It's Not Over
No, It's not. I'm still here but I hardly know why. It's been a crazy few years hasn't it. Who would have thought. I don't know how it happend or why my family has been so screwed up. I was watching an episode of Veronica Mars and this girl's parents were like psychologically abusing her sister. It's almost to that point here. I don't know how I've survived my father's wrath or come to this state that I'm in today. And I used to be such a good girl. Well now, let's see. I guess that's what happens when you have a life like me. It's obvious that someone's going to be the fuck-up. I used to be the tough one, the angry one. That's changed, I've been so shunned from the group that I don't have any use of them anymore so I just keep my distance. Now the anger and rage and emotion are directed at me. Yet I'm still the disappointment. Because I was the one with so much hope and gifts to prosper. And here I am, failing at what I used to do best. What happend that pivotal moment, which I once straight narrowed it down to a birthday party in January of the second grade. I guess they realized then that I wasn't one of them, you know, those types. Something happend and it was so slight. I was still capable of surrounding myself with decent insider and yet also independent. It was that free spirit that influence my whole definition of who I am. If I stayed on that advancing way I would have been extremely successful and have a happier life. It'd be the harder life, more competitive, but I think I could've had that. But things changed. I ended up being on the other way, the sad way, the way life wasn't really supposed to turn out. There's still a possibility, but no one really knows if it's truly possible, with the arduous tasks that are given. It's worth the try, and I'm off to a bad start. I don't know how I'll turn this life back around from the way it's already going. I need something, anything to get me back on my feet in the right direction, the prodigous direction. I guess I'm praying for a miracle, yet my bets are it's just a little too slim chances for me to win. And thus, is life.
And that's just college.
And that's just college.