Waking up
Two years ago tonight, I arrived home from Scotland and was rushed to a square dance and bbq/camp-out in Bremen. I arrived in the States late, came into Detroit instead of Cleveland, and was very late to my own party. I wore a blue shirt with white letters "Scotland". I was so thrilled to be with everyone, but it was a foreign, coming home. Things were as they were, only different. And I was as I was, only not the same.
Tonight, two years later, I found myself in front of a mirror in my apartment in Morganton. I stood there a long time pondering things that are alike, things that have changed. My hair is different. I look fair in my glasses. I'm stronger now then I was then, but still as pensive. Its still unreal sometimes to wake up and there not to be a castle. Its still unreal to wake up knowing I once woke up each day near a castle. In a new place again now, I hear myself sharing stories of some of my adventures over the last couple years. Sometimes, I can't believe myself when I speak, despite that all the stories are true. Seems like so much to retell it. Seems like so little to retell it. I've done so much, so many things, but there are so many I have yet to do- so many things I've planned for and wished for and have not accomplished.
Two years ago, I came home saying I'd be back to Scotland within 2 years. I made plans to go, set aside money even, but life got in the way. I wonder where Amirah is and what she's up to. Are Richard and Ricky still around the city? Does Aruna get along with her flatmates and is she having a good time in uni? I wonder about them. I wonder about the city. I wonder what I would see in the mirror tonight had I not spent my time there and with them. Who would the reflection be of? Certainly, I would not be seeing the person that I did tonight.
No. Two years can change so many things and certainly they have changed me. They've changed you too if you care to see it. And its not all bad, and its not all good, and its not all neutral either. It just is. I wrote once that I felt like I was waking up from a dream. I still feel like I'm waking up sometimes. Waking up in a different place than I went to sleep. Waking up a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and with any luck at little better. Better at what? Depends on the day.
Ok. I've been pensive enough for the night- or at least for the purposes of this journal. In summation: Two years ago I woke up in Ohio, wanting to be in Scotland. Today I woke up in North Carolina wanting to be in Ohio. Perhaps tomorrow I'll wake wanting to be just where I am. Perhaps...