(no subject)
uuuuuuugh what am i doing?
that's how i feel right now.
Yesterday someone convinced me to move to Vail immediately to be a Mountain Buddhist Waitress. I want to throw everything, absolutely everything, to the winds and do it. But that is silly, because I would just do it for a job and because I'm blah.
I guess I'm just tired because we went to Tracks last night and didn't get to bed until 3am so I've had three hours of sleep. But I'm also tired of not having a job and tired of not enjoying kissing Austin. I feel terrible, but sometimes I just can't stand it. We are not completely sexually compatible and it's frustrating for both of us. And it's so dumb because I know we could fix it over time but taking the easy way out is, well, easier. And I don't want to work at it because I just want it to BE. How do you teach someone to kiss? And then again, everybody kisses differently and likes different things so I don't want to change him, right? But what do I do?
Omg last night I ran into my ex from last summer, David Lucero. Well, I ran into tons of people, but none as...interesting? significant? random? as this encounter. It was totally fine, of course. It might even be a good thing, since the reason we broke up was for a problem similar to the ones I'm having with Austin. But it was good that David and I broke up because then I had to be with Daniel... stupid universe. Seeing David again was probably a good thing because it's reminding me that I shouldn't give up and at least try to make things work with Austin. How lame is it to stop falling for the best guy in the world just because the sex isn't universally spectacular and he doesn't give me sexual butterflies? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
that's how i feel right now.
Yesterday someone convinced me to move to Vail immediately to be a Mountain Buddhist Waitress. I want to throw everything, absolutely everything, to the winds and do it. But that is silly, because I would just do it for a job and because I'm blah.
I guess I'm just tired because we went to Tracks last night and didn't get to bed until 3am so I've had three hours of sleep. But I'm also tired of not having a job and tired of not enjoying kissing Austin. I feel terrible, but sometimes I just can't stand it. We are not completely sexually compatible and it's frustrating for both of us. And it's so dumb because I know we could fix it over time but taking the easy way out is, well, easier. And I don't want to work at it because I just want it to BE. How do you teach someone to kiss? And then again, everybody kisses differently and likes different things so I don't want to change him, right? But what do I do?
Omg last night I ran into my ex from last summer, David Lucero. Well, I ran into tons of people, but none as...interesting? significant? random? as this encounter. It was totally fine, of course. It might even be a good thing, since the reason we broke up was for a problem similar to the ones I'm having with Austin. But it was good that David and I broke up because then I had to be with Daniel... stupid universe. Seeing David again was probably a good thing because it's reminding me that I shouldn't give up and at least try to make things work with Austin. How lame is it to stop falling for the best guy in the world just because the sex isn't universally spectacular and he doesn't give me sexual butterflies? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.