Just... unexpected.
The most amazing thing has been happening lately. So, I am not used to having someone actually take my feelings into consideration. And mostly, apologizing for it. In fact, it's NEVER happened before... it's happened 2 times in my life. One of them was on December 25th, 2006, and the other was today, December 29th, 2006. I can't let this go without writing about it...
Usually, when I get my feathers ruffled over something, my boyfriend (whomever it was) would get his ruffled right back, get pissed that mine ever got ruffled in the first place, tell me that I have NO reason to feel how I was feeling, and then would turn it all around on me, make it my fault, and in the end, I am the one apologizing. (And they wonder why, when they ask for my opinion on things, I just say 'doesn't matter, everything is cool with me'.) This is a pattern in the life of Brianna, as every single boyfriend has been like this. Rey is DIFFERENT, but not completely. He gets mad at things that make me upset, but I think that they are for different reasons, as he has explained to me vaguely in the past that when he gets mad at something that I am upset about, it's usually because he doesn't know how to A. Solve it, or B. what to say to try to solve it. So it makes him mad, and he would rather not deal with it, so he gets all bear-like on me and all of a sudden my feelings don't matter, and I am the bad guy. Really, they do matter, but since he doesn't know what to do, he has to do SOMETHING to get rid of it. Easiest solution? Make me feel like it's my fault, like I really don't have anything to be upset over, OR, if I do, that it's stupid and that I should just let it go. Alright, not very nice, but it's logical for him. I can accept that, but I never do it so I can't see the rationality in it. Anyway, it's been like this for quite some time. There have been occasions when he wouldn't make me feel like crap, but his way of getting out of it would be something to the effect of trying to find a way to avoid talking about it. Clever? I would say so. But, not so clever that I didn't catch it. I just went along with it so as to avoid conflict. I swear, men think they are so manipulative, so sneaky, SO witty and clever that we don't notice the stunts they pull to make us "forget" things. Well, I have to say, that the women are the manipulative, so sneaky and SO witty and clever ones because we let the men think just that. That they have made us "forget." Aha, but then when we bring it up in the future, and THEY have forgotten, we can ADD to the story, make it a lot worse than what it really was, and elaborate on certain details that we would love to have changed in a certain situation, make the man feel bad in his time of trying to get his way, and then all of a sudden, POOF, we win. :) Don't they know there is a method to the madness? Well, nope. Even if a man read this, they would still never ever catch on. Because why? THEY FORGET EVERYTHING. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. If this were a man writing this about women, you bet your ASS that things would change. Anyway, aside from that... I try to use THAT tactic as little as possible, but mostly, men leave us no choice.
Well, on the 25th, he and I were discussing a matter which is rather sensitive to the both of us, and when I retaliated to something he said, with the same terms that he gave me and put them on him, he got IRATE. Started yelling at me and threatening to hang up the phone, in a sense. We had a 20 minute long discussion / argument, which was rather civil because I am so calm, about this thing, and finally he calmed down, and I of course "agreed" to his terms, while in doing so, it calmed him down, showed him that I was understanding his point of view whereas he was REFUSING to accept mine in the beginning, which in turn made him feel as though it were "his duty" to turn around and give me the same respect, and all of a sudden... he agreed. WHAT????? Oh yes, He agreed. And I almost shit myself... I of course didn't act like that, who would? He NOT ONLY agreed, but as we were getting off the phone, he was so compelled to apologize to me for his explosive temper... and that it's not directed at me... and went on through this totally heart felt explanation as to what it is that is causing it... And I just froze. I of course let my voice box continue it's normal function so as not to reveal my utter surprise and satisfaction, but it was truly a blessing that it happened that way. It made me think to myself, oh my goodness, this man really cares about my feelings... He really loves me. Is this real?
Today, we were discussing another matter which our personalities are identical in. This bothers him and he turns as he calls it "alpha male" on me, and shuts me down. Well, he did it, (again) tonight, and it just really got my goat this time around. Usually, I am like ok, whatever. And just let it be. But tonight, TONIGHT. That was just bullshit to me. So I got quiet, answered in one word sentences, you know, the norm when a chik gets pissed. He of course ended up acknowledging it (dreadingly as every man does) that he noticed how "talkative I was." That was my qeue. And I let him know that I was pissed. And I was expecting him to get pissed back. I really was. I figured, well, here it comes, I am going to have to give in after all is said and done like normal because I don't have any place getting mad. You know, he doesn't do it ALL the time, but it IS what I am used to, after all. And the way he tried to cut me off was not sly at all as I noticed him trying to make it. Of course blaming it on the fact that he was tired and whatever. Right. Anyway, you want to know his response? I will tell you. He said "I apologize. Please finish what you were saying." Well, by this time, I cared not to. So I said "it's pointless." Totally expecting a snide remark and an angry FINE THEN. What did I get? I will tell you. I got an explanation as to WHY he did that, and I also got "I'm really sorry... you definitely deserve to finish a sentence." HOLY MOLY. Where is this coming from? Have you any clue? Me neither... the only thing that I know. Is that it's coming from... his heart. Not that cheesy I love you from the bottom of my heart. But the for real, I care about your feelings from his heart. And I think that is just the most amazing thing I have ever known in my life. I am so not used to it, yet here he comes to introduce what it feels like to have your feelings not only acknowledged, but put on the table with cushioning to land on.
That is truly amazing... And I can't say enough how much I am appreciating it. In the most non-sneaky clever manipulative way. I appreciate it so much that my feelings are being considered... and that I have not to try and "manipulate" the past for the present. That's really an exciting thing. And I just feel like the luckiest sonofabitch in the whole wide world.
Thank you Rey... You are really showing me what a man is supposed to be for a girl.
Usually, when I get my feathers ruffled over something, my boyfriend (whomever it was) would get his ruffled right back, get pissed that mine ever got ruffled in the first place, tell me that I have NO reason to feel how I was feeling, and then would turn it all around on me, make it my fault, and in the end, I am the one apologizing. (And they wonder why, when they ask for my opinion on things, I just say 'doesn't matter, everything is cool with me'.) This is a pattern in the life of Brianna, as every single boyfriend has been like this. Rey is DIFFERENT, but not completely. He gets mad at things that make me upset, but I think that they are for different reasons, as he has explained to me vaguely in the past that when he gets mad at something that I am upset about, it's usually because he doesn't know how to A. Solve it, or B. what to say to try to solve it. So it makes him mad, and he would rather not deal with it, so he gets all bear-like on me and all of a sudden my feelings don't matter, and I am the bad guy. Really, they do matter, but since he doesn't know what to do, he has to do SOMETHING to get rid of it. Easiest solution? Make me feel like it's my fault, like I really don't have anything to be upset over, OR, if I do, that it's stupid and that I should just let it go. Alright, not very nice, but it's logical for him. I can accept that, but I never do it so I can't see the rationality in it. Anyway, it's been like this for quite some time. There have been occasions when he wouldn't make me feel like crap, but his way of getting out of it would be something to the effect of trying to find a way to avoid talking about it. Clever? I would say so. But, not so clever that I didn't catch it. I just went along with it so as to avoid conflict. I swear, men think they are so manipulative, so sneaky, SO witty and clever that we don't notice the stunts they pull to make us "forget" things. Well, I have to say, that the women are the manipulative, so sneaky and SO witty and clever ones because we let the men think just that. That they have made us "forget." Aha, but then when we bring it up in the future, and THEY have forgotten, we can ADD to the story, make it a lot worse than what it really was, and elaborate on certain details that we would love to have changed in a certain situation, make the man feel bad in his time of trying to get his way, and then all of a sudden, POOF, we win. :) Don't they know there is a method to the madness? Well, nope. Even if a man read this, they would still never ever catch on. Because why? THEY FORGET EVERYTHING. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. If this were a man writing this about women, you bet your ASS that things would change. Anyway, aside from that... I try to use THAT tactic as little as possible, but mostly, men leave us no choice.
Well, on the 25th, he and I were discussing a matter which is rather sensitive to the both of us, and when I retaliated to something he said, with the same terms that he gave me and put them on him, he got IRATE. Started yelling at me and threatening to hang up the phone, in a sense. We had a 20 minute long discussion / argument, which was rather civil because I am so calm, about this thing, and finally he calmed down, and I of course "agreed" to his terms, while in doing so, it calmed him down, showed him that I was understanding his point of view whereas he was REFUSING to accept mine in the beginning, which in turn made him feel as though it were "his duty" to turn around and give me the same respect, and all of a sudden... he agreed. WHAT????? Oh yes, He agreed. And I almost shit myself... I of course didn't act like that, who would? He NOT ONLY agreed, but as we were getting off the phone, he was so compelled to apologize to me for his explosive temper... and that it's not directed at me... and went on through this totally heart felt explanation as to what it is that is causing it... And I just froze. I of course let my voice box continue it's normal function so as not to reveal my utter surprise and satisfaction, but it was truly a blessing that it happened that way. It made me think to myself, oh my goodness, this man really cares about my feelings... He really loves me. Is this real?
Today, we were discussing another matter which our personalities are identical in. This bothers him and he turns as he calls it "alpha male" on me, and shuts me down. Well, he did it, (again) tonight, and it just really got my goat this time around. Usually, I am like ok, whatever. And just let it be. But tonight, TONIGHT. That was just bullshit to me. So I got quiet, answered in one word sentences, you know, the norm when a chik gets pissed. He of course ended up acknowledging it (dreadingly as every man does) that he noticed how "talkative I was." That was my qeue. And I let him know that I was pissed. And I was expecting him to get pissed back. I really was. I figured, well, here it comes, I am going to have to give in after all is said and done like normal because I don't have any place getting mad. You know, he doesn't do it ALL the time, but it IS what I am used to, after all. And the way he tried to cut me off was not sly at all as I noticed him trying to make it. Of course blaming it on the fact that he was tired and whatever. Right. Anyway, you want to know his response? I will tell you. He said "I apologize. Please finish what you were saying." Well, by this time, I cared not to. So I said "it's pointless." Totally expecting a snide remark and an angry FINE THEN. What did I get? I will tell you. I got an explanation as to WHY he did that, and I also got "I'm really sorry... you definitely deserve to finish a sentence." HOLY MOLY. Where is this coming from? Have you any clue? Me neither... the only thing that I know. Is that it's coming from... his heart. Not that cheesy I love you from the bottom of my heart. But the for real, I care about your feelings from his heart. And I think that is just the most amazing thing I have ever known in my life. I am so not used to it, yet here he comes to introduce what it feels like to have your feelings not only acknowledged, but put on the table with cushioning to land on.
That is truly amazing... And I can't say enough how much I am appreciating it. In the most non-sneaky clever manipulative way. I appreciate it so much that my feelings are being considered... and that I have not to try and "manipulate" the past for the present. That's really an exciting thing. And I just feel like the luckiest sonofabitch in the whole wide world.
Thank you Rey... You are really showing me what a man is supposed to be for a girl.