Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Although it's not quite true...because it's not nighttime yet and well, I'm not quite writing about long lost love. Part of me wishes this could be this little paragraph, where my secret hidden talent at writing comes out and it expresses everything I've ever felt.
So it's been a month since my dad died. This time a month ago, I was trying to desperately study for the physio final because at that point, all I knew was that my dad had a heart attack and someone was coming to pick me up. I didn't know that he was already dead. I know it was painless and sudden and it was a blessing to not see him old and disabled...last week we had a grand rounds on stroke and well...surviving a stroke is hard. You lose so many functions that we take for granted. I guess I'm happy about that. That I never saw my father after a stroke. I never saw my father with Alzheimer's. Or Parkinson's. Or any of the symptoms of old age. And I know that whole "Just because the body departs doesn't mean the person leaves with it" thing...and I'm not worried about the afterlife or any of that - I was never a believer in reincarnation or even heaven and I don't really think I am now. I just....well I just miss him. I just really really miss him.
I've been trying to apply the five stage grieving process...as if I could check them off one by one and then finally be done with the entire thing (control freak much?). It doesn't work like that apparently.
So it's been a month since my dad died. This time a month ago, I was trying to desperately study for the physio final because at that point, all I knew was that my dad had a heart attack and someone was coming to pick me up. I didn't know that he was already dead. I know it was painless and sudden and it was a blessing to not see him old and disabled...last week we had a grand rounds on stroke and well...surviving a stroke is hard. You lose so many functions that we take for granted. I guess I'm happy about that. That I never saw my father after a stroke. I never saw my father with Alzheimer's. Or Parkinson's. Or any of the symptoms of old age. And I know that whole "Just because the body departs doesn't mean the person leaves with it" thing...and I'm not worried about the afterlife or any of that - I was never a believer in reincarnation or even heaven and I don't really think I am now. I just....well I just miss him. I just really really miss him.
I've been trying to apply the five stage grieving process...as if I could check them off one by one and then finally be done with the entire thing (control freak much?). It doesn't work like that apparently.