It was so beautiful today.
I went outside for my first cigarette this morning, and the sun was shining clear through the newly ice-coated trees. The wind would have been imperceptible, except that the snowflakes were so fine and light that they blew sideways anyway. It was so beautiful today.
Yesterday I went to work and I was so excited about seeing Hanna. She's intensely intriguing and she seems to have been making every effort to have my attention. (Also she's "the one with the eyes".) We talk all the time. We talk about everything. The minor language barrier is a boon, because we both love language. I found out why she wants to be a pharmacist; it's because she's a math geek. You should have seen the way her eyes lit up when she told me how much she loves "to have a problem and a formula and to put in the numbers and figure it all out." Adorable. She loves food, and good food, and I love making good food. I was thrilled when she confided that "Food is my favorite." Too many fit girls in America have a negative position toward food, and this is refreshing.
I had deemed it certain that she looks forward to spending time with me. She lights up when she sees me. She takes every opportunity to use possible bad weather as a reason to give me a ride home. She never leaves at the end of a shift without finding me, saying goodbye, and making sure I'll be around the next time she was planning on seeing me. This behavior became regular the day after I attended my grandparents' holiday party. I had arranged off on short notice, so no change was made to the schedule. The next day she found me and showed panic in her face, and I was hungover and not thinking quickly.
"Where were you last night?!"
*pause*
"I just, uh... just at home?"
"Why were you not at work?"
"OH! My grandparents ..."
I'll admit that I intentionally mentioned it to noone but the scheduling folks as sort of an experiment. I got the desired results.
My buddy Karnik (older guy from Lebanon, actually an officer in their army if I understand correctly) is a hilarious and wise man, and he takes interest in the romantic relationships of his coworkers. It's just that it's all still exciting to him, and he's been married with kids for years and years now. I know he'll never say anything to anybody, and he's got great advice, and he's truly a friend, so I let him in on just about everything I think he'd enjoy. And that means he's watching me and Hanna with a sharp eye. Yesterday we somehow got on the topic of me and her and he suddenly took a serious tone: "You need to grab her up before someone else. Good relations is something, but you need ACTION!" I agreed. I had reached the same conclusion on the trainride to work.
I get to work for 3:00 and the night waitresses don't show up until 4:30. Sure I was looking forward to seeing Hanna, but at 4:30 I had just finished a big cleaning job and I wanted a cigarette. Not halfway through my cigarette Karnik bursts through the back door with a gigantic grin.
"Hey Hanna, she is worried about you!"
"Whaddya mean?"
Here Karnik starts acting all huffy
"She come on the line and ask me 'Where is Swippy is he not working today?'"
"Oh yeah?"
"I tell her you smoking a cigarette."
"Very good!"
"I know!"
So I spent the rest of the cigarette thinking how I'd only been absent for like three minutes and still it was long enough for her to externalize her concern. I consider it a good sign and add it to my arsenal.
We talked all night. We always talk all night. There was a Winter Weather Advisory that day about the impending ice-storm, and so:
"The weather is supposed to be bad tonight. Can I give you a ride to your home?"
"Maybe."
I was aware of what time the weather was supposed to get bad, and anticipating her offer I had decided to wait until the storm hit so I could go out and test the streets before accepting. I already had an offer for a ride home from an experienced and talented driver (my dad) so I wouldn't ask anything of her that might endanger her. I'd rather walk home than risk her harm.
7 o'clock hit and I walked out to the street to test the traction. Nothing scary. So I went back inside with every intention of making moves.
"I'd like to take you up on that ride home. The roads are not too bad."
"Oh good!"
"I was thinking, I'd like to take you out for some pizza. I know a good place on the way home."
"Oh, no, I don't like pizza. And besides, I ate too much yesterday. And I have to go to school tomorrow. School starts again tomorrow in the morning and I don't want to be up too late."
"Oh. Okay."
Most of an hour later I tested the road again and it certainly had become dangerous enough that I didn't want Hanna to drive any extra. Accepting that ride would have been dangerous and probably irresponsible. I'm not afraid to die myself, but I don't want to deprive the world of Hanna's beauty.
"I won't be getting a ride from you. It's too slippery."
"It is not too slippery! I will be okay!"
"I just walked out there and stepped on the street. It is too slippery. I want you to get home as safely as possible."
"No, I will drive you. What else can you do?"
"I'm gonna call my dad. He'll give me a ride."
"Fine. You call your dad, and you tell me what he says."
ten minutes later i catch up with her while she's eating (therefore stationary)
"Did you call your father?"
"Not yet."
"You tell me what he says."
"He already told me yesterday he wanted to give me a ride, because of the holiday. I'm sure it'll be fine."
"This is good, I guess."
"I want to ask you..."
"...hm?"
"What if it isn't pizza, and it's a better night, where you don't have to go to school. Can I take you out for dinner sometime?"
"I...uh...um...Right now swippy I have a boyfriend."
"Oh!"
"Yes. I do."
"Okay then... Wow; I'd hate it if I made you uncomfortable."
"Oh no, you don't!"
"Very good then."
"Okay."
*pause, then big grin*
"I'm going to go smoke a cigarette."
"Haha maybe you should."
I smoked a cigarette and I'll admit I cursed out loud a few times. Then I went back in and rejoined her eating and reading the newspaper. Soon as my ass hit the cushion she pointed at an article and said "I don't understand what she is saying here." It was about putting CDs onto an iPod so I explained the difference between mp3 and .wav and we got along just as rightly as we had before.
The word "relief" is accurate, but possibly not enough. The retention of the relevance of the word 'amiable' is quite a bit more satisfactory.
So it's okay. I'm not so hurt. For me it's better to know than not to be sure, and it's even better that I'm not the only one not hurt. I would hate to make her uncomfortable.
And to see about other things:
Tuesday morning I had run out of things to read in the free weekly newspaper the folks of the city publish, and I had no other reading material for the subway, so I resorted to the areas I usually ignore. A man named Rob Brezsny publishes a syndicated column by the name of "Free Will Astrology" where he describes horoscopes with a thoughtful slant. With nothing else to read, I damn near busted out laughing on the subway at the way he begins the section aimed at me:
CANCER If you're not rejected or refused at least once in early 2007, you're probably not trying hard enough.
If it's not encouraging enough to be able to retain a good mood after being shot down by a girl you really like, reading that you've done well in the newspaper would be just what you need.
Moving on, the ice-storm was no joke. Luckily all of the weak tree branches got taken down last October, so everybody who got coated in ice was strong and defiant. I cannot believe how much fun it is to ride a bike after an ice-storm. It is fascinating and involving. I was already developing an appreciation for my sense of seated-balance before I was called "Hardcore" by a fellow cyclist who had caught a ride the day after. I'm in my glory when being tested on things such as 'fine motor control' and 'quick thinking'. I like it when I have to try hard.
Yeah but the way the sun glinted through the edges of the ice that wrapped itself around the twigs of the trees was truly beautiful.
A beautiful day.
Yesterday I went to work and I was so excited about seeing Hanna. She's intensely intriguing and she seems to have been making every effort to have my attention. (Also she's "the one with the eyes".) We talk all the time. We talk about everything. The minor language barrier is a boon, because we both love language. I found out why she wants to be a pharmacist; it's because she's a math geek. You should have seen the way her eyes lit up when she told me how much she loves "to have a problem and a formula and to put in the numbers and figure it all out." Adorable. She loves food, and good food, and I love making good food. I was thrilled when she confided that "Food is my favorite." Too many fit girls in America have a negative position toward food, and this is refreshing.
I had deemed it certain that she looks forward to spending time with me. She lights up when she sees me. She takes every opportunity to use possible bad weather as a reason to give me a ride home. She never leaves at the end of a shift without finding me, saying goodbye, and making sure I'll be around the next time she was planning on seeing me. This behavior became regular the day after I attended my grandparents' holiday party. I had arranged off on short notice, so no change was made to the schedule. The next day she found me and showed panic in her face, and I was hungover and not thinking quickly.
"Where were you last night?!"
*pause*
"I just, uh... just at home?"
"Why were you not at work?"
"OH! My grandparents ..."
I'll admit that I intentionally mentioned it to noone but the scheduling folks as sort of an experiment. I got the desired results.
My buddy Karnik (older guy from Lebanon, actually an officer in their army if I understand correctly) is a hilarious and wise man, and he takes interest in the romantic relationships of his coworkers. It's just that it's all still exciting to him, and he's been married with kids for years and years now. I know he'll never say anything to anybody, and he's got great advice, and he's truly a friend, so I let him in on just about everything I think he'd enjoy. And that means he's watching me and Hanna with a sharp eye. Yesterday we somehow got on the topic of me and her and he suddenly took a serious tone: "You need to grab her up before someone else. Good relations is something, but you need ACTION!" I agreed. I had reached the same conclusion on the trainride to work.
I get to work for 3:00 and the night waitresses don't show up until 4:30. Sure I was looking forward to seeing Hanna, but at 4:30 I had just finished a big cleaning job and I wanted a cigarette. Not halfway through my cigarette Karnik bursts through the back door with a gigantic grin.
"Hey Hanna, she is worried about you!"
"Whaddya mean?"
Here Karnik starts acting all huffy
"She come on the line and ask me 'Where is Swippy is he not working today?'"
"Oh yeah?"
"I tell her you smoking a cigarette."
"Very good!"
"I know!"
So I spent the rest of the cigarette thinking how I'd only been absent for like three minutes and still it was long enough for her to externalize her concern. I consider it a good sign and add it to my arsenal.
We talked all night. We always talk all night. There was a Winter Weather Advisory that day about the impending ice-storm, and so:
"The weather is supposed to be bad tonight. Can I give you a ride to your home?"
"Maybe."
I was aware of what time the weather was supposed to get bad, and anticipating her offer I had decided to wait until the storm hit so I could go out and test the streets before accepting. I already had an offer for a ride home from an experienced and talented driver (my dad) so I wouldn't ask anything of her that might endanger her. I'd rather walk home than risk her harm.
7 o'clock hit and I walked out to the street to test the traction. Nothing scary. So I went back inside with every intention of making moves.
"I'd like to take you up on that ride home. The roads are not too bad."
"Oh good!"
"I was thinking, I'd like to take you out for some pizza. I know a good place on the way home."
"Oh, no, I don't like pizza. And besides, I ate too much yesterday. And I have to go to school tomorrow. School starts again tomorrow in the morning and I don't want to be up too late."
"Oh. Okay."
Most of an hour later I tested the road again and it certainly had become dangerous enough that I didn't want Hanna to drive any extra. Accepting that ride would have been dangerous and probably irresponsible. I'm not afraid to die myself, but I don't want to deprive the world of Hanna's beauty.
"I won't be getting a ride from you. It's too slippery."
"It is not too slippery! I will be okay!"
"I just walked out there and stepped on the street. It is too slippery. I want you to get home as safely as possible."
"No, I will drive you. What else can you do?"
"I'm gonna call my dad. He'll give me a ride."
"Fine. You call your dad, and you tell me what he says."
ten minutes later i catch up with her while she's eating (therefore stationary)
"Did you call your father?"
"Not yet."
"You tell me what he says."
"He already told me yesterday he wanted to give me a ride, because of the holiday. I'm sure it'll be fine."
"This is good, I guess."
"I want to ask you..."
"...hm?"
"What if it isn't pizza, and it's a better night, where you don't have to go to school. Can I take you out for dinner sometime?"
"I...uh...um...Right now swippy I have a boyfriend."
"Oh!"
"Yes. I do."
"Okay then... Wow; I'd hate it if I made you uncomfortable."
"Oh no, you don't!"
"Very good then."
"Okay."
*pause, then big grin*
"I'm going to go smoke a cigarette."
"Haha maybe you should."
I smoked a cigarette and I'll admit I cursed out loud a few times. Then I went back in and rejoined her eating and reading the newspaper. Soon as my ass hit the cushion she pointed at an article and said "I don't understand what she is saying here." It was about putting CDs onto an iPod so I explained the difference between mp3 and .wav and we got along just as rightly as we had before.
The word "relief" is accurate, but possibly not enough. The retention of the relevance of the word 'amiable' is quite a bit more satisfactory.
So it's okay. I'm not so hurt. For me it's better to know than not to be sure, and it's even better that I'm not the only one not hurt. I would hate to make her uncomfortable.
And to see about other things:
Tuesday morning I had run out of things to read in the free weekly newspaper the folks of the city publish, and I had no other reading material for the subway, so I resorted to the areas I usually ignore. A man named Rob Brezsny publishes a syndicated column by the name of "Free Will Astrology" where he describes horoscopes with a thoughtful slant. With nothing else to read, I damn near busted out laughing on the subway at the way he begins the section aimed at me:
CANCER If you're not rejected or refused at least once in early 2007, you're probably not trying hard enough.
If it's not encouraging enough to be able to retain a good mood after being shot down by a girl you really like, reading that you've done well in the newspaper would be just what you need.
Moving on, the ice-storm was no joke. Luckily all of the weak tree branches got taken down last October, so everybody who got coated in ice was strong and defiant. I cannot believe how much fun it is to ride a bike after an ice-storm. It is fascinating and involving. I was already developing an appreciation for my sense of seated-balance before I was called "Hardcore" by a fellow cyclist who had caught a ride the day after. I'm in my glory when being tested on things such as 'fine motor control' and 'quick thinking'. I like it when I have to try hard.
Yeah but the way the sun glinted through the edges of the ice that wrapped itself around the twigs of the trees was truly beautiful.
A beautiful day.