(no subject)
It’s been a hard, hellish week. Therefore, there was Troll 2.
Yes, this film:
You might think that this is the lulziest part of the film. You might even hope that this is the case. But you’d be wrong-so, so very wrong.
For one thing: Troll 2 isn’t about trolls. It’s about goblins. Vegetarian goblins. They’re disgusted by the idea of eating meat, so they change people into plants (and eject green food coloring), and then eat them. How do they do this-you might ask? Well, they get special powers from a magic Stonehenge stone. . . that is found in the middle of rural America. They also have the power of dry ice.
Enter our family of protagonists: Mom and Dad don’t really have a personality outside of ‘80’s mom and dad’, so we can skip them. Teenage sister Holly likes lifting weights and punching her boyfriend in the nuts, but these personality quirks are mostly forgotten after the opening cheesecake shot. Her little brother Joshua spends most of his time talking to his dead Grandpa Seth. Grandpa Seth likes to give advice such as ‘pee on everyone's dinner', ‘Make your family stop the van so you can talk to the dirty hobo on the side of the road’, and ‘use this Molotov cocktail to set the house on fire’ (Grandpa Seth is awesome). Nobody else in this film thinks that this is cause for alarm or antipsychotics-sure, his mother's worried, but only a little and for the sake of exposition.
Dad decides the perfect family vacation would be to the half-empty, isolated town of Nilbog (Goblin spelled backwards! geddit?!). Holly decides to invite her boyfriend along, but not before establishing that her father hates her boyfriend and implying he's gay. To be fair, there's plenty of evidence in the film that Holly's a beard. I'm not even trying with slash goggles for this: at one point, he's naked in bed with one of his friends and is kicking the other one out of the room-in his next scene, he's disheveled and fumbling with his shirt buttons. Anyway, her boyfriend decides to follow Holly to Nilbog, but also brings along three friends so someone can get killed off in this movie.
Nilbog, of course, is filled with goblins who want to eat our protagonists. But first, they have to change people into plants-remember, vegitarian goblins- so most of the action involves the goblins trying to feed their prey special 'organic' food, bringing over homemade cheesecakes and offering the little boy ice cream. We can tell that this food is Evil (and organic!) because it's all smothered with green cake frosting, but nobody in the film seems to think this is cause for alarm. The goblins can take any form they want, but for some reason their leader has decided to take the form of Female Tim Curry (getting Real Tim Curry and dressing him in drag cost too much, I guess). Female Tim Curry comes from the eyebrow school of acting. Her finest moment is when she decides to make herself beautiful to seduce one of the teenage boys. . . with an ear of corn. It's just. . . here. Watch it.
There might have been a reason for that scene, but I'm not sure what it was.
After a lot of running around and not eating things, Grandpa Seth finally tells little Joshua how to defeat the goblins-all he has to do is touch the magic stonehenge stone, and his inherent goodness will destroy stonehenge. He's also given a Very Important Item that will save the day. That item turns out to be--a double decker bologna sandwich (no, really). “THINK ABOUT THE CHOLESTEROOOL” Female Tim Curry screams as little Joshua bites into the slab of meat (no. really.). The bolonga is so gross that the goblins are repelled, and gives the family enough time to destroy stonehenge. . . by touching it. We have no reason to believe that this family is special in any way, so the only thing I can conclude is that nobody has ever touched stonehenge before.
What I learned from this film:
1. Vegetarians are evil.
2. Stonehenge might be thousands of years old, but it would be destroyed if anybody bothered to touch it (also, a source of evil powers).
3. Corn is evil-but sexy!
4. Green food coloring makes something organic-and evil.
5. You should never leave the suburbs
In conclusion, this was a very educational film and accurate portrayal of America under the Reagan administration. I think everyone should watch it.
Yes, this film:
Click to viewYou might think that this is the lulziest part of the film. You might even hope that this is the case. But you’d be wrong-so, so very wrong.
For one thing: Troll 2 isn’t about trolls. It’s about goblins. Vegetarian goblins. They’re disgusted by the idea of eating meat, so they change people into plants (and eject green food coloring), and then eat them. How do they do this-you might ask? Well, they get special powers from a magic Stonehenge stone. . . that is found in the middle of rural America. They also have the power of dry ice.
Enter our family of protagonists: Mom and Dad don’t really have a personality outside of ‘80’s mom and dad’, so we can skip them. Teenage sister Holly likes lifting weights and punching her boyfriend in the nuts, but these personality quirks are mostly forgotten after the opening cheesecake shot. Her little brother Joshua spends most of his time talking to his dead Grandpa Seth. Grandpa Seth likes to give advice such as ‘pee on everyone's dinner', ‘Make your family stop the van so you can talk to the dirty hobo on the side of the road’, and ‘use this Molotov cocktail to set the house on fire’ (Grandpa Seth is awesome). Nobody else in this film thinks that this is cause for alarm or antipsychotics-sure, his mother's worried, but only a little and for the sake of exposition.
Dad decides the perfect family vacation would be to the half-empty, isolated town of Nilbog (Goblin spelled backwards! geddit?!). Holly decides to invite her boyfriend along, but not before establishing that her father hates her boyfriend and implying he's gay. To be fair, there's plenty of evidence in the film that Holly's a beard. I'm not even trying with slash goggles for this: at one point, he's naked in bed with one of his friends and is kicking the other one out of the room-in his next scene, he's disheveled and fumbling with his shirt buttons. Anyway, her boyfriend decides to follow Holly to Nilbog, but also brings along three friends so someone can get killed off in this movie.
Nilbog, of course, is filled with goblins who want to eat our protagonists. But first, they have to change people into plants-remember, vegitarian goblins- so most of the action involves the goblins trying to feed their prey special 'organic' food, bringing over homemade cheesecakes and offering the little boy ice cream. We can tell that this food is Evil (and organic!) because it's all smothered with green cake frosting, but nobody in the film seems to think this is cause for alarm. The goblins can take any form they want, but for some reason their leader has decided to take the form of Female Tim Curry (getting Real Tim Curry and dressing him in drag cost too much, I guess). Female Tim Curry comes from the eyebrow school of acting. Her finest moment is when she decides to make herself beautiful to seduce one of the teenage boys. . . with an ear of corn. It's just. . . here. Watch it.
There might have been a reason for that scene, but I'm not sure what it was.
After a lot of running around and not eating things, Grandpa Seth finally tells little Joshua how to defeat the goblins-all he has to do is touch the magic stonehenge stone, and his inherent goodness will destroy stonehenge. He's also given a Very Important Item that will save the day. That item turns out to be--a double decker bologna sandwich (no, really). “THINK ABOUT THE CHOLESTEROOOL” Female Tim Curry screams as little Joshua bites into the slab of meat (no. really.). The bolonga is so gross that the goblins are repelled, and gives the family enough time to destroy stonehenge. . . by touching it. We have no reason to believe that this family is special in any way, so the only thing I can conclude is that nobody has ever touched stonehenge before.
What I learned from this film:
1. Vegetarians are evil.
2. Stonehenge might be thousands of years old, but it would be destroyed if anybody bothered to touch it (also, a source of evil powers).
3. Corn is evil-but sexy!
4. Green food coloring makes something organic-and evil.
5. You should never leave the suburbs
In conclusion, this was a very educational film and accurate portrayal of America under the Reagan administration. I think everyone should watch it.