(no subject)
Latin Convention was pretty much amazing. We beat MUS in the Spirit competition and got 2nd in the skit. Those were the two things that I was involved in. We had some pretty amazing cheers with my favorite being the "We've Got Spirit" cheer. Each time we did that cheer, at the part that goes "we've got spirit! how bout you?!" we would do the MUS "U" and turn it over and make it an "M." It was amazing!!! And to put icing on the cake, we won Sweepstakes! We actually beat MUS overall! I have to say that I love our Latin 1/2's and Latin 1's even though they never listen. *hugs to all of them* So in the words of one of the cheers that the 7th graders came up with - MUS, "you got BEAT!" xD Prom was great too. I got to wear my pretty, sparkle, glitterful, blue dress! Yay! The one problem with this dress is that it sheds glitter everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. In David's car, on my hands, on my arms, on my face, in my hair, on the floor, on David's suit, on David's hands... you've got the picture. But anyways, the band was really good and the company was great. My one complaint would have to be that, as always the room, was too hot. Other than that, it was perfect. :D
With this year beginning to come to a close, many things are going to start changing. 1)I am going to the University of Alabama for a month over the summer for an Honors Program. This will be the first time I will have been away from my family for more than a week. I am very excited, but also very worried. 2) I am going to be a senior. Being a senior comes with the responsiblities of being mature and ready to go out on my own and set the world on fire. I am nowhere near ready for it, nor am I completely sure what I want to do with my life. 3) I am going to have to start reconnecting with people I really want little to do with. Over the course of this year, my perceptions of people have changed greatly, and thus my friends have also changed. Many people I do not even want to be around anymore. However, I have to start to be around them again. 4) It will soon be time to say goodbye, and I don't know how I am going to handle it. I almost had to do it one time before; I didn't take it too well. Now I am looking it in the face again, and all I can do is cry.
Crying is nice. It is a time that you can let everything go for just a moment before it threatens to drown you again. It is my way of being able to stand pressures, emotions, people, and situations. While I know that tears solve nothing, a good cry does seem to help sometimes. And I seem to be doing a lot of crying lately. I guess I just don't want to give things up and allow my life to change. I don't know how to let go. I have never actually had to let go before. I know that there are people that might help me through it, but right now I feel very alone. And, I am not sure that I will want any help. I think I am just going to want to hold it in. I doubt I will reach out to people for support; I have become much more private this year and there are not many people that I would be willing to open up to. But I haven't reached that point yet. I am at the point that I am realizing that I am going to have to let go, and I can't seem to handle it. It is too hard for me to go through the day thinking "this is the last time for x" and "there aren't to many y's left." So instead of thinking, I let the tears flow and grow numb for a brief time until I think again and the feelings come back and overwhelm me worse than before. I know that I knew what I was getting myself into when I started, but that fact doesn't make this any easier. I don't get to make a clean break and start over. I have to mend the hurts and try to pick up the pieces of friendships I don't really want to renew. Maybe I am forcing myself to fix friendships that have grown distant because I don't want to be alone. Or maybe, I do want to be alone, but I don't want people pestering me about whether I am okay or not. I am not okay with it all, and it will be awhile before I will be okay. I know that in the end, time will allow me to move on, but not before I experience a great deal of pain, loss, and confusion first. Perhaps it is too early for me to be thinking about all of this, but the end of the year IS coming. And so is the end of a stage in my life. So thus, I cry.
With this year beginning to come to a close, many things are going to start changing. 1)I am going to the University of Alabama for a month over the summer for an Honors Program. This will be the first time I will have been away from my family for more than a week. I am very excited, but also very worried. 2) I am going to be a senior. Being a senior comes with the responsiblities of being mature and ready to go out on my own and set the world on fire. I am nowhere near ready for it, nor am I completely sure what I want to do with my life. 3) I am going to have to start reconnecting with people I really want little to do with. Over the course of this year, my perceptions of people have changed greatly, and thus my friends have also changed. Many people I do not even want to be around anymore. However, I have to start to be around them again. 4) It will soon be time to say goodbye, and I don't know how I am going to handle it. I almost had to do it one time before; I didn't take it too well. Now I am looking it in the face again, and all I can do is cry.
Crying is nice. It is a time that you can let everything go for just a moment before it threatens to drown you again. It is my way of being able to stand pressures, emotions, people, and situations. While I know that tears solve nothing, a good cry does seem to help sometimes. And I seem to be doing a lot of crying lately. I guess I just don't want to give things up and allow my life to change. I don't know how to let go. I have never actually had to let go before. I know that there are people that might help me through it, but right now I feel very alone. And, I am not sure that I will want any help. I think I am just going to want to hold it in. I doubt I will reach out to people for support; I have become much more private this year and there are not many people that I would be willing to open up to. But I haven't reached that point yet. I am at the point that I am realizing that I am going to have to let go, and I can't seem to handle it. It is too hard for me to go through the day thinking "this is the last time for x" and "there aren't to many y's left." So instead of thinking, I let the tears flow and grow numb for a brief time until I think again and the feelings come back and overwhelm me worse than before. I know that I knew what I was getting myself into when I started, but that fact doesn't make this any easier. I don't get to make a clean break and start over. I have to mend the hurts and try to pick up the pieces of friendships I don't really want to renew. Maybe I am forcing myself to fix friendships that have grown distant because I don't want to be alone. Or maybe, I do want to be alone, but I don't want people pestering me about whether I am okay or not. I am not okay with it all, and it will be awhile before I will be okay. I know that in the end, time will allow me to move on, but not before I experience a great deal of pain, loss, and confusion first. Perhaps it is too early for me to be thinking about all of this, but the end of the year IS coming. And so is the end of a stage in my life. So thus, I cry.