(no subject)
I need a friend to talk to but since I dont have one, LJ is my only choice today. Work lately has been amazing. I abosltuely love it at Benihanas and today all day I was just waiting for 3 45pm to roll around so I could go to work. But somehow, today was different.
First of all, it started out fun as usual. We folded napkins and Taka and I were singing "lonely" while laura and tina talked about korean soap operas. Everything was normal, except I didnt get my first table until pretty late. Then they wouldnt leave, and they only scheduled me for one table today so I got sort of frustrated. When he seriously wouldn't pay, I almost started to cry because I was so frustrated. Ramon and Rodolpho noticed so they went to try to get the people to pay. Eventually they left, but then they wouldn't even seat my table until after anotehr 3-4 tables were seated and I was just so angry at this point. I felt better once I had a table as I always do, but they were such an easy group to handle and I got so bored. I started getting so frustrated again and kept trying not to cry. Finally I started crying and I made myself stop. Not much could cheer me up, not even Pat's clapping which I experienced for he first time today and shouldve found hilarious more than ever, except for Rodolhpo's smile. I seriously would not be working there if it werent for his smile all of the time. He came and asked me if he could help me with anything at all, and when I said no, he just looked at me in the eyes and said "anything. seriously, I cant sand to watch you like this. Please." but there was nothing he could do but that held off my crying for another 15 minutes or so. then after talking to hyun (my favorite girl there besides lucia also) I just started crying. I couldnt stop so Taka had to take my third table and I was gonig to go dry my eyes out and go bck, and then I just started shiverng and hyperventilating and sweating soo badly that I didnt go back for another 30 minutes. Needless to say that table didnt tip me.... but the worst was that Nami told Kenji some bullshit about why I was crynig which was NOT the case and defintiely NOT her position to say anything for.
Rodolpho and Andres came and talked to me and tried to make me feel better. They kept askign me if I was sad bcause someone yelld at me or because I was heartbroken and after saying no a few times... I started to be unsure. My eyes were so read, my makeup was definitely gone by then, my cheeks swollen... everything just shit. And everyone was just so sweet to me (besides nami who yelled at taka for helping me and had kenji come talk to me after my shift)... taka got off earlier and since lucia had to clean the kitchen today and we didnt have to, taka just said "i have sushi in my bag, ill wait for you outside and i will share it with you k? cheer up" and i smiled and walked back to the locker room and rodolpho was like "jackie, you cant do this. i cant see you lke this. why are you down? can i take you home?" and i said "thanks but its ok.. ill be fine after i sleep a bit" and he was like "sometimes... you just need a friend to talk to." and this is rodolpho... he didnt offer to take me drinking and dancing like the other busboys, he actually cared that i was sad and that maybe i needed a friend. he said "dont leave without saying bye, ill leave now too." so after taka waited fo me for 20 minutes outside, i finally punched out and we sat outside of benihanas and ate sushi. he does so much for me and is such a compassionate person. i finally laughed about pats clapping. after it was past midnight and nami still hadnt left and i was afraid of what she was telling kenji about me, and rodolpho and andres still were stuck cleaning the kitchen, taka and i finally decided to go home. especially cause i was driving the bmw and my parents would flip out if i didnt come home or call within the nxt 20 minutes.
megumi is comnig with her boyfriend tomorrow and we are all so on our toes to know what hes like. she needs someone better though thats for sure. i wonder why shes even bringing him to benihanas. i dont think i would do that... it would be too awkward. too many staring eyes and everything else. tomorrow morning is obon festival, tomorrow night i see kenan, sunday lunch is tiffanys birthday bbq, and sunday night is megumis party, and the monday morning i work again i bet. because rinko is so insane and has NO compassion whatsoever as our schedules for servers, nor our tips. im dying here...
maybe because i only slept 4 hours because picking AJ up and gonig to the dmv at frikkin 7 30 am.
no reason to be sad, hun. dont act like youre 12.
oh yeah, the mexican cook lady came in to use the bathroom, and she dosnt speak english, but she started rubbing my back and just smiling and treating melike her daughter... it was sooo sweet. and all the chefs were like "jackie you ok?" i love every mexican there. they are such amazing people. not only that but i admire them for so many reasons. its hard... at first i sort of just saw them as either desperate or as just plain dirty witht he way they see girls. but rodolpho doesnt even drink, and hernesto has never hit on me or looked at me in a perverted way... neither does rodolhpo or ramon for that matter. i never understand them and wish i knew spanish so that i could at least partly understand. its hard... andres hates his girlfriend of 9 months but is stll with her because shes a jealous cry baby bitch and he dosnt think he can do better. its depressing to think about it. im fine in my relationship, but then again, i went to jamba today with jen and andrew and i realized something was missing. something was missing that was the reason that the relationship works, and that was 1. friends and 2. support. as for understanding, maybe thas lacking. and thats what makes it so difficult... but thats gonig to be lacking with every person except the one that goes through it all with you. but thats not possible because then that breaks the first reason wy a relationship works. friends. and now i see what arman means by never having mutual friends.
i learned my lesson today after al of that crying, but im still not acting upon it. its time for me to take myself seriously. when i go to LA i need to eat right, i need to stdy, and i need to sleep. right now i cant even handle one out of 3. im at zero. and somehow going to work makes everything alright...as long as taka, rodolpho, or hyun is there. which normally at least one of them is. but truly, that isnt the way its SUPPOSED to be. im supposed to be doing fine starting now because i have support, but i feel like its the otehr way around. when i have room to cry, ill use it. its better if i just dont hve it. but it doesnt matter because if theres one thing ive learned its to not give it up if it actually means something to you, and this matters to me.
oh my god im so tired and i need to tip report before i forget. goodnight LJ, thank you or listening to me and being my friend. im gonig to make scott win me a fantail fish tomorrow for me and my mom. i need it like a fat kid loves cake. or more like jackie and ani like cake... i am craving chocolate cake so badly right now.
First of all, it started out fun as usual. We folded napkins and Taka and I were singing "lonely" while laura and tina talked about korean soap operas. Everything was normal, except I didnt get my first table until pretty late. Then they wouldnt leave, and they only scheduled me for one table today so I got sort of frustrated. When he seriously wouldn't pay, I almost started to cry because I was so frustrated. Ramon and Rodolpho noticed so they went to try to get the people to pay. Eventually they left, but then they wouldn't even seat my table until after anotehr 3-4 tables were seated and I was just so angry at this point. I felt better once I had a table as I always do, but they were such an easy group to handle and I got so bored. I started getting so frustrated again and kept trying not to cry. Finally I started crying and I made myself stop. Not much could cheer me up, not even Pat's clapping which I experienced for he first time today and shouldve found hilarious more than ever, except for Rodolhpo's smile. I seriously would not be working there if it werent for his smile all of the time. He came and asked me if he could help me with anything at all, and when I said no, he just looked at me in the eyes and said "anything. seriously, I cant sand to watch you like this. Please." but there was nothing he could do but that held off my crying for another 15 minutes or so. then after talking to hyun (my favorite girl there besides lucia also) I just started crying. I couldnt stop so Taka had to take my third table and I was gonig to go dry my eyes out and go bck, and then I just started shiverng and hyperventilating and sweating soo badly that I didnt go back for another 30 minutes. Needless to say that table didnt tip me.... but the worst was that Nami told Kenji some bullshit about why I was crynig which was NOT the case and defintiely NOT her position to say anything for.
Rodolpho and Andres came and talked to me and tried to make me feel better. They kept askign me if I was sad bcause someone yelld at me or because I was heartbroken and after saying no a few times... I started to be unsure. My eyes were so read, my makeup was definitely gone by then, my cheeks swollen... everything just shit. And everyone was just so sweet to me (besides nami who yelled at taka for helping me and had kenji come talk to me after my shift)... taka got off earlier and since lucia had to clean the kitchen today and we didnt have to, taka just said "i have sushi in my bag, ill wait for you outside and i will share it with you k? cheer up" and i smiled and walked back to the locker room and rodolpho was like "jackie, you cant do this. i cant see you lke this. why are you down? can i take you home?" and i said "thanks but its ok.. ill be fine after i sleep a bit" and he was like "sometimes... you just need a friend to talk to." and this is rodolpho... he didnt offer to take me drinking and dancing like the other busboys, he actually cared that i was sad and that maybe i needed a friend. he said "dont leave without saying bye, ill leave now too." so after taka waited fo me for 20 minutes outside, i finally punched out and we sat outside of benihanas and ate sushi. he does so much for me and is such a compassionate person. i finally laughed about pats clapping. after it was past midnight and nami still hadnt left and i was afraid of what she was telling kenji about me, and rodolpho and andres still were stuck cleaning the kitchen, taka and i finally decided to go home. especially cause i was driving the bmw and my parents would flip out if i didnt come home or call within the nxt 20 minutes.
megumi is comnig with her boyfriend tomorrow and we are all so on our toes to know what hes like. she needs someone better though thats for sure. i wonder why shes even bringing him to benihanas. i dont think i would do that... it would be too awkward. too many staring eyes and everything else. tomorrow morning is obon festival, tomorrow night i see kenan, sunday lunch is tiffanys birthday bbq, and sunday night is megumis party, and the monday morning i work again i bet. because rinko is so insane and has NO compassion whatsoever as our schedules for servers, nor our tips. im dying here...
maybe because i only slept 4 hours because picking AJ up and gonig to the dmv at frikkin 7 30 am.
no reason to be sad, hun. dont act like youre 12.
oh yeah, the mexican cook lady came in to use the bathroom, and she dosnt speak english, but she started rubbing my back and just smiling and treating melike her daughter... it was sooo sweet. and all the chefs were like "jackie you ok?" i love every mexican there. they are such amazing people. not only that but i admire them for so many reasons. its hard... at first i sort of just saw them as either desperate or as just plain dirty witht he way they see girls. but rodolpho doesnt even drink, and hernesto has never hit on me or looked at me in a perverted way... neither does rodolhpo or ramon for that matter. i never understand them and wish i knew spanish so that i could at least partly understand. its hard... andres hates his girlfriend of 9 months but is stll with her because shes a jealous cry baby bitch and he dosnt think he can do better. its depressing to think about it. im fine in my relationship, but then again, i went to jamba today with jen and andrew and i realized something was missing. something was missing that was the reason that the relationship works, and that was 1. friends and 2. support. as for understanding, maybe thas lacking. and thats what makes it so difficult... but thats gonig to be lacking with every person except the one that goes through it all with you. but thats not possible because then that breaks the first reason wy a relationship works. friends. and now i see what arman means by never having mutual friends.
i learned my lesson today after al of that crying, but im still not acting upon it. its time for me to take myself seriously. when i go to LA i need to eat right, i need to stdy, and i need to sleep. right now i cant even handle one out of 3. im at zero. and somehow going to work makes everything alright...as long as taka, rodolpho, or hyun is there. which normally at least one of them is. but truly, that isnt the way its SUPPOSED to be. im supposed to be doing fine starting now because i have support, but i feel like its the otehr way around. when i have room to cry, ill use it. its better if i just dont hve it. but it doesnt matter because if theres one thing ive learned its to not give it up if it actually means something to you, and this matters to me.
oh my god im so tired and i need to tip report before i forget. goodnight LJ, thank you or listening to me and being my friend. im gonig to make scott win me a fantail fish tomorrow for me and my mom. i need it like a fat kid loves cake. or more like jackie and ani like cake... i am craving chocolate cake so badly right now.