don't bother reading if you don't want to..... its time to vent
Well I decided to finally update this thing. Its been about 2 1/2 months... i think its time. Haven't been up to alot... haven't had the time for anything. All my time is centered around work and trying to have a social life with the little time that i have to myself. I've also had alot of time to decide that I am giving up on guys because in the long run... they just aren't worth the pain and tears they cause you. So yea.... for those of you who knew the person I was involved with..... that is now completely over. Please don't ask any questions (by commenting).... this isn't something that I want everyone knowing all the details. The rest of this entry is mostly for me to get my feelings out.... so don't feel obligated to read it.
Sitting here with you, you ask me why I'm tongue tied. I've tried to make sense of all these things I feel inside. I've been searching for the perfect words to say. They've been said a thousand times but they mean more today. Cause I'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do. So, baby there it is. I've let it go and now you know. It's funny how a feeling starts so small and starts to grow. I had every line rehearsed, I'd say to you today. Then you looked into my eyes and they just slipped away. Cause I'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do. Head over heels, heart over mind. You've got me, body and soul. I never dreamed in a million years I'd lose complete control.
I've lost control of my entire life. Each day as I head into the one place we always promised we would be, I fear what I could see. Seeing you with her, definitely doesn't make anything better..... it makes it so much worse. The fact that everyone there knows what has happened also ruins everything. Our time spent together was the best when everything was our special secret, when no one knew but us. Once the secret came out... the real you came out. Now I understand what everyone meant when they said to stay away, when they said I would be the one broken hearted in the end. Why can't I ever listen to the people that know? Why do I always listen to what gets me hurt each time (my heart)?
I guess the end is now. It saddens me that I spent so much time wrapped up in the lies you told me. The lies that I thought would lead to tons of happiness, not millions of tears. But they were all partially right in what they told me. You would eventually break my heart, and it would mean nothing to you. But what they weren't right about, what you meant to me. They tried to say that you were only an image in my mind, my love for you was all in my head. What did they know... they didn't know us and how it was when we were alone. You weren't just in my head... the love I had for you was true... you stole my heart with the first kiss we shared. And you continued to steal it with each kiss after. But those kisses are gone, along with the hugs and the laughs.
I miss the goofy little smile that was on your face each time we saw each other, but most of all, I miss the way you could make me smile just by looking at me. I'm going to miss the person I once was, but more than anything, I'm going to miss the person you allowed me to become. So thanks for the memories, but there's no turning back.
There are no such things as happy endings.