(no subject)
Essay #1
A) Strengths in my reflective narrative, "Panes" were that I tried at
real seeing by putting details that weren't cliché and typical at
description of whatever I was writing about. One of my favorite details from
this essay was, "Its handle was even rotting away, a charcoal sphere with a
face that looked like the last person to pen the ancient mass of wood had a
hand covered in mustard that was never cleaned up." It was a unique
description and I think I could make a reader somewhat understand the way I
saw it. Another strength I think I had was the metaphor I used throughout
the essay of the sheltered life I lived behind the door and the freedom I
had on the outside world. "I had done it I had broke the barrier my life and
my freedom, inhaled the same air." I think I did a good job in certain
places involving the metaphor and involving the goal of putting the reader
in the scene I was describing.
B) Evidence of growth in this piece is it started off as a narrative
and became something so much more. It started off as the simple story of the
day I broke the glass in the first 500 word burst. The first burst was
typical and set up drably in a timely manner. First I set the scene, then I
walked up to the door, then I knocked, then I punched, then I bled, then I
cried. It was incredibly typical. I then looped and grew a little bit with
some real seeing adding in details that weren't cliché, I started drifting
away from the story slightly and started to involve a little bit of
metaphor and depth to the essay. In the final draft I finally had less
narrative and more description and depth. There was somewhat of a purpose
and a slight answer to "the grumpy so what."
C) Struggles I had as a writer in this essay were trying to have depth
while trying to tell a story. I couldn't find a real purpose for why I was
writing it. The main thing was I had this somewhat interesting story but
there was really no reason for telling it, and if there was a reason I
certainly did not find it. I couldn't blend the details together with the
story and reflection. I couldn't find a way to organize the piece in a
unique manner. I didn't want to do it in the time order everything happened,
but I couldn't really find another way to say it. I found another weakness
was I had generated so many sections of detail and description that I had
trouble deciding what to keep and what to use and how much of the details to
use. I don't think I put enough time into the decision of choosing what I
had from my generated writing. I think maybe if I had used more time and
thought looking at my details that maybe my essay would have made a little
more sense and not have been as "cryptic."
D) My weaknesses in this essay are I had a lot of description- but it
didn't always make sense and it didn't always necessarily fit the vibe of
the essay. I was all over the place. I went from one paragraph of just
description to one of reflection when they should have been blended sensibly
for the reader. I never said anything straight out and simply and used
almost too much metaphor so the reader couldn't get a clear sense of what my
purpose was. If I were to pick this essay up I probably wouldn't have read
past the first paragraph. I didn't have an interesting lead to draw the
reader in, and I didn't give much for the reader to relate to. Not *everyone
*has punched through a window.
Drastically revised Reflective Narrative Essay #2
A) Strengths I had in this essay were anecdotes, creative and unique
details, and a purpose and audience. Throughout the story I would jump into
little anecdotes that would relate to the subject and go off and return back
to the main structure of the essay. For example: I started talking about the
driveway in the scene of the outdoor side where I broke the window. I then
went on an anecdote talking about a driveway memory. "The car was lavender
and engineless, I would conquer a road trip of going to the end of my
driveway and back by a Fred Flinstone flying feet movement and roll down
until I hit where the lamp post on my lawn stood so I wouldn't fly into the
dangerous street." I used creative and unique details throughout the piece
some were "Little Mermaid, Velcro, light up shoes," and "My fist hovered
within the damaged surviving glass pieces like tweezers in the game of
"Operation" going in for the funny bone." My audience became everyone who
wanted to know how people start to break out of their insecurities, and my
purpose was to explain that it could be done through hard work and a lot of
embarrassing moments and pain.
B) Evidence of growth through this piece is when I started to
drastically revise essay number one and realize that I didn't have an
audience and didn't really have a purpose. I started to generate more
writing to solve this and with more thought I was able to add in anecdotes
to work with my metaphor that had started out as one big failure. I turned
my piece into a story that was originally about punching a window and
possessed a little bit of metaphor that didn't quite make sense to the
reader. I turned the essay into something a little more clearly that
described in a straight forward manner what I was trying to get across in my
essay; "this door was unique, and would bring me through transitions of
confidence and zero confidence in the click of a latch."
C) Struggles as a student of writing include the constant battle I had
with myself while writing this to choose on what I wanted to use from my
mess of generated writing. And when I did end up choosing it I had trouble
figuring out where it belonged in the skeleton of my essay. It was hard for
me to get past the idea that a good essay had to be long and couldn't be
under 1000 words. Another struggle I had was the hardship of changing what I
had already thought was a finished piece. My least favorite part of writing
is the process of revision, so having to revise something twice and having
to revise it drastically was a difficult task for me. I felt as if I didn't
need to change anything and my essay was what it was, and if I didn't think
of anything fantastic to add into my writing before when I was revising the
first time that I certainly could not find something great to add into the
essay a week later.
D) Weaknesses I had in this essay are organization of paragraphs and
too much metaphor. Despite the time I put in struggling with organizing my
paragraphs of generated writing and blending them with my metaphor I still
could not accomplish blending in a flowing manner so that my essay seems
choppy. I go from my yard to Europe with no transition. I think my reader
ends up incredibly lost by the end of this piece. While the reader can still
get a general idea I am lacking in the capability of enabling them to get
the full flavor of my writing.
Essay # 6
A) Strengths in this piece of writing are that it flows, it tells a
story, but it tells it in a non narrative way because there is insight
within the story line. I also do a decent job of a metaphor lurking within
this essay. The whole metaphor of, " I wasn't the only one, and somehow I
ended up being a missed pop up flying into center field. The quitter must
have simply been blinded by the sun's light- yes that had to be the reason
why I was alone, and fell back on nothing.
B) Growths that are shown in this essay are facts that I worked on my
craft of words, I tried to make the writing flow and I tried to use
repetition. "I wasn't the only one…I wasn't the only one rejected. I wasn't
the only one not good enough for the Varsity squad," and my repetition in
the last paragraph where I say "I would have loved." Before in past essays I would attempt to write flowing, poetic, and well composed sentences, but they would always end up either not making sense or appearing that I tried too hard to attempt a good sentence. I think in this essay I accomplished writing better sentences with meaning and I grew past the struggle of trying and moved to accomplishing.
C) Struggles for myself in writing at this essay's point in time are that I had trouble trying to abandon the narrative within the story. This was another "drastically revised" piece and I had to come up with another style of writing instead of just telling my story in a quite normal and typical fashion. I couldn't decide how I was going to make this essay work more than my first version of it. I thought of starting from winning the Western Massachusetts championship and going in reverse time order, and I thought of just completely mixing it up. I struggled with my attack and it took me a while to finally realize thanks to your simple circle around the word "quitters" and the comment next to it that read "this is a whole other essay" to realize that suggestion was the solution to my struggle of how to rewrite this piece.
D) Weaknesses I had in this essay are that in my prior essays they would all scream narrative which I grew upon, but this essay somewhat whispers
narrative still despite my effort to dispose of writing in that fashion.
A) Strengths in my reflective narrative, "Panes" were that I tried at
real seeing by putting details that weren't cliché and typical at
description of whatever I was writing about. One of my favorite details from
this essay was, "Its handle was even rotting away, a charcoal sphere with a
face that looked like the last person to pen the ancient mass of wood had a
hand covered in mustard that was never cleaned up." It was a unique
description and I think I could make a reader somewhat understand the way I
saw it. Another strength I think I had was the metaphor I used throughout
the essay of the sheltered life I lived behind the door and the freedom I
had on the outside world. "I had done it I had broke the barrier my life and
my freedom, inhaled the same air." I think I did a good job in certain
places involving the metaphor and involving the goal of putting the reader
in the scene I was describing.
B) Evidence of growth in this piece is it started off as a narrative
and became something so much more. It started off as the simple story of the
day I broke the glass in the first 500 word burst. The first burst was
typical and set up drably in a timely manner. First I set the scene, then I
walked up to the door, then I knocked, then I punched, then I bled, then I
cried. It was incredibly typical. I then looped and grew a little bit with
some real seeing adding in details that weren't cliché, I started drifting
away from the story slightly and started to involve a little bit of
metaphor and depth to the essay. In the final draft I finally had less
narrative and more description and depth. There was somewhat of a purpose
and a slight answer to "the grumpy so what."
C) Struggles I had as a writer in this essay were trying to have depth
while trying to tell a story. I couldn't find a real purpose for why I was
writing it. The main thing was I had this somewhat interesting story but
there was really no reason for telling it, and if there was a reason I
certainly did not find it. I couldn't blend the details together with the
story and reflection. I couldn't find a way to organize the piece in a
unique manner. I didn't want to do it in the time order everything happened,
but I couldn't really find another way to say it. I found another weakness
was I had generated so many sections of detail and description that I had
trouble deciding what to keep and what to use and how much of the details to
use. I don't think I put enough time into the decision of choosing what I
had from my generated writing. I think maybe if I had used more time and
thought looking at my details that maybe my essay would have made a little
more sense and not have been as "cryptic."
D) My weaknesses in this essay are I had a lot of description- but it
didn't always make sense and it didn't always necessarily fit the vibe of
the essay. I was all over the place. I went from one paragraph of just
description to one of reflection when they should have been blended sensibly
for the reader. I never said anything straight out and simply and used
almost too much metaphor so the reader couldn't get a clear sense of what my
purpose was. If I were to pick this essay up I probably wouldn't have read
past the first paragraph. I didn't have an interesting lead to draw the
reader in, and I didn't give much for the reader to relate to. Not *everyone
*has punched through a window.
Drastically revised Reflective Narrative Essay #2
A) Strengths I had in this essay were anecdotes, creative and unique
details, and a purpose and audience. Throughout the story I would jump into
little anecdotes that would relate to the subject and go off and return back
to the main structure of the essay. For example: I started talking about the
driveway in the scene of the outdoor side where I broke the window. I then
went on an anecdote talking about a driveway memory. "The car was lavender
and engineless, I would conquer a road trip of going to the end of my
driveway and back by a Fred Flinstone flying feet movement and roll down
until I hit where the lamp post on my lawn stood so I wouldn't fly into the
dangerous street." I used creative and unique details throughout the piece
some were "Little Mermaid, Velcro, light up shoes," and "My fist hovered
within the damaged surviving glass pieces like tweezers in the game of
"Operation" going in for the funny bone." My audience became everyone who
wanted to know how people start to break out of their insecurities, and my
purpose was to explain that it could be done through hard work and a lot of
embarrassing moments and pain.
B) Evidence of growth through this piece is when I started to
drastically revise essay number one and realize that I didn't have an
audience and didn't really have a purpose. I started to generate more
writing to solve this and with more thought I was able to add in anecdotes
to work with my metaphor that had started out as one big failure. I turned
my piece into a story that was originally about punching a window and
possessed a little bit of metaphor that didn't quite make sense to the
reader. I turned the essay into something a little more clearly that
described in a straight forward manner what I was trying to get across in my
essay; "this door was unique, and would bring me through transitions of
confidence and zero confidence in the click of a latch."
C) Struggles as a student of writing include the constant battle I had
with myself while writing this to choose on what I wanted to use from my
mess of generated writing. And when I did end up choosing it I had trouble
figuring out where it belonged in the skeleton of my essay. It was hard for
me to get past the idea that a good essay had to be long and couldn't be
under 1000 words. Another struggle I had was the hardship of changing what I
had already thought was a finished piece. My least favorite part of writing
is the process of revision, so having to revise something twice and having
to revise it drastically was a difficult task for me. I felt as if I didn't
need to change anything and my essay was what it was, and if I didn't think
of anything fantastic to add into my writing before when I was revising the
first time that I certainly could not find something great to add into the
essay a week later.
D) Weaknesses I had in this essay are organization of paragraphs and
too much metaphor. Despite the time I put in struggling with organizing my
paragraphs of generated writing and blending them with my metaphor I still
could not accomplish blending in a flowing manner so that my essay seems
choppy. I go from my yard to Europe with no transition. I think my reader
ends up incredibly lost by the end of this piece. While the reader can still
get a general idea I am lacking in the capability of enabling them to get
the full flavor of my writing.
Essay # 6
A) Strengths in this piece of writing are that it flows, it tells a
story, but it tells it in a non narrative way because there is insight
within the story line. I also do a decent job of a metaphor lurking within
this essay. The whole metaphor of, " I wasn't the only one, and somehow I
ended up being a missed pop up flying into center field. The quitter must
have simply been blinded by the sun's light- yes that had to be the reason
why I was alone, and fell back on nothing.
B) Growths that are shown in this essay are facts that I worked on my
craft of words, I tried to make the writing flow and I tried to use
repetition. "I wasn't the only one…I wasn't the only one rejected. I wasn't
the only one not good enough for the Varsity squad," and my repetition in
the last paragraph where I say "I would have loved." Before in past essays I would attempt to write flowing, poetic, and well composed sentences, but they would always end up either not making sense or appearing that I tried too hard to attempt a good sentence. I think in this essay I accomplished writing better sentences with meaning and I grew past the struggle of trying and moved to accomplishing.
C) Struggles for myself in writing at this essay's point in time are that I had trouble trying to abandon the narrative within the story. This was another "drastically revised" piece and I had to come up with another style of writing instead of just telling my story in a quite normal and typical fashion. I couldn't decide how I was going to make this essay work more than my first version of it. I thought of starting from winning the Western Massachusetts championship and going in reverse time order, and I thought of just completely mixing it up. I struggled with my attack and it took me a while to finally realize thanks to your simple circle around the word "quitters" and the comment next to it that read "this is a whole other essay" to realize that suggestion was the solution to my struggle of how to rewrite this piece.
D) Weaknesses I had in this essay are that in my prior essays they would all scream narrative which I grew upon, but this essay somewhat whispers
narrative still despite my effort to dispose of writing in that fashion.