i want to play the piano but its too late at night
the first time i really knew what it was like to have an empty mind was when i tripped acid in new york city and biked around for hours on a friday night. i was in the zone. nothing on my mind but what i was doing: pedaling and reacting to the traffic, trying not to stop.. i felt best when i was doing something crazy and dangerous. we couldn't stop because when we did the world around us would wash together into a puddly mess. biking for our lives kept us sane. we didnt have anything to do but dodge between cars and run the red lights
i chase that feeling of lifted burden. when the task at hand is so important it demands your constant attention it leaves no room for anything else. and it is ever so blissful. sometimes it worries me that i've emptied my mind to a critical point; what will i ever have to give? when i sit down at this keyboard, its like i'm on my bike again. all intention is lost and i just type aimlessly, hoping for satisfaction.
today, i woke up at noon. i still don't have a job. i read for awhile and watched a thunderstorm roll in. at around 5 J called and said he had some gin and that we should make gin and tonics. i biked six miles and drank a little. afterwords, M was getting done work so J and I biked together to his house. on the way there, he joked that people who saw us must think that i owed him money or something since he was behind me. he started yelling something about the 3 dollars i owed him and i played along by speeding up. at that point, since this was all after the rain and the gin, my foot slipped off the pedal and into the spokes of my front tire, sending me over the handle bars and into the asphalt.
later, we tried repairing my bike but lost The Crucial Hex Key, size 6.
i had a dream last night that i traveled to england again. i went to many places that i recognized and knew i had been to before. i even pointed this out to my companions in my dream. when i woke up, i realized that none of the places were remotely familiar and that the only time i had ever seen them was in the dream. the most strikingly familiar place was a building that housed a food court of sorts. i waited in line at the coffee stand, but the clerk didn't do anything when i got to the front of the line. a man reading a newspaper pointed to something on the front page and started saying something about negroes. a black man seated beside him laughed. finally, the clerk asked what i wanted. i said i wanted a coffee and he replied that they didnt have coffee, so i asked for a doubleshot. he gave me some jello but i woke up. then i made coffee.
i never wanted to write any of this.
i chase that feeling of lifted burden. when the task at hand is so important it demands your constant attention it leaves no room for anything else. and it is ever so blissful. sometimes it worries me that i've emptied my mind to a critical point; what will i ever have to give? when i sit down at this keyboard, its like i'm on my bike again. all intention is lost and i just type aimlessly, hoping for satisfaction.
today, i woke up at noon. i still don't have a job. i read for awhile and watched a thunderstorm roll in. at around 5 J called and said he had some gin and that we should make gin and tonics. i biked six miles and drank a little. afterwords, M was getting done work so J and I biked together to his house. on the way there, he joked that people who saw us must think that i owed him money or something since he was behind me. he started yelling something about the 3 dollars i owed him and i played along by speeding up. at that point, since this was all after the rain and the gin, my foot slipped off the pedal and into the spokes of my front tire, sending me over the handle bars and into the asphalt.
later, we tried repairing my bike but lost The Crucial Hex Key, size 6.
i had a dream last night that i traveled to england again. i went to many places that i recognized and knew i had been to before. i even pointed this out to my companions in my dream. when i woke up, i realized that none of the places were remotely familiar and that the only time i had ever seen them was in the dream. the most strikingly familiar place was a building that housed a food court of sorts. i waited in line at the coffee stand, but the clerk didn't do anything when i got to the front of the line. a man reading a newspaper pointed to something on the front page and started saying something about negroes. a black man seated beside him laughed. finally, the clerk asked what i wanted. i said i wanted a coffee and he replied that they didnt have coffee, so i asked for a doubleshot. he gave me some jello but i woke up. then i made coffee.
i never wanted to write any of this.