Of Sprites and Polaroids: Chapter 2
Title: Of Sprites and Polaroids
Pairings: Shige/Tegoshi
Rating: R (overall)
II
Being with Tegoshi was an adventure in itself. He was impulsive and unpredictable. One time he called at 3 AM and said he wanted to see the sunrise. Shige had to dress haphazardly and sneak from the dorm. They took the night train and had to walk a few miles to get to the beach. It was dark and cold and Shige thought nobody in their sane mind would do that but they were just two kids looking for adventures. They made out and fooled around until the sun rose painting the beach orange. Then they just sat in silence holding hands. As Shige saw the rising sun reflected in the warm playful eyes he understood what people meant when they said “I want to stop time”. He felt like all of the things that he only read about in books or saw in the movies were now happening to him. And then Tegoshi was standing up and taking his clothes off hastily. As he dashed into the sea completely naked, there was nothing else for Shige to do but follow him.
Tegoshi had sand in his hair but he didn’t care peacefully asleep on Shige’s shoulder as they rode the train back. It was the craziest and most amazing morning in his life.
Shige has been contemplating about renting an apartment since long ago and his parents even agreed to help pay for it but he didn’t want to put any more strain on them. What was even worse, it meant having to talk to people, even bargain and that was one of his worst nightmares. But recently he began to consider it once again. He’d lost count of the times Koyama told him to “get a room” but he made up his mind after that time Tegoshi’s roommate walked in on them.
“He used to scold me all the time for leaving the bathroom messy but now he won’t even look at me,” Tegoshi grinned clearly amused. Shige kind of felt sorry for the guy but he was also glad because now he was standing in his very own apartment. It was tiny and crumpled but close to the campus and the privacy was something of a luxury after the dorm. Of course, it wouldn’t be possible without his special ally who was now smiling sweetly at the landlady.
“Of course I’ll give you a discount, boys.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Yamada. You’re too kind.”
“Oh, please. Call me Keiko,” The woman smiled coyly as if she just turned 18.
As the door closed behind them, Shige looked back at his new home. It wasn’t much but with a little effort, it could be pretty cozy. His thoughts were interrupted suddenly as Tegoshi leaped onto the bed shouting “All aboard!”. This was going to be fun.
“You haven’t done it yet, have you?” Tegoshi asked suddenly. Shige looked up from his Law book confused.
“What?”
“Sex.” Shige knew he was blushing already. He didn’t even think he ever said the word out loud.
“Why do you say that?”
“I can tell.”
“No… I haven’t.” It was pointless to lie and frankly he didn’t want to.
Tegoshi sat next to him and took his hand.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I respect that. It means you don’t want to do it with just anyone.”
“I almost did it once.”
“What happened?” Shige closed his eyes for a moment.
“I was going out with this girl in high school. I really liked her and it seemed to go well. We agreed to do it together. That day her parents weren’t home and we were making out on her bed. I was undressing her and all seemed to be well but then suddenly she freaked out and kept telling me to stop. So I did,” Tegoshi listened carefully. “She asked me to leave. I felt so guilty even though I didn’t do anything wrong. Soon after, she broke up with me. Then… there were rumours that… that I wasn’t man enough. People whispered behind my back, laughed at me.”
“Shige” Tegoshi gently turned his face to meet his eyes. “You know this is bullshit, right? You did the right thing. Screw them. They’re just jerks. It doesn’t matter now. None of that matters now.”
The boy leaned in, pressed his lips against Shige’s. They kissed slowly and Shige felt like he was falling and he never wanted to stop.
“You can do it with me,” the smaller man breathed in his ear sending shivers down his spine.
“O-Ok” Shige stuttered a little. “But not right now.” Tegoshi just smiled and nodded.
When they did do it there were no candles or rose petals. They didn’t dress up either because, as Tegoshi said “it was going to come off anyway.” Shige was still nervous though and the younger man must have felt it.
“Relax, this isn’t an exam,” Tegoshi said with a smile between kisses. “Just do what feels good.” So Shige did. He knew he was bad at this but he really wanted to make it good. He watched his lover’s reaction, tried to do all the things that felt good when he did it to himself. It was awkward and sloppy but so so good.
When it was over, he turned to look at Tegoshi. The young’s man’s face was all sweaty and flushed, his hair messy with strands sticking to his forehead. He was laughing soundlessly and Shige thought that he’d never seen anything more beautiful.
It was a bit later, as they cuddled together simply enjoying each other’s warmth when Tegoshi spoke.
“B +”
“What?”
“You get a B+.” Shige’s face must have looked so incredulous that Tegoshi laughed.
“If I give you an ‘A’ you won’t have any motivation to work harder.” Tegoshi’s eyes looked mischievous and Shige leaned in to kiss that smirk off his face. “That’s the spirit.”
There were rumours. This wasn’t high school so nobody picked on you directly but Shige knew people were talking behind their backs. He didn’t know how it started. Maybe someone saw them kissing that time in the library or maybe it was the way Tegoshi looked at him, he wasn’t sure. Either way, he didn’t really care. They had each other and there was Koyama and a few close friends and for now that was more than enough.
“Te… Yuya?” He still couldn’t get used to using the man’s first name but he liked saying it.
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever wondered if what we’re doing is wrong?” Shige asked as they were lying on the hill overlooking the river. Tegoshi looked at him for a second then asked:
“Does it feel wrong?”
“No.”
“Then it’s not.”
Tegoshi made everything sound so simple. Shige wished he could do the same. For a while, he didn’t say anything not wanting to ruin the moment. But he couldn’t help it; there were so many questions in his head.
“Why are you with me?”
“What?” Tegoshi frowned.
“Why are you with me?”
“What do you expect to hear?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”
“Everyone expects something,” Tegoshi countered and Shige wondered how this young man had an answer to everything. “I could say I’m with you because you’re handsome, smart and funny. Because you’re nice and well-mannered. Because you’re honest and loyal. It wouldn’t be a lie but… That’s not the real reason either.” Tegoshi kept looking up to the sky and Shige waited. “I believe that if you can tell the exact reason you like someone then it’s pointless. None of the things that matter can be put into words.”
“Where do you even get these ideas?”
“Not all ideas are written in the books, you know.” Tegoshi smiled mysteriously and for a moment Shige thought he saw inexplicable sadness in his eyes but then the man leaned in to kiss him and there was no need to think anymore.
It was summer now and Tegoshi’s hair grew longer so he would sometimes put it into a small ponytail which made him took even more feminine than usual. When he smiled mischievously, he looked like some kind of forest sprite rather than a boy.
“Are you even real?” Shige asked once as they were hanging out at his place.
“Huh?” Tegoshi looked at him adorably puzzled.
“Just... sometimes it almost seems like I dreamed you.”
“Giving yourself too much credit, Kato,” Tegoshi said but he was clearly amused.
“I feel like I’m keeping you indoors all the time and you don’t belong here.”
“You’ve been reading too many fantasy books,” Tegoshi laughed and scooted closer. “I’m not going to melt. I am real. Want to know how real I am?”
Shige took him on the offer and made sure to touch every part of the younger man’s body. Tracing the shell of his ear, high cheekbones and delicate lips, running his hands along his arms, marveling at the small hands, going back up only to press his palms against the heaving chest and the hard planes of stomach, circling the navel gently, going lower still. There was no lust involved, just sensual exploration. It was so strange, Shige thought, how he used to fantasize about girls with curvy pliant bodies and big breasts. Tegoshi’s body was small and adolescent-like, all sharp bones and taut muscles but right now he couldn't even imagine wanting to touch anyone else.
A sharp intake of breath interrupted his train of thought and he looked up to meet soft brown eyes looking at him with adoration. Then Tegoshi reached out to bring him closer, press their lips together gently. If this was a dream, Shige thought, he never wanted to wake up.
It’s been a long time since Shige came home. It was strange how everything in this house looked exactly the same whenever he visited as if time lost its power here but he found it really comforting. So many things were changing too fast.
“Mum?”
“Yes, dear?”
“Have you been in love? I mean, before Dad?”
“Why are you asking all of a sudden? Did you finally get a girlfriend?” Mrs. Kato looked at her son with a scrutinizing gaze that made Shige feel like she’s looking right through him.
“Um, no. I’m... Just curious.”
“Well, there was this boy I used to go out with in high school.” Mrs Kato’s gaze softened as she looked into the distance. “He was really sweet. He’d always wait for me after school. Bought me little gifts. Neither of us had money but he always came up with something. We were so in love. We even talked about running away together.”
“What happened?”
“Life, I guess.” The woman looked down to the floor now as if finally coming back to earth. ”When you’re 18 you think you know everything but it’s not like that at all. Feelings alone aren’t enough. But, you know,” Mrs Kato looked back at her son with a gentle smile “You never forget your first love. I’m glad that I can have that kind of memory.”
The weather was perfect but there was no time to relax. Shige was sitting at his desk staring blankly at the half-written essay that was due the next day.
“You should take a break already. You haven’t written a word in the last 10 minutes.” Tegoshi’s voice said from behind him.
“I’m thinking.”
“You’re thinking too much. Your brain needs to rest.”
“You say that as if I can help it.”
“Hmm. I guess I have to help then.”
“As if… “ but Shige’s argument was lost as Tegoshi got into his lap and he was kissed like there’s no tomorrow.
“This is harassment…” Shige said as the man began unbuttoning his shirt.
“Want me to stop?”
“No..."
The sex was amazing. With Tegoshi it wasn’t some kind of ritual, it just happened naturally and the best thing was Shige knew the other man wanted it just as much. Tegoshi preferred to do it during the day. “I don’t know why people do it at night,” he said once. “It’s as if it’s something they are ashamed of, that they want to hide.” Tegoshi also didn’t bother to get dressed afterwards unless it was necessary. He felt perfectly comfortable strolling around in all his naked glory.
“But it’s hot!” he would argue whenever Shige tried to tell him to put something on.
“I like hanging out like this but you really need to go out more.”
“Not you too!” Shige scowled. Tegoshi came up to him from behind embracing him softly and putting his chin on his shoulder.
“I know. When we go out together, I always feel like I have to be careful. Don’t get too close. Don’t touch you. I hate it,” Tegoshi sighed. “But I’m not saying we go to a public beach. We can come up with something to make it really fun.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“There!” Tegoshi commanded and Koyama stopped the car where the younger man pointed. It was a perfect spot indeed. A long stripe of sandy beach stretched for miles and not a soul was around. As soon as they got out of the car, Tegoshi dashed towards the sea. Shige and Koyama spread the cloth and began to unload the food boxes.
“It’s cold!“ Tegoshi was back with a disappointed face. Looking at him Shige couldn’t help but laugh.
“You look like a 3-year old.”
“But I wanted to swim,” Tegoshi pouted but he was then ushered on the blanket by Koyama and received a bento box. They ate and talked and laughed and it felt good. Now, sitting like this with his two closest friends, Shige thought it almost felt normal, as if they were just regular kids enjoying the last weekend of a passing summer.
When they were all full, Shige took his guitar and began to strum. Soon Tegoshi joined him singing along softly.
“Tegoshi, you’re so good!” Koyama exclaimed looking really impressed and Shige felt so peaceful he didn’t even had it in him to complain that nobody complimented his guitar skills. Then Tegoshi got restless just sitting so he jumped to his feet dragging Koyama along with him.
Watching the two men running along the shore, splashing water at each other and laughing like little kids suddenly Shige felt a surge of inexplicable fear. He could not rationalize it but at that moment it felt like this was as good as life can get.
The ride back was silent. Tegoshi had his head on Shige’s shoulder, exhausted after spending so much energy.
“Is something wrong?” the younger man asked quietly. Even now, tired and sleepy he was good at reading emotions.
“Of course not,” Shige replied entwining their fingers and smiling weakly. “Sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”
“Ok” Tegoshi said drifting off instantly.
