Benefits
Title: Benefits
Pairings: Shige/Tegoshi
Rating: R
Warnings: Sexy stuff. But nothing freaky.
A/N: This is my longest story up to date and the first one in NEWS fandom. It took me almost half a year to write and I'm very happy with it. It's not one of those dramatic sappy stories. Basically, it's one of the "what if..." ones, a speculation and I tried to make it realistic, sexy and amusing.
Shige would later say he couldn’t remember how it happened, but the truth was he could.
They drank a lot that night, it was late and Shige asked Tegoshi if he wanted to stay the night. It was a common courtesy, nothing more, but the younger man accepted the offer. Tegoshi jumped on Shige’s bed despite Shige screaming at him to get his ass on the couch. When the culprit didn’t show any intention to move Shige attacked him. He sat on Tegoshi’s stomach and proceeded to tickle his sides mercilessly. He wasn’t sure why he did it. They did it a lot when they were just kids, it seemed fun and hell, he wasn’t very sober. Tegoshi laughed or rather squealed and it was so much fun Shige felt like it was the best stupid idea ever. And then Tegoshi moaned. It was a loud moan and there was no way anyone could misinterpret it. And even if there was all trace of doubt vanished as soon as their eyes met. Tegoshi’s gaze was so wanton and at that point Shige also felt something hard poking his thigh.
Now any normal guy in this situation would freak out, get the hell out and never speak of it again for the rest of their lives. Shige knew that and yet he did exactly the opposite. He tried moving his thigh eliciting the same moan again. That sound and the look in the younger man’s eyes turned him on more than he could ever imagine. And he wanted more. As he moved his body again Tegoshi let out a whine and a breathy “Shige…” and that was it. He couldn’t remember much of what happened next, just that it felt really good.
At any rate it should have been very awkward in the morning. Except it wasn’t, not really and Shige couldn’t figure out why. Tegoshi was lying on his side, head propped on his hand. The snow white sheets barely covered anything. It’s not like there was anything Shige hasn’t seen before - Tegoshi probably didn’t know how to spell “modesty”, and yet the fact that he was now in Shige’s bed in which they had sex just hours before made all the difference in the world. As their eyes met Shige looked away.
“You can look all you want,” Tegoshi said smirking.
“I think I’ve seen enough.”
“That’s not what you said last night.”
“Last night I was drunk” Shige regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Tegoshi’s smirk fell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just… confused.” He felt pathetic but at least Tegoshi’s gaze softened.
“So… you want to forget about it?” The blond man tried to sound casual but Shige could tell it was hard for him to do so.
“It’s not something you can just forget.”
“Yeah. I don’t think I could even if I wanted.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we could use this to our advantage.” Shige looked at Tegoshi but he still found it hard to meet the other man’s eyes.
“How?” Shige wasn’t sure he knew where this was going.
“You may find it hard to believe but I don’t like sleeping around. I know you don’t either. But as men we have our needs.”
“And?”
“Isn’t it better to do it with someone you can trust?”
Shige’s head hurt and he didn’t know what to say.
“Without any complications. We stop as soon as one of us finds someone they like.”
“Sounds so easy” It was hard to think but Shige had a feeling there had to be a catch here somewhere.
Tegoshi sat up and brought his knees to his chest. “It’s just a suggestion.”
Suddenly Shige saw an expression that he couldn’t ever remember seeing on Tegoshi’s face - insecurity. It felt so out of place there and he wanted to make it go away and before he knew it he started talking.
“To be honest, I never saw you that way. Until last night, that is. But I guess I must have wanted it without realizing.” Tegoshi instantly lit up. “I mean, of course I always thought you’re very good-looking.”
“You are very sexy too, Kato-san.” There it was, that wanton look again. Shige has seen it before but he always thought Tegoshi was just fooling around. Now he had a new perspective.
“You never called me that before.”
“Well, we never had sex before” Tegoshi was smirking again.
“Are you trying to bribe me?”
“Maybe.” A clear invitation.
A part of Shige’s mind said “It’s a trap” and another part whispered “Who cares?” Slowly he leaned closer. There was no alcohol obscuring his thoughts and no darkness no hide in. And yet, the pull was still there. He cupped Tegoshi’s cheek with his left hand and the man instantly leaned into it. He resembled a cat and Shige almost expected to hear him purr. The big brown eyes were beckoning, daring him. And he took the challenge.
Tegoshi’s lips felt soft against his and his skin was warm and smooth. Shige almost forgot how good it felt to hold someone close, to share lazy kisses and have gentle hands in your hair. As Tegoshi sighed into his mouth Shige knew the deal was sealed.
They didn’t have any rules but most of the time Tegoshi would call asking if he could come over and Shige would agree. They’d have dinner, chat and then make out and get each other off. Most of the time Tegoshi had work early the next day so he would leave either after that or early in the morning. Which was fine because it’s not like they were dating or anything, Shige told himself.
“What’s with you today?”Koyama asked watching him suspiciously while they were on stand-by waiting for the photoshoot to start.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re smiling. That’s so not like you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Did something happen?” Shige felt screwed. He’d never forgive himself if he lied to him best friend but he wasn’t ready to talk about it either. What should...
“Kei-cha-an!” Tegoshi pounced from behind and clung to Koyama. Shige couldn’t help but laugh at the “trapped animal” expression on the older man’s face. Luckily at that moment the cameraman said they’re good to start and the conversation was forgotten.
Shige watched Tegoshi posing for the photoshoot. The young man changed his pose after every snapshot, touching his face, looking up, throwing seductive glances at the camera. Just like a professional model. A female one. Tegoshi winked at him a few times when no one was looking. Even blew him a kiss once. Shige pretended to be annoyed but he had a hard time trying to stop himself from grinning. He had to admit this whole secret affair thing was turning him on.
To Shige Tegoshi has always been a mix of contradictions. He was very athletic and so competitive he would probably eat dirt if someone dared him to. And yet he was also flirty, manipulative and liked to wear women’s clothes. Shige couldn’t comprehend it and it intrigued him. But that was just the tip of the iceberg as he soon found out. Tegoshi was even more unpredictable in a relationship. Shige never knew what to expect when he opened the door. Sometimes the younger man pretty much attacked him like a predator and sometimes he would be quiet and coy waiting for him to make the first move. There were times when Tegoshi was completely submissive in bed and expecting to be pleased and then there were times when he would take the matter into his own hands... and mouth. And, boy, was he good at it. Just thinking of Tegoshi’s devious smirk as he crawled back and went down on him sent shivers down his spine.
“You have so many faces. Which is the real one? I can’t figure it out.” Shige asked one night as the blond nestled on his chest. His question was received with raised eyebrows. “What do you mean? They’re all real.”
“You’re sleeping with him?! “ Koyama exclaimed and Shige was thankful the restaurant was nearly empty.
“Be quiet!”
“How do you expect me to be quiet when you say something like this?” Right. Shige should have known better.
“How did it happen? No, don’t tell me!” Shige sighed.
“I don’t even know myself.”
Koyama looked like he understood. For a minute or so they sat in comfortable silence as Koyama processed the information. Finally, he leaned back and looked at Shige.
“So what now? Are you dating?”
“No. We’re, you know…” Shige motioned with his hand, “friends with benefits.”
“What’ the difference?”
Shige was about to ask Koyama if he’s stupid but then he realized he wasn’t quite sure himself.
“I guess there’s no romance.”
“This isn’t like you.” Koyama eyed him suspiciously.
“What?”
“It’s not what you need.”
Shige wanted to protest but he couldn’t. He hated how well Koyama knew him.
“Well, I just hope you two know what you’re doing.” It was times like these that Shige knew why they were best friends.
That night as he lay in bed feeling the soft breathing against his neck Shige realized that he definitely got more than he bargained for.
It was strange how easily they fell into this pattern. During the day meeting for photoshoots, interviews and events as bandmates and at night meeting as lovers. It was kind of like an enhanced version of friendship, really. They could talk about anything, drink when they felt like it and have all the sex they wanted - and Tegoshi’s stamina was enviable. There were no complicated feelings, only mutual attraction and respect. And yet, Shige couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something he overlooked, like a passage written in small print at the end of the agreement.
“You’re really good, you know.” Tegoshi said one night as they were lying side by side, sweaty and sated.
“I appreciate your feedback.”Shige replied still unable to hide the grin.
“What? I can write a recommendation letter to your future lovers.”
“Very funny.” Shige bit back but somehow his good mood was suddenly ruined.
Tegoshi’s face might have been feminine but his body was all muscle and sinew. He also had lots of bruises and scratches from soccer and Shige often teased him about it but he still loved every inch of it.
It was so different from the girls he’d slept with. But not even in the physical sense. It was just that with Tegoshi he wasn’t as nervous, wasn’t worried whether he might do something he wouldn’t like while the other man was never shy and didn’t try to hold back at all. It didn’t take long to figure out which things he liked and which not.
“Shige, that tickles. I don’t think… ohhh...” Tegoshi’s giggle turned into a moan and Shige felt like he hit the jackpot.
Massu only found out after a month when he and Shige went shopping together. They were looking through the new accessories at one of their favourite shops when Shige’s phone rang. Somehow he had a premonition about who it might be.
“Hey. No, I’m kinda busy. I’m… I’m with Massu.” The said man was eyeing him curiously.
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
“Was that Tegoshi?”
“Yeah.”
Massu didn’t ask anything but he didn’t get back to what he was doing before either. He just stood there looking at Shige and the young man felt like he had a big sign on his face. He couldn’t take it.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Ok”
They went to the small coffee shop nearby and Shige tried to explain everything to Massu without scarring his innocent mind.
“Koyama already knows so I didn’t want you to find out by yourself and feel like we kept it from you.”
“Well, truthfully, that’s not something I wanted to know but… Thank you for telling me. I would probably get upset if I found out by myself.”
Shige smiled at the young man’s honesty.
“I hope we’ll never bring it up again. But Shige… be careful. Tegoshi isn’t a bad person but he can be very selfish at times.”
“Thank you.” Shige thought he must be really messed up if he was getting relationship advice from Massu of all people.
Shige loved it when Tegoshi came after soccer practice his hair disheveled and his skin flushed. He seemed to be glowing as he described how the game went and who scored. Shige couldn’t care less about soccer but he always listened patiently. Tegoshi’s eyes shone and he seemed so full of energy that it made Shige feel younger and more alive.
One evening Tegoshi called after practice and asked if he could come over. There was something different about his voice but Shige couldn’t really tell what.
“I bought wine.”
“Tegoshi, I have to work early tomorrow.”
“Just a little. Please.”
“Alright.” Shige often scolded Koyama for being weak to Tegoshi’s tantrums but the truth was he wasn’t much better. When the culprit arrived Shige didn’t ask anything. He knew that man would talk if he wanted to.
An hour and a bottle of wine later they were sprawled on the couch in the living room.
“Why do you like soccer so much?” It was an absurdly simple question Shige was sure he would never ask if he were sober.
“I dunno. I guess it’s because it makes me feel alive. When I play I don’t have to think. I just feel and act.”
“It was like that since I was little. I could play all day and never wanted it to be over. But then I went home and I felt so alone.” Being the only child Shige knew exactly how that felt.
“My parents were never there and when they were they ususally fought. I even talked to my toys. I thought they were alive. I know that’s so stupid but I talked to them up until middle school.” Tegoshi laughed a little but it sounded strangled. “And then father left.”
Shige didn’t really notice when he scooted closer, when he put his arm around Tegoshi’s shoulders and started stroking his hair.
“Sorry. I didn’t want to sound pitiful.”
“You didn’t. It’s ok to feel sad sometimes. Even for you.”
“I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not lacking anything.”
“I know.” Shige whispered into his hair. “And seriously, you’re probably the least pitiful person I’ve ever met. I mean, you have no idea. I felt like I was a failure by the time I entered elementary.”
“You’re terrible. ” Tegoshi said while trying to stop laughing.
“Yeah. But when I’m with you I feel like I’m not that bad.”
They sat in silence for awhile Shige holding the younger boy close. He couldn’t explain why it felt so good nor the aching feeling in his chest.
“Shige?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for listening to my nonsense.”
“You’re welcome.”
They didn’t have sex that night but it felt natural for Shige to put his arms around the blond as they drifted off to sleep.
It was another endless photoshoot. As they were asked to wait for the set to be adjusted Shige went to the small love seat hoping to relax. Except the moment he sat down Tegoshi came out of nowhere and plopped into his lap. For a moment Shige panicked since there were many staff members around and anyone could see them. But then he realized that this was something Tegoshi has been doing for years and it’s not like anyone cared anyway. “Relax” Tegoshi said quietly. “Nobody cares. Besides, things are best hidden out in the open.”
After they wrapped up for the day the four of them went to dinner together. Lately their schedules never really matched and it was good to finally spend time together in private. They were chatting animatedly, sharing recent news and making jokes. It felt like being around family.
It was getting late and Koyama said he would be leaving soon as Shige turned to Tegoshi and asked quietly:
“Do you want to come over after this?” The blond looked at him with a strange expression and for a moment Shige thought he might be rejected but then Tegoshi smiled.
“Sure”
“You never invite me over!” Massu whined as he overheard their conversation. Which was a big mistake because before Shige came up with an answer Tegoshi turned to him with a sweet smile and said:
“What do you say, Shige? Should we invite him too? It could be interesting.”
It took a moment for Massu to realize the implication but then his eyes widened in shock and his mouth opened comically. Tegoshi was already laughing so hard he nearly fell over into Shige’s lap. Massu was still silent and getting redder by the moment and Shige almost felt sorry for him except he couldn’t stop laughing too.
Shige always said he liked mature women with a refined taste. But here he was with an adolescent-like man covered in leopard print and skull patterns. And yet, it was good.
“This is so good!” Tegoshi closed his eyes in delight as he devoured the fish Shige cooked for him.
“You enjoy it too much! I’m beginning to think you use me just for food.”
“No, I’m using you for sex. The food is just a bonus.” Shige’s face must have looked quite scandalized since Tegoshi couldn’t stop laughing. “Shige, I’m just joking. You know I’m grateful when you cook for me.” That sweet smile would let him get away with a murder, Shige thought silencing the little nagging voice at the back of his mind.
The sex was good though. Tonight in bed there was no trace of Tegoshi the idol, sweet talking and deliberate gestures. Just a sensual creature acting on pure impulse, eyes dark and hypnotizing. He liked pleasing as much as he liked to be pleased and knew how to use is hands and mouth to drive Shige mad with lust. But the older man always returned the favour. As far as everyone was concerned Tegoshi Yuya never begged, he always took what he wanted. So Shige took special pleasure in making him squirm and writhe and whine. He wasn’t some kind of control freak, but he really liked to see the stoic man fall apart under his touch.
Hours later Shige was watching the young man sleeping in his bed. His hair was a mess and a few red spots marred his skin but even then he was still undeniably beautiful. He looked so frail but Shige knew what a great power nestled within this small body. Only a fool could think he could have this amazing man in his bed and not want more. The first rays of light were crawling down the sheets and Shige felt he was in so deep.
Something has changed, Shige could feel it. Tegoshi wasn’t acting like his usual careless self. Last time he came over he was quiet and seemed so distant, as if there was something on his mind but when Shige asked he said it was nothing. Later, in bed it was even more apparent. Normally, he’d be very active and playful but now he was rather letting Shige do things. He seemed more self-conscious somehow and yet very responsive.
As things began to get heated suddenly Tegoshi freed himself from his grip and began to get dressed. He said he had filming early in the morning but it sounded forced. As the young man got his things and was about to leave he suddenly stilled, came up to Shige and kissed his cheek muttering a “Sorry” before walking out the door.
It’s been a week since they’ve seen each other and Tegoshi hasn’t called once. It wasn’t that long but Shige had a drama coming soon and he knew he wounldn’t have much free time in the next few months.
“Maybe I should call him? That’s right. Why am I waiting for him to call? This should work both ways.” With that he dialed Tegoshi’s number. One dial, two… the younger man didn’t pick up. With each second Shige was getting more nervous. Finally after the fourth dial he heard rustle and then a tired voice.
“Hello?” Tegoshi sounded like he didn’t know who was calling.
“Hey. It’s me. What are you doing?”
“Ah, Shige. Sorry, I can’t talk right now. I’m a little busy.” In the background Shige could hear many voices talking and laughing. “I’ll call you later.” Tegoshi hung up and Shige just stood there for a few minutes feeling like a complete idiot.
Later never came though. Shige tried to tell himself it didn’t mean anything but his mind was working against him supplying him with nagging thoughts. “Where was he?” “Was that a party?” “Who was he with?” “What if he’s seeing someone else?”
“He wouldn’t.” Shige told himself. But then again it’s not like they were dating so it wouldn’t be considered cheating. Maybe he got bored with their little intrigue. After all Tegoshi always liked challenges.
Another week went by until Tegoshi called again.
“Hey. Are you at home?”
“Yes, but…”
“Good. I’ll come over in about half an hour, ok?” The brat didn’t even wait for confirmation. How typical.
Tegoshi turned up even faster, Shige noted. He seemed to be in a good mood. However, he soon noticed Shige’s frown.
“Is something wrong?” Shige took a moment to collect his thoughts. It was now or never.
“Yes.” There. He said it. Tegoshi looked a little startled but there was no turning back now.
“Lately I feel like some sort of mistress. You keep booty-calling me whenever you please. You’re not the only one who’s busy. Did it ever cross your mind that I have other things to do?”
Tegoshi’s face changed. He looked stern and a little angry.
“We’ve agreed to this, didn’t we? Don’t make it seem like I’m using you. If you were unsatisfied with this you could have said so from the start.”
“How would I know what this would come to?”
“What this would come to? We’ve agreed to meet and have sex and that’s what we do, how is this surprising? I’m even letting you do whatever you want.”
“You make it sound like I’m doing something kinky.”
“Whatever. You always complain about everything.”
“I do not!”
“Oh, you do. You’ve known me for years, what did you expect?” Tegoshi’s voice sounded a little strangled and somehow Shige forgot all his perfectly reasonable arguments. But he wasn’t about to lose this argument just like that so he went for the kill.
“Tell me then, have you been with someone else since we started this… thing?” Tegoshi looked at him dead in the eyes. It was actually a little scary.
“Why are you asking me this now?”
“Because I want to know obviously.”
Tegoshi’s mouth opened and closed again.
“You have, haven’t you?”
“Looks like you already decided by yourself. I better go.”
“Tegoshi.”
“I guess after all it’ll be better to find a sweet girl who’ll cook and clean and wait for you at home and listen to you with an open mouth so I won’t stand in your way.” With that Tegoshi rushed out of the apartment.
“Well, this didn’t go very well.” Shige thought as he heard his front door slammed shut.
Next time they met was to do some magazine interviews. Tegoshi was as professional as ever answering the questions with enthusiasm, talking to the staff and smiling sweetly. Except none of the smiles reached his eyes.
“So, next we’d like to ask you what kids of girls you like.” The interviewer asked as if they haven’t answered that question a thousand times already. “Um, Tegoshi-kun.”
“I like feminine girls, both in character and appearance. ”
“I see. Kato-kun?”
“I like mature elegant women.” Both were standard answers and they used it at least a dozen times but for some reason now it felt different, wrong somehow. Tegoshi didn’t meet his eyes. He finished his parts quickly, thanked the staff and left right after saying he had other work. Koyama followed him with sad eyes before turning back with a stern look.
“Shige, we need to talk.”That was the last thing Shige wanted to do right now but he couldn’t refuse. Koyama would never let it go anyway.
“So what happened between you two?” Koyama asked with those sad motherly eyes as they sat in the empty cafeteria on the 3rd floor of the building.
“Why do you think something happened?”
“Shige, I may not be very smart but I’m not blind.”Koyama looked almost angry which was an expression you didn’t see on his face often and it made Shige guilty.
“Sorry. We had a fight.” Shige sighed. “I guess you were right all along. This isn’t working. I just don’t know what to do.” Koyama looked sympathetic now.
“You need to fix this.”
“Are you saying I should try to get things back to how they were?”
“I’m saying you should talk and resolve your issues. I can see it’s hurting you both. Whether you sleep together or not is not for me to decide. But first and foremost you are friends.“
“You’re right.”
“Besides, we’re a band. We can’t afford to have any conflicts. Not now.” There’s a reason Koyama is the leader, Shige thought but he’d never say it out loud.
“I know. I will fix this. I just don’t know how yet.”
“Well, maybe you’re thinking too much. Maybe you’re making things more complicated than they are.” Koyama seemed to voice the thoughs that Shige himself couldn’t. The guy was smarter than he looked.
“He’s changed, you know.” The older man added.
“Tegoshi? How?”
“He became more considerate. He chooses his words carefully. It’s like he’s gotten more mature“
“I guess.” Now that he thought about it Tegoshi did seem to act differently. He was still a brat but he seemed to be trying his best to be a nicer brat.
“You changed too.” Shige looked up.
“I did?”
“Yeah. You seemed calmer lately. More confident. Happier.” Shige bit his lip not knowing what to say.
“Just talk to him, ok? You’ll figure it out.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“I just want you both to be happy, you know.”
“I know.”
“Why couldn’t I just fall for Koyama instead?” Shige asked himself. “Because who would listen to all your whining then?” a tiny voice at the back of his mind answered.
It wasn’t at all surprising to have a visitor that very night.
“Koyama talked to you?” Shige asked calmly as he stepped back to let the man in.
“No.” Was all he got in reply. Shige paused for a second but escorted him to the kitchen.
“Are you hungry? Or should I get something to drink?” Tegoshi shook his head. He didn’t say anything for awhile but this time Shige tried to be patient.
“It’s been awhile since we met like this. Just the two of us. I missed this.” This was something Shige didn’t expect to hear. “You know, being with you. We’ve always been friends. I know I can never be like Koyama to you but...”
“That’s right. I never slept with Koyama.” That earned him a smile then another heavy silence fell.
“I met with my father.” Tegoshi said suddenly.
“What?”
“That’s why I couldn’t see you.” Tegoshi sighed. “I… didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t want to come to you and whine. I needed to deal with this on my own.”
“You could have at least told me that.”
“I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier that way. But it’s all settled now.” Tegoshi actually looked apologetic.
“You’re stupid.” Shige said but by now Tegoshi knew it was a term of endearment more than anything.
“I know.” The blond smiled and even though his smile was sad at least it was real. “I’m sorry. I just... I’ve never felt like this before. I have been in love but this is different.”
“How?” Shige frowned.
“Shige, I like hanging out with you. You know, there are some people who I can’t wait to meet but then after a few hours I get a tired of them and sometimes I even get annoyed but with you it’s different. I’m not madly in love with you and I’m not super-excited when I see you...”
“Well, that’s good to know” Tegoshi continued ignoring the comment.
“But these past few months after a whole day packed with interviews, photoshoots, radio shows and what not all I could think of was how much I wanted to flop onto your couch and just ramble aimlessly.”
“Tegoshi...”
“We would always talk about the most random of things. And sometimes you’d let me watch soccer and even pretended you care. You always make me laugh. And let me do stupid things. I feel like myself the most when I’m with you.” Tegoshi smiled but his eyes were shining. “I feel like I’m home.”
Shige couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped closer gently embracing the younger man. It only took a second before Tegoshi relaxed in his arms. Then he spoke again.
“I liked what we had, you know. I thought about what you said last time. At first I couldn’t understand why you were angry with me. But I think now I understand a little. With good things in your life it’s so easy to start taking them for granted. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
“No, no. I’m the one who has to apologize. I wasn’t angry at you. I was angry at myself. Koyama was right. This whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing doesn’t work for me.”
“Why?” Tegoshi looked up at him with his big cat eyes.
“I... I don’t think I can sleep with someone without getting emotionally attached.” That seemed good enough of an explanation but Tegoshi was frowning.
“Is there anyone who can?” Shige felt all words fail him. The younger man drew away a little but didn’t let go.
“Look, I don’t think I can give you what you want. I can’t build my life around you. I can’t always be there but... you mean a lot to me. I want to spend time with you, go on trips with you, do stupid things with you. For all it’s worth, I really care about you and I want to make you happy.” Shige listened mesmerized. It was those kinds of talks that made him admire Tegoshi. He’d be dead before he could say anything like that. But the blond man seemed to misinterpret his silence. “But if that’s not good enough for you I’ll understand.”
“No! I mean it is! I just… I want this.” Shige stuttered but Tegoshi smiled smugly putting his arms around his neck and drawing closer until his mouth was close to Shige’s ear.
“Good. Because I don’t want to give you up. I don’t want anyone else to have you.” Tegoshi’s voice was low and possessive and Shige felt a shiver run down his spine. “These past few weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About us...”
“I missed you like crazy” Shige whispered into his hair not willing to let go. “I’m sorry about everything I said. I am just an insecure idiot.” Shige tried again. “I go crazy when I imagine someone else touching you.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else.” Tegoshi admitted not looking up. “Not since that first night. I never wanted to.”
“Oh.”
“I was so angry when you asked me. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“I’m sorry”
“Stop saying that.”
“Sorry.” Shige said again and almost bit his tongue. Tegoshi just laughed. Shige thought he’d surely say something stupid again so instead he went for a kiss.
“Can we talk later? I don’t think I can think straight with the way you’re kissing me.” Tegoshi said breathless.
“Neither can I” Shige admitted. Trying to figure out which way was the bedroom while Tegoshi was looking at him with hungry eyes was hard enough.
Tegoshi was practically ripping his clothes off and Shige was happy to cooperate eager to feel skin on skin. They fell on the bed in a messy pile and Shige laughed but a moment later he was silenced by a searing kiss as the younger man’s hands eagerly explored his body. Shige let him take over for awhile then turned them around pinning the blond underneath. Tegoshi’s normally soft brown eyes seemed almost black. Shige ran his hands over the strong thighs and toned stomach, kissing the heated skin. They’ve done it at least a dozen times but this was different. There was no need to hold back, no need to pretend it didn’t mean anything.
It didn’t take long for them to reach their completion but when Shige was about to move he felt legs wrapping around him preventing him from moving. As he looked down at Tegoshi he met with a devious smirk.
“Shige, let’s do it.” He didn’t need to ask to understand what that meant.
“Now? But wouldn’t it...”
“I don’t care. I want you now.” Tegoshi’s tone did not foresee any arguing. Not that Shige wanted to. He was already getting hard again.
“Tegoshi, I just...”
“It’s “Yuuya”.”
“Yuuya” The name felt unfamiliar but good on his tongue. Tegoshi smiled, pleased.
“I don’t care if it’s bad, ok? I just want to do it with you.”
“That’s the sexiest thing anyone has ever told me.”
The man laughed and Shige thought he’ll never get tired of hearing it.
Tegoshi kept telling him to hurry with the preparation Shige wouldn’t have any of it enjoying the whining noises the blond made. As he finally pushed in the onslaught of feelings made him close his eyes. When he opened them he saw Tegoshi smiling up at him.
“Good?”
“Yeah” was all Shige could reply but the face must have said it all.
“Then move.”
So he did. Slowly at first, carefully watching his lover’s face then picking up pace but still cautious.
“Shige. Stop worrying. I’m good. I’m...” Tegoshi let out a loud moan arching his back. That gave Shige confidence, he shifted slightly to get a good leverage and began to move faster. Apparently it was working since the younger man seemed to melt against him.
“Shige, Shige, Shige... ” a breathless half-whisper into his ear as the blond clung to his shoulders. His vision blurred and all his perception seemed to narrow down to the feeling of hot body underneath, the sweet voice in his ears and an intoxicating scent. He knew they were both close but it still caught him by surprise.
It was awkward and messy and perfect and for a few moments Shige forgot how to breathe. Then he looked down at his partner. Shige always thought Tegoshi was especially beautiful when he played soccer or sang on stage. But he was even more beautiful now, as he laughed silently, all sweaty and flushed in his bed.
Shige didn’t want to move away but they both needed to catch their breath.
“This was...” Shige uttered as they lay side by side, their fingers intertwined.
“I know. Just think of how good it’s gonna get with practice.” Tegoshi said dreamily.
A minute passed in silence before Shige asked the question that just couldn’t wait.
“So what now?”
Tegoshi turned on his side slowly and propped his head on his hand before answering with a straight face.
“Now you have to marry me.”
Shige nearly choked laughing.
“What? I was voted 3rd on the list of Johnnys you’d want to have as a wife.”
“Right.”
“What did you expect to hear?” Tegoshi asked turning more serious. "We both have things to do. I have a tight schedule and a lot of friends.”
“And soccer.”
“And soccer.” Tegoshi laughed. “But I love being with you. Always have. I know I can be selfish but that’s just how I am. If something’s bothering you you have to tell me.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“We probably will though. But that’s ok. All the couples do.” The word “couples” made Shige’s heart skip a beat but he did his best to hide it.
“Besides,” Tegoshi continued in a lower voice “The make-up sex is great.”
“I really like you, you know. You drive me crazy sometimes but I like you a lot.”
“Even if I’m not mature and classy?” Tegoshi asked turning on his side again, his fingers casually tracing patterns on Shige’s chest.
“Yup.”
“Well, I like you too. Even if you’re not very feminine.”
“Gee, thanks, I guess.”
“You were pretty cute as a high-school girl though.” Tegoshi added with a leer and Shige laughed.
“Nowhere near as cute as you were.”
“Well, nobody is as cute as I am”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Make me.” Shige couldn’t be happier to comply.
Shige woke up from the sound of a phone ringing. A phone that wasn’t his. Thankfully the ringing stopped soon enough and he was about to go back to sleep when he heard Tegoshi’s voice.
“Hello.”
Shige opened his eyes slightly to see Tegoshi’s naked back as he clutched the phone tightly. He couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation but it was easy to guess.
“Hey. Ah, right. I forgot.”
“What? No, I’m fine just... I can’t make it today. There’s something... something important I need to do. Sorry.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll talk to you later, ok? Bye.”
As Tegoshi put the phone down Shige closed his eyes hoping his acting skills were good enough to fake sleep. For a few minutes he couldn’t hear anything. Then there was shuffling and a warm body snuggling up to his, shifting like a cat to find the most comfortable position until finally settling. Shige felt a soft sigh and a smile against his shoulder. For once in his life he felt like a winner.
.
Pairings: Shige/Tegoshi
Rating: R
Warnings: Sexy stuff. But nothing freaky.
A/N: This is my longest story up to date and the first one in NEWS fandom. It took me almost half a year to write and I'm very happy with it. It's not one of those dramatic sappy stories. Basically, it's one of the "what if..." ones, a speculation and I tried to make it realistic, sexy and amusing.
Shige would later say he couldn’t remember how it happened, but the truth was he could.
They drank a lot that night, it was late and Shige asked Tegoshi if he wanted to stay the night. It was a common courtesy, nothing more, but the younger man accepted the offer. Tegoshi jumped on Shige’s bed despite Shige screaming at him to get his ass on the couch. When the culprit didn’t show any intention to move Shige attacked him. He sat on Tegoshi’s stomach and proceeded to tickle his sides mercilessly. He wasn’t sure why he did it. They did it a lot when they were just kids, it seemed fun and hell, he wasn’t very sober. Tegoshi laughed or rather squealed and it was so much fun Shige felt like it was the best stupid idea ever. And then Tegoshi moaned. It was a loud moan and there was no way anyone could misinterpret it. And even if there was all trace of doubt vanished as soon as their eyes met. Tegoshi’s gaze was so wanton and at that point Shige also felt something hard poking his thigh.
Now any normal guy in this situation would freak out, get the hell out and never speak of it again for the rest of their lives. Shige knew that and yet he did exactly the opposite. He tried moving his thigh eliciting the same moan again. That sound and the look in the younger man’s eyes turned him on more than he could ever imagine. And he wanted more. As he moved his body again Tegoshi let out a whine and a breathy “Shige…” and that was it. He couldn’t remember much of what happened next, just that it felt really good.
At any rate it should have been very awkward in the morning. Except it wasn’t, not really and Shige couldn’t figure out why. Tegoshi was lying on his side, head propped on his hand. The snow white sheets barely covered anything. It’s not like there was anything Shige hasn’t seen before - Tegoshi probably didn’t know how to spell “modesty”, and yet the fact that he was now in Shige’s bed in which they had sex just hours before made all the difference in the world. As their eyes met Shige looked away.
“You can look all you want,” Tegoshi said smirking.
“I think I’ve seen enough.”
“That’s not what you said last night.”
“Last night I was drunk” Shige regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Tegoshi’s smirk fell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just… confused.” He felt pathetic but at least Tegoshi’s gaze softened.
“So… you want to forget about it?” The blond man tried to sound casual but Shige could tell it was hard for him to do so.
“It’s not something you can just forget.”
“Yeah. I don’t think I could even if I wanted.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we could use this to our advantage.” Shige looked at Tegoshi but he still found it hard to meet the other man’s eyes.
“How?” Shige wasn’t sure he knew where this was going.
“You may find it hard to believe but I don’t like sleeping around. I know you don’t either. But as men we have our needs.”
“And?”
“Isn’t it better to do it with someone you can trust?”
Shige’s head hurt and he didn’t know what to say.
“Without any complications. We stop as soon as one of us finds someone they like.”
“Sounds so easy” It was hard to think but Shige had a feeling there had to be a catch here somewhere.
Tegoshi sat up and brought his knees to his chest. “It’s just a suggestion.”
Suddenly Shige saw an expression that he couldn’t ever remember seeing on Tegoshi’s face - insecurity. It felt so out of place there and he wanted to make it go away and before he knew it he started talking.
“To be honest, I never saw you that way. Until last night, that is. But I guess I must have wanted it without realizing.” Tegoshi instantly lit up. “I mean, of course I always thought you’re very good-looking.”
“You are very sexy too, Kato-san.” There it was, that wanton look again. Shige has seen it before but he always thought Tegoshi was just fooling around. Now he had a new perspective.
“You never called me that before.”
“Well, we never had sex before” Tegoshi was smirking again.
“Are you trying to bribe me?”
“Maybe.” A clear invitation.
A part of Shige’s mind said “It’s a trap” and another part whispered “Who cares?” Slowly he leaned closer. There was no alcohol obscuring his thoughts and no darkness no hide in. And yet, the pull was still there. He cupped Tegoshi’s cheek with his left hand and the man instantly leaned into it. He resembled a cat and Shige almost expected to hear him purr. The big brown eyes were beckoning, daring him. And he took the challenge.
Tegoshi’s lips felt soft against his and his skin was warm and smooth. Shige almost forgot how good it felt to hold someone close, to share lazy kisses and have gentle hands in your hair. As Tegoshi sighed into his mouth Shige knew the deal was sealed.
They didn’t have any rules but most of the time Tegoshi would call asking if he could come over and Shige would agree. They’d have dinner, chat and then make out and get each other off. Most of the time Tegoshi had work early the next day so he would leave either after that or early in the morning. Which was fine because it’s not like they were dating or anything, Shige told himself.
“What’s with you today?”Koyama asked watching him suspiciously while they were on stand-by waiting for the photoshoot to start.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re smiling. That’s so not like you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Did something happen?” Shige felt screwed. He’d never forgive himself if he lied to him best friend but he wasn’t ready to talk about it either. What should...
“Kei-cha-an!” Tegoshi pounced from behind and clung to Koyama. Shige couldn’t help but laugh at the “trapped animal” expression on the older man’s face. Luckily at that moment the cameraman said they’re good to start and the conversation was forgotten.
Shige watched Tegoshi posing for the photoshoot. The young man changed his pose after every snapshot, touching his face, looking up, throwing seductive glances at the camera. Just like a professional model. A female one. Tegoshi winked at him a few times when no one was looking. Even blew him a kiss once. Shige pretended to be annoyed but he had a hard time trying to stop himself from grinning. He had to admit this whole secret affair thing was turning him on.
To Shige Tegoshi has always been a mix of contradictions. He was very athletic and so competitive he would probably eat dirt if someone dared him to. And yet he was also flirty, manipulative and liked to wear women’s clothes. Shige couldn’t comprehend it and it intrigued him. But that was just the tip of the iceberg as he soon found out. Tegoshi was even more unpredictable in a relationship. Shige never knew what to expect when he opened the door. Sometimes the younger man pretty much attacked him like a predator and sometimes he would be quiet and coy waiting for him to make the first move. There were times when Tegoshi was completely submissive in bed and expecting to be pleased and then there were times when he would take the matter into his own hands... and mouth. And, boy, was he good at it. Just thinking of Tegoshi’s devious smirk as he crawled back and went down on him sent shivers down his spine.
“You have so many faces. Which is the real one? I can’t figure it out.” Shige asked one night as the blond nestled on his chest. His question was received with raised eyebrows. “What do you mean? They’re all real.”
“You’re sleeping with him?! “ Koyama exclaimed and Shige was thankful the restaurant was nearly empty.
“Be quiet!”
“How do you expect me to be quiet when you say something like this?” Right. Shige should have known better.
“How did it happen? No, don’t tell me!” Shige sighed.
“I don’t even know myself.”
Koyama looked like he understood. For a minute or so they sat in comfortable silence as Koyama processed the information. Finally, he leaned back and looked at Shige.
“So what now? Are you dating?”
“No. We’re, you know…” Shige motioned with his hand, “friends with benefits.”
“What’ the difference?”
Shige was about to ask Koyama if he’s stupid but then he realized he wasn’t quite sure himself.
“I guess there’s no romance.”
“This isn’t like you.” Koyama eyed him suspiciously.
“What?”
“It’s not what you need.”
Shige wanted to protest but he couldn’t. He hated how well Koyama knew him.
“Well, I just hope you two know what you’re doing.” It was times like these that Shige knew why they were best friends.
That night as he lay in bed feeling the soft breathing against his neck Shige realized that he definitely got more than he bargained for.
It was strange how easily they fell into this pattern. During the day meeting for photoshoots, interviews and events as bandmates and at night meeting as lovers. It was kind of like an enhanced version of friendship, really. They could talk about anything, drink when they felt like it and have all the sex they wanted - and Tegoshi’s stamina was enviable. There were no complicated feelings, only mutual attraction and respect. And yet, Shige couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something he overlooked, like a passage written in small print at the end of the agreement.
“You’re really good, you know.” Tegoshi said one night as they were lying side by side, sweaty and sated.
“I appreciate your feedback.”Shige replied still unable to hide the grin.
“What? I can write a recommendation letter to your future lovers.”
“Very funny.” Shige bit back but somehow his good mood was suddenly ruined.
Tegoshi’s face might have been feminine but his body was all muscle and sinew. He also had lots of bruises and scratches from soccer and Shige often teased him about it but he still loved every inch of it.
It was so different from the girls he’d slept with. But not even in the physical sense. It was just that with Tegoshi he wasn’t as nervous, wasn’t worried whether he might do something he wouldn’t like while the other man was never shy and didn’t try to hold back at all. It didn’t take long to figure out which things he liked and which not.
“Shige, that tickles. I don’t think… ohhh...” Tegoshi’s giggle turned into a moan and Shige felt like he hit the jackpot.
Massu only found out after a month when he and Shige went shopping together. They were looking through the new accessories at one of their favourite shops when Shige’s phone rang. Somehow he had a premonition about who it might be.
“Hey. No, I’m kinda busy. I’m… I’m with Massu.” The said man was eyeing him curiously.
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
“Was that Tegoshi?”
“Yeah.”
Massu didn’t ask anything but he didn’t get back to what he was doing before either. He just stood there looking at Shige and the young man felt like he had a big sign on his face. He couldn’t take it.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Ok”
They went to the small coffee shop nearby and Shige tried to explain everything to Massu without scarring his innocent mind.
“Koyama already knows so I didn’t want you to find out by yourself and feel like we kept it from you.”
“Well, truthfully, that’s not something I wanted to know but… Thank you for telling me. I would probably get upset if I found out by myself.”
Shige smiled at the young man’s honesty.
“I hope we’ll never bring it up again. But Shige… be careful. Tegoshi isn’t a bad person but he can be very selfish at times.”
“Thank you.” Shige thought he must be really messed up if he was getting relationship advice from Massu of all people.
Shige loved it when Tegoshi came after soccer practice his hair disheveled and his skin flushed. He seemed to be glowing as he described how the game went and who scored. Shige couldn’t care less about soccer but he always listened patiently. Tegoshi’s eyes shone and he seemed so full of energy that it made Shige feel younger and more alive.
One evening Tegoshi called after practice and asked if he could come over. There was something different about his voice but Shige couldn’t really tell what.
“I bought wine.”
“Tegoshi, I have to work early tomorrow.”
“Just a little. Please.”
“Alright.” Shige often scolded Koyama for being weak to Tegoshi’s tantrums but the truth was he wasn’t much better. When the culprit arrived Shige didn’t ask anything. He knew that man would talk if he wanted to.
An hour and a bottle of wine later they were sprawled on the couch in the living room.
“Why do you like soccer so much?” It was an absurdly simple question Shige was sure he would never ask if he were sober.
“I dunno. I guess it’s because it makes me feel alive. When I play I don’t have to think. I just feel and act.”
“It was like that since I was little. I could play all day and never wanted it to be over. But then I went home and I felt so alone.” Being the only child Shige knew exactly how that felt.
“My parents were never there and when they were they ususally fought. I even talked to my toys. I thought they were alive. I know that’s so stupid but I talked to them up until middle school.” Tegoshi laughed a little but it sounded strangled. “And then father left.”
Shige didn’t really notice when he scooted closer, when he put his arm around Tegoshi’s shoulders and started stroking his hair.
“Sorry. I didn’t want to sound pitiful.”
“You didn’t. It’s ok to feel sad sometimes. Even for you.”
“I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not lacking anything.”
“I know.” Shige whispered into his hair. “And seriously, you’re probably the least pitiful person I’ve ever met. I mean, you have no idea. I felt like I was a failure by the time I entered elementary.”
“You’re terrible. ” Tegoshi said while trying to stop laughing.
“Yeah. But when I’m with you I feel like I’m not that bad.”
They sat in silence for awhile Shige holding the younger boy close. He couldn’t explain why it felt so good nor the aching feeling in his chest.
“Shige?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for listening to my nonsense.”
“You’re welcome.”
They didn’t have sex that night but it felt natural for Shige to put his arms around the blond as they drifted off to sleep.
It was another endless photoshoot. As they were asked to wait for the set to be adjusted Shige went to the small love seat hoping to relax. Except the moment he sat down Tegoshi came out of nowhere and plopped into his lap. For a moment Shige panicked since there were many staff members around and anyone could see them. But then he realized that this was something Tegoshi has been doing for years and it’s not like anyone cared anyway. “Relax” Tegoshi said quietly. “Nobody cares. Besides, things are best hidden out in the open.”
After they wrapped up for the day the four of them went to dinner together. Lately their schedules never really matched and it was good to finally spend time together in private. They were chatting animatedly, sharing recent news and making jokes. It felt like being around family.
It was getting late and Koyama said he would be leaving soon as Shige turned to Tegoshi and asked quietly:
“Do you want to come over after this?” The blond looked at him with a strange expression and for a moment Shige thought he might be rejected but then Tegoshi smiled.
“Sure”
“You never invite me over!” Massu whined as he overheard their conversation. Which was a big mistake because before Shige came up with an answer Tegoshi turned to him with a sweet smile and said:
“What do you say, Shige? Should we invite him too? It could be interesting.”
It took a moment for Massu to realize the implication but then his eyes widened in shock and his mouth opened comically. Tegoshi was already laughing so hard he nearly fell over into Shige’s lap. Massu was still silent and getting redder by the moment and Shige almost felt sorry for him except he couldn’t stop laughing too.
Shige always said he liked mature women with a refined taste. But here he was with an adolescent-like man covered in leopard print and skull patterns. And yet, it was good.
“This is so good!” Tegoshi closed his eyes in delight as he devoured the fish Shige cooked for him.
“You enjoy it too much! I’m beginning to think you use me just for food.”
“No, I’m using you for sex. The food is just a bonus.” Shige’s face must have looked quite scandalized since Tegoshi couldn’t stop laughing. “Shige, I’m just joking. You know I’m grateful when you cook for me.” That sweet smile would let him get away with a murder, Shige thought silencing the little nagging voice at the back of his mind.
The sex was good though. Tonight in bed there was no trace of Tegoshi the idol, sweet talking and deliberate gestures. Just a sensual creature acting on pure impulse, eyes dark and hypnotizing. He liked pleasing as much as he liked to be pleased and knew how to use is hands and mouth to drive Shige mad with lust. But the older man always returned the favour. As far as everyone was concerned Tegoshi Yuya never begged, he always took what he wanted. So Shige took special pleasure in making him squirm and writhe and whine. He wasn’t some kind of control freak, but he really liked to see the stoic man fall apart under his touch.
Hours later Shige was watching the young man sleeping in his bed. His hair was a mess and a few red spots marred his skin but even then he was still undeniably beautiful. He looked so frail but Shige knew what a great power nestled within this small body. Only a fool could think he could have this amazing man in his bed and not want more. The first rays of light were crawling down the sheets and Shige felt he was in so deep.
Something has changed, Shige could feel it. Tegoshi wasn’t acting like his usual careless self. Last time he came over he was quiet and seemed so distant, as if there was something on his mind but when Shige asked he said it was nothing. Later, in bed it was even more apparent. Normally, he’d be very active and playful but now he was rather letting Shige do things. He seemed more self-conscious somehow and yet very responsive.
As things began to get heated suddenly Tegoshi freed himself from his grip and began to get dressed. He said he had filming early in the morning but it sounded forced. As the young man got his things and was about to leave he suddenly stilled, came up to Shige and kissed his cheek muttering a “Sorry” before walking out the door.
It’s been a week since they’ve seen each other and Tegoshi hasn’t called once. It wasn’t that long but Shige had a drama coming soon and he knew he wounldn’t have much free time in the next few months.
“Maybe I should call him? That’s right. Why am I waiting for him to call? This should work both ways.” With that he dialed Tegoshi’s number. One dial, two… the younger man didn’t pick up. With each second Shige was getting more nervous. Finally after the fourth dial he heard rustle and then a tired voice.
“Hello?” Tegoshi sounded like he didn’t know who was calling.
“Hey. It’s me. What are you doing?”
“Ah, Shige. Sorry, I can’t talk right now. I’m a little busy.” In the background Shige could hear many voices talking and laughing. “I’ll call you later.” Tegoshi hung up and Shige just stood there for a few minutes feeling like a complete idiot.
Later never came though. Shige tried to tell himself it didn’t mean anything but his mind was working against him supplying him with nagging thoughts. “Where was he?” “Was that a party?” “Who was he with?” “What if he’s seeing someone else?”
“He wouldn’t.” Shige told himself. But then again it’s not like they were dating so it wouldn’t be considered cheating. Maybe he got bored with their little intrigue. After all Tegoshi always liked challenges.
Another week went by until Tegoshi called again.
“Hey. Are you at home?”
“Yes, but…”
“Good. I’ll come over in about half an hour, ok?” The brat didn’t even wait for confirmation. How typical.
Tegoshi turned up even faster, Shige noted. He seemed to be in a good mood. However, he soon noticed Shige’s frown.
“Is something wrong?” Shige took a moment to collect his thoughts. It was now or never.
“Yes.” There. He said it. Tegoshi looked a little startled but there was no turning back now.
“Lately I feel like some sort of mistress. You keep booty-calling me whenever you please. You’re not the only one who’s busy. Did it ever cross your mind that I have other things to do?”
Tegoshi’s face changed. He looked stern and a little angry.
“We’ve agreed to this, didn’t we? Don’t make it seem like I’m using you. If you were unsatisfied with this you could have said so from the start.”
“How would I know what this would come to?”
“What this would come to? We’ve agreed to meet and have sex and that’s what we do, how is this surprising? I’m even letting you do whatever you want.”
“You make it sound like I’m doing something kinky.”
“Whatever. You always complain about everything.”
“I do not!”
“Oh, you do. You’ve known me for years, what did you expect?” Tegoshi’s voice sounded a little strangled and somehow Shige forgot all his perfectly reasonable arguments. But he wasn’t about to lose this argument just like that so he went for the kill.
“Tell me then, have you been with someone else since we started this… thing?” Tegoshi looked at him dead in the eyes. It was actually a little scary.
“Why are you asking me this now?”
“Because I want to know obviously.”
Tegoshi’s mouth opened and closed again.
“You have, haven’t you?”
“Looks like you already decided by yourself. I better go.”
“Tegoshi.”
“I guess after all it’ll be better to find a sweet girl who’ll cook and clean and wait for you at home and listen to you with an open mouth so I won’t stand in your way.” With that Tegoshi rushed out of the apartment.
“Well, this didn’t go very well.” Shige thought as he heard his front door slammed shut.
Next time they met was to do some magazine interviews. Tegoshi was as professional as ever answering the questions with enthusiasm, talking to the staff and smiling sweetly. Except none of the smiles reached his eyes.
“So, next we’d like to ask you what kids of girls you like.” The interviewer asked as if they haven’t answered that question a thousand times already. “Um, Tegoshi-kun.”
“I like feminine girls, both in character and appearance. ”
“I see. Kato-kun?”
“I like mature elegant women.” Both were standard answers and they used it at least a dozen times but for some reason now it felt different, wrong somehow. Tegoshi didn’t meet his eyes. He finished his parts quickly, thanked the staff and left right after saying he had other work. Koyama followed him with sad eyes before turning back with a stern look.
“Shige, we need to talk.”That was the last thing Shige wanted to do right now but he couldn’t refuse. Koyama would never let it go anyway.
“So what happened between you two?” Koyama asked with those sad motherly eyes as they sat in the empty cafeteria on the 3rd floor of the building.
“Why do you think something happened?”
“Shige, I may not be very smart but I’m not blind.”Koyama looked almost angry which was an expression you didn’t see on his face often and it made Shige guilty.
“Sorry. We had a fight.” Shige sighed. “I guess you were right all along. This isn’t working. I just don’t know what to do.” Koyama looked sympathetic now.
“You need to fix this.”
“Are you saying I should try to get things back to how they were?”
“I’m saying you should talk and resolve your issues. I can see it’s hurting you both. Whether you sleep together or not is not for me to decide. But first and foremost you are friends.“
“You’re right.”
“Besides, we’re a band. We can’t afford to have any conflicts. Not now.” There’s a reason Koyama is the leader, Shige thought but he’d never say it out loud.
“I know. I will fix this. I just don’t know how yet.”
“Well, maybe you’re thinking too much. Maybe you’re making things more complicated than they are.” Koyama seemed to voice the thoughs that Shige himself couldn’t. The guy was smarter than he looked.
“He’s changed, you know.” The older man added.
“Tegoshi? How?”
“He became more considerate. He chooses his words carefully. It’s like he’s gotten more mature“
“I guess.” Now that he thought about it Tegoshi did seem to act differently. He was still a brat but he seemed to be trying his best to be a nicer brat.
“You changed too.” Shige looked up.
“I did?”
“Yeah. You seemed calmer lately. More confident. Happier.” Shige bit his lip not knowing what to say.
“Just talk to him, ok? You’ll figure it out.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“I just want you both to be happy, you know.”
“I know.”
“Why couldn’t I just fall for Koyama instead?” Shige asked himself. “Because who would listen to all your whining then?” a tiny voice at the back of his mind answered.
It wasn’t at all surprising to have a visitor that very night.
“Koyama talked to you?” Shige asked calmly as he stepped back to let the man in.
“No.” Was all he got in reply. Shige paused for a second but escorted him to the kitchen.
“Are you hungry? Or should I get something to drink?” Tegoshi shook his head. He didn’t say anything for awhile but this time Shige tried to be patient.
“It’s been awhile since we met like this. Just the two of us. I missed this.” This was something Shige didn’t expect to hear. “You know, being with you. We’ve always been friends. I know I can never be like Koyama to you but...”
“That’s right. I never slept with Koyama.” That earned him a smile then another heavy silence fell.
“I met with my father.” Tegoshi said suddenly.
“What?”
“That’s why I couldn’t see you.” Tegoshi sighed. “I… didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t want to come to you and whine. I needed to deal with this on my own.”
“You could have at least told me that.”
“I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier that way. But it’s all settled now.” Tegoshi actually looked apologetic.
“You’re stupid.” Shige said but by now Tegoshi knew it was a term of endearment more than anything.
“I know.” The blond smiled and even though his smile was sad at least it was real. “I’m sorry. I just... I’ve never felt like this before. I have been in love but this is different.”
“How?” Shige frowned.
“Shige, I like hanging out with you. You know, there are some people who I can’t wait to meet but then after a few hours I get a tired of them and sometimes I even get annoyed but with you it’s different. I’m not madly in love with you and I’m not super-excited when I see you...”
“Well, that’s good to know” Tegoshi continued ignoring the comment.
“But these past few months after a whole day packed with interviews, photoshoots, radio shows and what not all I could think of was how much I wanted to flop onto your couch and just ramble aimlessly.”
“Tegoshi...”
“We would always talk about the most random of things. And sometimes you’d let me watch soccer and even pretended you care. You always make me laugh. And let me do stupid things. I feel like myself the most when I’m with you.” Tegoshi smiled but his eyes were shining. “I feel like I’m home.”
Shige couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped closer gently embracing the younger man. It only took a second before Tegoshi relaxed in his arms. Then he spoke again.
“I liked what we had, you know. I thought about what you said last time. At first I couldn’t understand why you were angry with me. But I think now I understand a little. With good things in your life it’s so easy to start taking them for granted. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
“No, no. I’m the one who has to apologize. I wasn’t angry at you. I was angry at myself. Koyama was right. This whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing doesn’t work for me.”
“Why?” Tegoshi looked up at him with his big cat eyes.
“I... I don’t think I can sleep with someone without getting emotionally attached.” That seemed good enough of an explanation but Tegoshi was frowning.
“Is there anyone who can?” Shige felt all words fail him. The younger man drew away a little but didn’t let go.
“Look, I don’t think I can give you what you want. I can’t build my life around you. I can’t always be there but... you mean a lot to me. I want to spend time with you, go on trips with you, do stupid things with you. For all it’s worth, I really care about you and I want to make you happy.” Shige listened mesmerized. It was those kinds of talks that made him admire Tegoshi. He’d be dead before he could say anything like that. But the blond man seemed to misinterpret his silence. “But if that’s not good enough for you I’ll understand.”
“No! I mean it is! I just… I want this.” Shige stuttered but Tegoshi smiled smugly putting his arms around his neck and drawing closer until his mouth was close to Shige’s ear.
“Good. Because I don’t want to give you up. I don’t want anyone else to have you.” Tegoshi’s voice was low and possessive and Shige felt a shiver run down his spine. “These past few weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About us...”
“I missed you like crazy” Shige whispered into his hair not willing to let go. “I’m sorry about everything I said. I am just an insecure idiot.” Shige tried again. “I go crazy when I imagine someone else touching you.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else.” Tegoshi admitted not looking up. “Not since that first night. I never wanted to.”
“Oh.”
“I was so angry when you asked me. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“I’m sorry”
“Stop saying that.”
“Sorry.” Shige said again and almost bit his tongue. Tegoshi just laughed. Shige thought he’d surely say something stupid again so instead he went for a kiss.
“Can we talk later? I don’t think I can think straight with the way you’re kissing me.” Tegoshi said breathless.
“Neither can I” Shige admitted. Trying to figure out which way was the bedroom while Tegoshi was looking at him with hungry eyes was hard enough.
Tegoshi was practically ripping his clothes off and Shige was happy to cooperate eager to feel skin on skin. They fell on the bed in a messy pile and Shige laughed but a moment later he was silenced by a searing kiss as the younger man’s hands eagerly explored his body. Shige let him take over for awhile then turned them around pinning the blond underneath. Tegoshi’s normally soft brown eyes seemed almost black. Shige ran his hands over the strong thighs and toned stomach, kissing the heated skin. They’ve done it at least a dozen times but this was different. There was no need to hold back, no need to pretend it didn’t mean anything.
It didn’t take long for them to reach their completion but when Shige was about to move he felt legs wrapping around him preventing him from moving. As he looked down at Tegoshi he met with a devious smirk.
“Shige, let’s do it.” He didn’t need to ask to understand what that meant.
“Now? But wouldn’t it...”
“I don’t care. I want you now.” Tegoshi’s tone did not foresee any arguing. Not that Shige wanted to. He was already getting hard again.
“Tegoshi, I just...”
“It’s “Yuuya”.”
“Yuuya” The name felt unfamiliar but good on his tongue. Tegoshi smiled, pleased.
“I don’t care if it’s bad, ok? I just want to do it with you.”
“That’s the sexiest thing anyone has ever told me.”
The man laughed and Shige thought he’ll never get tired of hearing it.
Tegoshi kept telling him to hurry with the preparation Shige wouldn’t have any of it enjoying the whining noises the blond made. As he finally pushed in the onslaught of feelings made him close his eyes. When he opened them he saw Tegoshi smiling up at him.
“Good?”
“Yeah” was all Shige could reply but the face must have said it all.
“Then move.”
So he did. Slowly at first, carefully watching his lover’s face then picking up pace but still cautious.
“Shige. Stop worrying. I’m good. I’m...” Tegoshi let out a loud moan arching his back. That gave Shige confidence, he shifted slightly to get a good leverage and began to move faster. Apparently it was working since the younger man seemed to melt against him.
“Shige, Shige, Shige... ” a breathless half-whisper into his ear as the blond clung to his shoulders. His vision blurred and all his perception seemed to narrow down to the feeling of hot body underneath, the sweet voice in his ears and an intoxicating scent. He knew they were both close but it still caught him by surprise.
It was awkward and messy and perfect and for a few moments Shige forgot how to breathe. Then he looked down at his partner. Shige always thought Tegoshi was especially beautiful when he played soccer or sang on stage. But he was even more beautiful now, as he laughed silently, all sweaty and flushed in his bed.
Shige didn’t want to move away but they both needed to catch their breath.
“This was...” Shige uttered as they lay side by side, their fingers intertwined.
“I know. Just think of how good it’s gonna get with practice.” Tegoshi said dreamily.
A minute passed in silence before Shige asked the question that just couldn’t wait.
“So what now?”
Tegoshi turned on his side slowly and propped his head on his hand before answering with a straight face.
“Now you have to marry me.”
Shige nearly choked laughing.
“What? I was voted 3rd on the list of Johnnys you’d want to have as a wife.”
“Right.”
“What did you expect to hear?” Tegoshi asked turning more serious. "We both have things to do. I have a tight schedule and a lot of friends.”
“And soccer.”
“And soccer.” Tegoshi laughed. “But I love being with you. Always have. I know I can be selfish but that’s just how I am. If something’s bothering you you have to tell me.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“We probably will though. But that’s ok. All the couples do.” The word “couples” made Shige’s heart skip a beat but he did his best to hide it.
“Besides,” Tegoshi continued in a lower voice “The make-up sex is great.”
“I really like you, you know. You drive me crazy sometimes but I like you a lot.”
“Even if I’m not mature and classy?” Tegoshi asked turning on his side again, his fingers casually tracing patterns on Shige’s chest.
“Yup.”
“Well, I like you too. Even if you’re not very feminine.”
“Gee, thanks, I guess.”
“You were pretty cute as a high-school girl though.” Tegoshi added with a leer and Shige laughed.
“Nowhere near as cute as you were.”
“Well, nobody is as cute as I am”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Make me.” Shige couldn’t be happier to comply.
Shige woke up from the sound of a phone ringing. A phone that wasn’t his. Thankfully the ringing stopped soon enough and he was about to go back to sleep when he heard Tegoshi’s voice.
“Hello.”
Shige opened his eyes slightly to see Tegoshi’s naked back as he clutched the phone tightly. He couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation but it was easy to guess.
“Hey. Ah, right. I forgot.”
“What? No, I’m fine just... I can’t make it today. There’s something... something important I need to do. Sorry.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll talk to you later, ok? Bye.”
As Tegoshi put the phone down Shige closed his eyes hoping his acting skills were good enough to fake sleep. For a few minutes he couldn’t hear anything. Then there was shuffling and a warm body snuggling up to his, shifting like a cat to find the most comfortable position until finally settling. Shige felt a soft sigh and a smile against his shoulder. For once in his life he felt like a winner.
.