with bleeding was no proof.
.
"Probably." She took another bite of food, swallowing it down fast. It was coarse and largely tasteless, but the best they could prepare on short notice that would last them much of the ride. Hilde, she knew, had set out a trap or two; whether they were occupied in the morning was left to the Maker.
"Most nights, at least," she amended with a shrug.
"As long as it’s not all of them," Teagan conceded.
After a few more bites, he had finished his dinner. He took a breath and then pushed off of the rock to stand, looking down at Cauthrien and then towards the fire.
She glanced up to him as he stretched and worked out the aches and kinks from a day's ride, and she finished off the last of her food. She was more efficient than he, and it disappeared in a few large bites, hard swallows. Cauthrien wasn't quite sure why it was so important to her - but she didn't want to linger. Silly, that she'd want to walk with him, but perhaps it was because she'd grown so used to not hiding.
And lingering to follow later seemed like hiding.
She rose and quirked a brow, then moved without any more hesitation towards their tent after bidding goodnight to the other guard. Teagan followed her a moment later. As he matched his steps to hers, he bumped his shoulder lightly against her. He was smiling and slowly he slid a hand into hers, twining their fingers.
"It’s different like this," he said. "Seeing you in charge, leading a group."
"Different?" She curled her fingers around his as they walked, the sounds of quiet speech falling away behind them along with the brightness of the fire. "... Does it make you uncomfortable?" She remembered the sparring still too vividly, how he had panicked and struggled to overcome her.
She hoped it wouldn't be the same here, and she paused just outside the tent to look at him.
He nodded. "Different. I- Some, I think." He squeezed her hand and shrugged. "It’s not... all like that. And there are times I enjoy you taking charge."
She laughed as she toed off her boots and bent to tug off her woolen socks. It was a small laugh, but it was there and she had learned, from him, to encourage it. It made the slight twinge of embarrassment easier to deal with.
With her boots shucked, she straightened up. Her arming jacket would be her pillow for the night, so she only slowly undid the toggles.
"Well. With time, perhaps it will ease. I hope it will," she said.
He shrugged with the smallest smile on his lips. "I don’t mean to feel that way." Sitting, he slid his boots off and worked at the cuffs on his sleeves, then the toggles on his own jacket. "I hope it’s alright that I told you."
"It's fine. I like to know what's bothering you." It was what had kept the last few weeks idyllic. There had been fewer crises - none, in fact - but they had also stopped staying silent about their worries.
For the most part, anyway.
"And like I said, perhaps in time-"
Cauthrien stopped, lips parted and eyes wide. She blinked. In time. Maker, in time. In a week? And for what?
She frowned. No, she wouldn't think that way. Ducking her head, she slipped into the tent and knelt on her bedroll, slipping off her padded jacket and folding it into a bundle to rest her head on. "... Perhaps in time it will get easier," she finished, quietly.
"Yes, in time," he echoed with a small smile as he followed her. He finished his preparations for sleep and moved onto his bedroll, sitting with his legs crossed in front of him. "There have been occasions when I've enjoyed it quite a bit, you know." Teagan chuckled. And then slowly, he reached out for her hands. "And I hope that you're right," he whispered as he held her hands in his.
She looked down, swallowing thickly. "I hope so, as well," she repeated, and then squeezed his hands and shifted close enough to lean against him. "Given weeks- or a few months- or... well. Her Majesty willing, I suppose."
"Of course. Time," he said, his voice only a whisper, an echo.
"If," she said, then hesitated. She took a breath, pulling him down to their bedrolls. "If Rainesfere - not just the keep - is okay with it, I can put it before her?" Her voice trembled as she voiced it. "Beyond just informing her."
He laid there a moment, holding her hand in one of his, his other arm sliding down her back, holding her against him. He inhaled slowly. "Would you? If she's wise, she would agree- it would be of benefit to her, especially if she still considers me worth investigating after your letters."
Cauthrien said nothing because she could promise nothing. She might ask. But she might also turn away from it once they were apart, and she didn't want to promise something she could not uphold. All she could do was promise herself that she would try, and offer the possibility.
Finally, he broke the silence. "Let us find Edlyn first and return to Rainesfere for whatever time is left." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
Time.
---
He fell asleep with thoughts of Cauthrien, of time, in his mind. He slept soundly and in the morning, though he was sore from the previous day's ride, he was up early and ready enough to keep forward, towards the hopeful rescue of Edlyn. The ride was like the one the day before it, and the one the day after. He took watches when Cauthrien gave them, and their third night out, she stayed with him throughout the night. When he woke on their third morning away, it was with his legs wrapped with hers, hands clasped between them.
"Good morning," he whispered and leaned in to kiss her neck, her cheek, her lips. Her head was tucked just below his chin, her body curled against him, but she unfurled as he kissed her awake.
"Mm," she hummed, searching for his lips as she opened her eyes. "Good morning," she murmured as she sat up and began to move, pushing their shared blanket down and turning over onto her knees.
He rolled onto his back as she got up, watching as she moved to put herself together for the day.
A moment later he sat up, following her from the tent and reaching for his boots. Once he was up onto his feet, he stepped behind her, an arm reaching around to catch her waist. "I know we have work to do," he said. "But I wanted to say a proper good morning to you."
Their time was dwindling quickly and they had yet to find Edlyn. The tracks they'd found the day before promised at a chance to return home, but it wouldn't be enough time. He calmed those thoughts by taking whatever time he could, as it presented itself. Brushing her hair aside, he grinned and kissed her neck. He pulled away quickly after the kiss, knowing she wouldn't stay close for too long, and that she would be focused already on the day ahead.
Her hand stilled where she had been about to loose the rope holding their tent canvas taut, then let go, leaning back against him before he could retreat too far. She turned and touched his jaw, stilling him while she leaned in for another kiss.
"Good morning," she said with a small smile, and then left him to take down their camp.
All in all, it took just under an hour for the team to eat and the horses to be saddled and packed.Nobody was on watch when it happened.
Five men on horseback, in furs and leathers and patched woolens, cobbled armor and old weapons, came from the woods with a shout. Cauthrien swore and barked orders, the center of a growing maelstrom. Only Jaron was in any form of armor beyond padding, soft leather that would provide no protection against the maces that two of them wielded. Hilde and Brynden lunged for weapons, and Teagan for his horse. He had been about to mount, but the spike of fear nearly paralyzed him. He only managed to pull his blade, but there was no time for armor, no time even to swing up bareback onto his steed.
Cauthrien pulled her sword from where it was strapped to Calenhad's flank and slapped his rump, sending him out of the clearing that had become their battlefield. Their only blessing was that the clearing was too small for full sweeping passes of the horsemen, four dismounting.
The bandits rushed them and Teagan quickened his steps, intending to take a place between Cauthrien and Brynden to stand against them. But as he approached the others, the last of the bandits still on horseback rode towards him, sword extended and Teagan could not move quickly enough to avoid the blade hitting the shoulder of his sword arm. He rocked back on his heels with the impact, sword dropping from his hand.
Jaron shouted something, striking out at the horse as the bandit rode through the clearing. Teagan moved for his sword, head swimming from the pain in his arm. It flared sharper still as he bent down, making him gasp and nearly stumble. He retrieved his sword with his other hand, grunting at the weight on the wrong arm. Blinking hard to keep his mind focused on the fight instead of the agony, he stepped back to keep himself between Cauthrien and the guards, gripping his sword as best he could.
Cauthrien kicked the horseman she was engaged with in the stomach and, with a sharp downswing, took his head from his shoulders. She moved closer to Teagan as Jaron dragged the horseman down, as Hilde ran another bandit through the chest. They were down to three adversaries, one of them gravely injured, the other two circling warily, glancing towards the forest from which they had come.
"Stand down!" she called out. "Stand down to Rainesfere!"
The one closest to her charged.
Teagan kept his sword up, even if he held it awkwardly in an arm that was more used to carrying a shield. That knowledge at least served him as he held his blade out against one of the remaining bandits that came at him as Cauthrien blocked the other charge. It was only good enough to push the man's arm away, enough to unbalance him while Hilde slipped between them and struck a final blow.
He tried to shout at the remaining man, but he stumbled and all that came out was a garbled sound too thick for his throat. He let his sword drop, pressing it into the dirt to lean against as the others stepped towards the last man. The bandit turned and ran for the nearest horse. While his company pursued the man, he slowly moved away from the others either dead or nearly so on the ground around him. He took his blade with him and let his other arm hang as his shoulder bled, a growing stain on his jacket.
Brynden gutted the last bandit and Cauthrien barked out orders to search the men for any sign of where they had come from. He watched, hopeful even through his haze. Men on horseback had taken Edlyn, and while there was no real reason to assume these were the same riders-
But it was nearly impossible to think through the blinding pain, and so he could only watch. He sank to his knees and braced his weight on his good arm, panting and hoping and cursing himself for how slow he had been, how unprepared, how-
Cauthrien was at his side, setting down her sword and reaching for him. "Stop. Stop moving," she said, voice ragged and hoarse and cracked. He thought he could see fear in her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something - thank you or yes, ser or any number of things, but then there was swearing from across the field.
"Commander!" Hilde shouted.
Cauthrien gave him a tight smile and they both looked over.
Hilde was holding up a girl's dress and smalls, streaked with dirt and blood.
Authors: cherith & serindrana
Game: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: Bann Teagan/Ser Cauthrien
Series Rating: NC-17/AO
Chapter Rating: T
Series Wordcount (to date): 90,357
Chapter Wordcount: 8,146
Warnings: Dark. Violence and abduction.
Summary: The butcher's boy returns with the whole story. Cauthrien and Teagan ride south in search of Edlyn, hoping only that they can make it in time. (Ao3) (FF)
Notes: War is Never Cheap Here will be updating weekly, on Fridays. Projected length looking like twelve chapters.
Only one more chapter! This and the next, however, are pretty dark and heavy. Tread lightly.
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Chapter Eleven
Cauthrien sat in one of the practice yards, sweat slicked and pleasantly exhausted. One of Teagan's household guard sat on the bench beside her. The guard had uniformly accepted or decided not to care about her relationship with their bann, and she had taken to regularly sparring with them, working with them- laughing with them. She had missed that, she realized, that physical and jovial connection to others who wore armor, who slept in barracks, who lived on field rations.
Hilde, the woman beside her, who had blonde hair cropped close to her head and a scar that ran the length of her left arm, had once stood against her men when Cauthrien had ordered the first waves of attack against Rainesfere. And yet now they spoke like old friends, shared stories of barracks life, discussed the state of recovery in the bannorn.
It was almost surreal.
But she knew the acceptance of the guard was not shared by all of the servants, and especially not by the people of Rainesfere beyond the keep walls. She had heard whispers of how, now that word had trickled out to the fields, the farmers and shopkeeps had considered curtailing their supply of food and goods to the keep to make a statement. It made her uneasy, that Teagan's support could be taken away, and because of her. But there was only a week left - and then she would be gone.
The thought filled her with dread, but she countered it every time with the remembrance that it was necessary.
She was pulling her arming jacket back on when a servant came into the yard, motioning for her. His name was Corell- a middle-aged elven man with greying hair who Teagan seemed to trust. His presence could only mean that Teagan wanted her, and she bid goodbye to her companion and crossed the field to him.
"Yes?"
"My lord would like to see you in the audience hall," Corell said, and though his jaw was tense and his lips pursed, she could get no more from him. Her heart lodged in her throat on the walk, and she could only hope that the search party had found something. She could only look sideways at him, frowning and worrying and uncertain as he led her back into the keep halls. She kept busy instead twitching her jacket into place, retying her hair.
When Cauthrien arrived, Teagan was pacing. Raud stood close by and frowned at her as she entered. She cleared her throat and Teagan looked up, pausing and then crossing the room, a hand outstretched.
She took it. "What's happened? Corell only said you wanted to see me." She glanced around the room, to Raud, to the otherwise empty meeting hall. "Is it something to do with Edlyn?" Her stomach twisted, and didn't ease at his distant expression.
"Gerald sent word, Owen has returned home."
Owen. Cauthrien took a deep breath. Teagan took her hand, uncaring of the audience, like there had never been a reason to hesitate. "He has news of Edlyn," he continued, "and Gerald is bringing both Owen and Oswin here. I don’t know much more than that, though they will be here soon enough." With a small smile he added, "I knew you would want to be here."
"Owen has- But not with Edlyn?" Her heart sank. It had been too long for Owen to have just returned from picking up the salt - salt which had, according to the runners, never been claimed. But for him to return without Edlyn, left Cauthrien unable to return Teagan's smile.
The silence, at least, wasn't long; there came a soft knock at the hall doors, and then they were pushed open by the guard, admitting Gerald, Oswin, and Owen. Edlyn was not with them - and the boy looked terrified.
Cauthrien pulled her hand away from Teagan and moved to stand behind him, hands clasped tight behind her back.
Teagan let his hands fall back to his sides as he turned to the men. His eyes went to Owen and hers followed. The boy was clearly frightened; Oswin beside him seemed angry and looked pointedly at Teagan, ignoring her, while Gerald appeared only uneasy and looked to Teagan with worry in his eyes.
"Mayor, what news?" Teagan asked.
Gerald stepped forward and glanced warily between Owen and Oswin. When he looked back to Teagan, there was a noticeable slump in Gerald’s shoulders, a nervous bob in his throat before he spoke.
"Owen here was with Edlyn," he paused to clear his throat. "They left town together," - a glance to Oswin who merely nodded - "and it seems a group of men took Edlyn from him, a few days ago."
A group of men? Her expression darkened. A group of men, taking a young girl - and it was not the search party.
Whatever last hope she had clung to fell away.
"Where?" she asked without pause, unused to holding her tongue during Teagan's meetings after just a few weeks by his side. "Were you near any major roads when it happened? What direction were the two of you moving?" She fixed her gaze on Owen, crossing her arms over her chest.
Owen nearly jumped, looking to his father. Teagan took a step forward on reflex, a calming hand outstretched. When Owen didn’t respond right away, Teagan repeated her questions. "Owen, we need to know where you were. And which way they were headed."
The boy looked up at Teagan, eyes wide with fear. There was worry there, too: for himself, but also for Edlyn. Owen blinked, swallowed and looked between Teagan and Cauthrien a few times.
"We- we went south," he said, his voice small.
She took a deep breath.
South.
That had been the one direction they hadn't sent search parties. The land was blighted, the path nearly impossible. But if they had thought, if they had only considered-
"There was a road, but we didn’t stay on it and these men- they came out of nowhere one night and they wanted to talk to Edlyn." His words were harried, as if he needed to get them all out quickly in order to not have to think about what he was saying. "We tried to run but they had horses, and they pulled her away from me. I tried to chase them-" Owen stopped, mouth open, mid-thought, as Oswin put a hand on his boy’s shoulder.
After a moment, Owen closed his mouth and looked down at his feet. He mumbled, "I couldn’t keep up with them..."
"How many days out were you when it happened? How far south had you gone?" Cauthrien asked, trying to soften her voice, but her nerves were keyed up and work left little room for the softer version of her.
Owen tried to take a deep breath and then looked at Cauthrien. "I followed them for a day and then I came home." He stopped and looked down to his hand, fingers twitching as though he was counting in his head. "I think it’s been... six days?"
Nearly a week. Beside her, Teagan let out a slow breath and turned to look at her. Will we find her after a week? The question was as clear on his face as though he had spoken it aloud.
"What direction did they go?" she pressed, taking a step forward, her frown firm and unmoving. A week was too long. A week could take them halfway to Denerim on horseback, if they wanted, or up to Gherlen's Pass, or down into the uncharted Wilds. And if they did find Edlyn, a week spent with men who would snatch her from horseback- her heart sank.
Oswin cleared his throat but said nothing, keeping his eyes fixed on Cauthrien. She ignored him. She didn't need his questions or censure, only his son's answers. And his son was worrying at his lower lip, fingers curling around the hem of his tunic. She waited.
"East. I think. They were moving a lot faster than me." Owen looked down at his boots and toed at the ground. "Could’ve been a little more south."
"Owen... these men, how did they look?" Teagan asked, and Cauthrien grimaced. Wild? Ferelden?
"I think they could’ve been Fereldan..." Owen mumbled.
She swore under her breath. From a possibly deluded Orlesian to Fereldan bandits - this was all wrong.
After a careful breath, she addressed Owen again. He was ashen-faced and tense from head to toe, but it was the last question she had to ask. She pushed forward. "Can you give us any description of where you were, at any point?" Cauthrien glanced to Teagan. "I'll take some men and ride out to see if we can find her, but I need to know where to start."
"We found a river and followed that east," Owen said. "There was a lake, that’s where we were when they found us." He looked up at Cauthrien, eyes shining with tears. "They were following the road."
It would be difficult to catch up, but if she went with a small contingent of guards, on horseback, they might have a chance of finding them.
Teagan looked to her. "Might not be too far south of Redcliffe..." With his voice pitched lower he added, "though they have quite the headstart."
She returned, equally quiet, "I'm aware. But if they were working near the water, they'll likely stay close to it, especially this time of year. I'll do what I can."
Cauthrien thought of all the guards she had come to know in the last few weeks, already building a small team. She needed men and women she could trust and who could keep up. Turning to Teagan, she bowed towards him briefly. "With your leave, Bann Teagan, I'll head out by sunset."
"You have it."
The boy was staring at Cauthrien worried, but hopeful. His hands had stilled on the hem of his tunic, and there was a flicker of something in his eye that hadn't been there before.
"Owen, is there anything else you can tell us?" Teagan asked before Cauthrien could.
Gerald and Oswin shared a glance over the boy’s head and Teagan arched a brow in question. Gerald finally said, "Owen explained about the scene we found. Edlyn wrote the letter and Owen killed that wether by the house."
Cauthrien nodded, slowly.
They'd been right - but it hadn't stopped this.
Without another word, Cauthrien left the hall. Teagan's decision of what, if anything, to do with Owen was his own, and for once Cauthrien had no opinion on the matter. Instead, she went back to her room, where she still kept her equipment and pack, and after seeing that everything was assembled, she took it all down to the yard to begin the task of pulling together her team.
--
Had it not been for the three men so near by, he would have watched her leave. He didn’t. Instead, he watched as Owen’s shoulders slumped with the admittance of what he and Edlyn had done. The boy stared at his boots and wrung his hands. Oswin still had his hand on his son’s shoulder and he did watch Cauthrien leave- his brows furrowed and his mouth turned down. Teagan couldn’t tell if he frowned at her in anger or disappointment or if there was something else there.
But he didn't have time for that.
He shook his head slightly and said, "I think for now it would be best if Owen stayed at home, while Ser Cauthrien conducts her search for Edlyn and these men." He frowned and tugged at the sleeve of his shirt. "After we find her, we’ll talk again."
Oswin seemed to relax at that, looking to Teagan with a bit of relief, clapping his boy’s shoulder lightly. Teagan merely nodded. There was nothing to be done now, while Edlyn’s fate was still unknown. And he was sure that Owen owed his dad and Edlyn’s parents a great deal more explanation and recompense for his actions than Teagan could take with words.
"Men, you’re welcome to take your midday meal here, before heading home," Teagan said with a look at the three of them. He gestured a hand toward the door that led towards the dining hall and gave a nod over his shoulder at Raud to make sure they would be seen after.
Oswin shook his head, "Thank you my lord." Teagan watched his eyes flick to the door Cauthrien had left through before adding, "I think Owen and I will be heading back. Work to do."
Teagan nodded. He didn’t want to join them for a meal, not now when Cauthrien would be packing up to leave for several days- their last days together.
"Raud can see you out, then." He turned to Gerald who also seemed ready to take his leave. "Mayor, if I could have a moment?"
Oswin turned, leading his son by the shoulder and Teagan caught a glimpse of Raud moving to see them out through the hall. Gerald nodded and took the few steps between them. The man grimaced as he approached and gave a glance towards the doors to the hall as they opened and then swung closed once more.
Teagan, keeping his head down and his voice low said, "Is there anything else? Anything about Owen that I need to know?"
"No. Not that I’m aware."
With a breath, Teagan nodded. "I would like you to make sure that someone is watching Owen. I believe him, but until Edlyn is found it would be for the best."
"Yes, my lord." Gerald frowned at the request, but hid it quickly. "Will that be all?"
"Yes. Thank you, Gerald."
Once Gerald turned to leave, Teagan retreated from the hall with a mind to find Cauthrien as she prepared to leave.
He took to the stairs first, to look in her room and his. She was in neither, and he immediately made for the practice yard. He had to catch up with her before she rode out of the keep. If he didn’t go with her, it would be days before he would see her again. He did not want to spend those days without her, not when there were few left.
She stood with three of his guard, laying out gear and provisions to pack into saddle bags and easily carried bundles. There was Hilde, a blonde woman whom Teagan had seen Cauthrien speaking to before; Jaron, one of Teagan's few knights; and Brynden, younger than the other two but with a good eye and quiet feet.
And there was Cauthrien.
She was quiet, focused on cinching her bags closed, and she didn't notice him as he approached.
"Cauthrien."
She didn't look up at first, pulling another strap tight before she straightened. "Bann Teagan," she said, but it was with a faint smile and obvious warmth - her balance between propriety and her feelings. "Have Oswin and his son- gone? Or do you have more information?"
"They’ve gone. Gerald will be keeping an eye on Owen until Edlyn can be found."
He pursed his lips as he looked at her, wondering how best to word it. Turning so that his back was to the three guards waiting for her orders, he gave her a more open smile. Better to say it and have it done.
"I would like to come with you."
She didn't respond at first, looking more confused than anything else. "If we find them," she said, finally, "it will be dangerous. And it will be a hard ride."
"I am aware." He crossed his arms over his chest, smile fading a little. He was capable enough to accompany the group, though her comments echoed some of his own concerns about leaving with them. He had others, too, about leaving Rainesfere for several days and the uncertainty about the supposed Fereldan men that had taken Edlyn.
"Still, there are few days left for us," he continued, his voice still barely more than a whisper. It wasn’t the only reason he wanted to go, but he wanted her to know it was on his mind.
She raised her hand as if to run a hand through her hair, a new habit since she had begun wearing it loose most of the time. It was pulled back now, however, and she simply ran her hand over the top of her head.
"I know," she said, finally. "I know. But this is work, this isn't... but you know that." She shook her head. "... Just be sure you're ready for this."
"I do. I am." He nodded.
The guards, the hard ride, looking for Edlyn, these things would not grant them much - if any - actual time together, not as they’d come to spend it. But it would be with her, instead of at home worried about her or about what she and the guards would find.
"I’ll just need to make arrangements."
She smiled, and for a moment it was just pleased, hopeful, and relieved. But then it tightened with the worry that always seemed to catch up to her. He knew the creasing of her brow, the shuttering of her gaze. "Of course," she said. "Will you be ready before dusk?"
"I will be. Before, in fact if I send someone to get my horse ready while I manage things with Raud." He could almost see Raud’s frown forming already and he shook his head, hands dropping back to his sides.
He took a step away, turning as if to head back to the keep. After a hesitant breath he looked back at her.
"I’ll go get started now. Will we meet at the stables once everything is in order?"
"Yes." She offered him a small smile in return, before reaching down to grab up the saddle bags and her bundled armor. "And Maker willing, we'll find her before week's end."
With a small smile he echoed, "Maker willing."
Before going to find Raud, he stopped a young man who was cleaning armor, no doubt for one of the knights. He gave the boy a message to take to the stables to have his horse ready to ride and that he would be leaving before dusk. Once the boy was off, he could delay the meeting no longer.
Of course, he found Raud in his office, waiting with what looked like more work. Always more work. Teagan tried to smile as he walked towards the older man. And yet, before he even opened his mouth, Raud was arching an eyebrow and giving him a look of disdain. Teagan sighed.
"Whatever you have that requires my immediate attention we should get to now, Raud. I’ll be heading out with Ser Cauthrien on the search for Edlyn before the day is out."
Raud's expression darkened. "My lord, I shouldn't have to tell you what a poor decision that is."
Teagan gave Raud a stern look. He had hoped to avoid another discussion about Cauthrien. There were only so many days left with her, and Teagan planned to enjoy them, with or without Raud’s approval. Enjoying them meant being with her, and that couldn’t happen if she was riding away from Rainesfere.
"No, Raud, you do not," he replied coldly. "In fact, I’d rather you not say anything."
Raud shook his head. "Then I will have to disappoint you, my lord. I have kept my silence as best I've been able given the circumstances, but if you leave this keep, with her, the rumors that Gerald has informed me have been circulating through town will be proven. There is no love for her there. The guard may respond well to her martial nature, but the farmers remember what she is, even if you do not.
"And if I may, your guard will do better without you accompanying them because your paramour rides with them."
Teagan sighed and stepped around to sit at his desk, avoiding Raud’s glare for a moment. "I have not forgotten who she is, or what she did to the land or the people of the bannorn, Raud." Once he was seated he looked back up at the older man. "Maybe their job would be easier without me. But if I had to stay here and wait for her, while the rest of this month dwindles away..." He swallowed and shook his head. "I don’t want that."
"Pardon me, my lord, but you're acting like a child." Raud's anger seemed to break, however, and he shook his head. "You could order her to remain here. Her job does not involve settling matters in this bannorn. But instead you would abandon your duties to chase after a single missing girl, in order to follow the dictates of your loins?" He sighed. "You know better than this. You've had lovers before. Do not let her distract you from your duties here, in this household, anymore than you already have."
Teagan shook his head. "I could, but her skills are useful there, looking for Edlyn. Our guards have been gone for weeks, and while she picked decent people to accompany her- our best have not yet returned."
He leaned against his desk, anger taking hold of him even as he fought not to show it. He refused to show it to Raud, who knew him well- but not well enough. Not enough to understand why this, why Cauthrien, was different. He folded his arms together on the desk, gripping at his wrists.
"And it is not... she is not the same. If this were any woman, do you honestly believe I would behave the same? If so, I do not think you know me as well as you think you do, Raud.
"As for your concerns about the people of this bannorn, let us talk about how the people feel about her. If I let her and three young and perhaps less experienced guards go in search of Edlyn on their own, if they return and the girl is dead, or our guards don’t return at all - after all, we don’t know what type of men have taken her - what do you think the people of Rainesfere are going to feel for her, for the guards, for Owen, then? And will they trust the report she brings back?"
Teagan swallowed, his mouth was dry from frustration, from holding back everything he would’ve liked to say. He took a breath and then gave Raud a hard look, a challenging one.
"... Perhaps you are right, about public opinion," Raud conceded, shaking his head again and running a hand through his hair. "But for a month's distraction, she is going to cause you far too much damage. I should have spoken up earlier - when you decided to stop hiding your relationship. It would have lessened the impact, at least."
Teagan calmed a little at Raud’s admission. "Perhaps she will, but as I reminded you weeks ago, it’s only a month."
He nearly smiled at the thought of how pleased he had been after that discussion, when it seemed he wouldn’t have to listen to Raud’s concerns again. Then, he hadn’t been as sure as he was now, how worth it she was- even if it was only a month. Now, he'd fight forever if that was what it took.
Quietly, he added, "I don’t know that anyone else would have me taking this risk willingly."
It was a great admission, more than he had said to anybody, let alone Raud. Perhaps the impact of his relationship with Cauthrien on Rainesfere would be greater than he suspected- would be as Cauthrien herself feared. But it was a risk he was taking.
"As long as it is only a month, my lord." Raud regarded him skeptically for a moment more, then exhaled a deep breath and stepped forward to point out the matters that needed to be addressed as soon as possible.
Teagan did his best to listen after that, though it took a while for him to calm down completely and to stop feeling as though he had to defend every one of his statements. But it was only Raud, and eventually the rest of the work passed quickly enough. When he was done, he thanked his seneschal for seeing to the rest of the items and took his leave of the office.
Quickly as he could, he put together the things he would need to take with him on the road, remembering that he needed to also bundle his armor and weapons- things he had found he thought about less often during Cauthrien’s stay with him. It didn’t take him long and finally, he could make his way to meet with Cauthrien at the stables.
The horses were already saddled, armor, provisions, and weapons already strapped down. When Cauthrien saw Teagan approaching, she turned momentarily to tell the others to mount up and move out of the keep. That done, she left Calenhad's side for a moment to go help him with his horse.
"You're still sure about this?" she asked.
"More sure now than I was before," he said with a smile. "Otherwise, I’d have to face Raud again, and he’d say ‘I told you so’ and I just can’t have that." He laughed, but there was an edge to it, frustration and annoyance in his words. Carefully, he started securing his things in place for the trip. "If this is the way we have to spend out the month, then so be it. Rainesfere will make it without me for a few days, Raud will see to that."
"Raud objected then, I take it?"
"And then some," he admitted with a shrug.
She worked side by side with him, her shoulder bumping his on occasion. "I'll admit, I've been waiting for him to say something, with what some of the guard have told me." She cinched another strap and then stroked the horse's flank, looking at Teagan. "It wasn't too bad, I hope?"
Reaching over, he covered her hand with his. "He relented eventually."
He didn’t want to explain the extent of it to her, that it was less about his time away and more about who the time would be with. Raud didn’t understand, or agree, and Teagan didn’t think she needed to know much more than that. She had been worried enough about what people thought of the two of them.
"I think we’ll all be happy enough once we’ve returned, and Maker willing, it’ll be with Edlyn."
"I hope you're right," she said, without the distrustful edge that may have accompanied such words just a week before. With his horse saddled and packed, she reluctantly stepped back. "We're going to ride as far as we can follow the road tonight, to get us in the right area."
He nodded. "Best we get going then."
With a sigh he grabbed at the saddle, ready to pull himself up onto his horse. He gave her a soft smile, though little about this trip made him happy. There was only the thought that if it was necessary, they would at least be together.
--
They rode until long after the moon had risen bright and high, following the road from Rainesfere towards the south. It wasn't one of the paved Imperial roads that still crossed the country, instead a wide path that slowly became less visible. A river ran nearby, and she kept an eye out for any sign of a lake, though she knew it would still be a day or more away.
When it became hard to follow in the dark and she could tell that at least Jaron was flagging, she called for a halt. They dismounted, unsaddling and hitching the horses in relative quiet. Her mind buzzed from the serious silence of the ride. There had been jokes at first, attempts to break the heavy weight of duty, but that had died soon after setting out.
She was crouched by her pack when she heard Teagan's murmur of, "Cauthrien." Looking up, she found him grinning, though it looked odd in the moonlight, pale teeth in the shadows. "I came to ask after your plans for... sleeping arrangements."
"Sleeping arrangements," she repeated, her hands stilling where they sought the canvas cover of her tent. "I'll assume that means you have a request?"
Quiet conversations were beginning to spring up once more, now that the horses were taken care of. Cauthrien called out an order over her shoulder for Hilde to get a fire going and for Jaron to sit himself down for a minute and have some water, then looked back to Teagan.
"I thought..." Teagan shifted. "I thought we might share. If you'd like."
"We can do that," she said, lips twitching into a faint smile. She glanced back at the others for a moment, then to him with a shrug. "But I'll have watch part of the night. Jaron's too exhausted to take it. You can't convince me to stay in bed with you this time."
That night those weeks ago were fresh in her memory, him coaxing her back into bed and her letting him. She hadn't tried to leave his bed in the middle of the night since, but even in the mornings he was loathe to let her leave; it meant the start of another day, and end to the night before.
"I think I can agree to those terms," he said with a hint of his previous grin. He relaxed visibly, shoulders dropping. "Though, I cannot be held completely responsible for what I do when I’m mostly asleep. I might still try and convince you to stay."
"And I can't be held responsible if I use a pry bar to dislodge you," she returned with a low laugh. She turned back to undoing the pack, unbundling the tent poles. His answering chuckle was surprisingly loud, and she prodded his ankle with one of them.
"Can you put one of these up?"
Her tent was nothing like the massive tents of Cailan or Loghain at Ostagar, or any of the meeting tents of the nobility and generals. The one she had stayed in at Ostagar had been larger and more complex than this one, too; this would barely have room for the both of them, but she had a feeling they would manage.
Teagan nodded, laughter dying away. "I can and I will."
He took a few steps back and looked around. "Where do you want to set it?"
She followed him with the roll of oiled canvas of the groundcloth beneath one arm. There was moonlight enough, and the slow flaring of fire from behind them, that she could check the ground for roots and rocks, and when she found a suitable location, she crouched and rolled out the cloth. "Here," she said. "We'll put it up over this spot."
With a nod, he moved to a corner, staking the pole into the ground.
For all her serious attention, she was smiling when she rose again, wiping her hands idly on her thighs. They were on Edlyn's trail, yes - but she had learned long ago that when a rest on the road offered itself, it was best to let it take her for as long as it could. The stress, otherwise, could become dangerous - deadly, even.
"When will you take your watch?" he asked, lightly - as if it were only a question of logistics. But she knew him well enough to hear the other question. How much time do we have?
Still, he had asked about the watch, and he would find his own answers to the other. "Second," she said without hesitation. It was the most unpleasant, the most awkward, but she was almost certainly the best rested out of any of them, and she was leading the team. "So I may wake you up a few times during the night, but I'll return."
"Of course," he replied, and she glanced up, expecting to see him roll his eyes. He didn't, but he did shake his head a little.
The fire behind them danced more brightly and there was a roll of laughter. Cauthrien smiled at it as she helped Teagan put up the structure of their tent. "How soon will you be retiring?"
"Whenever you like."
"Go get some food, then. I'll get our bedrolls set up and our packs put away." She would join them when she was done, but the methodical nature of stretching the canvas over the tent polls and setting out her bedroll would do much to help her stay rooted in the moment.
She would relax, yes, but she wouldn't lose sight of their goal. Teagan was far too distracting in long doses.
"I’ll grab something for the both of us then."
He left, and she could hear a surge of renewed conversation, greetings and tentative jokes. She smiled at it; the group was small and so it was hard to be as anything other than equals, if equals who followed an external set of order. To hear him interact so easily with the others - it was a reminder, as if she needed more, of how different he was than she had expected. Of how she thought about nobility.
It took another ten minutes for her to get the tent up, the cover stretched tight and their bedrolls set inside. It took another five to string up their packs that contained food a fair distance away, in case of night-time visitors. It was only then that she rejoined the group, now joking amiably around the fire, most having eaten their fill.
As she sat down beside Teagan - not on the rock he occupied, but with her back against it, elbow propped behind her just beside his thigh - she smiled at the roll of laughter and nodded, before holding up a hand.
"Hilde, you'll be taking first watch. I'm taking second. Bryden, you'll take third."
"And me, Ser?" Jaron asked, his hands pressed to his knees in hidden embarrassment and nerves.
"You'll sleep tonight and take second watch tomorrow," Cauthrien said, as if it were just rotation and not an allowance for his struggling to stay upright in a saddle.
That settled, she let the conversation begin to flow around her again, looking back to Teagan. There was a portion of food balanced on his knee, and she reached for it. "Thank you."
"You’re welcome," he turned and gave a brief smile. After a moment he asked, "And what of me, Ser Cauthrien? Would you also have me take a watch tomorrow night?" his voice low to avoid carrying over the fire.
"If you'll have it," she said, swallowing down a bit of food and quirking a brow. "There's no reason I shouldn't put you to work." He was riding with them, after all. It was not her place to order him... but suggest? Oh, yes. "Though it may," she added, "be difficult to rouse you. First watch, then."
"Happy to have it," he said with a nod. "Seems fair that if I put myself into the search, I should help with the work." With a small chuckle he added, "Though, first is a wise choice, you know how I sleep.
"And do you plan to take a watch every night?"
There were, counting Teagan, five to split the watch between. It wasn't necessary for her to take it. But a part of her worried that she had grown soft, sleeping in Teagan's bed, resting instead of working - and another part, a quieter part, questioned if it wouldn't be best to rest, given what her body threatened.
That part she shoved away, because her fears remained foolish and unfounded. The passing of a week with bleeding was no proof.
.
"Probably." She took another bite of food, swallowing it down fast. It was coarse and largely tasteless, but the best they could prepare on short notice that would last them much of the ride. Hilde, she knew, had set out a trap or two; whether they were occupied in the morning was left to the Maker.
"Most nights, at least," she amended with a shrug.
"As long as it’s not all of them," Teagan conceded.
After a few more bites, he had finished his dinner. He took a breath and then pushed off of the rock to stand, looking down at Cauthrien and then towards the fire.
She glanced up to him as he stretched and worked out the aches and kinks from a day's ride, and she finished off the last of her food. She was more efficient than he, and it disappeared in a few large bites, hard swallows. Cauthrien wasn't quite sure why it was so important to her - but she didn't want to linger. Silly, that she'd want to walk with him, but perhaps it was because she'd grown so used to not hiding.
And lingering to follow later seemed like hiding.
She rose and quirked a brow, then moved without any more hesitation towards their tent after bidding goodnight to the other guard. Teagan followed her a moment later. As he matched his steps to hers, he bumped his shoulder lightly against her. He was smiling and slowly he slid a hand into hers, twining their fingers.
"It’s different like this," he said. "Seeing you in charge, leading a group."
"Different?" She curled her fingers around his as they walked, the sounds of quiet speech falling away behind them along with the brightness of the fire. "... Does it make you uncomfortable?" She remembered the sparring still too vividly, how he had panicked and struggled to overcome her.
She hoped it wouldn't be the same here, and she paused just outside the tent to look at him.
He nodded. "Different. I- Some, I think." He squeezed her hand and shrugged. "It’s not... all like that. And there are times I enjoy you taking charge."
She laughed as she toed off her boots and bent to tug off her woolen socks. It was a small laugh, but it was there and she had learned, from him, to encourage it. It made the slight twinge of embarrassment easier to deal with.
With her boots shucked, she straightened up. Her arming jacket would be her pillow for the night, so she only slowly undid the toggles.
"Well. With time, perhaps it will ease. I hope it will," she said.
He shrugged with the smallest smile on his lips. "I don’t mean to feel that way." Sitting, he slid his boots off and worked at the cuffs on his sleeves, then the toggles on his own jacket. "I hope it’s alright that I told you."
"It's fine. I like to know what's bothering you." It was what had kept the last few weeks idyllic. There had been fewer crises - none, in fact - but they had also stopped staying silent about their worries.
For the most part, anyway.
"And like I said, perhaps in time-"
Cauthrien stopped, lips parted and eyes wide. She blinked. In time. Maker, in time. In a week? And for what?
She frowned. No, she wouldn't think that way. Ducking her head, she slipped into the tent and knelt on her bedroll, slipping off her padded jacket and folding it into a bundle to rest her head on. "... Perhaps in time it will get easier," she finished, quietly.
"Yes, in time," he echoed with a small smile as he followed her. He finished his preparations for sleep and moved onto his bedroll, sitting with his legs crossed in front of him. "There have been occasions when I've enjoyed it quite a bit, you know." Teagan chuckled. And then slowly, he reached out for her hands. "And I hope that you're right," he whispered as he held her hands in his.
She looked down, swallowing thickly. "I hope so, as well," she repeated, and then squeezed his hands and shifted close enough to lean against him. "Given weeks- or a few months- or... well. Her Majesty willing, I suppose."
"Of course. Time," he said, his voice only a whisper, an echo.
"If," she said, then hesitated. She took a breath, pulling him down to their bedrolls. "If Rainesfere - not just the keep - is okay with it, I can put it before her?" Her voice trembled as she voiced it. "Beyond just informing her."
He laid there a moment, holding her hand in one of his, his other arm sliding down her back, holding her against him. He inhaled slowly. "Would you? If she's wise, she would agree- it would be of benefit to her, especially if she still considers me worth investigating after your letters."
Cauthrien said nothing because she could promise nothing. She might ask. But she might also turn away from it once they were apart, and she didn't want to promise something she could not uphold. All she could do was promise herself that she would try, and offer the possibility.
Finally, he broke the silence. "Let us find Edlyn first and return to Rainesfere for whatever time is left." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
Time.
---
He fell asleep with thoughts of Cauthrien, of time, in his mind. He slept soundly and in the morning, though he was sore from the previous day's ride, he was up early and ready enough to keep forward, towards the hopeful rescue of Edlyn. The ride was like the one the day before it, and the one the day after. He took watches when Cauthrien gave them, and their third night out, she stayed with him throughout the night. When he woke on their third morning away, it was with his legs wrapped with hers, hands clasped between them.
"Good morning," he whispered and leaned in to kiss her neck, her cheek, her lips. Her head was tucked just below his chin, her body curled against him, but she unfurled as he kissed her awake.
"Mm," she hummed, searching for his lips as she opened her eyes. "Good morning," she murmured as she sat up and began to move, pushing their shared blanket down and turning over onto her knees.
He rolled onto his back as she got up, watching as she moved to put herself together for the day.
A moment later he sat up, following her from the tent and reaching for his boots. Once he was up onto his feet, he stepped behind her, an arm reaching around to catch her waist. "I know we have work to do," he said. "But I wanted to say a proper good morning to you."
Their time was dwindling quickly and they had yet to find Edlyn. The tracks they'd found the day before promised at a chance to return home, but it wouldn't be enough time. He calmed those thoughts by taking whatever time he could, as it presented itself. Brushing her hair aside, he grinned and kissed her neck. He pulled away quickly after the kiss, knowing she wouldn't stay close for too long, and that she would be focused already on the day ahead.
Her hand stilled where she had been about to loose the rope holding their tent canvas taut, then let go, leaning back against him before he could retreat too far. She turned and touched his jaw, stilling him while she leaned in for another kiss.
"Good morning," she said with a small smile, and then left him to take down their camp.
All in all, it took just under an hour for the team to eat and the horses to be saddled and packed.Nobody was on watch when it happened.
Five men on horseback, in furs and leathers and patched woolens, cobbled armor and old weapons, came from the woods with a shout. Cauthrien swore and barked orders, the center of a growing maelstrom. Only Jaron was in any form of armor beyond padding, soft leather that would provide no protection against the maces that two of them wielded. Hilde and Brynden lunged for weapons, and Teagan for his horse. He had been about to mount, but the spike of fear nearly paralyzed him. He only managed to pull his blade, but there was no time for armor, no time even to swing up bareback onto his steed.
Cauthrien pulled her sword from where it was strapped to Calenhad's flank and slapped his rump, sending him out of the clearing that had become their battlefield. Their only blessing was that the clearing was too small for full sweeping passes of the horsemen, four dismounting.
The bandits rushed them and Teagan quickened his steps, intending to take a place between Cauthrien and Brynden to stand against them. But as he approached the others, the last of the bandits still on horseback rode towards him, sword extended and Teagan could not move quickly enough to avoid the blade hitting the shoulder of his sword arm. He rocked back on his heels with the impact, sword dropping from his hand.
Jaron shouted something, striking out at the horse as the bandit rode through the clearing. Teagan moved for his sword, head swimming from the pain in his arm. It flared sharper still as he bent down, making him gasp and nearly stumble. He retrieved his sword with his other hand, grunting at the weight on the wrong arm. Blinking hard to keep his mind focused on the fight instead of the agony, he stepped back to keep himself between Cauthrien and the guards, gripping his sword as best he could.
Cauthrien kicked the horseman she was engaged with in the stomach and, with a sharp downswing, took his head from his shoulders. She moved closer to Teagan as Jaron dragged the horseman down, as Hilde ran another bandit through the chest. They were down to three adversaries, one of them gravely injured, the other two circling warily, glancing towards the forest from which they had come.
"Stand down!" she called out. "Stand down to Rainesfere!"
The one closest to her charged.
Teagan kept his sword up, even if he held it awkwardly in an arm that was more used to carrying a shield. That knowledge at least served him as he held his blade out against one of the remaining bandits that came at him as Cauthrien blocked the other charge. It was only good enough to push the man's arm away, enough to unbalance him while Hilde slipped between them and struck a final blow.
He tried to shout at the remaining man, but he stumbled and all that came out was a garbled sound too thick for his throat. He let his sword drop, pressing it into the dirt to lean against as the others stepped towards the last man. The bandit turned and ran for the nearest horse. While his company pursued the man, he slowly moved away from the others either dead or nearly so on the ground around him. He took his blade with him and let his other arm hang as his shoulder bled, a growing stain on his jacket.
Brynden gutted the last bandit and Cauthrien barked out orders to search the men for any sign of where they had come from. He watched, hopeful even through his haze. Men on horseback had taken Edlyn, and while there was no real reason to assume these were the same riders-
But it was nearly impossible to think through the blinding pain, and so he could only watch. He sank to his knees and braced his weight on his good arm, panting and hoping and cursing himself for how slow he had been, how unprepared, how-
Cauthrien was at his side, setting down her sword and reaching for him. "Stop. Stop moving," she said, voice ragged and hoarse and cracked. He thought he could see fear in her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something - thank you or yes, ser or any number of things, but then there was swearing from across the field.
"Commander!" Hilde shouted.
Cauthrien gave him a tight smile and they both looked over.
Hilde was holding up a girl's dress and smalls, streaked with dirt and blood.