.Early Winter.
I know I keep saying I won't use LJ to bitch... but I can't help it. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, or something.
I keep waiting for this week to get better, for me to get better, and everything is spiraling out of my control. I feel like I'm climbing to the top of a mountain only to look around and realize that my goal was at it's base all along. And then I get hit with the fact that there's that climb back DOWN.
I'm curious as to when it hit me that I was unhappy with absolutely every aspect of my life. I'm glad it didn't hit me all at once, but I wish I wasn't aware of what I am now. I hate how my life is. Not dislike, HATE. I hate the people, the places, the things. I hate myself. I just want everything to STOP and FREEZE for a while so I can analyze it and figure out who and where I need to be.
I used to believe that God only gave us problems that he believed we could handle to help us. Now, I think that Satan gives us problems to bring us down, and down. It works.
I'm very much done with everything, but I don't know a way to end it. I'm so tired. Tired of fighting for myself. Tired of fighting in general. There's a common denominator in all of my problems, and that denominator is me.
I think it's time that I was removed.
I keep waiting for this week to get better, for me to get better, and everything is spiraling out of my control. I feel like I'm climbing to the top of a mountain only to look around and realize that my goal was at it's base all along. And then I get hit with the fact that there's that climb back DOWN.
I'm curious as to when it hit me that I was unhappy with absolutely every aspect of my life. I'm glad it didn't hit me all at once, but I wish I wasn't aware of what I am now. I hate how my life is. Not dislike, HATE. I hate the people, the places, the things. I hate myself. I just want everything to STOP and FREEZE for a while so I can analyze it and figure out who and where I need to be.
I used to believe that God only gave us problems that he believed we could handle to help us. Now, I think that Satan gives us problems to bring us down, and down. It works.
I'm very much done with everything, but I don't know a way to end it. I'm so tired. Tired of fighting for myself. Tired of fighting in general. There's a common denominator in all of my problems, and that denominator is me.
I think it's time that I was removed.