I am a hermit crab.
Funny how things happen for a reason. This Christmas my friend Jenny gave me a hermit crab. At first I didn't know what to think of my gift. As a child I never had a little pet. Never had a hampster, frog, lizard or anything like that. I did have a fish..but..everyone has a fish. At first I thought the hermit crab was boring. He sleeps most of the time..doesn't move to much and just likes to dig holes. Not until recently have I came to the realization that I am just like my hermit crab. When things get bad I tend to dig a hole and stay there. Don't really call my friends, don't really hang out, and just be by myself. Just like the hermit crab. All my hermie crab does is dig a hole sleep..and then maybe might move to the other corner and dig yet another hole. That is so like me as well. I like to dig holes but don't like to get myself out of them. I just sit in the hole and sleep. This might be hard to understand but just think about it symbolicly(sp?).
So I have dug myself a bunch of holes and I am now ready to try my best to get out of them. When the new year came and went..I promised myself that there would be a change. I think I am finally ready to deal with things and try to get better. Fill up the holes I dug for myself and try to better my life. I am sorry to all of those people who I have just pushed aside. I love your friendship..its just hard for me to let go and ask for help, ask for forgivness, and trust in people with my true feelings. I have always had this problem where no one knew the real Sophia. I tend to care for others needs than my own. then it comes to a point where I can't give anymore and I just give up. I stop trying and instead of saying my true feelings I leave things as they are. I can not give up my pride. But there are times when you have to say...I am human, i have problems, and I am not perfect. Its hard for me to realize these things. I like to put on the front that I am happy, that I am content with life, and that I have no problems. In all reality I have too many problems than I can deal with, I am not happy with how things are going with my life but never say anything, and I am not happy about who I have become as a person.
With all of this said. The only thing I am happy with is Brandon. I am happy that he is in my life. He is giving me the stregth(sp?) to try and better myself. He doesn't even know it, but without him I wouldn't even try to get out of this hole. I would just stay in it with my pride. The wierd thing about my pride is that it is stupid. It only hurts me...but alas it is there. I hope that even though my hole keeps getting bigger that people will understand and hopefully forgive me for my wrong doing. As I watch my hermie crab I notice that even though he digs and digs he never touches the bottom. And I don't want to get to the bottom. Even though I am right there touching the edge I want to turn things around and make them better.
Some of you may understand what I am trying to say..and other won't. Just be happy that I am trying. I am trying to be better and hopefully in that I will live a full happy life. A life full of smiles, love, and Jesus. It is wierd to say but I hope to find a religion that suits me best. I hope to find a church that makes me want to learn more. As I get older I want change..but only for the best.
So I have dug myself a bunch of holes and I am now ready to try my best to get out of them. When the new year came and went..I promised myself that there would be a change. I think I am finally ready to deal with things and try to get better. Fill up the holes I dug for myself and try to better my life. I am sorry to all of those people who I have just pushed aside. I love your friendship..its just hard for me to let go and ask for help, ask for forgivness, and trust in people with my true feelings. I have always had this problem where no one knew the real Sophia. I tend to care for others needs than my own. then it comes to a point where I can't give anymore and I just give up. I stop trying and instead of saying my true feelings I leave things as they are. I can not give up my pride. But there are times when you have to say...I am human, i have problems, and I am not perfect. Its hard for me to realize these things. I like to put on the front that I am happy, that I am content with life, and that I have no problems. In all reality I have too many problems than I can deal with, I am not happy with how things are going with my life but never say anything, and I am not happy about who I have become as a person.
With all of this said. The only thing I am happy with is Brandon. I am happy that he is in my life. He is giving me the stregth(sp?) to try and better myself. He doesn't even know it, but without him I wouldn't even try to get out of this hole. I would just stay in it with my pride. The wierd thing about my pride is that it is stupid. It only hurts me...but alas it is there. I hope that even though my hole keeps getting bigger that people will understand and hopefully forgive me for my wrong doing. As I watch my hermie crab I notice that even though he digs and digs he never touches the bottom. And I don't want to get to the bottom. Even though I am right there touching the edge I want to turn things around and make them better.
Some of you may understand what I am trying to say..and other won't. Just be happy that I am trying. I am trying to be better and hopefully in that I will live a full happy life. A life full of smiles, love, and Jesus. It is wierd to say but I hope to find a religion that suits me best. I hope to find a church that makes me want to learn more. As I get older I want change..but only for the best.