Walmart has body issues.
Chicky (my semi-husband and father of our beautiful son Sam) was probably mad at me when he found this out...but I shop at Walmart on a very regular basis. My favorite pair of shorts and my lucky panties are both from Walmart. Combined, they cost me less than $10. Chicky loves to keep money just as much as I do, but he's on the whole "Wal-mart uses senior citzens and destroys small businesses" bandwagon. Not that I don't think there's something slightly evil about Walmart, but I don't have the evidence or money to stop shopping there.
Okay. Now I'll get to the point. Walmart's clothes are not made for me. I tried on a really nice jacket the other day only to find that it didn't flatter my body at all. It puckered right under my chest, went up higher in the front than it did in the back, and stuck out at the sides of the bottom. If I didn't have a d-cup, that might not've been the case. And since I was wearing a supressor that supposedly reduced me to a c that night, I might require a b-cup to look good in that jacket.
I'm not complaining about my body. If I did, and there was a way for arms to reach across the vast expanse of the internet, I know I'd be bitchslapped by dozens of hands all at once. The annoyances it presents me are just that, annoyances, and I suppose that's an even trade for my natural state.
But Walmart. You FOOLS. I have the same problem with their shirts. The small ones are clearly made for girls without a lot of chest. Whenever I put one on, a tent of fabric forms under my chest, the bottom of the front moves way further up than the bottom of the back, and the very middle of the bottom of the front sticks out obnoxiously, and my belly button shows, but the presentation of the navel is not a sexy one. If I crush the tent, the shirt moves further up and the navel display becomes even tackier.
And the larger shirts aren't made for chesty girls either. They assume that either you're a twig with no boobs whatsoever, or you're a shy, repressed plus size. The large sizes have no shape, and hang straight down from my chest like a maternity gown. And sometimes, the sides STILL stick out. Don't know how they pulled THAT one off, but apparently it's quite possible.
It's sad, too, because every so often I'll find something really neat at Walmart that just fits so poorly. Luckily, though, they started selling a lot more thin stretchy things lately. Which solve most of the fitting problems I had with the smaller sizes, but the shirts still usually don't have enough room for me AND my boobs.
I own two tank tops from Walmart, the kind with the built in bra that's not padded or shaped. These tanks have proved loyal to me through summer adventures, spring thaws, chinese food being dropped down it and retrieved with chopsticks, and gym class. Oh wait...no, it failed me miserably in gym. But no one was watching, so that never happened. Anyway. Although I like these tanks, the bra is not especially helpful. I often can't even wear them without a real bra underneath. My complain lies not only with Walmart built-ins, but with built-ins in general. The built in of an XL tank will hold me, but the tank itself will make me look like I'm wearing a brand new art smock. However, the small or medium tanks provide inadequate support. But the tank fits!
So if you have big boobs, you have to be big too. If you're smaller, it's a given that you're not over a B.
Basically, Walmart...not every girl who walks through your doors is a twig or a chunky chick. I mean, it's great that they have "average"* size clothes, but here's what I've noticed...these "average"* girls don't buy them. I see a lot of chubby girls who want a smaller size so badly that instead of buying their actual size 12 or 14, they buy a 9, 7, or (heaven forbid!) 5, and force themselves into it with a shoehorn. The size that fits me best is 5, and it's also the size no store ever seems to have. And after seeing all the girls with tiny baby tees and their love handles hanging out on my way in, it's safe to assume that they bought them all.
Sigh...guess I better infuse some political correctness disclaimers here. I don't have anything against girls of different sizes at all. I used to be sort of chubby myself. But one day I saw myself in a video in my eighth grade algebra class and realized how chubby I was, and cried and bitched and moaned and ate some more cookies, then decided to lose weight. And I did, bitches.
I know it's not that easy for most people. And to be fair, all that weight came off me before I really even started to notice and care about clothes sizes. But my mother has said this, and I'm going to repeat it for you: If you wear clothes that FIT you, you'll look good. And too many teenage girls stress out far too much about sizes. In their minds, size 12 = 3WwW!! TEH F4tz0R!!!111 And rather than admit to themselves that they are, in fact, a size 12 (and TEH F4Tz0r by their logic), they squeeze into a 5 and proudly go around knowing that they're a 5. Which not equal teh F4tz0r. But the flab hanging over the waistband makes them look fatter than they really are. I'm not sure if they notice this. But others certainly do.
Well-fitting clothes which don't force your fat to overrun your jeans or display a large portion of your not-so-flat tummy to the general public will make you look thinner. Nobody (except maybe a random chick on the bus who's having the most horrible PMS day in all of world history) is going to look at a girl wearing stylish, adequate, well-fitting clothes and have anything against her for being a 12 or 14. In fact, it's doubtful that anyone would even know her size. Or care. Despite what you may or may not think, the individuals of the world are not very interested in what size your jeans are. Unless you're at Nordstrom and said individual is standing in front of you with a measuring tape.
So while I'm not blaming Walmart for this, at least not directly, I do believe Walmart is the retail incarnation of all the body anxieties that plague today's teenage girl. No, it's not Abercrombie, Charlotte Russe, or even Express, although all of the above do entail financial anxieties for many of us. Yes, it's Walmart. At Walmart, "average"* girls and actual size 5's compete for the jeans in said size. Girls who can't fit into a shirt along with their boobs or girls who just can't fit into it with or without them are reduced to wearing the shapeless rags that are sad counterparts to said shirt. Skinny girls with lots of chest can't prance around in the cute tank that my her brother's b-cup girlfriend is wearing, which makes me said chesty girl look bad at the company picnic.
So I'm at Walmart looking for a shirt to go with my new jeans...I can buy this tank and wear it, hoping no one notices my bra clasp showing, I can wear buy this shirt and look slightly retarded and kind of cheap, or I can buy THAT shirt and bide my time until someone files a missing persons report.
Hmmm...isn't there a Target down the road?
*Politically correct term. :: innocent grin ::
Okay. Now I'll get to the point. Walmart's clothes are not made for me. I tried on a really nice jacket the other day only to find that it didn't flatter my body at all. It puckered right under my chest, went up higher in the front than it did in the back, and stuck out at the sides of the bottom. If I didn't have a d-cup, that might not've been the case. And since I was wearing a supressor that supposedly reduced me to a c that night, I might require a b-cup to look good in that jacket.
I'm not complaining about my body. If I did, and there was a way for arms to reach across the vast expanse of the internet, I know I'd be bitchslapped by dozens of hands all at once. The annoyances it presents me are just that, annoyances, and I suppose that's an even trade for my natural state.
But Walmart. You FOOLS. I have the same problem with their shirts. The small ones are clearly made for girls without a lot of chest. Whenever I put one on, a tent of fabric forms under my chest, the bottom of the front moves way further up than the bottom of the back, and the very middle of the bottom of the front sticks out obnoxiously, and my belly button shows, but the presentation of the navel is not a sexy one. If I crush the tent, the shirt moves further up and the navel display becomes even tackier.
And the larger shirts aren't made for chesty girls either. They assume that either you're a twig with no boobs whatsoever, or you're a shy, repressed plus size. The large sizes have no shape, and hang straight down from my chest like a maternity gown. And sometimes, the sides STILL stick out. Don't know how they pulled THAT one off, but apparently it's quite possible.
It's sad, too, because every so often I'll find something really neat at Walmart that just fits so poorly. Luckily, though, they started selling a lot more thin stretchy things lately. Which solve most of the fitting problems I had with the smaller sizes, but the shirts still usually don't have enough room for me AND my boobs.
I own two tank tops from Walmart, the kind with the built in bra that's not padded or shaped. These tanks have proved loyal to me through summer adventures, spring thaws, chinese food being dropped down it and retrieved with chopsticks, and gym class. Oh wait...no, it failed me miserably in gym. But no one was watching, so that never happened. Anyway. Although I like these tanks, the bra is not especially helpful. I often can't even wear them without a real bra underneath. My complain lies not only with Walmart built-ins, but with built-ins in general. The built in of an XL tank will hold me, but the tank itself will make me look like I'm wearing a brand new art smock. However, the small or medium tanks provide inadequate support. But the tank fits!
So if you have big boobs, you have to be big too. If you're smaller, it's a given that you're not over a B.
Basically, Walmart...not every girl who walks through your doors is a twig or a chunky chick. I mean, it's great that they have "average"* size clothes, but here's what I've noticed...these "average"* girls don't buy them. I see a lot of chubby girls who want a smaller size so badly that instead of buying their actual size 12 or 14, they buy a 9, 7, or (heaven forbid!) 5, and force themselves into it with a shoehorn. The size that fits me best is 5, and it's also the size no store ever seems to have. And after seeing all the girls with tiny baby tees and their love handles hanging out on my way in, it's safe to assume that they bought them all.
Sigh...guess I better infuse some political correctness disclaimers here. I don't have anything against girls of different sizes at all. I used to be sort of chubby myself. But one day I saw myself in a video in my eighth grade algebra class and realized how chubby I was, and cried and bitched and moaned and ate some more cookies, then decided to lose weight. And I did, bitches.
I know it's not that easy for most people. And to be fair, all that weight came off me before I really even started to notice and care about clothes sizes. But my mother has said this, and I'm going to repeat it for you: If you wear clothes that FIT you, you'll look good. And too many teenage girls stress out far too much about sizes. In their minds, size 12 = 3WwW!! TEH F4tz0R!!!111 And rather than admit to themselves that they are, in fact, a size 12 (and TEH F4Tz0r by their logic), they squeeze into a 5 and proudly go around knowing that they're a 5. Which not equal teh F4tz0r. But the flab hanging over the waistband makes them look fatter than they really are. I'm not sure if they notice this. But others certainly do.
Well-fitting clothes which don't force your fat to overrun your jeans or display a large portion of your not-so-flat tummy to the general public will make you look thinner. Nobody (except maybe a random chick on the bus who's having the most horrible PMS day in all of world history) is going to look at a girl wearing stylish, adequate, well-fitting clothes and have anything against her for being a 12 or 14. In fact, it's doubtful that anyone would even know her size. Or care. Despite what you may or may not think, the individuals of the world are not very interested in what size your jeans are. Unless you're at Nordstrom and said individual is standing in front of you with a measuring tape.
So while I'm not blaming Walmart for this, at least not directly, I do believe Walmart is the retail incarnation of all the body anxieties that plague today's teenage girl. No, it's not Abercrombie, Charlotte Russe, or even Express, although all of the above do entail financial anxieties for many of us. Yes, it's Walmart. At Walmart, "average"* girls and actual size 5's compete for the jeans in said size. Girls who can't fit into a shirt along with their boobs or girls who just can't fit into it with or without them are reduced to wearing the shapeless rags that are sad counterparts to said shirt. Skinny girls with lots of chest can't prance around in the cute tank that my her brother's b-cup girlfriend is wearing, which makes me said chesty girl look bad at the company picnic.
So I'm at Walmart looking for a shirt to go with my new jeans...I can buy this tank and wear it, hoping no one notices my bra clasp showing, I can wear buy this shirt and look slightly retarded and kind of cheap, or I can buy THAT shirt and bide my time until someone files a missing persons report.
Hmmm...isn't there a Target down the road?
*Politically correct term. :: innocent grin ::