(no subject)
I don't know but the last three weeks wasn't mine. I felt depressive, sad and just weird. I was unhappy with myself and my situation. Well I am still unhappy with my situation but I hadn't the power to change something. So two girls felt that something goes wrong with me and tried to speak with me.
I don't know but in the last three weeks I was out very often and not for meeting people. No I was out for getting drunk and let my problems on the back. But you all know that alcohol can't resolve the problems and so I was close to fall deeper and deeper. Currently I am in a better mood and I feel as I have more power but it's like as I would expect the next hammer which would land on my head. I know there is something what will make the hole of depression bigger and I don't know when it will happen.
Normally I am a man with a lot of optimism (I have a tattoo with the chinese sign for optimism) but actually I feel as I lost it all. It's not just my financial stat which is hanging on me like damokles sword, no it's more. I feel as I would stuck in my job and I don't have the power or the brave for start a new education. And it's my girlfriend who has so much power and stands with both feed on the ground and is doing one step to another for her career. And me: I'm here. working as an assistant in a bank and after work I go out. Meeting my friends (are they friends or just party people) and drink the one or other beer. And I still don't know if it is really love what I feel for my girlfriend. Or do I love my best friend Luzia which has the warmest heart I ever met???? I dunno know.
Fact is that I refound me in one of the most difficult times in my life...
But no panic folks. Until this day I ever found a way out of these holes and I am sure I will find a way out but I am sure it will need more time as before. With all the power I have I'll try to get out of this fucking crap..
I don't know but in the last three weeks I was out very often and not for meeting people. No I was out for getting drunk and let my problems on the back. But you all know that alcohol can't resolve the problems and so I was close to fall deeper and deeper. Currently I am in a better mood and I feel as I have more power but it's like as I would expect the next hammer which would land on my head. I know there is something what will make the hole of depression bigger and I don't know when it will happen.
Normally I am a man with a lot of optimism (I have a tattoo with the chinese sign for optimism) but actually I feel as I lost it all. It's not just my financial stat which is hanging on me like damokles sword, no it's more. I feel as I would stuck in my job and I don't have the power or the brave for start a new education. And it's my girlfriend who has so much power and stands with both feed on the ground and is doing one step to another for her career. And me: I'm here. working as an assistant in a bank and after work I go out. Meeting my friends (are they friends or just party people) and drink the one or other beer. And I still don't know if it is really love what I feel for my girlfriend. Or do I love my best friend Luzia which has the warmest heart I ever met???? I dunno know.
Fact is that I refound me in one of the most difficult times in my life...
But no panic folks. Until this day I ever found a way out of these holes and I am sure I will find a way out but I am sure it will need more time as before. With all the power I have I'll try to get out of this fucking crap..