Lost
No, I am not talking about the show that everyone is obsessed with on ABC. I am talking about me. I feel so lost right now. Yes, I know where I am, I'm at my house in my computer room. I mean lost. In the past six months I have left now two jobs. I have dumped someone that I dated for a week. I have even had second thoughts about my major and chosen "career" path. I have lost track of time with God. I am more often than not exhausted, for no apparent reason. I have no real joy from day to day. Sure, I enjoy time with my family, relaxing times at home, fun girls nights when they happen which lately hasn't been often. But no true joy behind it.
I just feel lost. I'm afraid of being seen as a failure. I place expectations on myself, there are expectations from my parents, my grandparents, my aunts. I'm Gina, I don't know why but in my family that's a big deal. I promise I'm not trying to get a big head, it's just that I was the first born grandchild on my mom's side of the family. The pedestal is getting tipsy. I am a people pleaser, there's no doubting that.
I don't want anyone to fix me, I'm not depressed, I will be ok, God is going to take care of me. I merely wanted to get it out there. I've been feeling this way for a while and added to the expectations it was getting heavy.
I just feel lost. I'm afraid of being seen as a failure. I place expectations on myself, there are expectations from my parents, my grandparents, my aunts. I'm Gina, I don't know why but in my family that's a big deal. I promise I'm not trying to get a big head, it's just that I was the first born grandchild on my mom's side of the family. The pedestal is getting tipsy. I am a people pleaser, there's no doubting that.
I don't want anyone to fix me, I'm not depressed, I will be ok, God is going to take care of me. I merely wanted to get it out there. I've been feeling this way for a while and added to the expectations it was getting heavy.