things that grow must stop and look back one day

[swimguybob]

so again i sit here thinking to my self wow i spend alot of my idle time doing useless things.
i dont like that thought. but i need this time to just waste so i dont go crazy.
i need something but i dont know what this thing or idea is.
i once tryed to dig a hole in the ground to make a house for my self.
this is what i do when i get this feeling.
just so you know i dug a 7ft deep hole then relized that it was a bad idea.
i dont have that freedom to dig a hole for 2 days staight.
now i get up at 5 am and go to bed by 10 pm.
my life is flying by and that makes me sad and happy all at the same time.
i just never thought that i would be here.
when i left chads house on saturday night i cried for the first time in a long time.
it killed me to leave again so soon. i just want to come home and stay for good i think.
if i was home i would just want to leave. im a restless spirt.
i made jess and chad mad saturday. because of just telling them i was sad i just shut myself down.
and i guess this makes me look mad. which is kind of what i was.
who knows.......

its time for something dont know what yet but it has to come soon.

on another note ill be home in 2 weeks for thanks giving see everyone then.

Mi