gift for jerico_cacaw
Author: few
Recipient: jerico_cacaw
Title: Gratuitous Joys
Pairing(s): Chad/Ryan
Summary: A chance meeting at the Vorbarr Sultana shuttleport ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to Chad.
Rating: PG
Warning(s): Um...people who are allergic to AUs should probably stay away
Word Count: ~9500
Disclaimer: High School Musical characters belong to Disney. Setting and Vorkosigan universe characters belong to Lois McMaster Bujold, though I wouldn't object to taking Gregor off her hands.
Author's Notes: For Bujold readers, this takes place sometime between The Vor Game and Brothers in Arms. For everyone, this is basically my first time writing either fandom, so concrit would be much appreciated. For the curious, the Barrayaran "Shakespeare" Tam Lin actually exists; it was written by Jo Walton, and can be read here.
Friendship ought to be a gratuitous joy, like the joys afforded by art, or life. -- Simone Weil
Ryan Vorevans had cleared Customs and was on his way out of the shuttleport when a lone figure by the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows caught his attention. He wasn't quite sure why--the young man appeared to be around his own age, clearly an off-worlder but otherwise unremarkable--unless it had to do with the way he was standing. Tense, almost rigid, as though he'd been there for a while and had no intention of moving anytime soon. His shoulders were slightly hunched, and if the reflection in the window was any indication, he seemed to be at least nervous, if not actually afraid.
Feeling charitable, Ryan altered his course. "First time off Komarr?" he asked when he was within conversational distance.
The stranger started and turned to him, apparently having failed to notice his approach. "Huh?"
Ryan repeated his question patiently; if he was correct, it was understandable that the poor boy would be a little dazed. Ryan remembered the feeling all too well from his own first trip off-planet.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Um...how did you know I was Komarran? Is it that obvious?"
"Just a bit," Ryan said with a laugh. "There are only two types of people in this part of the Nexus who get quite that caught up in planetary surfaces, and Betans generally get lost in the trees and rivers, not the sky. Not that that's surprising; each time I return from Beta Colony I can't help feeling a little in awe of a proper non-desert ecology myself, even though I grew up here," he admitted. "It's all right to be nervous, by the way; most Komarrans are, the first time they leave the domes. But it's perfectly safe--the air's nice and breathable, I promise."
"Yeah, I know," the other said, looking a bit embarrassed. "It must be, with all those people walking around out there. I just can't help wanting to look around for a breath mask first."
"Well, I'm afraid you won't find any on Barrayar. Not unless you want to go back up to the orbital station, that is. So you'll either have to take the plunge sometime, or live here in the shuttleport."
The stranger laughed at that. "Tempting as that sounds...I don't really have a choice. I have to report to the Imperial Military Academy sometime in the next two days, or I lose my scholarship."
Ryan felt his brows raise in surprise before he could get control of his expression. "A Komarran, entering the Barrayaran Service? Brave of you. Part of the Emperor's integration experiment?"
"Yeah. We couldn't afford for me to continue at Solstice University any longer after my father died, so when my mother heard they were offering scholarships for any Komarran willing to sign on who could pass the entrance exams...well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." He shrugged, then looked back out the windows. "Now, I'm not so sure."
"If it helps any, Barrayar's not nearly as backwards by galactic standards as it used to be." Ryan thought for a moment, then corrected himself. "Well, not here in Vorbarr Sultana, at any rate. I wouldn't recommend venturing out into the backwoods areas; off-worlders are still considered untrustworthy in some communities. I think the older hillfolk are convinced you're all Cetagandans."
"Warning noted. Though from what I've been told, I'm not going to have much time for sightseeing, anyway."
"True enough." Seeing that the newcomer seemed to have relaxed somewhat, he decided it was a good time to return to the subject of leaving the confines of the building. "I happen to have some free time these next few days; if you'd like, I can show you around the city, help you get settled in before your training starts. My name's Ryan, by the way," he added, holding out his hand.
The Komarran looked at it for a moment as if confused by the formality, before reaching out to shake. "I'm Chad. And if you're sure you don't mind, that would be great; I've got a mapcube and everything, but I've never been very good at following directions."
Ryan smiled indulgently. "It's not a problem, truly. But first we have to get you out of the shuttleport--we'll get a nice, enclosed autocab and take you to the Academy, get you checked in and let you stow your luggage. After that, perhaps lunch? And then we can tackle the scary open sky," he added with a teasing grin, which Chad returned.
"Small steps, yeah. That sounds good. Which way to the autocabs, O Tour Guide?" he asked, shouldering the strap of the large duffel that had been sitting by his feet.
Traffic was light, and barely an hour later they had finished at the Imperial Military Academy and were being shown a table at one of Ryan's favourite restaurants. Not his absolute local favourite, of course--to his surprise, he was enjoying getting to know Chad and didn't want to risk making things awkward by taking him somewhere that would draw too much attention to his family's wealth--but a comfortable, non-flashy spot where the food was excellent and the clientele included enough members of Barrayar's diplomatic community for the local patrons to not bat an eye at the presence of a galactic in their midst.
To his chagrin, the waiter who took their orders recognised him, and departed the table with a "Very good, m'lord". Ryan glanced at Chad, not surprised to see confusion on his face, turning gradually to realisation as he figured it out.
"'M'lord'?" he asked, his tone nearly a challenge.
Komarrans could be almost as offended by the notion of Barrayaran ranks as Betans, in Ryan's experience. Vote-based systems of government were all well and good, in some places, but what business was it of theirs if Barrayarans preferred the old system?
Still, he tried to brush it off, hoping to minimise whatever confrontation might be brewing. "Just a courtesy title."
"Really?"
"Yes. It's not like I'm in line for a Countship or anything."
"But you are Vor?"
"Well, yes." High Vor, in fact, but this hardly seemed the time to mention the distinction. "Is that a problem?"
"I don't know." Chad seemed...not troubled, precisely, but definitely disconcerted.
"If it makes a difference, my father was not in the Service at the time of the Conquest of Komarr," he offered. His grandfather was a different matter, but then, he was safely dead, so it seemed unnecessary to mention it. It was better to avoid the subject of the later Komarran Rebellion entirely.
"Oh, it's not that--I mean, I'm going to be Service myself soon enough, after all...."
"What, then? If you have something against the Vor as a whole, you'll have to get over it fast, or you'll never make it through the next few years. There are plenty of us who, like me, have opted out of the whole Service route, but traditionally we are a military caste; you'll be dealing with Vor every day at the Academy. And after, for that matter." Ryan could feel himself getting agitated, a sure sign he'd recently been on Beta; Betans took egalitarianism to the extreme, and he was constantly having to defend himself once they found out he was a member of a hereditary elite. Once he'd been home for a while, slights to the Vor stopped bothering him, but the mental adjustment always took a few days.
Across the table, Chad took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right. I'm sorry. I guess I just...I don't know," he shrugged.
Ryan nodded an acknowledgement, allowing the subject to drop. Luckily, their food arrived shortly thereafter, making the silence that had fallen less obvious.
As they ate they gradually began to resume their earlier conversation. The attempts were awkward at first, until Ryan hit upon the idea of asking Chad questions about his life on Komarr. This tactic had the added benefit of allowing him to contribute little to the conversation aside from occasional prompts and follow-up questions; he needed to get his reactions back under control.
By the time the waiter reappeared to clear their dishes, he had sufficiently recovered himself to recommend Chad order one of the restaurant's sumptuous desserts. Like any young man, Ryan supposed, he didn't need to be asked twice.
Scarcely had they made their selections when Ryan caught sight of a familiar face heading their way.
"Ryan! Back from Beta again already?"
"Not at all, Ivan; in fact, I'm there now. You must have had too much to drink again last night--you're hallucinating," he replied, smirking.
"Ha bloody ha, Vorevans. If you keep spending half your time on Beta, you're going to end up sounding even more like my cousin Miles than you already do."
"Heaven forbid."
"See? You're even talking like a theist. Those Betans are a bad influence. Well, except for Aunt Cordelia," he added in an undertone, glancing furtively around as if to make sure she hadn't heard him insult her home planet.
Ryan snorted. "The way I hear it, she's been considered a bad influence on Barrayar herself."
"Eh, who cares what those old relicts think?" Ivan replied before turning to Chad. "So, who's your friend?"
With a quick glance at Ivan's rank insignia--finally received that promotion, apparently--Ryan made the introductions. "Lieutenant Lord Ivan Vorpatril, this is Chad, uh--"
"Danforth," he supplied, managing to keep any reaction he may have had to that all-important extra syllable before Ivan's family name off his face.
"Right. Chad's just arrived from Komarr to attend the Academy."
"Ah, yes, Gregor's latest pet project. Good luck with that."
"Thanks. Um...do I need it?"
"Ignore him; all the recent Academy graduates like to make it sound as though making it through the program was some terrible ordeal. This isn't the Time of Isolation; they hardly ever break out the old regs anymore."
Ivan looked at him scornfully. "What would you know about it? You never even had the guts to apply."
"I had more sense than to bother, you mean," Ryan replied calmly. While Vorpatril did have a bit of the typical Academy chip on his shoulder, this topic was familiar territory for them, devoid of any true rancor. "Last I heard, you were assigned to a desk job here in town. Hardly an impressive achievement."
"Much as I'd love to stay and teach you just how misguided you are, the lovely lady I'm meeting for lunch just arrived, so you'll have to wait until next time." Without waiting for a response, Ivan strode back across the dining room to the door, where he skillfully swept up the hand of the young woman standing there, gracing it with a kiss and, Ryan was sure, flashing her his most charming smile. He shook his head in amusement at the sight.
"What's so funny?"
With a start, Ryan remembered the young man sitting across from him, appalled at his own bad manners in having forgotten his companion, however briefly. "Not funny so much as...familiar. Like Ivan said, I spend a lot of time off-planet, and when I get back home it's always good to see that some things never change. Ivan Vorpatril's relentless chasing of any pretty girl who happens to cross his path is one of those."
"I see."
Chad looked like he wanted to say something further, but when he remained silent Ryan decided to continue; Ivan could possibly be of assistance if Chad had any problems at the Academy, so it was good they had run into him. "Ivan's mother, Lady Alys, has been friends with my mother for years. Decades, really. He's a bit flighty, and not the brightest guy around, but not a bad sort. You could do worse than cultivating a friendly acquaintance with him. Good family and military connections, that sort of thing."
"You're suggesting I use him?" Chad asked incredulously.
"No! No, nothing like that. But if you were to get into minor trouble, say, or need help dealing with unfair treatment at the Academy, Ivan's not a bad person to go to for assistance. Though it's not likely he'd be able to help with much himself, he'd almost be guaranteed to know someone who could. Around here, that's just how we do things--who you know and who they know is how things get done. It's not considered a negative thing at all," he explained.
Chad still looked skeptical, but let the subject drop; Ryan did, too. He'd learn before long.
They finished their dessert and, after a brief disagreement over who would pay the bill (which Ryan won, of course), it was time to force Chad to venture out into the scary, unenclosed atmosphere. Chad joked about his own reluctance to step outside, but when they reached the door Ryan actually had to shove him through it. He tried not to laugh; native Komarrans' typical agoraphobia was really no funnier than most people's minor claustrophobia their first time in the domes, or in the underground cities of Beta, but having grown up under the open sky he couldn't help but find Chad's reaction comical.
Once he had guided them far enough down the street that he was reasonably sure Chad was unlikely to try and dash back inside, Ryan dropped his hand from Chad's back and began pointing out places he thought might be of interest. He tried to keep up enough of a running commentary to provide a distraction from the knowledge that there was nothing but nature itself keeping the air breathable.
By the time they'd finished Ryan's impromptu tour of Vorbarr Sultana, Chad did indeed seem to have relaxed enough to forget his fears. They were even able to stop at an outdoor café for pastries and coffee without that panicked look returning to his eyes, so Ryan considered his spontaneous good deed a success. In fact, they'd both had such fun that they made plans to meet up again the following day, since Chad's classes weren't scheduled to begin for another week.
Now that Chad was no longer in danger of hyperventilating at being outside, Ryan decided it was safe to walk him back to his barracks before hailing an autocab to take him home. As the familiar streets passed, he reflected on what a difference a day could make. He'd intended to arrive home tomorrow, but had managed to catch an earlier flight when he changed ships at Escobar. If he'd stuck to his original plan he would have missed out on what had turned out to be quite an enjoyable afternoon, with the promise of more to come.
He just might have to start doing random good deeds more often, if this was the result.
Despite seeming to have nothing in common, it wasn't long before Chad and Ryan were fast friends. Chad felt like he could rely on Ryan to clear up any cross-cultural misunderstandings--possibly because he spent so much time on a foreign planet himself, Ryan seemed to know just what might cause problems or need explanation. Plus, well, he was fun to spend time with; given the fact that in a sense Chad had never really been alone in his life, he was grateful to know that there was someone in the city whom he could turn to if needed.
It was also nice just to have someone to talk to. At the Academy, the boys were nice enough, he supposed, but in addition to being mostly a few years older than they were, he was always aware of the fact that he was Different. His behaviour was being judged all the time, not only by his instructors but by the other cadets as well. There were a couple of other Komarrans in his year, but they all seemed to steer clear of each other, as though they could avoid drawing attention by not forming a group. Even the people Ryan introduced him to tended to treat him as some sort of exotic curiosity--well, except for Ivan Vorpatril, who apparently knew enough galactics for Chad's origins to be unremarkable. It was weird, being self-conscious about where he came from.
The occasional message from home was wonderful, of course, but neither his mother nor his best friend Troy could afford to send all the way to Barrayar very often. Then, too, comconsole messages were hardly the same as being able to talk to someone directly. So he frequently found himself turning to Ryan for ordinary friendly human contact.
He was even being, albeit reluctantly, exposed to more in the way of culture than he'd ever wanted. A couple of times the Vorevans family insisted on taking him to the symphony with them, and once Ryan actually managed to drag him to the theatre. It was a performance of Shakespeare's Tam Lin, and although Chad wasn't exactly an expert on ancient Old Earth literature, he at least knew enough to realise there was something not quite right there. He and Ryan spent the entire ride home arguing over whether the Barrayaran tradition claiming to have preserved three works lost to the rest of the universe during the Time of Isolation was true; several times, he suspected Ryan himself didn't believe it, and was just arguing for the fun of it.
And it was Ryan he turned to when he realised that even though it was only a couple of months into his first year, he was already expected to start learning how to pilot a shuttle. For once, Ryan didn't understand why he was complaining.
"I'd bet whatever you like that none of the others have ever flown any sort of spacecraft either," he pointed out. "And it's not like you'll be endangering anyone if you mess up--there's no way they'll let you out of the simulators if they don't think you know what you're doing."
"Yeah, we don't even go topside until the end of the year," Chad confirmed. "But that's not the point."
"So what is the point?"
"The point is, I'm already being put under a microscope because of where I'm from. I really don't need to look like a complete incompetent in front of everyone!"
Ryan sighed. "Look, I've never tried it myself, but it can't be that hard--Ivan made it through, after all. I'm sure piloting in-system shuttles is a lot like flying any other kind of vehicle. You'll be fine."
Chad hesitated, then gave Ryan a look that he hoped said, "Don't make me say it out loud."
He could tell when Ryan figured it out, because instead of looking confused he began staring incredulously. "Don't tell me you've never flown anything!"
Chad felt himself blushing, and looked away.
"But you've at least driven a groundcar or something, right?"
"Uh...actually?" Chad nervously rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Look, I've spent my entire life in Solstice, all right? If I needed to go anywhere too far to walk, I took the public bubble-car system! Why would I need to learn?"
Ryan continued to stare for a few seconds before appearing to snap himself out of it. "Right. And now you're worried everyone else will have an advantage?"
"Yes!"
"In that case, we have a lot of work to do."
"What do you mean?"
He carried on as if Chad hadn't spoken. "We don't have nearly enough time to cover everything, of course, so we should just focus on one type of vehicle...."
Chad tried again. "What are you talking about?"
"Teaching you to fly, of course! Lightflyer would probably be best--ground vehicles would be a waste of time, if the point is to make learning shuttle piloting easier, and a lightflyer's a lot easier to handle than an aircar. Also, I don't actually own an aircar," Ryan added with a grin.
"I...really? You would teach me?"
Ryan shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Laughing with relief, Chad threw his arms around him. "You're brilliant! I hadn't even thought of that."
"It's really no big deal." Ryan's hands tentatively patted him on the back a couple of times, and Chad privately grinned at his discomfort before releasing him and stepping back.
"No, seriously--thank you."
Ryan waved away his gratitude, preferring to jump straight into scheduling a time for the lessons to begin.
To Chad's relief, when the time came Ryan was considerate enough to take them away from the city to someplace nice and isolated, so there was no one around to witness his humiliation. Ryan made a point of engaging all of the available safety controls on his lightflyer before ceding the pilot's seat to him and beginning his instruction.
Initially Chad felt every bit as clumsy and stupid as he'd anticipated, but Ryan's gentle, good-natured mocking had him laughing at himself before he realised it; by the end of the first hour he'd relaxed enough to stop being so afraid of making mistakes. Ryan turned out to be an excellent teacher, very patient without ever seeming condescending. Chad really appreciated the way Ryan never made him feel stupid for not already knowing something. When they finally called it a day, he was actually able to take off, fly around the valley for a while, and land without feeling like he was endangering their lives. It was exhilarating.
He was nevertheless relieved to turn the controls back over to Ryan for the trip back to Vorbarr Sultana, not least because night was falling by the time they arrived at Ryan's, and despite the day's progress he wasn't at all ready to try flying in the dark.
"Stay for dinner?" Ryan asked as he skillfully maneuvered the lightflyer into the garage. "My sister had plans tonight, so it's safe."
Chad returned his grin; Ryan was well aware that many people, Chad included, were less than fond of his sister, and didn't take it personally. "Hmm, let me think, the Academy mess hall, or your family's amazing cook? How will I ever choose?"
Lightflyer safely parked, Ryan turned and lightly punched his arm. "Shut up and get inside before I change my mind."
Laughing, Chad mock-saluted as he got out of the lightflyer, then ran for the door to the house when Ryan began to chase him.
By the time they came to a stop, they had run through half a dozen rooms and were both out of breath from the combination of exertion and laughter. Belatedly, Chad looked up from where he'd collapsed onto a couch and noticed they were not alone.
"Lady Vorevans!" he gasped, trying to regain control, at least enough not to feel quite so out of place. Ryan's mother was always perfectly polite to him--welcoming, even--yet somehow she managed to intimidate him without even trying. Ryan, of course, just popped back up and crossed the room to give her a kiss, still laughing unabashedly. Not for the first time, Chad envied his confidence.
"H'lo, Mother."
"Good evening, darling. I take it you two had a good time?"
"Mmm. I've invited Chad to dinner, if that's all right."
"Of course it is! We're always delighted to have you, Chad, whenever you wish to drop by." She smiled and looked knowingly back and forth between them before excusing herself. "I'll just go make sure the staff knows there'll be one more."
They both watched as she swept gracefully out of the room, then Chad allowed himself to slouch back in his seat. To his chagrin, Ryan noticed.
"I don't understand why you're so afraid of my mother. She really does like you, you know."
"I'm not afraid of her!" Chad protested. Ryan regarded him skeptically until he conceded, "She just...makes me nervous, I guess. I can't explain it."
"Right," Ryan drawled. He glanced at his chrono. "Well, dinner's not for another twenty minutes; would you prefer to go up to my rooms in the meantime, so as to avoid my frightening family?"
Chad narrowed his eyes at the taunt; Ryan just smirked back, unrepentant. Chad broke first, unable to maintain the pretence of anger.
"Fine. Let's go."
Ryan's smirk morphed into a grin. He pulled Chad to his feet and led the way.
The weeks continued to fly past, with classes and training taking up more and more of Chad's time. What little free time he possessed was now spent almost exclusively with Ryan, and as Winterfair approached and his classmates began discussing their plans for the break, Chad grew more grateful than ever that he had such a good friend outside the Academy. A friend who would be staying in Vorbarr Sultana, and would probably insist that Chad spend much of the holiday with him.
In fact, Ryan more than met his expectations. He didn't even need to mention that he'd be stuck on Barrayar while nearly all of the other cadets got to visit their families; Ryan simply asked how long the Academy classes were suspended, and figured out on his own that there wasn't enough time for a trip to Komarr--not even if Chad could have afforded the ticket. Rather than forcing him to beg for company, Ryan simply began inviting Chad to take part in several of his own plans for the days leading up to Winterfair itself.
Most of these were pretty simple--shopping for gifts for his family, traditional amusements from the Time of Isolation like horse-drawn sleigh rides (the whole idea of which was pretty baffling to Chad; nothing that pointlessly archaic could be found back home), small gatherings of family and friends--and by and large Chad had no qualms about accepting. They helped fill the time, of course, but more importantly he simply had fun pretty much any time he was with Ryan, regardless of what they were doing.
It did surprise him a little, however, when Ryan invited him to join them for a Winterfair party he and his sister had been invited to at some Count's home. Although Ryan assured him it wasn't nearly as important an event as the official Winterfair Ball held at the Imperial Residence two days later, given the way Ryan's sister Sharpay reacted to the invitation it seemed like this party was still a big deal, so he wasn't really comfortable with the idea of intruding.
And his discomfort had nothing to do with not exactly being the fancy party type, or with not liking to dance. Almost nothing, anyway.
Still, he found it next to impossible to stand his ground about anything when Ryan turned that pleading expression on him, blue eyes wide, looking unbelievably young and innocent. He made one last-ditch effort at refusing, pointing out that he had no Barrayaran formal wear (and hoping desperately that Ryan wouldn't offer to buy him some), but Ryan's assurances that he'd be fine in Komarran-style dress left him with no escape. Damn his mother for insisting he bring his nicest suit "just in case".
Sharpay was clearly no better pleased by the plan than Chad himself was, but Ryan was adamant: Chad would be attending Count Vorvolk's Winterfair party, and that was that. His final hope that the weather would prove too severe even for Barrayarans to venture out in was dashed as the day dawned cold but clear; he had no choice, it seemed, no matter how little he was looking forward to the prospect.
When he arrived at the Vorevanses', he was politely shown into an empty sitting room. He wasn't waiting long before Ryan entered.
"Whoa, who died?"
Ryan looked confused. "No one; why?"
"Black is the mourning colour here, too, right?"
Chad could see the comprehension dawning in his eyes. "Oh. Yes, but I'm not in mourning for anybody."
"Isn't all black a bit gloomy for a party, then?"
"Maybe, but who cares? I look fabulous in it."
Chad couldn't help but laugh. Most people would sound arrogant saying something like that, but somehow Ryan managed to make it charming instead. "Can't argue with that," he conceded.
They chatted about Chad's classes--his favourite was five-space math, which he had been studying at Solstice University before he'd had to leave; as usual when the subject arose, Ryan looked horrified at the idea--while waiting for Sharpay to make an appearance. When at last she came sweeping down the stairs, clad in some intricate gown that even to Chad's inexperienced eye was clearly very expensive, she caught sight of him waiting with her brother and groaned.
"Ryan, I can't believe you're still insisting on taking this--this prole with us," she complained, not making the slightest effort to keep him from hearing.
"Well, Chad can hardly go home for the holidays, given the distance, and no one should have to spend Winterfair alone," Ryan replied in a tone that said this wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation.
Chad was torn between politely pretending not to hear and belligerently meeting Sharpay's glare. Before he could make up his mind which way to react, Ryan was ushering them out the door and into the back of the waiting groundcar.
By the time they arrived, he was actually eager to join the party, though that was more due to Sharpay's constant complaining the entire ride than any genuine change of opinion. It was almost a relief to follow the twins up the steps of a house even larger and more ornate than the Vorevanses'. Ryan introduced him to the host, who seemed not at all surprised or put out at Chad's presence, then ushered him through a series of grand, and increasingly crowded, rooms until they reached the ballroom. Sharpay
immediately abandoned them in favour of a group of giggly girls who appeared to fawn all over her. Chad shook his head in what might have been fond amusement had he felt any fondness for Sharpay at all; as it was, he found her choice of companions disgustingly predictable.
Luckily, he had Ryan, who led him over to a small cluster of people that, Chad was relieved to see, included many of Ryan's friends whom he'd already met over the past several days. He gradually began to relax as he noticed that Ryan was making an effort to include him. One of the reasons he'd dreaded coming to this thing was that, aside from the Vorevanses, he knew practically no one who might be likely to get invited to something like this; he definitely felt relieved each time Ryan deftly steered the conversation back to general topics whenever it threatened to descend into gossip about people Chad had never heard of. He still didn't say very much, but at least he could follow what the others were talking about. Even as the initial group drifted apart and others formed, Ryan continued to look out for him. Chad would never say as much, but it was kind of nice.
At one point Ivan Vorpatril and his date approached and they chatted briefly about the party and the weather and all that boring stuff for a few minutes before the music started up again, and Ivan's date--a rather pretty young woman in what Chad thought was a ridiculously fancy gown, at least by the standards he was used to--insisted Ryan dance with her. He bowed good-naturedly and led her out to the floor, leaving Chad and Ivan to entertain themselves. Considering that this was hardly the first such invitation Ryan had received that evening, Chad suspected he'd only accepted because he felt comfortable abandoning him with Ivan there.
Ivan glanced around, spotted an empty settee nearby, and suggested they sit, since that particular dance was a long one.
"It's a shame Ryan's monopolising your date during it, then," Chad joked.
Ivan laughed. "Not at all. I'm just as happy to sit the really complicated ones out, and the girls adore having Vorevans at these things because he actually enjoys dancing. Better him than me, I say. At least with Ryan I know she'll still be leaving with me; works out great all around."
"I wouldn't be so sure; he can be quite charming when he wants to be."
"True, but although he might charm her on the dance floor, that's as far as he'd take it." Ivan glanced around as if to verify there was no one in earshot, then lowered his voice anyway before adding, "There's a reason he spends so much of his time on Beta Colony, you know. I wouldn't normally say anything--he's a decent fellow, very careful not to say or do anything that might make people uncomfortable while here on Barrayar--but you're an galactic, you probably won't care. Sure, some day he'll probably give in to family duty and marry--after all, now that we've got the uterine replicators he wouldn't have to actually, ah, interact with his wife in order to father an heir--but not yet. And he certainly won't steal some poor girl away from anyone; if anything, he's most likely to look the other way, so long as she's discreet about it. He's not the type to ask more from his wife than he's willing to offer her in return. So even if I thought he had designs on Marina, there'd still be nothing to stop her from going home with me."
"Oh." Chad took a few moments to process this new information. It had taken him a moment to realise what Ivan was hinting at; he wasn't used to people talking around the topic. Then again.... "And you don't mind? I thought Barrayarans were--uh..."
"Bigots?" Ivan offered cheerfully. "Oh, we are, most of us. Especially the older generations and outside the cities. But what the Council of Counts didn't consider when they named a Betan one of Gregor's guardians all those years ago was that it meant she'd be raising the Emperor according to her liberal Betan views. And through him, influencing everyone of his generation and beyond who's in his social circle--or wants to be. A clever bit of stealth social engineering, as my cousin Miles would say. There are lots of things we generally don't talk about, at least not publicly, but aren't as bothered by as many of our parents might wish."
"I see." He didn't, really, but he'd started to grow used to that feeling where Barrayar was concerned. And anyway, he got distracted watching Ryan, trying to figure out if Ivan's implication was right and, if so, how he'd missed it.
Ivan seemed content to allow the conversation to lapse, snagging a glass of wine from a passing server and leaning back to watch the dancers, leaving Chad to contemplate what he'd learned without interruption until the dance ended and a laughing Ryan escorted his partner back to her date's side. The three of them resumed their amiable small talk; Chad didn't bother attempting to take part in the conversation, simply hoping that his occasional "I'm listening" noises weren't ill-timed.
Before long yet another young lady came up to claim Ryan for a dance, and once he'd accepted and been led away Chad took the opportunity to excuse himself from Ivan and Marina under the pretext of going in search of a drink. By the time Ryan managed to free himself from the dancing for more than two minutes in a row, Chad was able to shove the conversation with Ivan to the back of his mind and focus on the party once more--just in time for dinner to be served. Given the amazing quality of the food, he was relieved; it would have been a shame to not devote his full attention to the meal. The stuff they served in the mess hall barely qualified as edible in comparison.
When the lengthy dinner was over, Chad wasn't at all sorry to be spared having to make yet more semi-polite conversation with the strangers he'd been seated near, either; even standing uselessly about the ballroom with Ryan was less painfully awkward.
They hadn't been there for more than a few minutes when he noticed a hush falling over the crowd in their part of the room. A tall, thin, pale young man in what he'd come to recognise as a House uniform of black and silver was approaching them.
"Good evening, Lord Vorevans. Are you enjoying the music this evening?"
Chad thought he saw Ryan's eyes widen slightly upon being addressed, and he sounded almost deferential as he said, "Good evening, my lord. Yes, I am; it's spectacular as always."
"And how are your parents? Well, I hope."
"They are. I'll tell them you inquired." The man's eyes flicked briefly in his direction, and Ryan said as if on cue, "My lord, may I present Chad Danforth. Chad, this is--Count Vorbarra."
"It's nice to meet you. My lord," he added when Ryan discreetly nudged him in the ribs.
"I'm pleased to meet you as well, Ser Danforth. How are they treating you at the Academy? Is anyone causing any trouble for you or the other Komarran cadets?"
Even if he hadn't been dressed in his Komarran clothes, Chad had long since given up being surprised when people identified him immediately as non-Barrayaran; but he was a little unnerved that this stranger also knew why he was in Vorbarr Sultana. Still, if he knew Ryan's family.... "No, not really."
"That's good to hear. If that changes, I would appreciate being notified." Here, the Count's penetrating gaze returned to Ryan, who nodded.
"I'll have my mother pass any word along those lines to Lady Alys, my lord," he promised.
"Thank you."
Ryan's eyes focused temporarily over the other man's shoulder. "Ah...it appears my sister is headed this way, S--my lord."
Count Vorbarra's mouth twitched ever so slightly; Chad suspected he was resisting an urge to grimace. Not that he blamed him. "If you'll excuse me, I believe I need to have a word with Miles before the dancing resumes."
Ryan flashed a conspiratorial grin, the most like the Ryan Chad knew he'd been since this odd conversation began. "What a shame; Sharpay will be so sorry to have missed you. Farewell, my lord."
"Farewell, Lord Vorevans, Ser Danforth."
The Count had barely been swallowed by the crowd when Sharpay indeed turned up.
"Was that Gregor?" she asked eagerly. "Which way did he go?"
"He said he had business with Lord Vorkosigan," her brother said with a smirk.
Chad normally tuned out when they started talking about people he didn't know, but that name caught his attention. He hadn't said anything to Ryan, but his best friend back home had lost a grandmother in the Solstice Massacre; now here he was at the same party as what could only be a close relative of the man responsible. Sure, he had assumed that at some point he would hear something about the Barrayarans' twisted view of what had happened that would make him uncomfortable; he and Troy had even talked about it, when he was trying to decide whether the scholarship was worth it. But this was entirely unexpected. He only hoped no one tried to introduce him, since he wasn't at all confident that he could remain polite.
In the meantime, Sharpay was pouting. "I can't believe he still talks to that...mutie. Of course he had no choice when they were children, but it's not like they still live in the same house."
"What's the matter, Shar? Not so eager to be a Countess someday after all?"
She sniffed disdainfully. "I do have standards, you know."
"If it makes you feel any better, I believe I saw René Vorbretten over by the ice sculpture."
Apparently that was all the encouragement she needed to abandon them again; Chad breathed what he hoped was an unnoticeable sigh of relief, then turned to Ryan.
"Okay, what was that all about?"
"What was what all about?"
"All that...my-lord-ing. I've never seen you do that before, not even with that other Count you introduced me to earlier. What's so special about this guy?"
Ryan just stared at him, like he was having a hard time believing he'd heard correctly. "That was Count Vorbarra," he said, as if that explained anything.
"Uh, yeah, you introduced us. Is that supposed to mean something to me?"
Ryan blinked at him a few times before he shook his head slightly and gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I keep forgetting; for all that you're an Imperial subject, you're still a galactic."
Chad groaned. "Not this again."
"No, really; sometimes I forget that there are things we just assume everyone knows because they're common knowledge here, but there's no reason you should necessarily put them together. I suppose that on Komarr he's primarily known by his other title: Emperor Gregor."
It was Chad's turn to be stunned speechless. "That was the Emperor?" Ryan nodded. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
"Because he was in his Vorbarra House uniform, not the Imperial one or civvies. He does that sometimes when he wants to be able to go out without all the extensive protocol involved with being Emperor. If he's in his House colours, it means he wants people to pretend he has no role beyond the Countship of the Vorbarra's District. Well, as much as we can, that is. You wouldn't believe how many of the staff tonight are actually Imperial Security so he can be here at all. But wearing his House uniform means that Count Vorvolk doesn't have to cede precedence to him in his own home."
"Huh." Chad thought for a bit about how lonely it must be to have to indicate explicitly when you wanted to be treated like a normal person. Then it hit him. "My mother's never going to believe I met the Emperor. I can't believe I met the Emperor!"
Ryan grinned. "He's something, isn't he? He meant it, too, when he said he wanted to know if you had problems because of being Komarran. From what I've heard, he really wants the Service integration to be a success, and you're one of the test subjects."
Chad groaned, hiding his face in his hands. "Great, just what I needed, more pressure."
This time Ryan laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You're doing fine, and you know it."
Chad lowered his hands enough to allow him to glare at his friend. "Don't you have some overdressed Vor maiden to dance with or something?" Still laughing, Ryan took the hint and left him alone for a bit. In all honesty, Chad was a little relieved; grateful as he was for Ryan's constant company during the first part of the evening, after seeing how thoroughly he loved dancing Chad had begun to feel guilty for inadvertently keeping him on the sidelines so much. Ryan had offered to teach him the local dances several times since inviting him to this thing in the first place, but he'd been steadfast in his refusal. He wasn't sure he could have held out if he'd known then how severely his not dancing would limit Ryan's enjoyment of the evening.
To Chad's great relief, nothing else interesting happened between his meeting the Emperor and Sharpay's deciding it was time to leave; since Chad hadn't wanted to be there in the first place and Ryan seemed incapable of opposing his sister (not that Chad blamed him; if his mother was intimidating, his sister was downright scary), within five minutes of her pronouncement they found themselves back in the rear compartment of the Vorevanses' groundcar.
They dropped Sharpay off first, then Ryan insisted on taking Chad back to the barracks rather than letting him take an autocab. Considering how late it was, Chad was more than happy to accept the offer. Now that it was just the two of them, he was able to relax for the first time all evening. With a sigh of relief, he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.
"Tired?" Ryan asked mildly.
"Very." Turning his head in Ryan's direction, Chad opened his eyes far enough to regard him critically. "How is it you're not exhausted? You're the one who did all the dancing."
Ryan laughed, sounding almost as though he were tipsy. Odd, given that he'd had less wine than Chad, who wasn't anywhere near drunk. His face was lit up the way it had been on the dance floor; he looked beautiful. "I can't help it--I find dancing exhilarating. It's not tiring at all. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the evening more, though; I'd hoped you would have fun."
"No, hey, it was fine. A little surreal at times, even." They grinned at each other, knowing they were both thinking of the same conversation. "Fancy parties just aren't my thing, I guess. But I'm glad you had a good time. I was a little worried you wouldn't be able to because of me," he admitted.
"Never," Ryan declared.
There didn't seem to be anything he could say to that, so he didn't try. Ryan didn't continue the conversation either; they simply sat there looking at each other, the silence growing almost palpable, somehow, stretching between them until Chad began to think it might snap.
Just as he feared he was about to make a comment on the weather or something equally inane to keep himself from doing anything even more foolish, the groundcar pulled to a stop outside the Academy gate. Hoping his relief wasn't visible, Chad bid Ryan goodnight and made his escape.
Two months after Winterfair, Chad returned from a winter training exercise to find he had received a note from Ryan. Not a message on the comconsole, or a flimsy; an actual handwritten note, on honest-to-goodness paper, sealed with wax and what he had to assume was the Vorevans family crest. He spent several moments just staring at the old-fashioned object, turning it over in his hands, enjoying the unfamiliar feel of it beneath his fingers. He'd hardly ever seen real paper outside of holovids; on Komarr trees were far too important to the terraforming project in their role providing oxygen to cut them down for any reason outside of disease. And even then, they were composted rather than used for a frivolous luxury like paper.
Eventually he remembered that there must have been a reason Ryan had written him in the first place, and it probably wasn't to give him a new experience that to a Barrayaran was probably downright ordinary. Carefully Chad broke the seal and unfolded the page.
As he read, a frown appeared on his face. Ryan was going back to Beta Colony, and would be there for several months. Worse, thanks to Chad's having spent the past two weeks crawling around in the snow somewhere north of the capital, he'd nearly missed his chance to say goodbye; Ryan would be leaving in just three more days.
On some level, of course, he'd known this moment would come; from the day they'd met people had been talking about how much time Ryan preferred to spend on Beta. As they'd grown closer, however, he'd somehow pushed it to the back of his mind. Ryan was the first friend he'd made on Barrayar, and still the closest; the other cadets were pleasant enough, but not who he wanted to spend his limited free time with.
Chad remained troubled for the rest of the day, and spent much of the night lying awake, contemplating what he wanted to do, how much he wanted to risk. By the time he finally fell asleep, he'd reached a decision the prospect of which left him simultaneously nervous and energised. In the end, he'd realised, the only thing he'd be risking was their friendship, and with Ryan about to be several wormhole jumps away that hardly seemed like it would make much difference.
His group had been given the following day off, a fact he planned to take full advantage of. He thought it best to wait until after lunch to put his plan into motion, in case things went well, so the morning was spent finding ways to keep himself busy. By the time afternoon rolled around, he was finding it hard to concentrate on anything but what he was about to do.
The Vorevanses' home was little more than a kilometer from the Academy, but Chad sprang for an autocab rather than walking; it was sleeting again, and he certainly didn't want to look like a half-drowned, half-frozen rat when he arrived. Not today. Now he stood looking up at the imposing building, suddenly feeling less confident than he had not half an hour earlier.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, he rang the bell and waited for someone to open it. The Vorevanses' household staff was, he'd been assured, not particularly extensive, but he still found the whole concept of servants rather foreign and not a little disconcerting. He still wasn't quite certain of anyone's names--it wasn't as though they'd actually been introduced to him, after all--but it was clear the older man who answered the door recognised Chad, since he immediately led him to the large parlor on Ryan's wing of the second floor.
Ryan seemed surprised--though not displeased--to see him, but immediately offered refreshments. Chad declined, and the servant withdrew, silently closing the door behind him.
"I just got back yesterday," he began uncertainly. "I'm glad I had a chance to read your note before you left."
Ryan's smile appeared genuine, but something about his expression nevertheless struck Chad as being a little sad. "So am I. I hadn't wanted to leave without saying goodbye."
"I don't think I've ever thanked you for everything you've done for me--dragging me out of the shuttleport, showing me around, helping me meet people outside of the Academy, teaching me to fly. Helping me adjust to Barrayar. I don't know how I would have made it through these past few months without you," he admitted.
Ryan ducked his head in embarrassment, then peered up at him. "It was a pleasure. Truly. I know how hard it can be, being on your own on an unfamiliar planet for the first time."
"I want you to know," he ventured, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart as he reached out to take one of Ryan's hands in his own, allowing himself to caress Ryan's wrist with his thumb, "I'll miss you."
Judging from the shocked look on Ryan's face as his head shot up, Chad's meaning had been understood. Now all he could do was hope it would be well-received.
The heavy silence stretched between them for an unbearable moment before Ryan wrenched his hand out of Chad's grip and crossed to the other side of the sitting area they were standing near. "Don't. Please." He sounded agitated, and seemed to be looking everywhere but in Chad's direction. Was that a good sign, or a bad one?
"Don't what? Let you know I want you? I probably wouldn't normally, but Ivan said--well, implied, really--that you...and you're leaving, and who knows when or even if I'll see you again?"
Ryan shook his head; whether in denial or negation, Chad couldn't tell. "You don't know what you're asking. We're friends, you've apparently heard some things about me, you're confused.... I get it. But I think it would be best for you to leave and we'll pretend this never happened."
Chad felt his eyes narrow in anger. He strode across the room and grasped Ryan's upper arms, forcing him to face him. "Don't tell me what I know or don't know. I know exactly what I want, Ryan, and what I'm asking for. If you're not interested, or if you have someone back on Beta, then I'll understand, but I'm not Barrayaran; I'm not innocent, or ignorant, or confused. You're right, we're friends, so at least do me the courtesy of giving me an answer based on something other than your assumption that you know what's best for me."
As he stood there trying to regain control of his breathing, he searched Ryan's face for clues as to what he might be thinking. It was hard to tell; Ryan's expression wasn't as closed off as it sometimes could be, but the emotions flickering across it were clearly conflicted, and he still wouldn't meet Chad's gaze. Eventually he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, some of the tension leaving his body as if he'd reached a decision. Chad watched nervously as Ryan pulled away and crossed to the door, but instead of touching the "open" pad and asking Chad to leave he placed his hand on the palm-lock before sauntering back, now looking every bit the arrogant Vor lordling.
"You say you're not innocent, Ser Danforth?" he challenged. "Prove it."
Chad let a smirk stretch across his face. "Right away, my lord," he replied in mock submission right before pulling his friend in for a long-awaited kiss.
Later, as they lay in Ryan's bed trying to catch their breath, he reluctantly raised a subject he felt needed to be made clear. "I'm still going back to Beta Colony," he said quietly.
Chad rolled onto his side and threw an arm across Ryan, pulling him close before looking up at him. Contradicting his actions somewhat, he said, "I know. This wasn't--I'm not going to try to stop you. I imagine it's a lot easier for you there."
Ryan replied with a noncommittal noise, somewhat distracted by the patterns he was tracing on Chad's darker skin.
"Actually, I'm a little surprised you continue to spend time on Barrayar at all. Ivan seemed to think you consider it too dangerous to get involved with anyone here."
"Yes, but...this is my home. My family's here, and the people and culture I grew up with. I can't just turn my back on all that, not entirely. You, however...you had a choice, and I have to say that coming here of all places was perhaps not a wise one to make." This was something about life on Barrayar he hadn't known to prepare Chad for, and now that he did, he was about to abandon him. At this point there was really only one piece of advice he had time to give; he just didn't know if Chad would be willing to follow it.
"Yeah, well, this is where the scholarship was being offered. My mother and I talked about it, though, and in the end we decided I probably wouldn't have time for much of a social life these next few years anyway, so it didn't seem like Barrayaran prejudices would make much of a difference. They were talking about sending the Komarran officers to, well, Komarr and other galactic posts, to help improve the image the Nexus has about the Barrayaran Service, and we figured once I was back out there somewhere it wouldn't matter, as long as I was discreet."
"Still, you're taking a risk. If you ever get in trouble, go to my mother or Ivan; either one has access to Countess Vorkosigan, who's from Beta and has strict views when it comes to sexuality-based persecution. Even better, half the men in Vorbarr Sultana are afraid of her--especially among the more conservative Vor."
"Really? Why?"
Ryan chuckled, thinking about it. "Find a book on recent Barrayaran history and look up the War of Vordarian's Pretendership. Specifically, what ended it."
"Uh...okay." Chad was clearly confused, but really, the story was too good to waste by trying to tell it when he was distracted--and at the moment, he was definitely still distracted.
They lay in comfortable silence for several more minutes before Ryan sighed regretfully. "I really should finish packing."
"Right." After a moment, Chad sat up and crawled out of bed. Ryan watched for a moment as he began searching for his clothes before doing the same.
They dressed reluctantly, then drifted back into the parlor.
"I guess this is goodbye," Chad said awkwardly as they approached the door to Ryan's suite.
"I suppose it is, for now."
"Have a good time on Beta. And don't worry about me--if I need anything, I promise I'll go to Ivan."
Ryan smiled as he palmed the lock open. "Good."
Chad flashed him a return smile before turning to leave; Ryan continued to watch from the door. He'd almost made it to the lift tube when Ryan called after him.
"Chad!"
He paused and turned back, brow raised inquiringly.
"I'll be back not long after midsummer."
This time the smile Chad gave him was genuine.
"I'll be looking forward to it."
Recipient: jerico_cacaw
Title: Gratuitous Joys
Pairing(s): Chad/Ryan
Summary: A chance meeting at the Vorbarr Sultana shuttleport ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to Chad.
Rating: PG
Warning(s): Um...people who are allergic to AUs should probably stay away
Word Count: ~9500
Disclaimer: High School Musical characters belong to Disney. Setting and Vorkosigan universe characters belong to Lois McMaster Bujold, though I wouldn't object to taking Gregor off her hands.
Author's Notes: For Bujold readers, this takes place sometime between The Vor Game and Brothers in Arms. For everyone, this is basically my first time writing either fandom, so concrit would be much appreciated. For the curious, the Barrayaran "Shakespeare" Tam Lin actually exists; it was written by Jo Walton, and can be read here.
Friendship ought to be a gratuitous joy, like the joys afforded by art, or life. -- Simone Weil
Ryan Vorevans had cleared Customs and was on his way out of the shuttleport when a lone figure by the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows caught his attention. He wasn't quite sure why--the young man appeared to be around his own age, clearly an off-worlder but otherwise unremarkable--unless it had to do with the way he was standing. Tense, almost rigid, as though he'd been there for a while and had no intention of moving anytime soon. His shoulders were slightly hunched, and if the reflection in the window was any indication, he seemed to be at least nervous, if not actually afraid.
Feeling charitable, Ryan altered his course. "First time off Komarr?" he asked when he was within conversational distance.
The stranger started and turned to him, apparently having failed to notice his approach. "Huh?"
Ryan repeated his question patiently; if he was correct, it was understandable that the poor boy would be a little dazed. Ryan remembered the feeling all too well from his own first trip off-planet.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Um...how did you know I was Komarran? Is it that obvious?"
"Just a bit," Ryan said with a laugh. "There are only two types of people in this part of the Nexus who get quite that caught up in planetary surfaces, and Betans generally get lost in the trees and rivers, not the sky. Not that that's surprising; each time I return from Beta Colony I can't help feeling a little in awe of a proper non-desert ecology myself, even though I grew up here," he admitted. "It's all right to be nervous, by the way; most Komarrans are, the first time they leave the domes. But it's perfectly safe--the air's nice and breathable, I promise."
"Yeah, I know," the other said, looking a bit embarrassed. "It must be, with all those people walking around out there. I just can't help wanting to look around for a breath mask first."
"Well, I'm afraid you won't find any on Barrayar. Not unless you want to go back up to the orbital station, that is. So you'll either have to take the plunge sometime, or live here in the shuttleport."
The stranger laughed at that. "Tempting as that sounds...I don't really have a choice. I have to report to the Imperial Military Academy sometime in the next two days, or I lose my scholarship."
Ryan felt his brows raise in surprise before he could get control of his expression. "A Komarran, entering the Barrayaran Service? Brave of you. Part of the Emperor's integration experiment?"
"Yeah. We couldn't afford for me to continue at Solstice University any longer after my father died, so when my mother heard they were offering scholarships for any Komarran willing to sign on who could pass the entrance exams...well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." He shrugged, then looked back out the windows. "Now, I'm not so sure."
"If it helps any, Barrayar's not nearly as backwards by galactic standards as it used to be." Ryan thought for a moment, then corrected himself. "Well, not here in Vorbarr Sultana, at any rate. I wouldn't recommend venturing out into the backwoods areas; off-worlders are still considered untrustworthy in some communities. I think the older hillfolk are convinced you're all Cetagandans."
"Warning noted. Though from what I've been told, I'm not going to have much time for sightseeing, anyway."
"True enough." Seeing that the newcomer seemed to have relaxed somewhat, he decided it was a good time to return to the subject of leaving the confines of the building. "I happen to have some free time these next few days; if you'd like, I can show you around the city, help you get settled in before your training starts. My name's Ryan, by the way," he added, holding out his hand.
The Komarran looked at it for a moment as if confused by the formality, before reaching out to shake. "I'm Chad. And if you're sure you don't mind, that would be great; I've got a mapcube and everything, but I've never been very good at following directions."
Ryan smiled indulgently. "It's not a problem, truly. But first we have to get you out of the shuttleport--we'll get a nice, enclosed autocab and take you to the Academy, get you checked in and let you stow your luggage. After that, perhaps lunch? And then we can tackle the scary open sky," he added with a teasing grin, which Chad returned.
"Small steps, yeah. That sounds good. Which way to the autocabs, O Tour Guide?" he asked, shouldering the strap of the large duffel that had been sitting by his feet.
Traffic was light, and barely an hour later they had finished at the Imperial Military Academy and were being shown a table at one of Ryan's favourite restaurants. Not his absolute local favourite, of course--to his surprise, he was enjoying getting to know Chad and didn't want to risk making things awkward by taking him somewhere that would draw too much attention to his family's wealth--but a comfortable, non-flashy spot where the food was excellent and the clientele included enough members of Barrayar's diplomatic community for the local patrons to not bat an eye at the presence of a galactic in their midst.
To his chagrin, the waiter who took their orders recognised him, and departed the table with a "Very good, m'lord". Ryan glanced at Chad, not surprised to see confusion on his face, turning gradually to realisation as he figured it out.
"'M'lord'?" he asked, his tone nearly a challenge.
Komarrans could be almost as offended by the notion of Barrayaran ranks as Betans, in Ryan's experience. Vote-based systems of government were all well and good, in some places, but what business was it of theirs if Barrayarans preferred the old system?
Still, he tried to brush it off, hoping to minimise whatever confrontation might be brewing. "Just a courtesy title."
"Really?"
"Yes. It's not like I'm in line for a Countship or anything."
"But you are Vor?"
"Well, yes." High Vor, in fact, but this hardly seemed the time to mention the distinction. "Is that a problem?"
"I don't know." Chad seemed...not troubled, precisely, but definitely disconcerted.
"If it makes a difference, my father was not in the Service at the time of the Conquest of Komarr," he offered. His grandfather was a different matter, but then, he was safely dead, so it seemed unnecessary to mention it. It was better to avoid the subject of the later Komarran Rebellion entirely.
"Oh, it's not that--I mean, I'm going to be Service myself soon enough, after all...."
"What, then? If you have something against the Vor as a whole, you'll have to get over it fast, or you'll never make it through the next few years. There are plenty of us who, like me, have opted out of the whole Service route, but traditionally we are a military caste; you'll be dealing with Vor every day at the Academy. And after, for that matter." Ryan could feel himself getting agitated, a sure sign he'd recently been on Beta; Betans took egalitarianism to the extreme, and he was constantly having to defend himself once they found out he was a member of a hereditary elite. Once he'd been home for a while, slights to the Vor stopped bothering him, but the mental adjustment always took a few days.
Across the table, Chad took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right. I'm sorry. I guess I just...I don't know," he shrugged.
Ryan nodded an acknowledgement, allowing the subject to drop. Luckily, their food arrived shortly thereafter, making the silence that had fallen less obvious.
As they ate they gradually began to resume their earlier conversation. The attempts were awkward at first, until Ryan hit upon the idea of asking Chad questions about his life on Komarr. This tactic had the added benefit of allowing him to contribute little to the conversation aside from occasional prompts and follow-up questions; he needed to get his reactions back under control.
By the time the waiter reappeared to clear their dishes, he had sufficiently recovered himself to recommend Chad order one of the restaurant's sumptuous desserts. Like any young man, Ryan supposed, he didn't need to be asked twice.
Scarcely had they made their selections when Ryan caught sight of a familiar face heading their way.
"Ryan! Back from Beta again already?"
"Not at all, Ivan; in fact, I'm there now. You must have had too much to drink again last night--you're hallucinating," he replied, smirking.
"Ha bloody ha, Vorevans. If you keep spending half your time on Beta, you're going to end up sounding even more like my cousin Miles than you already do."
"Heaven forbid."
"See? You're even talking like a theist. Those Betans are a bad influence. Well, except for Aunt Cordelia," he added in an undertone, glancing furtively around as if to make sure she hadn't heard him insult her home planet.
Ryan snorted. "The way I hear it, she's been considered a bad influence on Barrayar herself."
"Eh, who cares what those old relicts think?" Ivan replied before turning to Chad. "So, who's your friend?"
With a quick glance at Ivan's rank insignia--finally received that promotion, apparently--Ryan made the introductions. "Lieutenant Lord Ivan Vorpatril, this is Chad, uh--"
"Danforth," he supplied, managing to keep any reaction he may have had to that all-important extra syllable before Ivan's family name off his face.
"Right. Chad's just arrived from Komarr to attend the Academy."
"Ah, yes, Gregor's latest pet project. Good luck with that."
"Thanks. Um...do I need it?"
"Ignore him; all the recent Academy graduates like to make it sound as though making it through the program was some terrible ordeal. This isn't the Time of Isolation; they hardly ever break out the old regs anymore."
Ivan looked at him scornfully. "What would you know about it? You never even had the guts to apply."
"I had more sense than to bother, you mean," Ryan replied calmly. While Vorpatril did have a bit of the typical Academy chip on his shoulder, this topic was familiar territory for them, devoid of any true rancor. "Last I heard, you were assigned to a desk job here in town. Hardly an impressive achievement."
"Much as I'd love to stay and teach you just how misguided you are, the lovely lady I'm meeting for lunch just arrived, so you'll have to wait until next time." Without waiting for a response, Ivan strode back across the dining room to the door, where he skillfully swept up the hand of the young woman standing there, gracing it with a kiss and, Ryan was sure, flashing her his most charming smile. He shook his head in amusement at the sight.
"What's so funny?"
With a start, Ryan remembered the young man sitting across from him, appalled at his own bad manners in having forgotten his companion, however briefly. "Not funny so much as...familiar. Like Ivan said, I spend a lot of time off-planet, and when I get back home it's always good to see that some things never change. Ivan Vorpatril's relentless chasing of any pretty girl who happens to cross his path is one of those."
"I see."
Chad looked like he wanted to say something further, but when he remained silent Ryan decided to continue; Ivan could possibly be of assistance if Chad had any problems at the Academy, so it was good they had run into him. "Ivan's mother, Lady Alys, has been friends with my mother for years. Decades, really. He's a bit flighty, and not the brightest guy around, but not a bad sort. You could do worse than cultivating a friendly acquaintance with him. Good family and military connections, that sort of thing."
"You're suggesting I use him?" Chad asked incredulously.
"No! No, nothing like that. But if you were to get into minor trouble, say, or need help dealing with unfair treatment at the Academy, Ivan's not a bad person to go to for assistance. Though it's not likely he'd be able to help with much himself, he'd almost be guaranteed to know someone who could. Around here, that's just how we do things--who you know and who they know is how things get done. It's not considered a negative thing at all," he explained.
Chad still looked skeptical, but let the subject drop; Ryan did, too. He'd learn before long.
They finished their dessert and, after a brief disagreement over who would pay the bill (which Ryan won, of course), it was time to force Chad to venture out into the scary, unenclosed atmosphere. Chad joked about his own reluctance to step outside, but when they reached the door Ryan actually had to shove him through it. He tried not to laugh; native Komarrans' typical agoraphobia was really no funnier than most people's minor claustrophobia their first time in the domes, or in the underground cities of Beta, but having grown up under the open sky he couldn't help but find Chad's reaction comical.
Once he had guided them far enough down the street that he was reasonably sure Chad was unlikely to try and dash back inside, Ryan dropped his hand from Chad's back and began pointing out places he thought might be of interest. He tried to keep up enough of a running commentary to provide a distraction from the knowledge that there was nothing but nature itself keeping the air breathable.
By the time they'd finished Ryan's impromptu tour of Vorbarr Sultana, Chad did indeed seem to have relaxed enough to forget his fears. They were even able to stop at an outdoor café for pastries and coffee without that panicked look returning to his eyes, so Ryan considered his spontaneous good deed a success. In fact, they'd both had such fun that they made plans to meet up again the following day, since Chad's classes weren't scheduled to begin for another week.
Now that Chad was no longer in danger of hyperventilating at being outside, Ryan decided it was safe to walk him back to his barracks before hailing an autocab to take him home. As the familiar streets passed, he reflected on what a difference a day could make. He'd intended to arrive home tomorrow, but had managed to catch an earlier flight when he changed ships at Escobar. If he'd stuck to his original plan he would have missed out on what had turned out to be quite an enjoyable afternoon, with the promise of more to come.
He just might have to start doing random good deeds more often, if this was the result.
Despite seeming to have nothing in common, it wasn't long before Chad and Ryan were fast friends. Chad felt like he could rely on Ryan to clear up any cross-cultural misunderstandings--possibly because he spent so much time on a foreign planet himself, Ryan seemed to know just what might cause problems or need explanation. Plus, well, he was fun to spend time with; given the fact that in a sense Chad had never really been alone in his life, he was grateful to know that there was someone in the city whom he could turn to if needed.
It was also nice just to have someone to talk to. At the Academy, the boys were nice enough, he supposed, but in addition to being mostly a few years older than they were, he was always aware of the fact that he was Different. His behaviour was being judged all the time, not only by his instructors but by the other cadets as well. There were a couple of other Komarrans in his year, but they all seemed to steer clear of each other, as though they could avoid drawing attention by not forming a group. Even the people Ryan introduced him to tended to treat him as some sort of exotic curiosity--well, except for Ivan Vorpatril, who apparently knew enough galactics for Chad's origins to be unremarkable. It was weird, being self-conscious about where he came from.
The occasional message from home was wonderful, of course, but neither his mother nor his best friend Troy could afford to send all the way to Barrayar very often. Then, too, comconsole messages were hardly the same as being able to talk to someone directly. So he frequently found himself turning to Ryan for ordinary friendly human contact.
He was even being, albeit reluctantly, exposed to more in the way of culture than he'd ever wanted. A couple of times the Vorevans family insisted on taking him to the symphony with them, and once Ryan actually managed to drag him to the theatre. It was a performance of Shakespeare's Tam Lin, and although Chad wasn't exactly an expert on ancient Old Earth literature, he at least knew enough to realise there was something not quite right there. He and Ryan spent the entire ride home arguing over whether the Barrayaran tradition claiming to have preserved three works lost to the rest of the universe during the Time of Isolation was true; several times, he suspected Ryan himself didn't believe it, and was just arguing for the fun of it.
And it was Ryan he turned to when he realised that even though it was only a couple of months into his first year, he was already expected to start learning how to pilot a shuttle. For once, Ryan didn't understand why he was complaining.
"I'd bet whatever you like that none of the others have ever flown any sort of spacecraft either," he pointed out. "And it's not like you'll be endangering anyone if you mess up--there's no way they'll let you out of the simulators if they don't think you know what you're doing."
"Yeah, we don't even go topside until the end of the year," Chad confirmed. "But that's not the point."
"So what is the point?"
"The point is, I'm already being put under a microscope because of where I'm from. I really don't need to look like a complete incompetent in front of everyone!"
Ryan sighed. "Look, I've never tried it myself, but it can't be that hard--Ivan made it through, after all. I'm sure piloting in-system shuttles is a lot like flying any other kind of vehicle. You'll be fine."
Chad hesitated, then gave Ryan a look that he hoped said, "Don't make me say it out loud."
He could tell when Ryan figured it out, because instead of looking confused he began staring incredulously. "Don't tell me you've never flown anything!"
Chad felt himself blushing, and looked away.
"But you've at least driven a groundcar or something, right?"
"Uh...actually?" Chad nervously rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Look, I've spent my entire life in Solstice, all right? If I needed to go anywhere too far to walk, I took the public bubble-car system! Why would I need to learn?"
Ryan continued to stare for a few seconds before appearing to snap himself out of it. "Right. And now you're worried everyone else will have an advantage?"
"Yes!"
"In that case, we have a lot of work to do."
"What do you mean?"
He carried on as if Chad hadn't spoken. "We don't have nearly enough time to cover everything, of course, so we should just focus on one type of vehicle...."
Chad tried again. "What are you talking about?"
"Teaching you to fly, of course! Lightflyer would probably be best--ground vehicles would be a waste of time, if the point is to make learning shuttle piloting easier, and a lightflyer's a lot easier to handle than an aircar. Also, I don't actually own an aircar," Ryan added with a grin.
"I...really? You would teach me?"
Ryan shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Laughing with relief, Chad threw his arms around him. "You're brilliant! I hadn't even thought of that."
"It's really no big deal." Ryan's hands tentatively patted him on the back a couple of times, and Chad privately grinned at his discomfort before releasing him and stepping back.
"No, seriously--thank you."
Ryan waved away his gratitude, preferring to jump straight into scheduling a time for the lessons to begin.
To Chad's relief, when the time came Ryan was considerate enough to take them away from the city to someplace nice and isolated, so there was no one around to witness his humiliation. Ryan made a point of engaging all of the available safety controls on his lightflyer before ceding the pilot's seat to him and beginning his instruction.
Initially Chad felt every bit as clumsy and stupid as he'd anticipated, but Ryan's gentle, good-natured mocking had him laughing at himself before he realised it; by the end of the first hour he'd relaxed enough to stop being so afraid of making mistakes. Ryan turned out to be an excellent teacher, very patient without ever seeming condescending. Chad really appreciated the way Ryan never made him feel stupid for not already knowing something. When they finally called it a day, he was actually able to take off, fly around the valley for a while, and land without feeling like he was endangering their lives. It was exhilarating.
He was nevertheless relieved to turn the controls back over to Ryan for the trip back to Vorbarr Sultana, not least because night was falling by the time they arrived at Ryan's, and despite the day's progress he wasn't at all ready to try flying in the dark.
"Stay for dinner?" Ryan asked as he skillfully maneuvered the lightflyer into the garage. "My sister had plans tonight, so it's safe."
Chad returned his grin; Ryan was well aware that many people, Chad included, were less than fond of his sister, and didn't take it personally. "Hmm, let me think, the Academy mess hall, or your family's amazing cook? How will I ever choose?"
Lightflyer safely parked, Ryan turned and lightly punched his arm. "Shut up and get inside before I change my mind."
Laughing, Chad mock-saluted as he got out of the lightflyer, then ran for the door to the house when Ryan began to chase him.
By the time they came to a stop, they had run through half a dozen rooms and were both out of breath from the combination of exertion and laughter. Belatedly, Chad looked up from where he'd collapsed onto a couch and noticed they were not alone.
"Lady Vorevans!" he gasped, trying to regain control, at least enough not to feel quite so out of place. Ryan's mother was always perfectly polite to him--welcoming, even--yet somehow she managed to intimidate him without even trying. Ryan, of course, just popped back up and crossed the room to give her a kiss, still laughing unabashedly. Not for the first time, Chad envied his confidence.
"H'lo, Mother."
"Good evening, darling. I take it you two had a good time?"
"Mmm. I've invited Chad to dinner, if that's all right."
"Of course it is! We're always delighted to have you, Chad, whenever you wish to drop by." She smiled and looked knowingly back and forth between them before excusing herself. "I'll just go make sure the staff knows there'll be one more."
They both watched as she swept gracefully out of the room, then Chad allowed himself to slouch back in his seat. To his chagrin, Ryan noticed.
"I don't understand why you're so afraid of my mother. She really does like you, you know."
"I'm not afraid of her!" Chad protested. Ryan regarded him skeptically until he conceded, "She just...makes me nervous, I guess. I can't explain it."
"Right," Ryan drawled. He glanced at his chrono. "Well, dinner's not for another twenty minutes; would you prefer to go up to my rooms in the meantime, so as to avoid my frightening family?"
Chad narrowed his eyes at the taunt; Ryan just smirked back, unrepentant. Chad broke first, unable to maintain the pretence of anger.
"Fine. Let's go."
Ryan's smirk morphed into a grin. He pulled Chad to his feet and led the way.
The weeks continued to fly past, with classes and training taking up more and more of Chad's time. What little free time he possessed was now spent almost exclusively with Ryan, and as Winterfair approached and his classmates began discussing their plans for the break, Chad grew more grateful than ever that he had such a good friend outside the Academy. A friend who would be staying in Vorbarr Sultana, and would probably insist that Chad spend much of the holiday with him.
In fact, Ryan more than met his expectations. He didn't even need to mention that he'd be stuck on Barrayar while nearly all of the other cadets got to visit their families; Ryan simply asked how long the Academy classes were suspended, and figured out on his own that there wasn't enough time for a trip to Komarr--not even if Chad could have afforded the ticket. Rather than forcing him to beg for company, Ryan simply began inviting Chad to take part in several of his own plans for the days leading up to Winterfair itself.
Most of these were pretty simple--shopping for gifts for his family, traditional amusements from the Time of Isolation like horse-drawn sleigh rides (the whole idea of which was pretty baffling to Chad; nothing that pointlessly archaic could be found back home), small gatherings of family and friends--and by and large Chad had no qualms about accepting. They helped fill the time, of course, but more importantly he simply had fun pretty much any time he was with Ryan, regardless of what they were doing.
It did surprise him a little, however, when Ryan invited him to join them for a Winterfair party he and his sister had been invited to at some Count's home. Although Ryan assured him it wasn't nearly as important an event as the official Winterfair Ball held at the Imperial Residence two days later, given the way Ryan's sister Sharpay reacted to the invitation it seemed like this party was still a big deal, so he wasn't really comfortable with the idea of intruding.
And his discomfort had nothing to do with not exactly being the fancy party type, or with not liking to dance. Almost nothing, anyway.
Still, he found it next to impossible to stand his ground about anything when Ryan turned that pleading expression on him, blue eyes wide, looking unbelievably young and innocent. He made one last-ditch effort at refusing, pointing out that he had no Barrayaran formal wear (and hoping desperately that Ryan wouldn't offer to buy him some), but Ryan's assurances that he'd be fine in Komarran-style dress left him with no escape. Damn his mother for insisting he bring his nicest suit "just in case".
Sharpay was clearly no better pleased by the plan than Chad himself was, but Ryan was adamant: Chad would be attending Count Vorvolk's Winterfair party, and that was that. His final hope that the weather would prove too severe even for Barrayarans to venture out in was dashed as the day dawned cold but clear; he had no choice, it seemed, no matter how little he was looking forward to the prospect.
When he arrived at the Vorevanses', he was politely shown into an empty sitting room. He wasn't waiting long before Ryan entered.
"Whoa, who died?"
Ryan looked confused. "No one; why?"
"Black is the mourning colour here, too, right?"
Chad could see the comprehension dawning in his eyes. "Oh. Yes, but I'm not in mourning for anybody."
"Isn't all black a bit gloomy for a party, then?"
"Maybe, but who cares? I look fabulous in it."
Chad couldn't help but laugh. Most people would sound arrogant saying something like that, but somehow Ryan managed to make it charming instead. "Can't argue with that," he conceded.
They chatted about Chad's classes--his favourite was five-space math, which he had been studying at Solstice University before he'd had to leave; as usual when the subject arose, Ryan looked horrified at the idea--while waiting for Sharpay to make an appearance. When at last she came sweeping down the stairs, clad in some intricate gown that even to Chad's inexperienced eye was clearly very expensive, she caught sight of him waiting with her brother and groaned.
"Ryan, I can't believe you're still insisting on taking this--this prole with us," she complained, not making the slightest effort to keep him from hearing.
"Well, Chad can hardly go home for the holidays, given the distance, and no one should have to spend Winterfair alone," Ryan replied in a tone that said this wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation.
Chad was torn between politely pretending not to hear and belligerently meeting Sharpay's glare. Before he could make up his mind which way to react, Ryan was ushering them out the door and into the back of the waiting groundcar.
By the time they arrived, he was actually eager to join the party, though that was more due to Sharpay's constant complaining the entire ride than any genuine change of opinion. It was almost a relief to follow the twins up the steps of a house even larger and more ornate than the Vorevanses'. Ryan introduced him to the host, who seemed not at all surprised or put out at Chad's presence, then ushered him through a series of grand, and increasingly crowded, rooms until they reached the ballroom. Sharpay
immediately abandoned them in favour of a group of giggly girls who appeared to fawn all over her. Chad shook his head in what might have been fond amusement had he felt any fondness for Sharpay at all; as it was, he found her choice of companions disgustingly predictable.
Luckily, he had Ryan, who led him over to a small cluster of people that, Chad was relieved to see, included many of Ryan's friends whom he'd already met over the past several days. He gradually began to relax as he noticed that Ryan was making an effort to include him. One of the reasons he'd dreaded coming to this thing was that, aside from the Vorevanses, he knew practically no one who might be likely to get invited to something like this; he definitely felt relieved each time Ryan deftly steered the conversation back to general topics whenever it threatened to descend into gossip about people Chad had never heard of. He still didn't say very much, but at least he could follow what the others were talking about. Even as the initial group drifted apart and others formed, Ryan continued to look out for him. Chad would never say as much, but it was kind of nice.
At one point Ivan Vorpatril and his date approached and they chatted briefly about the party and the weather and all that boring stuff for a few minutes before the music started up again, and Ivan's date--a rather pretty young woman in what Chad thought was a ridiculously fancy gown, at least by the standards he was used to--insisted Ryan dance with her. He bowed good-naturedly and led her out to the floor, leaving Chad and Ivan to entertain themselves. Considering that this was hardly the first such invitation Ryan had received that evening, Chad suspected he'd only accepted because he felt comfortable abandoning him with Ivan there.
Ivan glanced around, spotted an empty settee nearby, and suggested they sit, since that particular dance was a long one.
"It's a shame Ryan's monopolising your date during it, then," Chad joked.
Ivan laughed. "Not at all. I'm just as happy to sit the really complicated ones out, and the girls adore having Vorevans at these things because he actually enjoys dancing. Better him than me, I say. At least with Ryan I know she'll still be leaving with me; works out great all around."
"I wouldn't be so sure; he can be quite charming when he wants to be."
"True, but although he might charm her on the dance floor, that's as far as he'd take it." Ivan glanced around as if to verify there was no one in earshot, then lowered his voice anyway before adding, "There's a reason he spends so much of his time on Beta Colony, you know. I wouldn't normally say anything--he's a decent fellow, very careful not to say or do anything that might make people uncomfortable while here on Barrayar--but you're an galactic, you probably won't care. Sure, some day he'll probably give in to family duty and marry--after all, now that we've got the uterine replicators he wouldn't have to actually, ah, interact with his wife in order to father an heir--but not yet. And he certainly won't steal some poor girl away from anyone; if anything, he's most likely to look the other way, so long as she's discreet about it. He's not the type to ask more from his wife than he's willing to offer her in return. So even if I thought he had designs on Marina, there'd still be nothing to stop her from going home with me."
"Oh." Chad took a few moments to process this new information. It had taken him a moment to realise what Ivan was hinting at; he wasn't used to people talking around the topic. Then again.... "And you don't mind? I thought Barrayarans were--uh..."
"Bigots?" Ivan offered cheerfully. "Oh, we are, most of us. Especially the older generations and outside the cities. But what the Council of Counts didn't consider when they named a Betan one of Gregor's guardians all those years ago was that it meant she'd be raising the Emperor according to her liberal Betan views. And through him, influencing everyone of his generation and beyond who's in his social circle--or wants to be. A clever bit of stealth social engineering, as my cousin Miles would say. There are lots of things we generally don't talk about, at least not publicly, but aren't as bothered by as many of our parents might wish."
"I see." He didn't, really, but he'd started to grow used to that feeling where Barrayar was concerned. And anyway, he got distracted watching Ryan, trying to figure out if Ivan's implication was right and, if so, how he'd missed it.
Ivan seemed content to allow the conversation to lapse, snagging a glass of wine from a passing server and leaning back to watch the dancers, leaving Chad to contemplate what he'd learned without interruption until the dance ended and a laughing Ryan escorted his partner back to her date's side. The three of them resumed their amiable small talk; Chad didn't bother attempting to take part in the conversation, simply hoping that his occasional "I'm listening" noises weren't ill-timed.
Before long yet another young lady came up to claim Ryan for a dance, and once he'd accepted and been led away Chad took the opportunity to excuse himself from Ivan and Marina under the pretext of going in search of a drink. By the time Ryan managed to free himself from the dancing for more than two minutes in a row, Chad was able to shove the conversation with Ivan to the back of his mind and focus on the party once more--just in time for dinner to be served. Given the amazing quality of the food, he was relieved; it would have been a shame to not devote his full attention to the meal. The stuff they served in the mess hall barely qualified as edible in comparison.
When the lengthy dinner was over, Chad wasn't at all sorry to be spared having to make yet more semi-polite conversation with the strangers he'd been seated near, either; even standing uselessly about the ballroom with Ryan was less painfully awkward.
They hadn't been there for more than a few minutes when he noticed a hush falling over the crowd in their part of the room. A tall, thin, pale young man in what he'd come to recognise as a House uniform of black and silver was approaching them.
"Good evening, Lord Vorevans. Are you enjoying the music this evening?"
Chad thought he saw Ryan's eyes widen slightly upon being addressed, and he sounded almost deferential as he said, "Good evening, my lord. Yes, I am; it's spectacular as always."
"And how are your parents? Well, I hope."
"They are. I'll tell them you inquired." The man's eyes flicked briefly in his direction, and Ryan said as if on cue, "My lord, may I present Chad Danforth. Chad, this is--Count Vorbarra."
"It's nice to meet you. My lord," he added when Ryan discreetly nudged him in the ribs.
"I'm pleased to meet you as well, Ser Danforth. How are they treating you at the Academy? Is anyone causing any trouble for you or the other Komarran cadets?"
Even if he hadn't been dressed in his Komarran clothes, Chad had long since given up being surprised when people identified him immediately as non-Barrayaran; but he was a little unnerved that this stranger also knew why he was in Vorbarr Sultana. Still, if he knew Ryan's family.... "No, not really."
"That's good to hear. If that changes, I would appreciate being notified." Here, the Count's penetrating gaze returned to Ryan, who nodded.
"I'll have my mother pass any word along those lines to Lady Alys, my lord," he promised.
"Thank you."
Ryan's eyes focused temporarily over the other man's shoulder. "Ah...it appears my sister is headed this way, S--my lord."
Count Vorbarra's mouth twitched ever so slightly; Chad suspected he was resisting an urge to grimace. Not that he blamed him. "If you'll excuse me, I believe I need to have a word with Miles before the dancing resumes."
Ryan flashed a conspiratorial grin, the most like the Ryan Chad knew he'd been since this odd conversation began. "What a shame; Sharpay will be so sorry to have missed you. Farewell, my lord."
"Farewell, Lord Vorevans, Ser Danforth."
The Count had barely been swallowed by the crowd when Sharpay indeed turned up.
"Was that Gregor?" she asked eagerly. "Which way did he go?"
"He said he had business with Lord Vorkosigan," her brother said with a smirk.
Chad normally tuned out when they started talking about people he didn't know, but that name caught his attention. He hadn't said anything to Ryan, but his best friend back home had lost a grandmother in the Solstice Massacre; now here he was at the same party as what could only be a close relative of the man responsible. Sure, he had assumed that at some point he would hear something about the Barrayarans' twisted view of what had happened that would make him uncomfortable; he and Troy had even talked about it, when he was trying to decide whether the scholarship was worth it. But this was entirely unexpected. He only hoped no one tried to introduce him, since he wasn't at all confident that he could remain polite.
In the meantime, Sharpay was pouting. "I can't believe he still talks to that...mutie. Of course he had no choice when they were children, but it's not like they still live in the same house."
"What's the matter, Shar? Not so eager to be a Countess someday after all?"
She sniffed disdainfully. "I do have standards, you know."
"If it makes you feel any better, I believe I saw René Vorbretten over by the ice sculpture."
Apparently that was all the encouragement she needed to abandon them again; Chad breathed what he hoped was an unnoticeable sigh of relief, then turned to Ryan.
"Okay, what was that all about?"
"What was what all about?"
"All that...my-lord-ing. I've never seen you do that before, not even with that other Count you introduced me to earlier. What's so special about this guy?"
Ryan just stared at him, like he was having a hard time believing he'd heard correctly. "That was Count Vorbarra," he said, as if that explained anything.
"Uh, yeah, you introduced us. Is that supposed to mean something to me?"
Ryan blinked at him a few times before he shook his head slightly and gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I keep forgetting; for all that you're an Imperial subject, you're still a galactic."
Chad groaned. "Not this again."
"No, really; sometimes I forget that there are things we just assume everyone knows because they're common knowledge here, but there's no reason you should necessarily put them together. I suppose that on Komarr he's primarily known by his other title: Emperor Gregor."
It was Chad's turn to be stunned speechless. "That was the Emperor?" Ryan nodded. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
"Because he was in his Vorbarra House uniform, not the Imperial one or civvies. He does that sometimes when he wants to be able to go out without all the extensive protocol involved with being Emperor. If he's in his House colours, it means he wants people to pretend he has no role beyond the Countship of the Vorbarra's District. Well, as much as we can, that is. You wouldn't believe how many of the staff tonight are actually Imperial Security so he can be here at all. But wearing his House uniform means that Count Vorvolk doesn't have to cede precedence to him in his own home."
"Huh." Chad thought for a bit about how lonely it must be to have to indicate explicitly when you wanted to be treated like a normal person. Then it hit him. "My mother's never going to believe I met the Emperor. I can't believe I met the Emperor!"
Ryan grinned. "He's something, isn't he? He meant it, too, when he said he wanted to know if you had problems because of being Komarran. From what I've heard, he really wants the Service integration to be a success, and you're one of the test subjects."
Chad groaned, hiding his face in his hands. "Great, just what I needed, more pressure."
This time Ryan laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You're doing fine, and you know it."
Chad lowered his hands enough to allow him to glare at his friend. "Don't you have some overdressed Vor maiden to dance with or something?" Still laughing, Ryan took the hint and left him alone for a bit. In all honesty, Chad was a little relieved; grateful as he was for Ryan's constant company during the first part of the evening, after seeing how thoroughly he loved dancing Chad had begun to feel guilty for inadvertently keeping him on the sidelines so much. Ryan had offered to teach him the local dances several times since inviting him to this thing in the first place, but he'd been steadfast in his refusal. He wasn't sure he could have held out if he'd known then how severely his not dancing would limit Ryan's enjoyment of the evening.
To Chad's great relief, nothing else interesting happened between his meeting the Emperor and Sharpay's deciding it was time to leave; since Chad hadn't wanted to be there in the first place and Ryan seemed incapable of opposing his sister (not that Chad blamed him; if his mother was intimidating, his sister was downright scary), within five minutes of her pronouncement they found themselves back in the rear compartment of the Vorevanses' groundcar.
They dropped Sharpay off first, then Ryan insisted on taking Chad back to the barracks rather than letting him take an autocab. Considering how late it was, Chad was more than happy to accept the offer. Now that it was just the two of them, he was able to relax for the first time all evening. With a sigh of relief, he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.
"Tired?" Ryan asked mildly.
"Very." Turning his head in Ryan's direction, Chad opened his eyes far enough to regard him critically. "How is it you're not exhausted? You're the one who did all the dancing."
Ryan laughed, sounding almost as though he were tipsy. Odd, given that he'd had less wine than Chad, who wasn't anywhere near drunk. His face was lit up the way it had been on the dance floor; he looked beautiful. "I can't help it--I find dancing exhilarating. It's not tiring at all. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the evening more, though; I'd hoped you would have fun."
"No, hey, it was fine. A little surreal at times, even." They grinned at each other, knowing they were both thinking of the same conversation. "Fancy parties just aren't my thing, I guess. But I'm glad you had a good time. I was a little worried you wouldn't be able to because of me," he admitted.
"Never," Ryan declared.
There didn't seem to be anything he could say to that, so he didn't try. Ryan didn't continue the conversation either; they simply sat there looking at each other, the silence growing almost palpable, somehow, stretching between them until Chad began to think it might snap.
Just as he feared he was about to make a comment on the weather or something equally inane to keep himself from doing anything even more foolish, the groundcar pulled to a stop outside the Academy gate. Hoping his relief wasn't visible, Chad bid Ryan goodnight and made his escape.
Two months after Winterfair, Chad returned from a winter training exercise to find he had received a note from Ryan. Not a message on the comconsole, or a flimsy; an actual handwritten note, on honest-to-goodness paper, sealed with wax and what he had to assume was the Vorevans family crest. He spent several moments just staring at the old-fashioned object, turning it over in his hands, enjoying the unfamiliar feel of it beneath his fingers. He'd hardly ever seen real paper outside of holovids; on Komarr trees were far too important to the terraforming project in their role providing oxygen to cut them down for any reason outside of disease. And even then, they were composted rather than used for a frivolous luxury like paper.
Eventually he remembered that there must have been a reason Ryan had written him in the first place, and it probably wasn't to give him a new experience that to a Barrayaran was probably downright ordinary. Carefully Chad broke the seal and unfolded the page.
As he read, a frown appeared on his face. Ryan was going back to Beta Colony, and would be there for several months. Worse, thanks to Chad's having spent the past two weeks crawling around in the snow somewhere north of the capital, he'd nearly missed his chance to say goodbye; Ryan would be leaving in just three more days.
On some level, of course, he'd known this moment would come; from the day they'd met people had been talking about how much time Ryan preferred to spend on Beta. As they'd grown closer, however, he'd somehow pushed it to the back of his mind. Ryan was the first friend he'd made on Barrayar, and still the closest; the other cadets were pleasant enough, but not who he wanted to spend his limited free time with.
Chad remained troubled for the rest of the day, and spent much of the night lying awake, contemplating what he wanted to do, how much he wanted to risk. By the time he finally fell asleep, he'd reached a decision the prospect of which left him simultaneously nervous and energised. In the end, he'd realised, the only thing he'd be risking was their friendship, and with Ryan about to be several wormhole jumps away that hardly seemed like it would make much difference.
His group had been given the following day off, a fact he planned to take full advantage of. He thought it best to wait until after lunch to put his plan into motion, in case things went well, so the morning was spent finding ways to keep himself busy. By the time afternoon rolled around, he was finding it hard to concentrate on anything but what he was about to do.
The Vorevanses' home was little more than a kilometer from the Academy, but Chad sprang for an autocab rather than walking; it was sleeting again, and he certainly didn't want to look like a half-drowned, half-frozen rat when he arrived. Not today. Now he stood looking up at the imposing building, suddenly feeling less confident than he had not half an hour earlier.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, he rang the bell and waited for someone to open it. The Vorevanses' household staff was, he'd been assured, not particularly extensive, but he still found the whole concept of servants rather foreign and not a little disconcerting. He still wasn't quite certain of anyone's names--it wasn't as though they'd actually been introduced to him, after all--but it was clear the older man who answered the door recognised Chad, since he immediately led him to the large parlor on Ryan's wing of the second floor.
Ryan seemed surprised--though not displeased--to see him, but immediately offered refreshments. Chad declined, and the servant withdrew, silently closing the door behind him.
"I just got back yesterday," he began uncertainly. "I'm glad I had a chance to read your note before you left."
Ryan's smile appeared genuine, but something about his expression nevertheless struck Chad as being a little sad. "So am I. I hadn't wanted to leave without saying goodbye."
"I don't think I've ever thanked you for everything you've done for me--dragging me out of the shuttleport, showing me around, helping me meet people outside of the Academy, teaching me to fly. Helping me adjust to Barrayar. I don't know how I would have made it through these past few months without you," he admitted.
Ryan ducked his head in embarrassment, then peered up at him. "It was a pleasure. Truly. I know how hard it can be, being on your own on an unfamiliar planet for the first time."
"I want you to know," he ventured, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart as he reached out to take one of Ryan's hands in his own, allowing himself to caress Ryan's wrist with his thumb, "I'll miss you."
Judging from the shocked look on Ryan's face as his head shot up, Chad's meaning had been understood. Now all he could do was hope it would be well-received.
The heavy silence stretched between them for an unbearable moment before Ryan wrenched his hand out of Chad's grip and crossed to the other side of the sitting area they were standing near. "Don't. Please." He sounded agitated, and seemed to be looking everywhere but in Chad's direction. Was that a good sign, or a bad one?
"Don't what? Let you know I want you? I probably wouldn't normally, but Ivan said--well, implied, really--that you...and you're leaving, and who knows when or even if I'll see you again?"
Ryan shook his head; whether in denial or negation, Chad couldn't tell. "You don't know what you're asking. We're friends, you've apparently heard some things about me, you're confused.... I get it. But I think it would be best for you to leave and we'll pretend this never happened."
Chad felt his eyes narrow in anger. He strode across the room and grasped Ryan's upper arms, forcing him to face him. "Don't tell me what I know or don't know. I know exactly what I want, Ryan, and what I'm asking for. If you're not interested, or if you have someone back on Beta, then I'll understand, but I'm not Barrayaran; I'm not innocent, or ignorant, or confused. You're right, we're friends, so at least do me the courtesy of giving me an answer based on something other than your assumption that you know what's best for me."
As he stood there trying to regain control of his breathing, he searched Ryan's face for clues as to what he might be thinking. It was hard to tell; Ryan's expression wasn't as closed off as it sometimes could be, but the emotions flickering across it were clearly conflicted, and he still wouldn't meet Chad's gaze. Eventually he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, some of the tension leaving his body as if he'd reached a decision. Chad watched nervously as Ryan pulled away and crossed to the door, but instead of touching the "open" pad and asking Chad to leave he placed his hand on the palm-lock before sauntering back, now looking every bit the arrogant Vor lordling.
"You say you're not innocent, Ser Danforth?" he challenged. "Prove it."
Chad let a smirk stretch across his face. "Right away, my lord," he replied in mock submission right before pulling his friend in for a long-awaited kiss.
Later, as they lay in Ryan's bed trying to catch their breath, he reluctantly raised a subject he felt needed to be made clear. "I'm still going back to Beta Colony," he said quietly.
Chad rolled onto his side and threw an arm across Ryan, pulling him close before looking up at him. Contradicting his actions somewhat, he said, "I know. This wasn't--I'm not going to try to stop you. I imagine it's a lot easier for you there."
Ryan replied with a noncommittal noise, somewhat distracted by the patterns he was tracing on Chad's darker skin.
"Actually, I'm a little surprised you continue to spend time on Barrayar at all. Ivan seemed to think you consider it too dangerous to get involved with anyone here."
"Yes, but...this is my home. My family's here, and the people and culture I grew up with. I can't just turn my back on all that, not entirely. You, however...you had a choice, and I have to say that coming here of all places was perhaps not a wise one to make." This was something about life on Barrayar he hadn't known to prepare Chad for, and now that he did, he was about to abandon him. At this point there was really only one piece of advice he had time to give; he just didn't know if Chad would be willing to follow it.
"Yeah, well, this is where the scholarship was being offered. My mother and I talked about it, though, and in the end we decided I probably wouldn't have time for much of a social life these next few years anyway, so it didn't seem like Barrayaran prejudices would make much of a difference. They were talking about sending the Komarran officers to, well, Komarr and other galactic posts, to help improve the image the Nexus has about the Barrayaran Service, and we figured once I was back out there somewhere it wouldn't matter, as long as I was discreet."
"Still, you're taking a risk. If you ever get in trouble, go to my mother or Ivan; either one has access to Countess Vorkosigan, who's from Beta and has strict views when it comes to sexuality-based persecution. Even better, half the men in Vorbarr Sultana are afraid of her--especially among the more conservative Vor."
"Really? Why?"
Ryan chuckled, thinking about it. "Find a book on recent Barrayaran history and look up the War of Vordarian's Pretendership. Specifically, what ended it."
"Uh...okay." Chad was clearly confused, but really, the story was too good to waste by trying to tell it when he was distracted--and at the moment, he was definitely still distracted.
They lay in comfortable silence for several more minutes before Ryan sighed regretfully. "I really should finish packing."
"Right." After a moment, Chad sat up and crawled out of bed. Ryan watched for a moment as he began searching for his clothes before doing the same.
They dressed reluctantly, then drifted back into the parlor.
"I guess this is goodbye," Chad said awkwardly as they approached the door to Ryan's suite.
"I suppose it is, for now."
"Have a good time on Beta. And don't worry about me--if I need anything, I promise I'll go to Ivan."
Ryan smiled as he palmed the lock open. "Good."
Chad flashed him a return smile before turning to leave; Ryan continued to watch from the door. He'd almost made it to the lift tube when Ryan called after him.
"Chad!"
He paused and turned back, brow raised inquiringly.
"I'll be back not long after midsummer."
This time the smile Chad gave him was genuine.
"I'll be looking forward to it."