the "shoulds" of life.
Today I got to thinking about the divide between what we should do and what we actually do and the consequences of such. We are perpetually surrounded by instances of choices as to what we should do and many times, we opt for what isn’t perhaps so much reasonable as it is emotional. Unfortunately, our emotions tend not to allow us to act in the healthiest manner.
The big issue of “should I or shouldn’t I?” revealed itself to me recently as I confronted how to deal with the loss of my first real relationship of any significance, a relationship whose end I didn’t foresee and thus was struck doubly hard by it. Crying was the first answer to the short-term solution but how better to deal with the situation in the long-run? One possibility is doing the psychologically healthy thing and moving past it, recognizing it for what it’s worth and letting go. Opposing that is remaining to some vague - and most likely, vain - hope that there is still the remote possibility for a rekindling of the relationship. Or, is it possible to have some mélange of the two - moving on with life while still knowing in your heart he is the one you love?
I pondered the “shoulds” of the circumstance and looked around to others. It was then that I realized that few of us ever really do what we should do in the tough cases. Instead, we embark on whatever course offers the most hope and the least amount of immediate pain. It seems especially true of relationships. We cling to hope and seek some sign of assurance that there is a light at the end of our tunnel. We dig further rather than cutting our losses early and turning back around to crawl back out.
I’ve watched as my friends each took their own turn at the tug of war relationship tangle. There’s always something - time, circumstances, lack of interest, whatever - that pulled the relationship one direction but we all hung on in the desperate hope of salvaging ourselves. Nobody wants to end up the loser in the mud. Yet still, I watched as a certain someone dealt with a painful long-distance relationship and then later struggled with another and its complications of possible love. Another friend didn’t know how or when to end a relationship but knew she should. Still another clung to the misleading signs of another relationship. We all do it - we all ignore the “shoulds” in pursuit of procrastinating pain.
So how do you know when to stop prolonging the inevitable and instead accept fate as it stands? When do you get to that point when you come to terms with reality, move along, and do exactly what you probable should’ve done all along?
It’s impossible to accept the “shoulds” right away. It’s just too painful. But I’m really hoping reality arrives soon. Until then, I suppose I should go do homework.
The big issue of “should I or shouldn’t I?” revealed itself to me recently as I confronted how to deal with the loss of my first real relationship of any significance, a relationship whose end I didn’t foresee and thus was struck doubly hard by it. Crying was the first answer to the short-term solution but how better to deal with the situation in the long-run? One possibility is doing the psychologically healthy thing and moving past it, recognizing it for what it’s worth and letting go. Opposing that is remaining to some vague - and most likely, vain - hope that there is still the remote possibility for a rekindling of the relationship. Or, is it possible to have some mélange of the two - moving on with life while still knowing in your heart he is the one you love?
I pondered the “shoulds” of the circumstance and looked around to others. It was then that I realized that few of us ever really do what we should do in the tough cases. Instead, we embark on whatever course offers the most hope and the least amount of immediate pain. It seems especially true of relationships. We cling to hope and seek some sign of assurance that there is a light at the end of our tunnel. We dig further rather than cutting our losses early and turning back around to crawl back out.
I’ve watched as my friends each took their own turn at the tug of war relationship tangle. There’s always something - time, circumstances, lack of interest, whatever - that pulled the relationship one direction but we all hung on in the desperate hope of salvaging ourselves. Nobody wants to end up the loser in the mud. Yet still, I watched as a certain someone dealt with a painful long-distance relationship and then later struggled with another and its complications of possible love. Another friend didn’t know how or when to end a relationship but knew she should. Still another clung to the misleading signs of another relationship. We all do it - we all ignore the “shoulds” in pursuit of procrastinating pain.
So how do you know when to stop prolonging the inevitable and instead accept fate as it stands? When do you get to that point when you come to terms with reality, move along, and do exactly what you probable should’ve done all along?
It’s impossible to accept the “shoulds” right away. It’s just too painful. But I’m really hoping reality arrives soon. Until then, I suppose I should go do homework.