(no subject)
REAL ENTRY SOON. UNTIL THEN, HAVE IRON MAN WITH THE ELECTRIC GUITAR ON TESLA COILS
. . .
boyfriend just informed me that I'm like, two months late with this shit. Whatever. I'm still posting.
Sharktopus
A half shark/half octopus science experiment gone wrong attacks various Mexican beach resorts.
I don’t know about you, but I got what I needed out of this movie. Random death by Sharktopus! Really, sharktopus should be the new keyboard cat. . . something would happen, and then Sharktopus would eat everyone. Sharktopus is also not bound to the water-I mean, he seems to like it, but he’s also more than able to get out onto the beach to take out a volkswagon beetle convertible or a really horrible dance performance-so I guess he just needs the right motivation. Sharktopus was also immune to bullets and grenade launcher, unafraid of fire, but. . . strangely deterred by a stick. I don’t know.
There were other, non-cgi, people in this film, including the cocky and handsome navigator, who was hired to shoot-to-not-kill the sharktopus because. . . he knows these waters better than anyone? Eric Roberts, whose job it was to be drunk, incompetent, and evil. Eric Roberts’ daughter, a nerdy science girl with a wandering accent. A plucky female reporter and her cameraman, who had an impressive collection of tattoos done in magic marker (And as someone who used to do that all the time in junior high, let me say that I was really amazed at how little they smudged or faded around all of that saltwater). And a few others, but they were a lot less interesting, and sharktopus killed most of them.
Sadly, Sharktopus dies in the end. But he died as he lived: in an unrealistically bloody and gratuitously violent manner (the chunks of tentacle meat falling from the sky was a nice touch).
The Graves
A pair of weirdly codependent sisters decide to take a road trip. Along the way, they learn about an abandoned mining town that’s supposed to be haunted, and decide to check it out! Turns out there were no ghosts, but lots of cultists.
Three guesses as to why I wanted to see this movie.
I’m kind of fuzzy on some of the details. You see, we watched this immediately after sharktopus, and there’s only so much my mind can take.
What I do remember:
*The first crazed cultist killer hated his job. He was all ‘it’s not like I want to sacrifice you to our evil demon god. I just have to!’. ‘I wanted to be a fireman when I grew up. How did I get stuck doing this?’ ‘I need a vacation’. ‘Another batch? I haven’t finished with the first one!’ All the while wearing a butcher’s smock, steampunk goggles, and chasing the protagonists down with a meat cleaver. And this is why I no longer temp with officeteam.
*The second crazed cultist killer was a lot more enthusiastic (we all agreed that he got decent health insurance and a yearly bonus), but decided that he was going to be creepy and menacing. . . by wearing a rubber pig nose. Yes. Really.
*There was an amazing and random death by knitting needle. Like, there was just an aluminum knitting needle lying in the middle of a dirt road, and one of the protagonists stabbed a cultist with it. I might have cheered.
And then we watched the first fifteen minutes of ‘Bird Flu Horror!’ (which is not about a bird flu pandemic, but about some giant pterodactyl-like birds gouging out people’s intestines. . . and if that doesn’t kill them, they die of the flu. The protagonists are a bunch of 30-something teenagers who are being released from juvie for an outward bound trip). But I . . . I just couldn’t take anymore. I’m sorry to let you all down.
Things I learned from these movies:
1. If you are in a horror film, remember to dress wisely. If you’re male you’ll get most of your survival powers from your six-pack-try to have your shirt open at all times. If you’re female, you’ll want some sensible ‘science’ gear. Cargo pants and a tank top are also acceptable-remember, you want to show off one, but not both, of your assets (T or A, not T&A). Wear a bikini at your own peril.
2. A stick is a much better weapon than a knife, crowbar, scythe, AK-47, or grenade launcher. If the stick fails, try a different stick. Or a set of aluminum knitting needles.
3. Government contracts can be negotiated poolside in Mexico-no signatures required. This might require the presence of a magic sombrero.
4. All civilians should be visibly drunk when meeting with high-ranking military officers.
5. SHARKTOPUS CAN CLIMB TREES. SCIENCE IS AWESOME.
6. There is nothing more important than the comic book convention. Go to the comic book convention.
7. If you want to kill someone, go for the leg. People can survive multiple head wounds and getting stabbed in the chest with few ill effects, but one jab to the leg will get anyone. Or just tackle them.
8. If you suspect that you’re being hunted down by an entire town of crazed cultists, GO TO THE NEXT TOWN FOR HELP. Don’t ask someone else from the same town!
9. 90% of the resort-goers in Puerto Vallarta are women aged 18-25. Unless sharktopus only attacked the young lesbian beaches.
Butterfly Mittens
(There's two of them, I swear. Ends will be woven in when I figure out where my tapestry needle went. Palm side in straight stockinette)
Meh. I finished them-it was fun to come up with the pattern, but this was definitely the wrong yarn for it. The variegations were ok with the larger butterflies (the ones on here are 3x3 instead of 5x5), but they're definitely overwhelming on this one. You can see the texture better in person (three dimensions DO help), but not by much, and I spent most of the second mitten wishing I'd gone for a simpler knit/purl pattern.
I would like to try the pattern on less busy yarn at some point-and when I do, I will remember a) to start out on 4's, instead of thinking I'll start on 5's and go up to 6/7's b) to slip every other stitch on the palm side to match the butterfly's tightening on the front side, and c) don't start the thumb so damn early.
. . .
boyfriend just informed me that I'm like, two months late with this shit. Whatever. I'm still posting.
Sharktopus
A half shark/half octopus science experiment gone wrong attacks various Mexican beach resorts.
I don’t know about you, but I got what I needed out of this movie. Random death by Sharktopus! Really, sharktopus should be the new keyboard cat. . . something would happen, and then Sharktopus would eat everyone. Sharktopus is also not bound to the water-I mean, he seems to like it, but he’s also more than able to get out onto the beach to take out a volkswagon beetle convertible or a really horrible dance performance-so I guess he just needs the right motivation. Sharktopus was also immune to bullets and grenade launcher, unafraid of fire, but. . . strangely deterred by a stick. I don’t know.
There were other, non-cgi, people in this film, including the cocky and handsome navigator, who was hired to shoot-to-not-kill the sharktopus because. . . he knows these waters better than anyone? Eric Roberts, whose job it was to be drunk, incompetent, and evil. Eric Roberts’ daughter, a nerdy science girl with a wandering accent. A plucky female reporter and her cameraman, who had an impressive collection of tattoos done in magic marker (And as someone who used to do that all the time in junior high, let me say that I was really amazed at how little they smudged or faded around all of that saltwater). And a few others, but they were a lot less interesting, and sharktopus killed most of them.
Sadly, Sharktopus dies in the end. But he died as he lived: in an unrealistically bloody and gratuitously violent manner (the chunks of tentacle meat falling from the sky was a nice touch).
The Graves
A pair of weirdly codependent sisters decide to take a road trip. Along the way, they learn about an abandoned mining town that’s supposed to be haunted, and decide to check it out! Turns out there were no ghosts, but lots of cultists.
Three guesses as to why I wanted to see this movie.
I’m kind of fuzzy on some of the details. You see, we watched this immediately after sharktopus, and there’s only so much my mind can take.
What I do remember:
*The first crazed cultist killer hated his job. He was all ‘it’s not like I want to sacrifice you to our evil demon god. I just have to!’. ‘I wanted to be a fireman when I grew up. How did I get stuck doing this?’ ‘I need a vacation’. ‘Another batch? I haven’t finished with the first one!’ All the while wearing a butcher’s smock, steampunk goggles, and chasing the protagonists down with a meat cleaver. And this is why I no longer temp with officeteam.
*The second crazed cultist killer was a lot more enthusiastic (we all agreed that he got decent health insurance and a yearly bonus), but decided that he was going to be creepy and menacing. . . by wearing a rubber pig nose. Yes. Really.
*There was an amazing and random death by knitting needle. Like, there was just an aluminum knitting needle lying in the middle of a dirt road, and one of the protagonists stabbed a cultist with it. I might have cheered.
And then we watched the first fifteen minutes of ‘Bird Flu Horror!’ (which is not about a bird flu pandemic, but about some giant pterodactyl-like birds gouging out people’s intestines. . . and if that doesn’t kill them, they die of the flu. The protagonists are a bunch of 30-something teenagers who are being released from juvie for an outward bound trip). But I . . . I just couldn’t take anymore. I’m sorry to let you all down.
Things I learned from these movies:
1. If you are in a horror film, remember to dress wisely. If you’re male you’ll get most of your survival powers from your six-pack-try to have your shirt open at all times. If you’re female, you’ll want some sensible ‘science’ gear. Cargo pants and a tank top are also acceptable-remember, you want to show off one, but not both, of your assets (T or A, not T&A). Wear a bikini at your own peril.
2. A stick is a much better weapon than a knife, crowbar, scythe, AK-47, or grenade launcher. If the stick fails, try a different stick. Or a set of aluminum knitting needles.
3. Government contracts can be negotiated poolside in Mexico-no signatures required. This might require the presence of a magic sombrero.
4. All civilians should be visibly drunk when meeting with high-ranking military officers.
5. SHARKTOPUS CAN CLIMB TREES. SCIENCE IS AWESOME.
6. There is nothing more important than the comic book convention. Go to the comic book convention.
7. If you want to kill someone, go for the leg. People can survive multiple head wounds and getting stabbed in the chest with few ill effects, but one jab to the leg will get anyone. Or just tackle them.
8. If you suspect that you’re being hunted down by an entire town of crazed cultists, GO TO THE NEXT TOWN FOR HELP. Don’t ask someone else from the same town!
9. 90% of the resort-goers in Puerto Vallarta are women aged 18-25. Unless sharktopus only attacked the young lesbian beaches.
Butterfly Mittens
(There's two of them, I swear. Ends will be woven in when I figure out where my tapestry needle went. Palm side in straight stockinette)
Meh. I finished them-it was fun to come up with the pattern, but this was definitely the wrong yarn for it. The variegations were ok with the larger butterflies (the ones on here are 3x3 instead of 5x5), but they're definitely overwhelming on this one. You can see the texture better in person (three dimensions DO help), but not by much, and I spent most of the second mitten wishing I'd gone for a simpler knit/purl pattern.
I would like to try the pattern on less busy yarn at some point-and when I do, I will remember a) to start out on 4's, instead of thinking I'll start on 5's and go up to 6/7's b) to slip every other stitch on the palm side to match the butterfly's tightening on the front side, and c) don't start the thumb so damn early.