Would someone make them stop tearing at my insides?
I told Steve that the only way he could know how much he has been hurting me lately was if he let me cut a hole in his stomach, and take a whisk and beat the shit out of his insides until they were like much, and stick them in his bowel so that he could shit them out. Sounds gross, but its what he has been doing to me. I think its only fair that I can do the same thing, or atleast tell him what to imagine. Is it bad when someone makes you cry and acts like they dont really care? Or care at all for that matter. I think its a problem. But hey, what do i know. I am usually wrong about most everything, or if I am not, people make it so that I am. I love him though. He is the most perfect man alive and I am going to marry him. I have done a whole lot of nothing. Woke up at 7 this morning. Something doesnt let me sleep anymore. I had these wild fantasies of sleeping in until like 12 last night, but i woke up at FUCKING 7. What kind of crap is that? I would say the kind that you step in, you know, when you arent paying attention to where you are walking and it goes in between your toes. Yes, that kind. I moved into a new room. and it was so dirty. I am sure you all know that I am a neat freak. Yes. So, i went to target and bought a big ass bottle of tilex, 3 sponges, one for the shower, one for the floor, one for the toilet. And went to town. Now I think I can use the bathroom. I tilexed everything. even the WALLS. blech. If i could bleach the mattress i would. I dont think they every swept in the bathroom, cuz i used a papertowel, didnt have a broom, to sweep. Yea. Like a pound of SAND. SAND PEOPLE. makes me shiver. I am going to clean again. I have nothing else to do. Steves brother is in town. God I miss him.... I miss you all a lot. I am sorry I havent been online to talk lately. Things have sucked more than I could ever describe to you. Love you.