(no subject)
It's weird, seein' 'Nara again.
Even though he has a holo of her and Kaylee he keeps in a drawer, it ain't the same as the real thing.
Her tits look bigger, for one, and for a second that's all Jayne notices until he glances up to her red, red Companion's lips and he notices she's been speaking.
Oops.
"--We have every reason to be afraid," she blurts ungracefully, and Jayne snorts, nettled for some reason he can't fathom.
"Why, 'cause this guy beat up Mal? That ain't so hard."
Mal interjects, "He didn't beat me up--" But Inara interrupts him with some fèifèi de pìyăn about belief, and Jayne tries not to tune it all out.
Because this is important. He knows that. But all this talk is turning into fàngzòng fēngkuáng de jié, and he ain't got no patience for it. So, when death enters the equation, he snarls and sneers his way through it because he don't know any other way to show them he's tryin' to be sanguine to the idea that there's any chance in a hot hell that they're gettin' out of this. "So no hope of a reward, huh?"
Zoe picks up the thread, and he shoots her a thankful glance. "Did he mention a deal of any kind?"
Mal's response leaves something to be desired. "Give the two of them up. Go my way."
And Jayne can't help the bubbling rage that comes of wanting to save all their skins, so he opens his big gorram mouth. "Which is somethin' I can appreciate you not bein' amenable to, Mal. I ain't neither. But I also ain't amenable to gettin' chewed up in the Alliance's gapin' maw of civility and blind justice, if you get my gist. "
"If you got an alternative suggestion, I suggest you give it. Far as I see it, runnin' and fightin's our two options here, and the outcome of the two's got a powerful lack of similarity between 'em."
"That so?" Jayne looks around the room at all the solemn faces. Why ain't any of 'em mad? "'Cause the corpse I'm about to become is having trouble tellin' the difference." Doc pulls the attention of the room to him and his gorram sister again, and the blood's buzzing in Jayne's ears because it's all about them, ain't it.
All due to them.
And the gorram Academy and the gorram, mother fucking Alliance. He'd thought they were done with this. But it never stops.
Six months ago and he'd scream and shout to cut 'em loose. But then there was the truth about River, and what he saw and heard and felt and he ain't been the same since. Even he knows that.
He feels quieter. Angrier.
Ready to do some damage.
But that was before River did some gorram frightful damage to that pub on Beaumonde. And to his family jewels.
He ain't been scared of her for a while, now. But he just might be after that. So, when talk turns to River's bein' a threat to the Alliance, Jayne's patience snaps. "You dumbass hogs, the only people she's a threat to is us on this boat! Politicians is one thing, but I ain't riskin' her poppin' again before we get 'em off our backs, and what if it happens again after--"
"She pulled herself out of it--" Zoe starts.
"And what if she can't, again?" Jayne looks to Mal, to Simon.
To Inara, who didn't see it and can't even know.
"All we have is her word on it, hers and the doc's." He looks to Simon. "No offense, Doc, I think it's noble as a grape the way you look to River, and we all been sharin' in that nobility for a spell. But there's goin' out to face danger for someone, and there's having that danger be that someone. She ain't my sister--" he almost winces, because it's true, ain't it?-- "and neither is she exactly helpless, bein' a gunslinger and a gorram ninja ballet dancy thing person." He loses his train of thought, pauses, then rebounds. "So, where's it writ we gotta lay our lives down for her over and over? I think the once is enough to do me for a spell, to be frank."
Mal puts up a hand. "I didn't start this." Jayne snorts again.
"No," he sneers, "the Alliance starts the war -- and then you volunteer. The Academy hurts kids, and you volunteer us all, and don't you say you didn't. I chose it, in my one bright shiny moment of goodness, but I sure as hell wasn't lookin' to run around a skyplex with birdpeople on my ass and a bomb in my pack." He stops, then just keeps right on going. "Battle of Serenity, Mal. You got us through one, and maybe that's all we got. Besides Zoe, how many--" Mal turns away, and Jayne's on his feet, suddenly seeing red, because gorram it, he's the butt of every gorram joke on this boat, and he knows it, but he will be heard. "I'm talkin' at you! How many men in your platoon came out of there alive? We were lucky. We had good on our side, just as we do now. But good don't stop bullets. That Cuthbert saw that."
The red recedes, and Jayne can see how cold and stiff everyone has become. He shifts, a little, but doesn't back down.
Zoe's voice cuts like glass. "You wanna leave this room."
And Jayne deflates. Because he's not wrong. And he knows it. "You're damn right I do."
The girder outside of his bunk splits the skin of his knuckle in a couple places when he hits it on his way in. But that don't mean a thing.
Not a gorram thing.
Even though he has a holo of her and Kaylee he keeps in a drawer, it ain't the same as the real thing.
Her tits look bigger, for one, and for a second that's all Jayne notices until he glances up to her red, red Companion's lips and he notices she's been speaking.
Oops.
"--We have every reason to be afraid," she blurts ungracefully, and Jayne snorts, nettled for some reason he can't fathom.
"Why, 'cause this guy beat up Mal? That ain't so hard."
Mal interjects, "He didn't beat me up--" But Inara interrupts him with some fèifèi de pìyăn about belief, and Jayne tries not to tune it all out.
Because this is important. He knows that. But all this talk is turning into fàngzòng fēngkuáng de jié, and he ain't got no patience for it. So, when death enters the equation, he snarls and sneers his way through it because he don't know any other way to show them he's tryin' to be sanguine to the idea that there's any chance in a hot hell that they're gettin' out of this. "So no hope of a reward, huh?"
Zoe picks up the thread, and he shoots her a thankful glance. "Did he mention a deal of any kind?"
Mal's response leaves something to be desired. "Give the two of them up. Go my way."
And Jayne can't help the bubbling rage that comes of wanting to save all their skins, so he opens his big gorram mouth. "Which is somethin' I can appreciate you not bein' amenable to, Mal. I ain't neither. But I also ain't amenable to gettin' chewed up in the Alliance's gapin' maw of civility and blind justice, if you get my gist. "
"If you got an alternative suggestion, I suggest you give it. Far as I see it, runnin' and fightin's our two options here, and the outcome of the two's got a powerful lack of similarity between 'em."
"That so?" Jayne looks around the room at all the solemn faces. Why ain't any of 'em mad? "'Cause the corpse I'm about to become is having trouble tellin' the difference." Doc pulls the attention of the room to him and his gorram sister again, and the blood's buzzing in Jayne's ears because it's all about them, ain't it.
All due to them.
And the gorram Academy and the gorram, mother fucking Alliance. He'd thought they were done with this. But it never stops.
Six months ago and he'd scream and shout to cut 'em loose. But then there was the truth about River, and what he saw and heard and felt and he ain't been the same since. Even he knows that.
He feels quieter. Angrier.
Ready to do some damage.
But that was before River did some gorram frightful damage to that pub on Beaumonde. And to his family jewels.
He ain't been scared of her for a while, now. But he just might be after that. So, when talk turns to River's bein' a threat to the Alliance, Jayne's patience snaps. "You dumbass hogs, the only people she's a threat to is us on this boat! Politicians is one thing, but I ain't riskin' her poppin' again before we get 'em off our backs, and what if it happens again after--"
"She pulled herself out of it--" Zoe starts.
"And what if she can't, again?" Jayne looks to Mal, to Simon.
To Inara, who didn't see it and can't even know.
"All we have is her word on it, hers and the doc's." He looks to Simon. "No offense, Doc, I think it's noble as a grape the way you look to River, and we all been sharin' in that nobility for a spell. But there's goin' out to face danger for someone, and there's having that danger be that someone. She ain't my sister--" he almost winces, because it's true, ain't it?-- "and neither is she exactly helpless, bein' a gunslinger and a gorram ninja ballet dancy thing person." He loses his train of thought, pauses, then rebounds. "So, where's it writ we gotta lay our lives down for her over and over? I think the once is enough to do me for a spell, to be frank."
Mal puts up a hand. "I didn't start this." Jayne snorts again.
"No," he sneers, "the Alliance starts the war -- and then you volunteer. The Academy hurts kids, and you volunteer us all, and don't you say you didn't. I chose it, in my one bright shiny moment of goodness, but I sure as hell wasn't lookin' to run around a skyplex with birdpeople on my ass and a bomb in my pack." He stops, then just keeps right on going. "Battle of Serenity, Mal. You got us through one, and maybe that's all we got. Besides Zoe, how many--" Mal turns away, and Jayne's on his feet, suddenly seeing red, because gorram it, he's the butt of every gorram joke on this boat, and he knows it, but he will be heard. "I'm talkin' at you! How many men in your platoon came out of there alive? We were lucky. We had good on our side, just as we do now. But good don't stop bullets. That Cuthbert saw that."
The red recedes, and Jayne can see how cold and stiff everyone has become. He shifts, a little, but doesn't back down.
Zoe's voice cuts like glass. "You wanna leave this room."
And Jayne deflates. Because he's not wrong. And he knows it. "You're damn right I do."
The girder outside of his bunk splits the skin of his knuckle in a couple places when he hits it on his way in. But that don't mean a thing.
Not a gorram thing.