Ramblings
Well, this is my first entry. Exciting huh? I thought so. Hmmmmm...so, what to talk about. You know whatI really hate, people who are homophobic. That really bothers me. If you don't agree with it, that's fine. That's your thing. But when somebody would make fun and immediately despise someone for it without even getting to know them is rediculous. I know I get mean looks a lot. But you know the more it happens, the less I care. I dated this guy, his name's Nick, and we went to the Mall of Georgia one day. As we walked around I noticed many people glancing at us and making vulgar faces of disgust. But, after the first couple of people I noticed, I stopped caring. I was with a really great guy that I cared about. That was all that mattered. He's probably reading this. Well it's true, he helped me be comfortable with myself. We broke up, but I'm glad I am still friends with him. He was my first boy friend. For all of you that read this, if this disgusts you, I'm sorry. I can't help the way I feel. I can't stand when people say, "Who would ever choose to live that way?" What is that all about. I never chose this. I wish people could understand that. Some of my friends ask me if I could change and be straight like everyone else, would I. Of course I would. I would change in a second. But I can't. This is who I am and I have accepted it. I'm just not looking forward to the whole discrimination thing. That's not too much fun. Why do people care? Do people really care who I like. Now I'm just ranting. Whatever. My friends didn't care that much. Most of them said, "I've got to tell you, I'm not that suprised." I'm not that feminine, but I do hang out with girls. I've always related to them better than guys. All straight guys talk about are girls. That got old really fast. You know looking back, I don't know why I didn't realize it earlier. Don't get me wrong, I have gone out with girls, even fooled around with them.But they just don't do it for me. The girls weren't ugly either. A lot of these girls were hot. I may be gay but let me tell you, they were. They just don't do it for me. I'll tell you, the more I see people disgusted, the more I want to freak them out. It's really funny because I don't really care anymore...around people I dont know that is. If I know them, then I care. I'm not fully out yet, just to some very close friends and my parents. Not even my brothers know, although I am possitive they suspect. That time at the mall I mentioned about earlier, well we ran into my brother and his girl friend, from a distance that is. Nick said we should go and talk to them. I said no way. I think I made him feel bad, like I was ashamed or something. That is the hard part about being partially in and partially out. I wish......