Let's be honest with ourselves
This is going to be a ranting and raving entry....get ready:
Earlier tonight I applied to yet another community. Being full aware of the fact that these online journal communities are shallow, indecent, digusting excuses of time wasted, did not deter me from the yearning of putting yet another application up. It's undeniable: these things are addicting. So, getting to the point, I applied to a particular community called nonuglyindies. Within an hour or so I received one flattering yes, and a no. The no was horrible, not only did the girl completely misconstrude my intention of sarcasm and self-confidence for seriousness and self-absorption, but she began off the entry as a ode to how ugly I am, and how much she hated me because I was a fool and due to the answers regarding my application. I use the term "verbal bludgeoning" to describe the rape of my ego that resulted from that. I had it coming though.
But after diliberation, I thought to myself....."why the fuck do I care? WHY???" and in so, I left a slew of unflattering comments that almost got me banned from the community. I ended up deleting my application from the community, knowing full well that I wasn't getting in after assulting the girl, whom I later found out was the moderator.
This led to much thought about who I am...and here goes....
In the past, I've been labeled "indie", a term that I was, up until now, rather pleased with. But, I've come to the realizaion that I don't want this term to describe me. Nor do I want to associate with anyone who would willingly want to describe themselves as such. These poeople make me sick inside. I've always loved music, but music isn't worth this. Music isn't supposed to be about your attire, the movies, or the people you categorize yourself with.
If there is any hardcore "scenester" or "indie" who says that keeping up with the musical trend, fashion trend, and so on, DOESN'T take up a majority of their time....they're screwing with you. And if there is a "scenester" or "indie" that tells you he or she will still be listening to core, indie, and the like when they are 30, 40 years old, they obviously need to get in sync with reality. Who are we kidding? And what the fuck are we doing? Why are we, to put into rash terms, WASTING OUR TIME?
I admit, I like the music, I don't mind the fashion.....but it's gotten to the point where it makes my stomach churn. I'm afraid of not being able to identify with people when they bring up a certain band. I spent far too much time on internet sites (the fucking live journals for instance), looking for bands to listen to, perhaps like, and wow the pals with. I'll even admit to lying and saying I've listened to a band before, when in actuality, I'm not 100% sure I have, every band has become a jumble of lyrics and guitar cords, indifferent to one another. I just assume that because people are telling me such-and-such a band is great, that it must be....because we have similar tastes.
We all probably know that we've listened to a band that we really didn't enjoy, but said we did for the sake of being cool. And if we don't than maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm fucking out of my mind. Maybe I'm taking this far too literally. But to me, music has become a huge chunk of my life....or more directly IT HAS BECOME MY LIFE, and it's pointless. There is so much more to the human existence than listening to music and becoming a clone of the scene. Unless, you're planning on becoming a musicien or musical critic, than why? Why has music become this overwhelming section of our lives?
The As I lay dying, With Honor show for instance.....I don't listen to as I lay dying....and I've NEVER listened to With Honor.....so why am I going? Because everyone is telling me they're great, because it's my obligation to fulfill, I have to listen to new bands, buy CD's, run those CD's through my eardrums until all sense of reasoning out REAL music is gone. I've listened to so many bands that I can't decifer good and bad anymore, it's not bad; "it's creative and revolutionary", it's not good; "it's comprimised for the masses".
And I don't want to sacrifice realtionships because people aren't like "me". I've noticed, whether intentional or otherwise, that it's damn near impossible NOT to pigeon hole people any more, and that I'll be less inclined to speak with someone if they don't share the same music veiws I do, or if they don't dress in what's appropriate. Who knows how many great friendships I've squandered already? I'm sick of stereotyping and BEING stereotyped. And if I have to hear the term "scene points" again, I'll go terrorist on some asses.
I also INTENSELY dislike the fact that movie favorites are always something like: Donnie Darko, Boondocks Saints, Requiem for a Dream, Reservoir Dogs
Let's not even touch clothing.
We're like the "scene" version of George's 1984.
We're kidding ourselves. And the sad thing is we think we're different and unique.
I'm going through an identity crisis......or who knows.....maybe I'm just PMSing.
I know this entry is hitting to close to home for some people.....feel free to bash me all you want.
Earlier tonight I applied to yet another community. Being full aware of the fact that these online journal communities are shallow, indecent, digusting excuses of time wasted, did not deter me from the yearning of putting yet another application up. It's undeniable: these things are addicting. So, getting to the point, I applied to a particular community called nonuglyindies. Within an hour or so I received one flattering yes, and a no. The no was horrible, not only did the girl completely misconstrude my intention of sarcasm and self-confidence for seriousness and self-absorption, but she began off the entry as a ode to how ugly I am, and how much she hated me because I was a fool and due to the answers regarding my application. I use the term "verbal bludgeoning" to describe the rape of my ego that resulted from that. I had it coming though.
But after diliberation, I thought to myself....."why the fuck do I care? WHY???" and in so, I left a slew of unflattering comments that almost got me banned from the community. I ended up deleting my application from the community, knowing full well that I wasn't getting in after assulting the girl, whom I later found out was the moderator.
This led to much thought about who I am...and here goes....
In the past, I've been labeled "indie", a term that I was, up until now, rather pleased with. But, I've come to the realizaion that I don't want this term to describe me. Nor do I want to associate with anyone who would willingly want to describe themselves as such. These poeople make me sick inside. I've always loved music, but music isn't worth this. Music isn't supposed to be about your attire, the movies, or the people you categorize yourself with.
If there is any hardcore "scenester" or "indie" who says that keeping up with the musical trend, fashion trend, and so on, DOESN'T take up a majority of their time....they're screwing with you. And if there is a "scenester" or "indie" that tells you he or she will still be listening to core, indie, and the like when they are 30, 40 years old, they obviously need to get in sync with reality. Who are we kidding? And what the fuck are we doing? Why are we, to put into rash terms, WASTING OUR TIME?
I admit, I like the music, I don't mind the fashion.....but it's gotten to the point where it makes my stomach churn. I'm afraid of not being able to identify with people when they bring up a certain band. I spent far too much time on internet sites (the fucking live journals for instance), looking for bands to listen to, perhaps like, and wow the pals with. I'll even admit to lying and saying I've listened to a band before, when in actuality, I'm not 100% sure I have, every band has become a jumble of lyrics and guitar cords, indifferent to one another. I just assume that because people are telling me such-and-such a band is great, that it must be....because we have similar tastes.
We all probably know that we've listened to a band that we really didn't enjoy, but said we did for the sake of being cool. And if we don't than maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm fucking out of my mind. Maybe I'm taking this far too literally. But to me, music has become a huge chunk of my life....or more directly IT HAS BECOME MY LIFE, and it's pointless. There is so much more to the human existence than listening to music and becoming a clone of the scene. Unless, you're planning on becoming a musicien or musical critic, than why? Why has music become this overwhelming section of our lives?
The As I lay dying, With Honor show for instance.....I don't listen to as I lay dying....and I've NEVER listened to With Honor.....so why am I going? Because everyone is telling me they're great, because it's my obligation to fulfill, I have to listen to new bands, buy CD's, run those CD's through my eardrums until all sense of reasoning out REAL music is gone. I've listened to so many bands that I can't decifer good and bad anymore, it's not bad; "it's creative and revolutionary", it's not good; "it's comprimised for the masses".
And I don't want to sacrifice realtionships because people aren't like "me". I've noticed, whether intentional or otherwise, that it's damn near impossible NOT to pigeon hole people any more, and that I'll be less inclined to speak with someone if they don't share the same music veiws I do, or if they don't dress in what's appropriate. Who knows how many great friendships I've squandered already? I'm sick of stereotyping and BEING stereotyped. And if I have to hear the term "scene points" again, I'll go terrorist on some asses.
I also INTENSELY dislike the fact that movie favorites are always something like: Donnie Darko, Boondocks Saints, Requiem for a Dream, Reservoir Dogs
Let's not even touch clothing.
We're like the "scene" version of George's 1984.
We're kidding ourselves. And the sad thing is we think we're different and unique.
I'm going through an identity crisis......or who knows.....maybe I'm just PMSing.
I know this entry is hitting to close to home for some people.....feel free to bash me all you want.