Reinstating the long lost Live Journal
I was perusing the good ol' LJ and decided I'd go back to writing in this thing. It's a good outlet.
It's so odd looking back at things I've written, even the stuff from a few months ago. People are always changing, experiences, even the smallest ones, change people. What will I be like a few months from now? What will I be like a year from now?
When I was little, I would have never guessed that I'd be who I am today. Things were so simple when I was little. I had an epiphany last night that I really WAS a sheltered child. People used to tell me that, but I never quite realized by how much. Children aren't generally exposed to deep emotional pain. I have always admired my cousin, who lost her mom when she was very little.
Why is it that people cause pain on each other? Morally, we all agree that it's wrong, yet in reality, we all do it. Sometimes its intentional, other times its not. Yet are they different? It's still inflicting pain on someone. And why is it only okay if you do it, but once its done to you, its wrong?
I've been stuck in a rut for a while now. Wallowing in self pity, over all of the pain that has been done to me. Selfishly, of course, because I do not recognize the pain I have caused other people. Only lately have I begun to realize how other people (Andrew, for one) felt. Unfortunately, it only makes me feel worse.
I thought I found a way to get out of this mess. Yet it only ended up causing me more pain. How can two people so obvious for eachother not work out? Twice now I've lost something special. Once I threw it away, and once I struggled to keep it. I learned from my mistake of throwing it away, yet my feeble attempts were unscathing.
I'm searching for my sunshine - it's been raining far too long.
It's so odd looking back at things I've written, even the stuff from a few months ago. People are always changing, experiences, even the smallest ones, change people. What will I be like a few months from now? What will I be like a year from now?
When I was little, I would have never guessed that I'd be who I am today. Things were so simple when I was little. I had an epiphany last night that I really WAS a sheltered child. People used to tell me that, but I never quite realized by how much. Children aren't generally exposed to deep emotional pain. I have always admired my cousin, who lost her mom when she was very little.
Why is it that people cause pain on each other? Morally, we all agree that it's wrong, yet in reality, we all do it. Sometimes its intentional, other times its not. Yet are they different? It's still inflicting pain on someone. And why is it only okay if you do it, but once its done to you, its wrong?
I've been stuck in a rut for a while now. Wallowing in self pity, over all of the pain that has been done to me. Selfishly, of course, because I do not recognize the pain I have caused other people. Only lately have I begun to realize how other people (Andrew, for one) felt. Unfortunately, it only makes me feel worse.
I thought I found a way to get out of this mess. Yet it only ended up causing me more pain. How can two people so obvious for eachother not work out? Twice now I've lost something special. Once I threw it away, and once I struggled to keep it. I learned from my mistake of throwing it away, yet my feeble attempts were unscathing.
I'm searching for my sunshine - it's been raining far too long.