(no subject)
I'm tripping out on this NIN last on the new CD. How does he get away with such a limited instrumentation? There is an bass synth that's just pedaling eighth notes in octaves and a plinky single note scalar piano line and his singing. Then he adds some kind of noise track. and then finally the crowd cheering comes in the mix continuously as he says "all an elaborate dream". And then at the climax he gets real angry all of a sudden!! "Would you find yourself afraid to see???" He asks, clearly irritated. and then he goes "woo woo" in falsetto for a little breakdown at the end. wtf. God i'm glad i'm listening to this album backwards.
I feel a little depressed and confused and at a loss now that i am back here in LA on my own. I feel like I've done a great job this semester and I'm having a blast celebrating it this week, but I feel extremely tired and like I want to rest and be alone for a while. I want to be alone for many reasons. I want to have time to organize my life, plan my day, maintain a regular cycle, so to speak. I want to find a sense of self or personal voice so that I can feel comfortable being alone and enjoying myself, without feeling irritable due to a reliance on social interaction or distraction. I want to contemplate, if only momentarily, what the hell i'm doing this summer that might actually involve planning more than a week ahead. I want make progress in various venues of personal development that I have recommended to myself, including: simple maintenence of physical health through a conscientious diet and an active lifestyle; music performance for hobby and entertainment, specifically singing and playing the guitar; computer skills such as Matlab, SSPS and MaxMSP; recreational intellectualism such as chess, mathematics, and the history of science. (The physical resolution is always a good throwaway resolution -- ha ha) (On a total aside -- The stark lack of "BIOENGINEERING" in my summer plan MAY seem disturbing to some, being that I have recently begun studying this as my major. Why is it, then, that my "venues for personal development" do not include the medical sciences? I have no fucking clue. I like doing it in school and I like thinking about it abstractly, but fuck i'm tired and I have a lot of things I like to do and think about. I realize I will focus vastly more of my time on it as I delve more deeper into it, and that is somewhere between daunting and exciting, but for now I'm enjoying looking at a breadth of topics to chill with. It's amazing how much introspection can occur after a period of no alone time for several months. And how easily it is influenced by talking to Wedding People to whom I feel I am reading a resume every time I'm introduced___) okay back to me being alone. I have not been doing this, rather I have been out going all out and drinking and smoking pot and staying up all hours with people nonstop with little sleep. Despite the fact that this is totally awesome in many ways, I'm starting to realize that it's making me really edgy and tired. I'm so excited to be back and it's hard to turn down social interaction because I'm so used to it and i love my friends here and I miss them so much and want to talk to them about everything, but I wish I could get organized already and feel somewhat at ease. I feel at great dis-ease right now. All of my belongings are entirely blended throughout my room frappe style and I am still recovering from getting wasted last night and ugh.
I miss Lauren. I said it. So shoot me.
What else... jeez I'm really fricking excited to be back - there are so many people I haven't seen yet. It feels weird; I never really thought about how many really great friends I have. I am itching to play chess as soon as anyone challenges (chelsea)
I was chilling with the Casey, the girls and roz's sister, who was bringing up all this shit about doing lots of coke and adderal. it was... lame? I think that's lame. That's me being judgemental for the day. sorry
Is it a greater fault to feign sincerity or to always be mistaken for being insincere? Does that sentence make any sense? I have no idea.
I've switched from NIN to listening to Bob Dylan through my sister's wall.
Hey if I created a disposable condom with a vibrating chip in it, would anyone buy it?
I feel a little depressed and confused and at a loss now that i am back here in LA on my own. I feel like I've done a great job this semester and I'm having a blast celebrating it this week, but I feel extremely tired and like I want to rest and be alone for a while. I want to be alone for many reasons. I want to have time to organize my life, plan my day, maintain a regular cycle, so to speak. I want to find a sense of self or personal voice so that I can feel comfortable being alone and enjoying myself, without feeling irritable due to a reliance on social interaction or distraction. I want to contemplate, if only momentarily, what the hell i'm doing this summer that might actually involve planning more than a week ahead. I want make progress in various venues of personal development that I have recommended to myself, including: simple maintenence of physical health through a conscientious diet and an active lifestyle; music performance for hobby and entertainment, specifically singing and playing the guitar; computer skills such as Matlab, SSPS and MaxMSP; recreational intellectualism such as chess, mathematics, and the history of science. (The physical resolution is always a good throwaway resolution -- ha ha) (On a total aside -- The stark lack of "BIOENGINEERING" in my summer plan MAY seem disturbing to some, being that I have recently begun studying this as my major. Why is it, then, that my "venues for personal development" do not include the medical sciences? I have no fucking clue. I like doing it in school and I like thinking about it abstractly, but fuck i'm tired and I have a lot of things I like to do and think about. I realize I will focus vastly more of my time on it as I delve more deeper into it, and that is somewhere between daunting and exciting, but for now I'm enjoying looking at a breadth of topics to chill with. It's amazing how much introspection can occur after a period of no alone time for several months. And how easily it is influenced by talking to Wedding People to whom I feel I am reading a resume every time I'm introduced___) okay back to me being alone. I have not been doing this, rather I have been out going all out and drinking and smoking pot and staying up all hours with people nonstop with little sleep. Despite the fact that this is totally awesome in many ways, I'm starting to realize that it's making me really edgy and tired. I'm so excited to be back and it's hard to turn down social interaction because I'm so used to it and i love my friends here and I miss them so much and want to talk to them about everything, but I wish I could get organized already and feel somewhat at ease. I feel at great dis-ease right now. All of my belongings are entirely blended throughout my room frappe style and I am still recovering from getting wasted last night and ugh.
I miss Lauren. I said it. So shoot me.
What else... jeez I'm really fricking excited to be back - there are so many people I haven't seen yet. It feels weird; I never really thought about how many really great friends I have. I am itching to play chess as soon as anyone challenges (chelsea)
I was chilling with the Casey, the girls and roz's sister, who was bringing up all this shit about doing lots of coke and adderal. it was... lame? I think that's lame. That's me being judgemental for the day. sorry
Is it a greater fault to feign sincerity or to always be mistaken for being insincere? Does that sentence make any sense? I have no idea.
I've switched from NIN to listening to Bob Dylan through my sister's wall.
Hey if I created a disposable condom with a vibrating chip in it, would anyone buy it?