This Is The Countdown
Well, this is the day. The day that means only 6 more days till i acually get to do what i've semi always wanted. Like a bird, i get to fly far far away. Difference being i'm not a hold of the controls. athough i am goign where i wanted to since newyears. Now we see if i want to come back, or if the rush and all the bad being away from me will want me to stay.
... Then again. Only some stuff will be away that i dont like. Unfourtunetly all the recent will be following me for i can not get rid of it. I'm not shore when i want to tell everyone everything. Or maybe i'm slowly doing it now. I might as well. Lets do it Bio style.
My name is AshleyDawn and i am 17 years old. Just in the mist of 18. I might as well cut to the chase and not bring things long and drawn out like hidding them even more. I'm sruggleing everyday. With myself and the things happening to me. I kno Millions and billions of people have it harder than i do but this is all coming at me way to fast. The older things i deal with , along with the magority of the world is depression. I started getting over than almost a year ago. I had alot of help with Pills and therepy. But depression was just a touch from the anxiety i get. And i carry around pills will me for when i get to excited. I went from carryign around the bottle to at least having one hidign sumwhere down in my purse cuz there are addictive but ive pritty much learned to cope with out them. A little over a year ago i was in the hospital for my stomach. They put tubes and camrahs down my throat to forst look at why i had difficulty swallowing, but then went into my stomach to find that my stomach doesnt break up food. WEll it does. but at 4%. Average persons stomach is supose to digest food at about 50 %. See the delema. So im never hungrey. Although i use to be "anerexic" i now eat food for comfort or bordum which has made me gain weight. although my friends say i look alot better now that i have sum "meat" on me. I guess my bones sticking out wasnt good enough for them. hah. ::sigh:: okay back to wear i was. What else.. okay so one day about a couple months ago i woke up blind in my left eye. Well, basically blind. And blah blah tests and whatever found i have optic nuritis. And now i feel like speeding this up. So, with that and many many tests and many many more, they pritty much are conclusing M.S. and then other things they found while testing. For ex, Acute add, and dyslexia. Which explain many other things. I also have a tumer a cyst in my brian. And Surgery just may be the next option because they think the tumer may me leaking. I've acually learned to try and cope with this, but this is all still new for me. So i am scared most of the time. Except when im with my friends. Alot of times they keep my mind off of it. i havnt ben truthfull or at leat i have ben but havnt told the whole truth to everyone and left some thigns in the dark i havnt ben ready to sharre. but i hope this cleans Sum things up. i kno its still not everything but at the same time maybe its just enough to keep the ones close to me informed bcuz i havnt ben wanting to talk about it.
okay i think im done.
this is overwhelming.
ill talk ot you all later. i have some things to do b4 i have to work at 5. like finish updating my ipod sum more.
Holler if you have an ipod! lol
* Ash *
... Then again. Only some stuff will be away that i dont like. Unfourtunetly all the recent will be following me for i can not get rid of it. I'm not shore when i want to tell everyone everything. Or maybe i'm slowly doing it now. I might as well. Lets do it Bio style.
My name is AshleyDawn and i am 17 years old. Just in the mist of 18. I might as well cut to the chase and not bring things long and drawn out like hidding them even more. I'm sruggleing everyday. With myself and the things happening to me. I kno Millions and billions of people have it harder than i do but this is all coming at me way to fast. The older things i deal with , along with the magority of the world is depression. I started getting over than almost a year ago. I had alot of help with Pills and therepy. But depression was just a touch from the anxiety i get. And i carry around pills will me for when i get to excited. I went from carryign around the bottle to at least having one hidign sumwhere down in my purse cuz there are addictive but ive pritty much learned to cope with out them. A little over a year ago i was in the hospital for my stomach. They put tubes and camrahs down my throat to forst look at why i had difficulty swallowing, but then went into my stomach to find that my stomach doesnt break up food. WEll it does. but at 4%. Average persons stomach is supose to digest food at about 50 %. See the delema. So im never hungrey. Although i use to be "anerexic" i now eat food for comfort or bordum which has made me gain weight. although my friends say i look alot better now that i have sum "meat" on me. I guess my bones sticking out wasnt good enough for them. hah. ::sigh:: okay back to wear i was. What else.. okay so one day about a couple months ago i woke up blind in my left eye. Well, basically blind. And blah blah tests and whatever found i have optic nuritis. And now i feel like speeding this up. So, with that and many many tests and many many more, they pritty much are conclusing M.S. and then other things they found while testing. For ex, Acute add, and dyslexia. Which explain many other things. I also have a tumer a cyst in my brian. And Surgery just may be the next option because they think the tumer may me leaking. I've acually learned to try and cope with this, but this is all still new for me. So i am scared most of the time. Except when im with my friends. Alot of times they keep my mind off of it. i havnt ben truthfull or at leat i have ben but havnt told the whole truth to everyone and left some thigns in the dark i havnt ben ready to sharre. but i hope this cleans Sum things up. i kno its still not everything but at the same time maybe its just enough to keep the ones close to me informed bcuz i havnt ben wanting to talk about it.
okay i think im done.
this is overwhelming.
ill talk ot you all later. i have some things to do b4 i have to work at 5. like finish updating my ipod sum more.
Holler if you have an ipod! lol
* Ash *