The Story That had to be told
I've been putting this off for awhile beacuse I was like, man this is gonna take all day to write, but now I cant hold back anymore.
Late Friday night, Alex and I went to Downtown portland. We aarived a few minuites before midnight. As soon as we left i saw a sign saying when the next max would be comming. It wouldnt be for another 20 minuites so I recomended we went on. As soon as alex lit his Cigar the Max pulled up. It was absolutly incredible. So we had to talk beacuse you cant smoke on the max. The First thing we did was we we're going to go into Denny's, but it seemed to be occupied by some sort of african american gang wearing do rags. Like. It was quite stuffed I must say which is amazing to see Denny's full at Midnight. I guess our afraican American Friends love Denny's
After walking for awhile, we deided to cross the Wilamiate into mantown, porland. Whiles On the brigde we came up with the idea of randomly hitting on every female we found, so long as she isnt atcually atractive. The first girl we saw met the critera. Alex suggested a line, and I soon thereafter found that the man she was walking with was clearly a pimp thereby implying that that lady was a prostuite. Which she certinaly seemed to be. Fearing for my life, and not wanting to be Branded as that man's ho by his Brass Knuckles, I decided to abort the mission. only a couple hundered feet ahead, at the end of the bridge, we ran into an army of people sleeping on the side of the road. Most of them smelled distincly like urine, and we're kinda scary. The weird thing is there were like 30 of them, and they were all in a row. I thought those people scattered around, but no. Those were the only sleeping hobos we ran into on our encounter
Just ahead of all the hobos we ran into club centeral. i kid you not when i say we ran into no less then 25 clubs most of which had lines on them. I guess old town portland is the place to be late nights. The only problem was, every place that was open had a no minors sign on it's entrance We must have walked almost 2 miles before we finally ran into a shop that would let us 18 year olds in. The shop that did let us in was freakin weird. We went there beacuse we wanted a drink right. So we ended up getting orange juice from this place, but to give you an idea of what it was like. everything in there was a dark right, there was this weird ambience noise going on. It sounded like heavy breathing kinda. I dont know if you can call it music. and the entire time we were there there was a guy in the corner just staring at us the whole time. We left the shop at the same time as some other people that were talking about pot in a very high volume.
Next thing we encountered was a restruant Called, A touch of Paris. The absolutly amazing part about the whole thing is the fact that it's located only about a block from the hilton. So it would be quite Easy to Go have a touch of Paris and enter the Hilton in the same night. We ended up walking all the way to pioneer courthouse square, which is about 2.5 miles from our starting point in Lloyd Center. There were some people playing chess In the square, and when we walked through it just to stick it to the man. Beacuse the square closes at midnight at this was at about 1:30 AM. We found that the Umbrella man at the other side of the square was holding a magazine known as like the Asian press or something stupid like that.
On the way back, Alex got asked for a light for the 2nd or 3rd time that night. It's lucky he bought that mini Bic lighter. And we walked into a convience store jsut so we could comment on every item on the store, except the man porn they were selling over in the magazine section. When we were about to leave the store a gentlemen walked into the store and immeditly walked over to the Gentlemen's Pornography section. I stared in bewilderment as he proceeded to pick up a magazine and thumb through it, then I turned to alex and loudly remarked. "that dude is in the dude's section" We walked out of there and never looked back. I also showed alex the place i felt the deep burn from working at before i left for college, and some random Bum with a backpack/sleeping back asked us if we had any change. I told him i had a few pennies and he said anything will help, sO i gave him a few pennies which he probally spent on Man porn or Voodka.
Once we finally managed to get back on track we found the bridge agian. When we got up on the bridge I ran across a drunkard Asian Gentlemen who I offered a Cigar to. He Was very gracious, but at the same time suspecious. HE started to look at the label to make sure it was a cigar or something, and Alex assured him that it was a good Cigar. Little did he know it was the cigar i had sitting in my moulth as to not be left out when Alex was smoking, beacuse after all, i dont smoke. SO the end you're sposed to put in your mouth was throughly raped. We tried to get away before he noticed, beacuse after all, he was asian. We were quite spooked when the bicycle riding cops Came up behind us.
Alex made a phone call narrarating our adventures thus far, and during his phone call A car drove by us honking like mad. We just shruged it off. a couple minuites later, the same car stopped in the middle of the 10 lane road on the bridge and a lady screamed out the window "What's your number" Chris was talking on the phone and i was terribly confused. The car didnt leave, they just sat there and the girl screamed it agian. And agian, then i Finally screamed out a number, without thinking. It happened to be my home number, lucky i didnt give an area code. They drove off. a few minuites later, Alex still on the phone, they came by agian, and demanded that we get in the car. Seeing as they were atcually fairly hot, i Complied and compelled alex to follow. We atcually found out thier names were Donald and Claire. Cassandra's name kept changing but Donald's name stayed the same. They started driving us randomly and asked where we wanted to go. I told them we love Lloyd Center, beacuse that's where our car is. Somehow it slipped that we're from vancouver so Betty decided she was gonna drive us to Vancouver. I protested and told her that we cant go to vancouver beacuse my car is parked in LLoyd Center. Donald Explained the situation to Sydney, and then Jessica got confused and pulled over. I think she was lost, and she thought we were totally nuts. Allison Dropped us off, and Donald Bade us adue, Telling us they would meet us at Winco
At first we thought we knew where we were beacuse we saw the big town hero we earlier saw near the convention center, but after walking to a random hill that wasnt there before, we found out we had no idea where we were. We wandered around vacant streets for about a half hour covering ourself in fear of soemone getting thier D covered in our S, before we finally found a road that we reconized and made it back to the convention center. We went back to the Dennys to see if our African American friends were still there, but it turned out that Dennys closes at 1. It was almost 3 by this time. We walked back to the Car only to find that The parking lot was blocked off. There was no way out of the parking lot. Just when we were about to run over the Curb, we found that someone ad broken down one of the Barriers, and we managed to escape the Lloyd Center parking lot.
Some ranodm Facts about our walk in portland... We almost got ran over by a cop while Commiting the J. We commited the J enough times to choke a horse. I got what i can only assume was gum on my foot, but i should really know better then to assume it was gum
We drove to winco for two reasons. 1. the hot chicks, donald and jessicia, were going to meet us there
2. We told everyone at the party we left 4 hours ago that we were going to winco. Winco was fairly uneventful. we ended up Buying a box of pastrys and a pack of Burritos. Both were quite delecious I might add. Facts About winco. We were there about 20 minuites and we only bought two things. Those two chicks wernt there, they probally went to another winco in portland, but i only know of one, alex drank a 73 cent iced tea in the store and didnt pay for it, and we waited for 5 minuites at the checkstand for the one employee in the store to come over and play cashier. we easily could have and should have just walked out with the items of purchase.
Upon leaving winco we made an incredible discovery. They closed all the onramps to I-205. so we couldnt get on I-205. We ended up getting Refered to I-84 back into the belly of portland where we had just came from. I decided that we would have to take I-5 home after a ridicolus detour. On the way back we stopped by sharied at 3:30 in the morning. The remarkable thing about sharies was that it was crowded at 2:30 in the morning. Another incredible thing is, in order to go into the smoking section, you need to be 21, even though you only need to be 18 to smoke. It wasnt even a bar. riddle me that. We walked into the place cigars in hand asking if they had a smoking section, and the lady was like, hmm, only if you're 21. we're like smoke me, and put the cigars in our pocket. The plan was to ask if they had a smoking section, then raise up the cigar, and when she said yes I was gonna say, that's too bad, cuz i dont smoke, but that 21 rule foiled us. We then drank 2 glasses of water each while looking at the menu and telling the waitress we wernt done deciding what to order. Then we left. Unluckily the waitress that served us decided to take a smoking break outside right before we walked out, and when we were talking about how we just owned them she was like "So you guys didnt order anything". Man we got owned hard.
ON the way back something amazing happened, Alex was about to call Ephriam, and Ephriam called Alex. It was incredible.
That's pretty much it, Congrats if you made it through the whole thing
Late Friday night, Alex and I went to Downtown portland. We aarived a few minuites before midnight. As soon as we left i saw a sign saying when the next max would be comming. It wouldnt be for another 20 minuites so I recomended we went on. As soon as alex lit his Cigar the Max pulled up. It was absolutly incredible. So we had to talk beacuse you cant smoke on the max. The First thing we did was we we're going to go into Denny's, but it seemed to be occupied by some sort of african american gang wearing do rags. Like. It was quite stuffed I must say which is amazing to see Denny's full at Midnight. I guess our afraican American Friends love Denny's
After walking for awhile, we deided to cross the Wilamiate into mantown, porland. Whiles On the brigde we came up with the idea of randomly hitting on every female we found, so long as she isnt atcually atractive. The first girl we saw met the critera. Alex suggested a line, and I soon thereafter found that the man she was walking with was clearly a pimp thereby implying that that lady was a prostuite. Which she certinaly seemed to be. Fearing for my life, and not wanting to be Branded as that man's ho by his Brass Knuckles, I decided to abort the mission. only a couple hundered feet ahead, at the end of the bridge, we ran into an army of people sleeping on the side of the road. Most of them smelled distincly like urine, and we're kinda scary. The weird thing is there were like 30 of them, and they were all in a row. I thought those people scattered around, but no. Those were the only sleeping hobos we ran into on our encounter
Just ahead of all the hobos we ran into club centeral. i kid you not when i say we ran into no less then 25 clubs most of which had lines on them. I guess old town portland is the place to be late nights. The only problem was, every place that was open had a no minors sign on it's entrance We must have walked almost 2 miles before we finally ran into a shop that would let us 18 year olds in. The shop that did let us in was freakin weird. We went there beacuse we wanted a drink right. So we ended up getting orange juice from this place, but to give you an idea of what it was like. everything in there was a dark right, there was this weird ambience noise going on. It sounded like heavy breathing kinda. I dont know if you can call it music. and the entire time we were there there was a guy in the corner just staring at us the whole time. We left the shop at the same time as some other people that were talking about pot in a very high volume.
Next thing we encountered was a restruant Called, A touch of Paris. The absolutly amazing part about the whole thing is the fact that it's located only about a block from the hilton. So it would be quite Easy to Go have a touch of Paris and enter the Hilton in the same night. We ended up walking all the way to pioneer courthouse square, which is about 2.5 miles from our starting point in Lloyd Center. There were some people playing chess In the square, and when we walked through it just to stick it to the man. Beacuse the square closes at midnight at this was at about 1:30 AM. We found that the Umbrella man at the other side of the square was holding a magazine known as like the Asian press or something stupid like that.
On the way back, Alex got asked for a light for the 2nd or 3rd time that night. It's lucky he bought that mini Bic lighter. And we walked into a convience store jsut so we could comment on every item on the store, except the man porn they were selling over in the magazine section. When we were about to leave the store a gentlemen walked into the store and immeditly walked over to the Gentlemen's Pornography section. I stared in bewilderment as he proceeded to pick up a magazine and thumb through it, then I turned to alex and loudly remarked. "that dude is in the dude's section" We walked out of there and never looked back. I also showed alex the place i felt the deep burn from working at before i left for college, and some random Bum with a backpack/sleeping back asked us if we had any change. I told him i had a few pennies and he said anything will help, sO i gave him a few pennies which he probally spent on Man porn or Voodka.
Once we finally managed to get back on track we found the bridge agian. When we got up on the bridge I ran across a drunkard Asian Gentlemen who I offered a Cigar to. He Was very gracious, but at the same time suspecious. HE started to look at the label to make sure it was a cigar or something, and Alex assured him that it was a good Cigar. Little did he know it was the cigar i had sitting in my moulth as to not be left out when Alex was smoking, beacuse after all, i dont smoke. SO the end you're sposed to put in your mouth was throughly raped. We tried to get away before he noticed, beacuse after all, he was asian. We were quite spooked when the bicycle riding cops Came up behind us.
Alex made a phone call narrarating our adventures thus far, and during his phone call A car drove by us honking like mad. We just shruged it off. a couple minuites later, the same car stopped in the middle of the 10 lane road on the bridge and a lady screamed out the window "What's your number" Chris was talking on the phone and i was terribly confused. The car didnt leave, they just sat there and the girl screamed it agian. And agian, then i Finally screamed out a number, without thinking. It happened to be my home number, lucky i didnt give an area code. They drove off. a few minuites later, Alex still on the phone, they came by agian, and demanded that we get in the car. Seeing as they were atcually fairly hot, i Complied and compelled alex to follow. We atcually found out thier names were Donald and Claire. Cassandra's name kept changing but Donald's name stayed the same. They started driving us randomly and asked where we wanted to go. I told them we love Lloyd Center, beacuse that's where our car is. Somehow it slipped that we're from vancouver so Betty decided she was gonna drive us to Vancouver. I protested and told her that we cant go to vancouver beacuse my car is parked in LLoyd Center. Donald Explained the situation to Sydney, and then Jessica got confused and pulled over. I think she was lost, and she thought we were totally nuts. Allison Dropped us off, and Donald Bade us adue, Telling us they would meet us at Winco
At first we thought we knew where we were beacuse we saw the big town hero we earlier saw near the convention center, but after walking to a random hill that wasnt there before, we found out we had no idea where we were. We wandered around vacant streets for about a half hour covering ourself in fear of soemone getting thier D covered in our S, before we finally found a road that we reconized and made it back to the convention center. We went back to the Dennys to see if our African American friends were still there, but it turned out that Dennys closes at 1. It was almost 3 by this time. We walked back to the Car only to find that The parking lot was blocked off. There was no way out of the parking lot. Just when we were about to run over the Curb, we found that someone ad broken down one of the Barriers, and we managed to escape the Lloyd Center parking lot.
Some ranodm Facts about our walk in portland... We almost got ran over by a cop while Commiting the J. We commited the J enough times to choke a horse. I got what i can only assume was gum on my foot, but i should really know better then to assume it was gum
We drove to winco for two reasons. 1. the hot chicks, donald and jessicia, were going to meet us there
2. We told everyone at the party we left 4 hours ago that we were going to winco. Winco was fairly uneventful. we ended up Buying a box of pastrys and a pack of Burritos. Both were quite delecious I might add. Facts About winco. We were there about 20 minuites and we only bought two things. Those two chicks wernt there, they probally went to another winco in portland, but i only know of one, alex drank a 73 cent iced tea in the store and didnt pay for it, and we waited for 5 minuites at the checkstand for the one employee in the store to come over and play cashier. we easily could have and should have just walked out with the items of purchase.
Upon leaving winco we made an incredible discovery. They closed all the onramps to I-205. so we couldnt get on I-205. We ended up getting Refered to I-84 back into the belly of portland where we had just came from. I decided that we would have to take I-5 home after a ridicolus detour. On the way back we stopped by sharied at 3:30 in the morning. The remarkable thing about sharies was that it was crowded at 2:30 in the morning. Another incredible thing is, in order to go into the smoking section, you need to be 21, even though you only need to be 18 to smoke. It wasnt even a bar. riddle me that. We walked into the place cigars in hand asking if they had a smoking section, and the lady was like, hmm, only if you're 21. we're like smoke me, and put the cigars in our pocket. The plan was to ask if they had a smoking section, then raise up the cigar, and when she said yes I was gonna say, that's too bad, cuz i dont smoke, but that 21 rule foiled us. We then drank 2 glasses of water each while looking at the menu and telling the waitress we wernt done deciding what to order. Then we left. Unluckily the waitress that served us decided to take a smoking break outside right before we walked out, and when we were talking about how we just owned them she was like "So you guys didnt order anything". Man we got owned hard.
ON the way back something amazing happened, Alex was about to call Ephriam, and Ephriam called Alex. It was incredible.
That's pretty much it, Congrats if you made it through the whole thing